Disclaimer: I don't own anything. And i think Sarah Dessen kicks ass.
It's been two years since Cass left, two years since my parents begun to understand her, two years since Evergreen, two years since Rogerson. The past two years have been, peaceful, you could say. I kept a low profile in school, because by the time I was at Evergreen, everyone had heard about what happened. People drifted away from me, but it didn't matter. The only one I had and still have is Rina, whom I could count on everytime. Cass is still in New York with Adam, in fact, she's never been happier. She's no longer working on The Lament Whipper Show, the show ended its run after awhile and now, she's working behind the scenes on TRL. Her relationship with Mom and Dad have been very well for the past two years, in fact, they get along so well now that Adam's invited back for holidays. Cass always told me that she never regretted skipping out on Yale, the only thing she regretted was not being able to make Mom and Dad proud to have a Yale graduate coming from the family. Each time when she mentioned it, I believed that it was a hint that I should do what she never could have done. And I suppose she got it right when the Yale letter came for me one morning when I was in the kitchen with Dad and Mom ran in frantically, because of the Yale print on the envelope.
"Oh GOD! IT's HERE!", she dashed into the kitchen, flicking the envelope in her hands. I could recall the expression on their faces when I read out loud the word they have been anticipating. "Congratulations".
Later that evening, Mom threw a total last minute party, to celebrate her 'baby' going to Yale, to do something her sister didn't do. It may sound like she's dissapointed with Cass, but I know that somehow, Mom and Dad are proud of Cass for whatever she's doing right now, after all, which parent wouldnt be happy and proud of their own kid?
Every now and then, I do think about him, and what could have happened if it hadn't turned out the way it had. He would be here, happy for me for getting into Yale, even though he would not say it. He's a man of a few words and for Rogerson, action speaks louder than words. I tried to move on, when Rina started setting me up with half the guys she knew, but there were no sparks unfortunately. I told myself that I should stop holding out for him and start to get going with my life. Yet, each time I can't. Because they simply weren't Rogerson. They didn't have his smokey smell, his green eyes, his locks, his stare; everything. But when I found myself getting lost in the thoughts of him, I falter and they reminded me of the bruises and the pain he gave me instead. I get so confused that it's better if I hadn't even thought about him at all.
When the sun comes up in the morning, I'll be off to college, to Yale. My room is cleared out and is now filled with brown moving boxes instead which I'll be bringing with me. But the only box I'm leaving behind, is the sandbox, with photos of Rogerson, of us.. and the dream journal Cass left me when she went to New York. The thing is, I'm old enough to do this on my own. I don't need it anymore, i don't need anyone. I place the sandbox in the uppermost shelf of the closet, locking behind everything which held the past I never wanted to cling onto.
It's funny how excited parents can get on their kid's first day at school, no matter how old they are. When Cass first started school, mom woke up at 6 to get eveything ready and dad kept checking, making sure that the car was alright because he wanted to be the one to send her off for her first day with no interruption or whatsoever. When she started high school, mom bought her a new outfit and dad took a photo before she left to catch the bus. But when college came along, Cass left and I could see that mom and dad were upset, because the daughter they were excited about each time first day of school comes along walked away. And I guess thats why they're pouring it onto me, the supposed-Cass.
Mom woke up as early as before sunrise to get the boxes taped up and double checked everything. Dad, as usual, checked the car, making sure that it's fit to take me all the way to college. It feels weird, because I was never like Cass; I was never getting everything new on the first day of school, have never been paid attention to each time it came around. And now, I feel like I just stepped foot onto some Stepford Wife scene where everything seemed to be so perfect for once. Breakfast of scrambled eggs and bagels where laid out on the table for me, dad was already moving the boxes into the car when I came down the stairs.
"Morning honey! My baby girl, all ready for college!", mom dashed across the kitchen to give me a tight hug and a peck on my cheek. "Morning mom, wow breakfast", I said drowsily, because I hadn't had much sleep last night. The thought of leaving home to somewhere got me up the whole night.
"Yes, now I want you to finish this and then we are all set to go. Aren't you excited?", she exclaimed with enthusiasm.
I settled down in the chair, taking the first bite of eggs."Yea, sure"
Then Dad walked in the garage door, "There you are! Yale-y!" He placed a cheek on my head. "Morning Dad"
"The boxes are all ready and we're all good to go once you're set, Yale-y", he said. It became his nickname for me, Yale-y, that is, the day the letter arrived from Yale.
I finished up, and got into the car. Dad placed the last box in the boot of the car, while Mom got the engine ready. "This is it Caitlin."
Yea, I thought to myself. This is it. Dad drove down the familiar road I grew up on, as I took a last look at home.
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