A/N: It's my first Naruto fanfic! Yep. After years of being a fan (and telling myself I'd write a fanfic someday for almost as long), I finally did it. Posting within a new fandom is always exciting but also a tad bit nerve-wracking. I hope you guys enjoy it! I have to thank the people who beta read this story or just read it over and offered their opinion: Jezebel Jai-Braxlin, Lover Of Naruto-Hinata, and an IRL person who has chosen to remain unnamed but who read it over for me before anyone else saw it. As you can tell from the quote at the beginning, this story is based on the song Black Magic by Little Mix. It might have taken me much longer to actually write a Naruto fic if it weren't for this idea that I suddenly had while listening to the song.
"All the girls on the block knocking at my door.
Wanna know what it is make the boys want more."
Black Magic by Little Mix
Hinata hardly noticed there was a small smile on her face as she strolled down the street. Things had been so nice lately that the smile seemed to have been etched in stone.
It was nice.
Hinata could say she was quite happy with how life was going at the moment. There was only one thing she would consider changing. Overall, things were nice.
"Hinata!"
Hinata was startled out of her thoughts. She would know Naruto's voice anywhere, but it was always jarring to hear it when she didn't expect to. Seeing Naruto was something she had to prepare herself for. She couldn't always handle the panic that rose up in her stomach when he was sprung on her.
"Naruto-kun," she choked out in a greeting. "You're back from your mission?"
Naruto laughed a little to himself, and the sound caused Hinata's stomach to twist into more knots. A large part of her was screaming to get away before she embarrassed herself, but too much of her wanted to stay. She particularly wanted to know how his mission had come to such an abrupt end. Not that she kept that close of tabs on Naruto's whereabouts or his missions.
"Yeah, we just got back," he told her.
It was a vague answer that didn't explain anything, but it was what Hinata expected. For all intents and purposes, she shouldn't care that much about the ins and outs of every mission Naruto undertook. That didn't change that she could have sat and listened to him retell the entire thing in minute detail without getting bored.
At least her nerves prevented her from revealing how much she cared. On the other hand, maybe that was a bad thing since Naruto remained oblivious after all these years. Hinata was never sure if there was a good side to that.
Hinata's smile had returned, although it was smaller than before. This was a relatively new occurrence that Hinata still wasn't used to. In the past, her nerves around Naruto had been far too strong for Hinata to smile. Now, she was much more likely to manage it despite her continued anxiety in front of him.
She was silent as she had no idea how to respond. Her head was scrambling for some sort of response to Naruto's words that would make sense, but she couldn't come up with anything. Like always.
Luckily, Naruto was quick to continue on like usual. He wasn't one to stand around in silence.
"Where are you heading?" he asked unexpectedly.
Hinata couldn't help her small gasp at the question as her anxiety hit her full force again. Her hands grasped each other tightly as the smile fell from her face.
"Home," she muttered just loud enough for Naruto to hear her if he was paying close attention.
Which he seemed to be doing as his eyes were intent on her. It only served to deepen the red on Hinata's cheeks.
For reasons that Hinata was unsure about, Naruto's smile widened when she answered.
"Mind if I walk with you, so we can talk?"
Hinata's eyes must have widened to a comical size, but she was panicking too much to control her outward expression. Her hands were definitely shaking as she gripped them tighter. She couldn't handle the entire walk back to her house with Naruto.
"N-no," she replied with difficulty. "I can get there on my own. It's out of your way."
Naruto's smile dropped to a frown, and Hinata felt her stomach drop with it. She felt terrible for the excuse just because of the expression on Naruto's face. Part of her wanted to take it all back, to admit that she did very much want to spend more time with Naruto. She wanted to spend all her time with Naruto, in fact. But she couldn't bring herself to say that out loud. Not when his presence was exerting so much pressure.
"Are you sure?" Naruto tried again. "It wouldn't be a problem."
Hinata shook her head frantically, hating herself a bit at Naruto's obvious disappointment.
"No, no. I'm fine."
