Author: jollygoauld

Age: all spoilers: general spoilers up to and including season 9 nothing specific

Genre: Sorrow , romance.

Pairings: Sam and Jack

Summary: Jack regrets and hates the phone.

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate or any of its characters. I am making no profit from this. Storyline belongs to me however.

The Phone

The phone on his desk taunted him. Depending on his mood, the reasons varied. However they all seemed to be related to one particular issue, or in fact one particular person. He looked weary, the job should have let him age more slowly than the previous one, but there was more grey and wrinkles, he looked and felt like an old man. His desk was littered with paperwork, although he was actually ahead with it all. The pieces of paper on his desk were draft copies waiting to be chucked in the bin.

He hated paperwork, but at least while he was immersed in it he could ignore the phone on his desk. Now he had finished the work, the phone was beckoning him. With a sigh, his lined, scared and pale hand (he had barely seen daylight recently) picked up the receiver; he knew the number off heart; he started to dial but slammed it back down before entering the last digit. He often hoped that 'that' number would call him; in fact every time the phone rang he held his breath.

He was sitting where he was because according to some important people he was a hero, but now he seriously doubted it. 'Maybe the past few years had been to save his own butt and nothing to do with earth' he thought as he slid down in his leather office chair. He was a coward, and was ruining his own life because of it, he had almost destroyed his closest friendships, well he hoped almost. He often hoped that 'that' number would call him; in fact every time the phone rang he held his breath.

If only he just could pick up that damn phone maybe he could salvage his life. After all, the galaxy was safe once again from threat, and SG-1 had done it all without him. His thoughts returned unbidden to that "moment" the moment that made Jack hate that damn phone.

It was a little chilli in the evening time but the feel of the sun on his face was lovely. Not as nice however as the wonderful woman sitting next to him. Yes she was blonde, blue eyed and tall, and yes she had those looks, which meant men noticed her when she walked by. When she had walked in that briefing room he had remembered thinking, "That's pretty nice" as if she was an item not a person, something jack always regretted. He hadn't fallen in love with her at first; after all he was still getting over Sarah and mourning his son, Charlie. Instead he had grown to trust her, trust her with his life. He came to realise that she was as stubborn as a mule, but that just made her a better soldier and scientist. She had saved earth many a time, and although he was always leading SG-1 on those potential suicide missions it was always her great ideas that saved the day. Slowly and at first without realising it he had fallen in love with the angel that was Samantha Carter.

He hadn't really realised he was in love; until he thought he was about to lose her, and then he would rather had died himself then lose her. In fact it wasn't long after that incident that those feelings came to the surface. He had sacrificed his happiness that day, in order to do the right thing; after all they were pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

It was their last night at his cabin. He couldn't help but stare at her lips, while she was staring at her float in the water. Those lips he had tasted several times now, once an alternate version of her and another time she would never know about. He could hear Teal'c and Daniel playing chess in the cabin, but their sounds were muffled.

That night after a not so successful BBQ the 'original' SG-1 sat around chatting and laughing. They knew that Jack was leaving them, ushering in a new era for all of them. Teal'c had obviously made up his mind to leave them although he had not talked about it and Daniel was contemplating some remote dig.

Daniel was driving Teal'c back early the next day so that he could meet Rya'k. They both wondered off to bed about 10:00pm leaving Sam and Jack sitting next to each other on Jack's comfy sofa. Both were holding half drunk bottles of beer loosely in their hands, one of many bottles they had drunk that evening. Jack noticed a glow in Sam, one he hadn't seen for years. After what they had been through the innocent glow even when she was working on some project had gone; but now she looked refreshed, from the hope of safety and peace and the company of friends.

Jack couldn't remember much of what they talked about, although he was pretty sure Jacob and Pete had come up that night (the drink blocking the memories). There were a few things that stood out that night, the way Sam had curled up on the sofa, leaning into him and when he had wrapped his arm lightly round her, she had stroked his hand and traced the scars on it. He had kissed the forehead when she had mentioned Janet, and a few tears had slid down her face. It was a comforting kiss, one born from his sorrow for her.

At about 3am they made the decision to hit the sack. Sam had turned and hugged Jack. He then on the spur of the moment kissed her on the lips. He felt her freeze when their lips touched, and then he was pushed back hard to see Sam more angry then he had ever seen her (well no doubt she had been that angry but he was to busy dealing with the situation to notice) and now the anger was directed at him. He had actually felt scared. Her lips went thin and she paled visibly, her eyes pierced his and when she spoke her voice was low and cold, "How dare you. I waited years and now on your terms you kiss me. Well sorry I've lived enough of my life to know that I can't do that. I thought you were better than that." She opened the door to her room and turned, "I'll leave at the same time as the others. I think it's the best idea don't you?" He knew that although it was a question, he wasn't meant to answer.

The next morning at about 8am they left, Sam not even saying goodbye. Jack just stood there and watched her go. He had tried to talk to her, to apologise but she just shrugged him off. The last he saw of her was her car driving away from him.

He had gone to the SGC but Sam was never there for his planned visits, she had always requested leave or was off world. And now he was stuck looking at the phone that he was too afraid to use and would never ring. He pulled out of his desk draw a picture of SG-1, it in fact had both Daniel, Jonas and Janet with Cassie in the picture as well as Jack, Sam and Teal'c. He smiled bitterly, Janet was dead and he hadn't seen Jonas for a long time (he had weirdly started to think of him as a friend). Cassie was at college, far away from Washington. His eyes kept focusing on 'her' again. He missed Sam so much, just to be her friend again, to see her. Once again he sat and watched the phone.