Author's Note: This is just a little story that hit me as I marathoned Ghost Whisperer. It's not my best story but its angsty. Trigger warnings for mentions of death.
Kurt remembered his first ghost. He was about four years old and it was at his grandmother's funeral. He was sat on his mother's lap, itching to get out of the little suit his parents had put on him, though he was glad the shoes were sensible. He didn't get death then, he just wanted to know why they were sat in the cold Church hall around a box. His mom tried to tell him that they were saying goodbye to his grandma, but he couldn't see his grandma anywhere. But then, he did.
His father had gone to carry the coffin, and as they walked past he saw his grandmother walking behind. He brightened, "Mommy, there she is." He said, and she gently rocked him,
"Shh… sweetie…" she whispered, "I see her too… but not now…" Kurt sighed,
"But mommy we came to say goodbye to her…" he said,
"I'll talk to you about it later…" she said, carrying him out into the cemetery and towards the grave. He ignored what the man in the collar was saying, his eyes on his grandmother who was stood right beside him with a big smile on her face as she looked over everyone. Then she made eye contact with Kurt and was suddenly next to them,
"You can see me, can't you little one?" she whispered, Kurt looked up to his mother who smiled to herself before he nodded, "Well, you take good care of your daddy for me… he acts all big and strong but he'll miss me a lot." She said. Kurt smiled,
"You bet, Grandma…" he whispered. Burt turned to him and Kurt just smiled at him before looking to the coffin.
His mother waited until Burt had gone for a nap. She made sure there was nothing to distract him as she began to explain what had happened.
"Grandma's body wasn't strong enough anymore, so her spirit had to leave it…" she said, gently, "And move on to a greater place… like Heaven." Kurt nodded to show he was listening to her and she paused, "Spirits take another form not all people can see… mostly children and animals… but my mother and me can see them still… which suggests so will you still as you grow up."
"So that's why I couldn't speak to Grandma in front of everyone? They couldn't see her?" he asked, moving onto her lap and Elizabeth nodded,
"That's right, sweetie. Sometimes you will see people others don't see… and they may need your help to get a message to someone before they can move on…" she said, softly. Kurt nodded,
"I can do that." He said softly. She smiled,
"I know, you're my little angel." She kissed his forehead, "I'll tell your daddy. But remember not to talk about it too much in front of him, he finds it hard to understand." Kurt moved close to her,
"I will remember that, Mommy."
Kurt was eight when his mother died. He remembered being in class, at his desk and making sure all of his pens and workbooks were in good order for the rest of the day, swinging his legs. He knew his mom was ill, but he remembered being ill before, and he got better. So she would get better too. Especially because she was in that healing place. He didn't like going there, there were so many spirits around that made him feel all strange and uncomfortable, but he bit his tongue and went anyway, blocking out those who wanted to distract him from his mother. His dad was at the hospital all the time, even when Kurt was at school, so when his mom walked into the classroom, he had thought his father had dropped her off to see him.
But he was wrong.
He should have known she was a ghost the moment she came in. He had learned the difference, but he had been so excited to see her. All the other kids stared as he ran over to him, excitedly talking to his mother. She crouched down to his level and said, "It's time for me to go." Kurt looked at her, and it was only then that everything fell into place.
"No… no mommy you got to stay…" he whispered, "Stay for me…"
"I can't Kurt… you know that sweetie…" her hand glided over his head, and he felt the sensation of her hand stroking his hair, and his tears fell down his cheeks,
"But… but mommy…" he whimpered,
"Honey, you need to be strong and take good care of your daddy for me…" she whispered and Kurt nodded, letting out a sob. It was just then that the head teacher come in to collect him, so he could go to the hospital.
It was a while before he would let himself see any ghost, or spirit. Every reminder of this 'gift' passed down to him was another reminder of his mom, he couldn't let himself remember because then it would hurt too much. He would hear them, asking him to help them and he would blank them, sing so he didn't have to listen to them. But then he'd get migraines, he'd find it hard to let people close but then he met the New Directions and things began to change.
