Author's note: Credit for the Horizon scene goes to the BSN user "Graceyn" and her own fanfic "If It Meant Living: From the Beginning", a story which I drew a lot of inspiration from when writing my own version of the scene.
Communications Tower, Horizon.
The Collector ship had taken off. The clouds on the sky started to move away, leaving only the sun to give off its usual warmth, a seemingly mockery of the event that had just transpired. Three individuals stood on the ground watching as the alien craft disappeared, with a fourth person racing to the scene.
"No! Don't let them get away!" Delan cried out to the soldiers, he refused to accept what had just happened, that some mysterious, walking freak shows had taken his friends and worse, got away with it.
"There is nothing we can do, they're gone." Charlie bluntly stated, as much as he regretted it. It was over; the Collectors had escaped and were most likely in FTL now.
"Half the colony's in there! They took Egan and Sam and… and Lilith. Do something!" The mechanic shouted, clearly filled with outrage over these three soldiers apparent failure to stop the aliens from abducting half the population.
"I didn't want it to end this way, I did what I could." Charlie responded back, a hint of regret filled his voice. He already damn well knew what the stakes were here. He had failed to save all of them, worse, he had more likely than not failed to save an old friend.
"More than most, Charlie." Garrus added. The Turian shared the same sentiment, but knew it was no good to beat themselves up; they fought as hard as they could.
"Charlie? Wait. I know that name." Delan had turned around, looking at Charlie directly. "Sure, I remember you. You're some type of big alliance hero." He continued, a clear distaste was starting to surface on him. Garrus was readying to say something in return, only to stop when a familiar face made his unexpected return.
"Commander Charlie Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human spectre. Savior of the Citadel." The voice instantly caught the attention of all the four people at the scene. Shepard turned his head to see Kaidan walking towards the three of them. Charlie slowly grinned, it was damn good to see Kaidan again, and at least it was comforting to know he had not completely failed today.
"You're in the presence of a legend, Delan..." Kaidan had turned to face the mechanic, pointing out precisely who the hell he was talking to. He turned to face the commander again "And a ghost." a wide range of emotions could be read on his face, respect, amazement, joy, but also wariness and concern.
"All the good people we lost, and you get left behind. Figures." Delan remarked, showing his annoyance and disbelief that Kaidan of all people made it out alive. He made a last statement about his disdain of "you Alliance types" before leaving, although at this point nobody paid him any attention.
Leaving only Charlie, Garrus and Miranda at the scene, Kaidan slowly walked towards them, his last steps being almost cautious. He looked at all three of them, his eyes quickly scanning Miranda, giving a suspicious look at both her and the logo on her armor. With Garrus only a small nod was exchanged between them. Standing in front of Charlie now, he reached out his hand, Charlie shook it.
"I thought you were dead commander. We all did." Kaidan said. A small smile could be read on his face. It was clear he was amazed at the fact that the commander was alive, but if Charlie was alive, that could only mean one thing...
"You don't sound too happy to see me. Is something bothering you, Kaidan?" Charlie casually and jokingly responded back while still grinning, having forgot why somebody might have issues with a supposedly dead person standing in front of them. Kaidan meanwhile took a single step back.
"Yeah, something is bothering me. I spent the last two years believing you were dead!" Kaidan lashed out. His joy to see Charlie had been replaced with anger. Charlie's grin disappeared.
"Kaidan… I did die 2 years ago. I was just recently rebuilt." Charlie stammered, trying to find the right words to explain his situation. However he knew that it impossible, he could see that Kaidan only grew angrier upon hearing his words, scowling at his excuse.
"Charlie, I'm not a fucking idiot!" The words caught Charlie off-guard, flinching him for a second. He was surprised; Kaidan was usually quite restrained in his behavior, only cursing under the most extreme of situations or emotional states. But then, seeing your supposedly dead friend, comrade-in-arms and former commanding officer two years later could perhaps fall under the former.
"You got to believe me, Kaidan. I was brought back to save these human colonies! It's why I'm out here!" Charlie replied back, still slightly confused by Kaidan's reaction, but even now his voice was taking on a more defensive tone.
"Saving human colonies, really? Is that what you're doing? Because I saw reports that you were working with Cerberus!" Kaidan questioned, it was clear he did not buy into Charlie's apparent statement.
"Yes, I am working with Cerberus Kaidan, because they're the ones doing something!" Charlie immediately snapped back, he was getting more annoyed. He had not raced all this way through Horizon to rescue only to be questioned instead. Kaidan took another step back hearing his words.
"So it is true then? You are with Cerberus now and Garrus too… I can't believe the reports were right" Kaidan looked at both of them; there was no confusion or anger in him right now, just the sheer disbelief and realizations that all his worst suspicions and fears were correct.
"Cerberus and I want the same thing: To save our colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them. They are only providing me with the assistance to fight the Collectors, nothing more." Charlie explained, he tried to keep his emotions in control, tried to be rationale. Hoping Kaidan would understand this way.
"Do you really believe that? Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think?" Kaidan was getting emotional now; it seemed clear for him now what had happened. Charlie had been twisted by Cerberus' influence, or worse, joined them willingly.