She'd begun inching away from him in the vague direction of her house. Naruto remained frozen, watching her go with something between confusion and disappointment.
"If you're sure…" was the last thing Hinata heard as she turned her back to him and hurried off.
She rounded a corner not long after, and paranoia forced her to glance over her shoulder to make sure he hadn't followed. Hinata breathed a sigh of relief when she could confirm he wasn't behind her, and she slowed her steps. It was only then that she realized she'd been making the journey at a run. Coming to a complete stop, Hinata leaned against a wall to regain her breath.
It hadn't been the physical exertion. The entire interaction with Naruto left her feeling like she needed a rest. It always did.
Each time she spoke to him, her brain took a bit to calm down from the overdrive that Naruto's presence set off. Hinata had thought for sure that someday she would get over this and be able to talk to him like a normal person.
To be fair, what had just happened had been nothing like the past. As a child, Hinata would have fainted before she could get one word out, so maybe there was some progress. It didn't feel like enough. Not if she wanted anything romantic to happen between them.
How could she be with Naruto if she ran away when he tried to spend time with her? Hinata made them getting closer impossible.
These sorts of moments always left her feeling angry with herself. Why couldn't she think straight in the moment when everything was so clear afterward?
With a sigh, Hinata pushed herself off of the wall and continued down the street.
Despite telling Naruto the truth when she said she had been heading home, Hinata didn't think she wanted to anymore. Going home meant running into at least one family member, and Hinata wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone at the moment.
She didn't feel upset or anything like that. At least not any more than she usually did after she embarrassed herself. She felt contemplative instead, and Hinata was never in the mood for talking, even for short periods, when she got like this. Staying outdoors might have meant running into someone else, but she would take the chance and give herself time alone.
Naruto had to have gone in the opposite direction from Hinata, so she wasn't worried about seeing him again as she walked. Her route was aimless, but she did have a destination in mind. It just took her a bit longer to reach the park than it could have if she'd chosen a more direct path.
Hinata perched herself on one of the swings, wrapping both her hands around the metal chains and leaning her head on one. She didn't bother with swinging, but she used her feet to push herself gently back and forth as she stared off into space.
Her thoughts weren't limited to one topic, although Naruto did occupy many of them. Naruto didn't always overwhelm Hinata's thoughts like he had in the past, but he was still all she thought about after each time they spoke.
Naruto had invaded her mind again (in a daydream about marriage) when Hinata sensed someone's presence.
It had been quiet around the park since Hinata sat down. People had walked by, but no one had paid her any attention or come towards where she was sitting.
Sakura was coming directly for Hinata, although Hinata didn't think the other girl had been looking for her. It appeared to be more that Sakura had been walking by and just happened to spot Hinata.
Hinata smiled as Sakura approached, greeting her friend warmly. Sakura returned the sentiment as she took the swing next to the one Hinata occupied.
"It's nice out today, isn't it?" Sakura asked, tilting her head up towards the sky.
Unlike when Naruto asked her questions, it was easy enough for Hinata to come up with a reply for Sakura. The girl had always been kind to Hinata, and Hinata knew that Sakura had been able to pick up on what Naruto hadn't. Hinata also wasn't oblivious, and she had picked up on Sakura's attempts to push Hinata and Naruto together, attempts that had increased recently. Hinata was thankful for the girl even if some of her actions left Hinata feeling anxious.
"It is," Hinata agreed. She followed Sakura's lead and looked up at the bright, blue sky, only dotted occasionally with white, puffy clouds.
They were silent for several minutes as they both enjoyed the atmosphere around them. It was nice.
Hinata's thoughts didn't drift like they had before. She could only lose herself in her own mind when she was alone. Otherwise, she was too aware of the others around her to let her guard down completely. She needed to be aware of them, not that she was worried about Sakura doing anything. It was more that Hinata worried she would embarrass herself if she spaced out.
"Were you out here thinking about anything in particular?" Sakura finally asked.