"Kurt, focus on the steps!" Schuester's voice reached him and he sighed, tearing his eyes away from the woman stood behind him, shaking her head. He sighed, looking at his feet as he tried to copy what everyone else was doing.
"Not another Journey song, William…" Lillian murmured, Kurt had to bite his lip to prevent himself from laughing as he focussed on the steps. Since finding his place at the school, amongst the members of New directioners, he had allowed himself to see the ghosts. They didn't tend to bother him, unless there was something they needed doing. Lillian Adler was a ghost who was pretty calm, enjoyed watching one of her students excel and teach what he had been taught. Kurt had never had the chance to talk to her, but they had exchanged smiles. There were others, sometimes he got caught talking to himself in the toilets, the most private place he can find, trying to work out what they need in order to find peace. The bell rang shrilly, Mrs Adler disappeared instantly and Mr Schuester clapped his hands,
"Great practise today, New Directions! Same time tomorrow with your songs!" he called over them all as they went to collect their bags, talking amongst themselves, "Boys versus the girls..." Kurt sighed, walking beside Mercedes,
"How could I forget..." he murmured, "The boys are getting me to spy on the Warblers." Mercedes chuckled,
"Why are you complaining? Aren't they a group of cute boys in uniform?" she nudged him playfully and Kurt gave a small smile,
"Well... true. But that means going all the way to Westerville." he sighed, though maybe seeing a collection of cute uniformed guys would be worth the drive and missing a day of school.
What he didn't consider was the fact that Dalton Academy was an old school, with a lot of history, a lot of ghosts. He had been well on his way to finding the warblers when he was sidetracked by the ghost of a teacher, who knew instantly that he didn't belong there. Kurt hadn't realised he was a ghost at first, and started spewing out how he was a new student but then he saw some of the students around him glance at him oddly and he sighed,
"Urgh, I don't have time for this..." he moved passed the ghost and down the stairs, glancing around as he wondered which of the students around him were ghosts, and which were alive. And then he decided to just talk,
"um.. hi... can I ask you a question. I'm new here..."
"My name's Blaine," the beautiful hazel eyed boy replied. Kurt hoped to God this guy was alive,
"Kurt... So what exactly is going on?" he asked, moving his weight onto his other leg and Blaine smiled,
"The Warblers. Every now and then they throw and impromptu performance in the senior commons. It tends to shut the school down for a while."
"So wait, the glee club here is kind of cool?"
"The warblers are like rock stars." This school was just getting better and better.
"He is so dreamy...and he's actually gay," Kurt's voice was a little high with excitement as he spoke on the phone to Mercedes. He had just gotten home and was lying on his bed, still wearing his makeshift Dalton uniform,
"Well, you're maturing! So what was his name?" she asked,
"Blaine. Isn't that such a cute name?" he sighed and she giggled softly,
"You are so cute. So he gave you some good advice about Karofsky and the other idiots?"
"Yeah... I mean... I'm thankful for all of your help... but it's different coming from someone who truly understands what I'm going through, you know?" he whispered. He was reminded is mother, who always understood him, who knew what he was going through. Now he had Blaine... the hot Blaine who had no idea how easily Kurt was falling in love with him.
"I get you. I'm glad you have someone who understands you, Kurt." So was he.
Courage.
At various points in the day, Blaine always texts him that little boost, that inspiration to just keep on going. It starts to feel like he could put up with whatever Karofsky threw at him because he had Blaine. But... there was always the fact that Kurt couldn't help loving this guy, who was just a friend to him. Blaine wasn't really his, but he liked the feeling like he could be... they could be something great. Positive thinking was all he needed to keep him going anyway, right? He was on cloud nine, walking through the hallways with the comfort of Blaine around him, when he was shoved into a locker, the phone falling onto the floor and it was like the link was broken. He stood up,
"What is your problem?!"; he called after Karofsky, feeling the strength and courage pour through him. Dave stopped and turned, moving towards him and suddenly Kurt felt more like a mouse and he ended up pinned against the locker, stuck under his terrifying gaze. He didn't say anything, but that made it all the more intense. He was shaking, terrified as Dave slowly skulked away. Kurt felt around for his phone and dialled Blaine's number, eyes on the floor, but there was no answer. He looked up, hoping someone would come at talk to him and then he froze,
"No...no..." he muttered, hanging up the phone as he met eye to eye with Blaine, "Blaine..." he sobbed
"Kurt... what's..." he started, before his ghost faded away.
