Kaoru was tired of seeing. His mind was like a sloth dragging out things he didn't want to look at and making them trample right through his heart where he could be painful. Right there would be his disaster raining down. And yet he understood so much, or at least wanted too that it was okay. And yet, he was still a little jealous, not that Hikaru liked Haruhi but that he had someone to like now. And that might have been why it hurt. Kaoru didn't have anyone but Hikaru.
So Kaoru wanted to hunker down somewhere and let himself be in pain, but he was so strong that he stayed with everyone in the music room and stayed a very good actor, hoping that no could get under his skin enough to see that he had never actually been smiling.
And sure, they were twins but they didn't do everything together...they didn't do everything together. And maybe that was another thing that brought him down. All he wanted was someone's hand to hold and to hold 'til the very end. But he didn't think that could ever happen. It was probably just one of his other foolish wishes built to never come true. And he had a lot of those in his secret walls- but he didn't think a one of them were sturdy enough. And sure he was standing there, but probably standing there to get knocked to his knees.
He watched Tamaki have another one of his 'glorious' speeches absentmindedly and without actually listening, because he was still tired. And tired of himself too. Because all he wanted was to stop dealing with his feelings. He just wanted to get an ability to let this go.
He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked across the room. They didn't have any customers and Haruhi and Hikaru were gone too so it was a little quieter now than usual and not as much conversation but he still found it loud without them.