Hinata's cheeks turned a light pink. It wasn't the embarrassment she felt in front of Naruto, but she didn't relish the idea of reliving that moment by telling Sakura. However, her blushing told Sakura enough that the other girl knew Hinata had been thinking about Naruto in some way. It wasn't like that would have been a difficult assumption to make.
"I spoke to Naruto earlier," Hinata admitted. "He offered to walk me home, but I didn't let him."
Sakura's grin lessened in sympathy for Hinata. The expression made it easier for Hinata to elaborate further.
"It's not that I didn't want to spend time with him. I just got so nervous that I felt like I'd lose control of my actions. It always happens when he's around. It's hopeless."
"It's not," Sakura assured her. She smiled as well to emphasize her words, but it was clear that Hinata didn't believe them.
"I have an idea," Sakura continued. "How about you come over to my house this evening, so we can talk. It'll be more private, and we can talk about how you can talk to Naruto."
Hinata hesitated. On one hand, getting advice from Sakura would be helpful. She spent a lot of time with Naruto and knew him well. Better than anyone else Hinata could talk to. Still, being in others' houses left Hinata feeling out of place and like she didn't belong despite being invited.
After a few moments, her hope for advice and some way to help her get noticed by Naruto overcame any other nerves.
"Okay. That might be nice," she told Sakura.
The pink-haired girl smiled. Hinata was glad it was Sakura's house she was going to if she had to go to anyone's. Sakura was sure to realize how uncomfortable Hinata would be and try to ease her discomfort as much as possible. Not that Hinata wanted to be a burden either.
"Great," Sakura replied cheerfully. "How about coming over around four? My parents should both be out, so we don't have to worry about them overhearing anything."
Hinata was thankful for that. She had never spoken to Sakura's parents, and being around them in their own house would have felt unbearably awkward.
"I'll be there," Hinata promised.
With one final smile, Sakura stood up, sending Hinata her goodbyes and promises to talk later. Hinata returned them all, feeling both a bit giddy and nervous over her newly made plans for that evening.
XX
Hinata, not one to leave someone waiting, arrived at Sakura's house right on time. She was ushered into the house quickly and offered a seat. Her eyes scanned the room. The house appeared to be empty except for her and Sakura, and that eased Hinata's anxiety over being in the unfamiliar space.
Her nerves calmed more as she and Sakura settled in across from each other, each with a cup of tea in hand. Hinata sipped it, waiting for Sakura to start the conversation that Hinata knew she wanted to have.
Sakura was quiet for a minute though, giving Hinata time to adjust to her new surroundings. Just as the quiet was reaching the point of awkwardness, Sakura spoke.
"So, Naruto..."
Hinata blushed though she had known this would be the topic their conversation was sure to revolve around. She hoped she made it through this with a better understanding instead of being embarrassed because she'd bared her soul.
Sakura smiled at Hinata's blush. That seemed to be Sakura's typical reaction whenever Hinata's feelings became obvious. It made Hinata more self-conscious, but she was also glad the other girl was supportive of her feelings for Naruto. Sakura was one of the people who knew Naruto best. If Sakura believed that he and Hinata should be together, then that opinion held weight.
"Let's see," Sakura continued when it became obvious that Hinata had no clue what to say. "Where should we start?"
Hinata shrugged, looking down at her tea as she willed her blush to go away. Talking about Naruto almost made it seem like he was going to pop out of nowhere. She needed to calm the fast beating of her heart. Only Sakura was around.
"I wish I could talk to him like a normal person," Hinata admitted, voice small.
She chanced a glance up at Sakura to see the reassuring smile on the girl's face. Hinata was relieved that her comment couldn't have been that embarrassing. She'd been worried when Sakura had never seemed to have any problems talking to Sasuke. In fact, Hinata had never seen any of their female friends get nervous around boys. Not in an obvious way at least. If they did, then Hinata wished she knew their secret for hiding it.
"You can."
Sakura's words caused a knee-jerk reaction from Hinata, who wanted to laugh. She didn't. She could retain that much control of herself. But the desire was there when Hinata tried to picture herself talking to Naruto successfully.
"You can," Sakura repeated, seeing that Hinata didn't believe her. "The key is confidence."