He couldn't believe it.
He barely knew the handsome prep kid but now… now he would never get to see what a future could be like with him. He stood, staring at the spot where Blaine's ghost had been. He had been scratched up, looking so confused … Burt had to come and collect Kurt because no one had been able to move him. As soon as Burt managed to get him into the car, he turned to his son,
"Is this… ghost related?" he asked, quietly. Even now, his father still hadn't been able to truly understand, Elizabeth had always taken his breath away with her gift of complete empathy. And it was something he could never do, even if he could see the ghosts. Kurt replied with just a nod and a bit of a sniff, wiping his eyes. What happened to him? How… how long ago? It seemed only yesterday that he had seen that gorgeous boy sing Teenage Dream. "Was it someone you know?" Burt cut through his thoughts and Kurt took in a shaky breath. Did he know him really? He just nodded,
"Blaine…" the name he had uttered a few times at home, usually about some joke or comment Blaine had texted him. Burt sighed, taking a deep breath,
"Oh Kurt…" he had no idea what else to say, he wished Elizabeth was still around, she could tell him what to do. But Kurt had informed him a long time ago that she had passed on and he ought to as well.
"I didn't even know he was dead…" Kurt suddenly broke the silence, breaking into sobs and Burt had to pull over and he pulled his son close in a hug. He didn't always have the words to make things better, or the ideas on how to help, but he knew how to hold his son. He liked feeling like he was protecting him from everything, but a hug was just a hug. Burt had always been a little jealous of his son, being the last one to see Elizabeth, but now he could see how petty that was, how much harder it would be to let them go if you could see them. Burt had not met this kid, the kid that had given his son hope, the first gay guy his son had met and could see some kind of relationship with.
And now Burt never will.
When they got home, Kurt went straight to his room and closed the door behind him, a sure sign that he didn't want to talk about it anymore, he just wanted to digest it, accept it. Burt when into the kitchen, getting the eggs and flour and everything he needed to make pancakes. There was an almost certain chance his son wouldn't want to eat any, but he had to do something otherwise he would drive himself crazy. Kurt wouldn't talk to him much more, that was clear, and he knew there was nothing he could say to Kurt to make it any easier to deal with. Kurt had always aimed to deal with things by himself, especially when it came to ghosts. Burt knew Elizabeth had told him not to talk about it much, she had always kept some of it from him as well. It frustrated him, knowing how dangerous spirits can be and there was nothing he could do. How could he protect his son from something he couldn't see or understand? Then again, the death of a loved one was something Burt knew very well, and he would try and find a way of helping Kurt. He had done it a lot himself, he had had a son to raise and had no real time to look for the help he wanted. He wanted to tell Kurt to ignore the ghosts, to have a normal life, but Kurt would never stop helping people, it wasn't in him to let people – even dead people – suffer.
Kurt lay on his bed, his notebook open to a page he had drawn on the other day. His finger lazily traced over the marks on the page, over the B and the K then over the heart. His hand trembled slightly at the thought he would never know if it was possible between them. "Why does this keep happening to me?" he whispered, aloud to himself, "Why did I have to lose my future…?" he choked a bit on a sob, wiping his eyes and muttered to himself, "Get a grip… the guy barely knew you…" he told himself. It would be like Finn all over again. He sat up, breathing deeply and came face to face with Blaine. His first thought, for less than a second, was that they were close enough to kiss. But then he remembered and the tears fell once more as he looked into Blaine's eyes, over the Warbler's face, and Blaine spoke, his voice distant like an echo,
"Where am I? So many voices… so much crying… no one will speak to me…" he paused, eyes widening and he jolted back and out of sight, taking Kurt's breath with him. Kurt's heart raced, his breathing quickened and he felt his body shake. That had never happened before. He had never felt that before – or was that what Blaine was feeling? The jolt, he was awake, his body working overtime. Something wasn't right at all.