"In case you hadn't noticed Kaidan, the Collectors are working for the Reapers. A threat you have turned a blind eye to and a threat only Cerberus is willing to fight." Charlie continued trying to explain his side, but he was starting to lose his patience just slightly.
"Is that what they told you? What they said to convince you? Have you considered that Cerberus is using the Reaper threat to manipulate you? To control you!?" Kaidan answered back. There was a hint of concern in his last words. What if Shepard really was manipulated somehow?
"Dammit Kaidan, you're so focused on Cerberus that you are ignoring the real threat" Garrus had immediately jumped into the conversation, furious over Kaidan's short-sightedness. Kaidan just turned his head and looked at him.
"I never expected you, Garrus, the champion of righteousness, to work for Cerberus." Kaidan stated in a cold manner, he turned to look at Charlie before looking back at Garrus and continuing. "But then, you would follow the commander through hell and back."
"Wouldn't you?" Garrus simply asked. Kaidan took a long pause before answering. He had given a longing look at both Charlie and Garrus. They had been a team once, saving the galaxy together. He would have wanted nothing more than to serve with them again, but now he was not so sure.
"No. Not for Cerberus." Kaidan finally answered Garrus, shaking his head while doing so. He could never betray his own principals so casually like this. He turned his head first to look at Miranda, then slowly back to Charlie, anger returning to his face. He took another step towards him.
"I wanted to believe that the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this." Kaidan spoke out against Charlie; he was filled with hurt and anger. A small pause was held before he continued, before he made his final accusation.
"You betrayed and turned your back on everything we stood for!" He finally said, his disgust for Cerberus had gotten the better of him now.
"Betrayal?" Charlie immediately snapped back the split second Kaidan ended. He had lost most of his composure the moment Kaidan accused him of betrayal. Charlie continued "If you want to talk about betrayal then look around you, Kaidan, the Alliance failed these colonies!" Charlie gestured at the scene surrounding them, what should have been a thriving colony was now almost turned into a ghost town. He took one step towards Kaidan, they were now face-to-face "You failed these colonies. And unlike you, Kaidan, I am doing what is right." Charlie sneered at him.
"So you think joining a terrorist organization is the best way to do the right thing? Kaidan replied back with bitter sarcasm. He quickly paused before continuing "You've changed. But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be.".
Kaidan now looked at the entire group before saying his goodbye.
"I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide to if they believe your story or not." He turned around and started to walk away.
"We both know how that's going to turn out. The Alliance will try to blame Cerberus, just like you did." Charlie did not waste a moment telling his expectations. He mocked Kaidan's naivety in believing the Alliance would do something now when they have done nothing for the last two years. Kaidan turned around to respond.
"A leopard can't change its spots. Cerberus can't be trusted." Kaidan retaliated, in his eyes, Cerberus would always be enemies.
"Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful." After that, Kaidan finally left for good. Charlie just stood there, anger boiling in him. He was going to go after Kaidan, perhaps to beat some damn sense into him. But before he got more than a few steps ahead Garrus stopped him.
"Don't bother wasting your energy, Charlie. Just let him go." Garrus said. Charlie immediately stopped in his track, turning his body slightly so he could see the turian, all while letting out a sigh.
"Yeah you're right." Charlie let out, looking almost defeated while doing so. He raised his right hand to his ear, activating his radio.
"Joker - Send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."
Normandy SR-2, Iera system, Shadow sea cluster.
It was a relief to step out of the shuttle again, escaping the heavy silence that had filled every centimeter of it since taking off from the colony. No one had said anything; Miranda had stayed quiet since the Collectors fled, giving off her usual cold and strong demeanor that was only rarely betrayed by her sheer exhaustion from the battle. Garrus was checking his weapon, giving the occasional look at the two humans. Charlie himself had simply just looked out of the small window in the shuttle door, starring out at the vast expanse as a few select words repeated over and over inside him.
They were in the shuttle bay now, walking slowly over to the elevator. Miranda was fiddling with her visor, stopping only as soon as they reached the door. Both she and Garrus left at the crew deck, leaving only Charlie alone as the elevator began its climb to the top floor.
The elevator door had opened once again as it reached its final destination. Charlie stepped out, quickly passing through the small room that separated the elevator from his cabin, and with a few steps he was in his own quarters. He was immediately greeted by EDI noticing him.
"Shepard. You are expected to report to the Illusive Man as soon as possible." EDI injected as soon as she detected his presence in the cabin.
"I know, EDI. Just give me a second." He let out with complete weariness dominating his voice. He had already begun loosening parts of his armor and threw them on the floor. He just needed a moment to get his armor off and get back into his fatigues.
With the armor removed he now stood in the bathroom, filling the sink up with cold water. His mind cooled down and relaxed as he splashed the icy water onto his face. He stood still with head bowed down and eyes closed, only raising his head again when the water had run its course. Opening his eyes, he now stared into the mirror in front of him, starring into the reflection it gave.