Hinata frowned. "I don't have any of that. If I did, things would be a lot easier."
Sakura scooted closer to the table and Hinata as if she was too eager to continue the discussion.
"Confidence is something you build. You don't just have it," she said as if she were revealing some huge secret that it had taken her ages to figure out for herself. "That means anyone can get it if they work towards it."
Hinata sighed. "I've been trying to get it for a decade now, Sakura. I think it's hopeless."
"It's only hopeless if you stop trying."
Hinata would agree with that statement when it came to most things or people. When it came to herself, she wasn't so sure. She was pretty sure she had exhausted all her attempts at becoming a confident person. Especially when Naruto Uzumaki was involved.
"For starters, stop tearing yourself down mentally," Sakura stated as if reading Hinata's thoughts.
Hinata looked up at her in surprise and reddened as if she had been violated. Her immediate reaction was to think about how her beliefs were validated if her self doubt was that obvious.
Sakura continued on as if she had finally hit what she wanted to say.
"If you keep telling yourself you can't be confident, then you're right that you can't. That's why you have to stop and start telling yourself the truth: that you can be confident."
"Easier said than done."
It had been a whisper, but Sakura heard her anyway and nodded in agreement.
"It is, but the point is it can be done. It just starts with stopping yourself anytime you think down on yourself."
Hinata wanted to ask Sakura if she was regurgitating information that had been given to her by someone else. Hinata would never ask those questions out loud though. It wouldn't do to make Sakura angry. Hinata didn't want to be on the receiving end of physical harm, and she thought this advice might be helpful.
"And visualization is important," Sakura went on. It still sounded like this had come from somewhere else. "You have to imagine yourself succeeding and then do everything the way you imagined. If you imagine screwing up, then you screw up."
Hinata nodded along because it sounded good in theory. However, she still wasn't sure she could do it.
"Hinata," Sakura spoke in a softer tone than the one she had been using before. "You can do this."
Hinata agreed although it was in appeasement. There was no way she was suddenly going to believe Sakura after all these years of failure.
"And you'll have to be obvious," Sakura continued. "Obviously. This is Naruto we're talking about. Things have to be shoved in his face before he gets it. Even then, he doesn't always." She sighed from years of frustration and then muttered something so low that Hinata could barely hear it. "Even when it's his own feelings."
Hinata's eyes widened a bit. She wasn't sure whether Sakura had meant for her to hear or not. She decided to pretend she hadn't though her insides were fluttering. Did that mean what she thought it did? Anything Sakura said was her own guess, but she knew Naruto well enough that Hinata would trust her judgment. Even if it seemed unbelievable to Hinata.
Sakura went on without expanding on her comment either.
"The best way would be to just tell him, but I know you won't do that."
The terrified look on Hinata's face was enough to confirm Sakura's thoughts.
"I'd need to work on saying anything around him first, wouldn't I?" Hinata asked. "I can't walk up to Naruto and say 'I love you' when I can't say 'hello' to him. Not in any sort of normal circumstance."
She flushed a light pink at Sakura's smile.
"What?" Hinata asked self-consciously, reaching up to tug on her hair.
"Nothing," Sakura said, still grinning. "I've never heard you say you love him out loud."
Hinata's blush deepened to a dark red, and she couldn't bring herself to look at anything other than her half empty teacup.
"I don't usually say it out loud," she admitted. "I mean, I have before, but usually it feels too revealing to say it. Even to myself."
Sakura nodded along like it made perfect sense, and Hinata let out a sigh of relief. She'd thought the significance she'd placed over nothing more than words would make her sound crazy.
"Saying it out loud is kinda like that," Sakura said. "But back to what I was saying before. About confidence. That's all it takes Hinata. All it will take for Naruto."
"There's no guarantee of that. No guarantee that he likes me."
"He hasn't seen you. Not completely. That's why I'm telling you to be confident. You don't need to change anything about yourself. You need to reveal yourself to him. Let him actually see you instead of your shyness. I'm telling you, that's all it would take.