Kurt sat at the table opposite Burt, his fork lifting and lowering the pancake, his eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes seemed to be focussed on the table. He had seen many ghosts in distress, particularly new ghosts who didn't know they were dead, but they had never been like that. It was almost like… no… but could it be?
Burt had watched him sit like that for so long, he jumped when Kurt moved with a groan, throwing his fork down with a clatter and he rubbed his fact. Burt swallowed, regaining his composure,
"Pancakes not hitting the spot?" he asked, trying to sound casual and Kurt looked at him,
"Can someone be dead and alive at the same time?" he asked, abruptly, Burt looked at him confused,
"Like a zombie?" he asked. Kurt scrunched up his nose,
"Ew dad no…" he said, shuddering. Burt just shrugged,
"Maybe… a coma?" Kurt stopped,
"A coma…" he repeated slowly and he got up, and went to his laptop and typed Blaine's name into google. Oh please… let it be…
Kurt opened up the first link to Blaine's facebook page. He hadn't thought to look at it, so distressed at the thought. Now he wished he had. There were no condolences, no grieving friends. His brother, guessing by the name, was the most recent person to post:
"Squirt, keep fighting. I need my back up dancer x"
Kurt felt tears fall down his face because he knew Blaine was alive… even if he kept coming to him as a ghost. He needed to find out more, he sent a message to Blaine's brother, hoping to find out which hospital Blaine was in:
"Hello Cooper Anderson,
I am so sorry to hear about Blaine, we weren't very close, only just met, and I wanted to know where I could visit him? I'm sorry about bothering you at this time, but I really like your brother and I just… need to see him,
All the best,
Kurt Hummel."
And now, he waits.
Hey Kurt,
Blaine did have a way of touching people within moments so I'm not surprised. He's at Mount Carmel St. Ann's. I don't know if they'll let you in, he's still in a coma but it's worth a try.
Cooper.
Kurt had been so excited when he got a message back (especially when he recognised Cooper Anderson as the face of the Free Credit rating today commercial) because now he had a plan. He needed to get to that Hospital, get himself to see Blaine and know he was alive. Maybe if he was there, Blaine's spirit will find it easier and he could convince him to hold on. During the evening, he began to make a narrative, Blaine must had flat lined and come to him, the pulling away must had been when he had been revived. That was the only thing that would make sense. He had no idea what he could do to help him but he wasn't going to just leave him there.
So Burt took him to the hospital and Kurt missed out on a day at school. He wouldn't normally do it, but he wasn't going to concentrate anyway and he was sure Puck would try and use this as motivation for the Glee club to do well in comparison to the Warblers. Burt didn't mind, he obviously just wanted this to be dealt with so they could move on with their lives. He had no idea how successful Kurt was going to be in getting in to see this boy, but there was going to be no convincing Kurt to do otherwise and at least he could be there if he got into trouble with the hospital staff.
They moved into the Hospital together, Burt heading straight for some coffee whilst Kurt went straight to the desk, "Excuse me, I'm looking for Blaine Anderson, I-"
"Are you one of the Dalton boys?" the receptionist asked, smiling, "He's through there, room 154. His mother is there at the moment but she loves seeing his friends." Kurt smiled,
"Thank you…" and walked down the hallway, releasing a tense breath. He couldn't believe it had been that easy, Blaine must have had many visitors and they didn't even bother checking. He wasn't sure how Mrs Anderson would react to him though.
