Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan/Case Closed... or Les Miserables...

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On My Own

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PART 1

"Dear Ran,

If you're reading this.. I'm afraid it's too late. Too late for me... too late for Conan. Yes, you've heard right. We're both gone now. Long gone. God, I just wish I could've told you this in person. But I know that I'm not going to make it.

Sigh. Ran? Do you know what you mean to me? I was never able to show it. Well, when I had that ability I never did because... I was an idiot! And then... Ran.. things changed and I was finally able to see things from a different perspective. I was able to see things more from your point of view. I think I've known you all along.. But there was a point where everything changed and I could see a side of you I'd never seen in all of my life. Conan was that possibility. Yes, you were smart enough to pick up on it at a few points in time.. that I was Conan. First time I admitted it, ne? But then I found a way to prove otherwise in order to lead you away from your conviction.. because deep down I knew that you shouldn't know. Maybe I was foolish? But at least this way you were never threatened. It would've hurt everyone, Ran, if you or anyone else knew! There were men that poisoned me.. They forced me to drink some experimental potion.. And I was afraid if anyone ever knew my true identity, it'd be spread around.. And those men would come back and kill everyone that I was close to. I didn't want them ever touching you, Ran, that's how much you mean to me..."

She looked down at the crumpled slip of paper. There were drops of newly fallen tears all over it. A few aged bloodstains covered a few of the words, which always made it harder for her to read. Overall the handwriting was much sloppier than Shinichi had ever written, whether as Conan or as himself. And the one person she truly loved was gone. Just like that. He had always been there.. And she let him slip away from her..

More tears began to hit the paper.

And again for the millionth time she focused her eyes in on the grungy paper and began to continue on, reading lines she nearly had memorized.

"I always wanted to tell you, Ran. Always.. Every embrace, every touch... though they were all meant for Conan the elementary schooler.. Ran, I tried so hard to tell you that I, Shinichi, the real me, was still around there waiting for you. I wanted to get back to normal as soon as I could and tell you how I truly felt about you, from the moment I found out that you had feelings for me, too. Yes, call it despicable that I would find out about your feelings as another person, but they were mutual, Ran! I never intended to find out anything from you...

God, I love you..

I used this potion to reverse the effects. I tried turning back into Shinichi for you. I'm dying, Ran. This potion didn't work. I was supposed to inject it... though that thought scared me, it was the only way.. and it did partially work; I'm back again in my real body. But I can feel myself getting fainter and fainter with every moment that passes. I think I'm bleeding to death, I can see the blood.. though that doesn't make any sense, now does it?

Dr. Agasa warned me about this... but I took no heed to the possible negative effects of the potion. And look at me now. I always lived dangerously.. And now I can't return to you in any form. I despise myself for such a selfish act. I should have realized that as long as I was there for you in one form, that was all that mattered. I wish you were here... and if you were I would have no problem telling you all of this... and holding you for one last time..

But... ah.. It's funny what death brings out in a person, isn't it? All of these things I never would've imagined telling you.. Not yet, anyways. And here I am, dying, pouring my heart out to you in words.

I.. should probably stop writing now.. before I start talking nonsense.

But how do I end this? I guess one of the only things I have left to say is that I want you to promise to me and to yourself that you'll move on with your life. We're 18 years old.. and you have the rest of your life to live. I'll always look down on you no matter where I go.. just take care of yourself, please. I'll be waiting for you one day…

Good-bye, Ran..

-Shinichi"

Ran folded the paper and slid it into a drawer beside her. She got up from the table she sat at, and went outside to take a walk. This was what usually went down. Tonight, though, a song stuck in her head...

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
I love him
I love him

But only on my own...

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She looked off into the distance..

"Ran..." A voice called out to her gently...

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Note: I do realize that Eponine is the one that actually dies in Les Mis... and though this song inspired this fic.. things aren't exactly the way they happened in Les Mis... basically I just got the mood from the song, lol. And, as you guys might agree, it seems like something Ran might be thinking, yes?

Hope you guys enjoy! It's my first fic in a long while...

-Chagrins