"Besides," Sakura went on in a haughty tone, "if he didn't like you after that, then it would be hopeless. There's no use faking anything for a guy."
At Hinata's panicked expression, Sakura quickly continued.
"But that's not what will happen with you and Naruto. He already likes you, Hinata. His obliviousness just prevents him from seeing it. He hasn't even bothered to think about if he likes you, so he hasn't noticed. The more confident you become, the more likely he is to realize.
"If you admit your feelings, then everything will come to him. I swear. We just have to boost your confidence so you feel like you can tell him everything."
It was only a suggestion of future events, but Hinata already felt like she was going to vomit. Her stomach was sloshing around, and her mind was going a mile a minute through the ways such a confession could go wrong.
"We're talking about the future, of course," Sakura tried to reassure the girl at Hinata's terrified look.
"I don't think I'll get there even ten years in the future," Hinata said, and if her voice hadn't been so quiet, it might have come out as a whine.
"You're already closer than you were several years ago. Any sort of step is better than no step at all."
In optimistic moments, Hinata told herself that, but Sakura saying it was an invitation to be pessimistic. Suddenly, Hinata discounted her chances as if she didn't want to build herself up to Sakura and be proven wrong in the future. It would be even more humiliating.
Sakura continued on.
"Keep talking to him whenever you can. Even if it's only a little bit. It'll become easier each time."
Hinata voiced her agreement. It was already easier, but it was what Hinata imagined the difference between a first childbirth and a second would be like. It was still difficult, even if Hinata had a better idea of what to expect and how she would react.
With a sigh, Hinata nodded. "I will. Of course. I'm not usually this down about it. I promise."
Sakura chuckled at that. "I know. You couldn't be or you'd have given up years ago because you were too discouraged."
"Yeah, I guess I would have."
Hinata's tea was gone now, and she ran her finger around the rim of the cup in contemplation. It really was remarkable for her to have liked Naruto and not given up for as long as she had. Getting over him had never crossed her mind. She'd had her weak moments where she believed she would never admit her feelings, but not once had she considered them disappearing. She'd just taken it for granted that they wouldn't.
"At least I haven't fainted in front of him in a few years," Hinata admitted, flushing lightly.
Sakura giggled but didn't say anything, just nodded her head in agreement.
"That's the spirit!" Sakura's smile was huge now. "You'll be talking to him unafraid in no time."
Hinata smiled back, getting caught up in Sakura's optimism. A surge of something that might have been confidence began flowing around inside her. Enough that she might have been able to ride the wave of it for a while.
XX
Early the next afternoon, Hinata was taking another walk around Konoha.
This time, she wasn't as surprised to see Naruto. Her nerves began to bubble up in her stomach the second she saw him down the street. It was almost like her body had sensed him there before her mind could identify that it was him. The thing was, despite whatever her stomach was currently doing, her brain didn't seem to be playing along today.
Hinata approached Naruto and greeted him before her brain changed its mind and became a hindrance.
"Hello, Naruto-kun."
Naruto had watched her approach and speak to him with wide eyes. No doubt he was surprised Hinata had approached and spoken to him without him initiating the contact like usual. Hinata was beginning to lose her nerve as he watched her. Then his face broke into a smile that caused a wave of something that Hinata couldn't identify to wash over her. It felt like a combination of calm and excitement and just… pure affection, all rolled up into one feeling.
"Hello, Hinata."
It was a simple statement, something he'd said many times, but the fact Hinata had initiated the conversation made it sweeter. Hinata couldn't help the large smile that burst across her face or the added color that made its way to her cheeks.
They each kept walking, not striking up a full conversation. Hinata's nerves were finally making their way to her brain, and she would embarrass herself if she stayed for too long.
She chanced a glance over her shoulder and watched for several seconds as Naruto walked away. As she started down the street again, Hinata bit her lip and struggled to keep herself from prancing instead of walking.
Progress. She was making progress. Someday, she'd have enough of that elusive confidence to say more to him unprompted and just because she wanted to. For now, "hello" would do.