She was stood outside on her phone, her eyes were almost glazed over as Kurt approached. He could see where Blaine got those gentle hazel eyes from and slowed his pace before he cleared his throat,
"Excuse me… Mrs Anderson…" he started and she looked up at him,
"Hello, sweetheart… are you here to see Blaine?" she asked, pocketing her phone, "We almost lost him again yesterday… but he isn't leaving without a fight." She smiled meekly and Kurt nodded,
"I barely know him but… when I heard…" he said, softly and Pam just nodded, moving to the door,
"Come see him…" she said and opened it, allowing Kurt in first. Nothing could prepare Kurt for what he was about to see.
Blaine's face was scratched up, but he could barely see him with all the tubes and wires. He had a cast on most of his extremities and he looked… dead. Kurt felt the tears in his eyes as he moved over, taking a seat beside him and he put his hand over Blaine's, "What happened?" he asked, carefully. Pam sighed,
"He was coming home from school and… his car was hit. The other driver was drunk and walked away…" it was hard to ignore the bitterness in her voice. Kurt nodded, gazing at him and he squeezed his hand. He remembered how only a few days before Blaine had grabbed his hand and led him down the Dalton hallways and he hadn't pictured that this would be the next time he would hold his hand.
He told himself not to cry, he was going to be there for Blaine and he was ready for the ghost. He hummed gently, unable to put real strength behind his voice. He remembered how his mother would have sung to him when he wasn't feeling very well, she had a huge list of songs she used, but one had always stuck in his mind.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.
Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.
Kurt felt the tears drop as he finished the song and he wiped them away furiously as he regained his composure, realising Pamela's hand was on his back, rubbing it gently,
"You have a beautiful voice… And Blaine has always loved the Beatles." She said softly. Kurt smiled to her and nodded. But the moment was ruined by a monotonous beep and the nurses moved into the room and Pamela had to pull Kurt to the outskirts. Burt was outside the door and he pulled Kurt close as they watched the doctor's work, he knew Kurt wanted to be in there and he knew he wouldn't be allowed. It just got harder to hold him back when Kurt started shouting.
"NO… BLAINE… JUST HANG IN THERE… JUST STAY…" he shouted. Burt knew he wasn't just shouting at the body, that Blaine's ghost must be right there.
"Come on buddy, you have so much to live for…" He joined in, looking to the body, glad to have something to focus on. He wished he could see him, so he could talk to him directly and take the burden from his son. Kurt sobbed, talking quietly now. Burt couldn't make out what he was saying, but it appeared to be a conversation and Burt hoped that Blaine would listen to him. Burt moved to the woman he assumed was Blaine's mother and he put a hand on her shoulder, letting him know she wasn't alone but he said nothing.
He just hoped.
And then, Kurt fell to his knees as the monitor began again. Burt moved to him and picked him up, feeling his son's heartbeat and breathing, it was far too fast,
"Let's get you some water, kiddo…" he whispered, and led Kurt away. Kurt didn't have the energy to fight back against his father, winded and weak.
Pamela called his name an hour later. Her voice was hysterical, her eyes bright with a huge smile,
"KUUURT! HE'S AWAKE! ARE YOU STILL HERE?" Kurt jumped up from where he was slumped on the table, looking around for her before he jumped up and moved to her, "COME ON!" she said, pulling him back the way she had come, Burt following behind them as they went into the room. Kurt barely digested this information when he was finally in the room, and he could see Blaine's hazel eyes gazing into his,
"Hey…" he whispered. Kurt grinned,
"Hi…"
Kurt was stood up at the altar, Brittany at his side and his heart racing. They hadn't planned for this, but it was still so perfect. Mistakes had been made along the way, they had split and argued but Kurt knew, deep down they were meant for each other. And, as he watched Blaine walk up that aisle with Santana on his arm, he wondered how he could have been so reckless before. He told himself not to cry, his wedding photos would be a disaster if he cried.
But as he watched Blaine, all he could think of was how they almost never had a chance. They almost lost everything because of a drunk driver and there was a moment when Kurt was sure he was always going to be left by his loved ones as they moved on. And that fear had always resonated in him, he was so afraid of loss he did the pushing away. But not anymore. He was going to hold on so tight to this man and protect him for the rest of his life.
"Do you Kurt, take Blaine to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
"I do…"