The faint red glow of synthetic eyes and facial scars greeted his vision. Drawing a hand to run over the scars as if he wanted to examine them, memories of his first reaction to them came to the front of his mind. He remembered that even after getting onboard the Normandy there was no time to think, no time to reflect. Their first order of business was to recruit two important members on Omega ASAP, and after that, he had to meet up with the council. He remembered their betrayal, Anderson's distrust of him. All of them had shown distrust and doubt, Tali had on Freedoms progress been suspicious of both him and his new "choice" of companions. Even Garrus, the person who followed him, would at times show doubt, even if it was for a mere second when he thought he was not looking. It was only after all this that things finally slowed down for a moment. It was only now he finally had a chance to stop and take a good look into the mirror.
And he hated what he saw.
He hated it, the realization that seemingly almost everything from his former life had turned against him. That everything he fought for had been for nothing, everything had been swept under the carpet. People accused him of treason when he was one of the few who still fought. Every time he looked in the mirror, the doubt and uncertainty gnawed in him, the doubt that he was not same person as he was before, that whatever was used to bring him back changed him. All of this plagued him, and every time it resurfaced, every time he looked into the mirror, he wanted to break it.
Taking a few deep breaths to collect himself again, his mind turned to the debriefing with the Illusive Man. Knowing that waiting would be a bad idea; he quickly hit the shower and got himself ready.
The door to the briefing room slid open as he approached it. The large table in the center of the room was already descending down, ready to be used. Charlie had to shake his head the first time he saw this in action, coupled with the Illusive Man's own office, and it all reminded him of those cheesy spy movies he used to watch as young. That said, given Cerberus' wealth, power and influence, perhaps the Illusive Man was allowed to indulge in certain fantasies others could not. Stepping onto the table, the QEC activated and he got into contact with the leader of Cerberus.
"Shepard, good work on Horizon. Hopefully the Collectors will think twice before attacking another colony." The Illusive Man opened up. As always the enigmatic man was enjoying a cigarette in their conversation, and this time was no different.
"It's not a victory. We interrupted the Collectors, but they still abducted half the colony." Charlie pessimistically stated. Whatever they achieved meant nothing given what was lost today.
"That's better than an entire colony, and more than we're accomplished since the abductions began." The Illusive Man countered, choosing to remind Charlie that this was the first time the Collectors suffered setbacks. He continued, "The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find another way to lure them in."
"I wondered if you had anything to do with that attack. Kaidan said the Alliance got a tip about me and Cerberus." Charlie inquired, he couldn't help but notice that Kaidan mentioned reports; he wouldn't put it past Cerberus to be the one to leak such information. The Illusive Man took another drag from his cigarette before answering.
"I released a few carefully disguised rumors that you might be alive and working for Cerberus." The Illusive Man plainly stated, as always he kept a cool demeanor.
"I see. What were you trying to prove?" Charlie responded back, he had an idea why the Illusive Man would do it, but wanted to see his answer.
"I suspected the Collectors were looking for you, or people connected to you. Now I know for certain. It was a risk, but I couldn't just wait for them to take another colony. You understand?" The Illusive Man answered, choosing to appeal to the fact that without such a sacrifice, they wouldn't know where the Collectors would attack next before it would be too late.
"I understand, but we need to make sure they don't take any other colonies, let's go on the offensive and take the fight to them." Charlie replied, he may not have liked that the colony or his friend was used as bait, but he saw the Illusive Man's point on the need to know where the Collectors would strike next. On the other hand he sure as hell did not approve of Cerberus being the one to leak information in order to discredit him. That said, all these things did not change the fact that they were his only allies.
"Have patience, we still lack proper intel on their homeworld. I need you to continue building your team. Hopefully another opportunity to strike at the Collectors will present itself later, and when that happens, I need you ready." The Illusive Man said calmly, taking another drag from the cigarette.
"So… Got another batch of dossiers for me then?" Charlie asked. After seeing the first bunch of cheery crewmembers he had to pick up, he was more than interested to find out what other new and unique people Cerberus had found.
"Two in fact, both which are already sent. There's also a third on the way which I'll give you once it's complete." The Illusive Man answered with a minor hint of enthusiasm in his voice, and at the mention of the first two, two holographic files popped up in his office. "Speaking of the first two…" He continued after switching back to his normal tone and having kept a small pause.
"Yeah, what of them?" Charlie curiously asked with arms crossed, he wondered what the Illusive Man would say. The Illusive Man took yet another drag from the cigarette before starting.
"We managed to track down the planet they're on right now, but their exact locations are still unknown, meaning that you'll need to ask a local information broker for help. Since both of them are on Illium, your best bet to find them is Liara T'Soni." The Illusive Man explained, after his answer there was a small moment of pause between the two of them.
"Liara? I thought you said she was working for the Shadow Broker and couldn't be trusted." Charlie said, he usually tried to keep his feelings to himself in these conversations, but he couldn't help but show that the change of topic was of certain interest to him. And knowing the Illusive Man, he was probably quite aware of that.
"Correct. A lie which illusion would be shattered the moment it came into contact with its subject." The Illusive Man said, staring at Charlie, waiting to see his response.
"Lie? What do you mean!?" Charlie asked, his voice had gotten more heated now; he had started to feel more hostile towards the Illusive Man. Wondering what the hell the Illusive Man exactly had withheld from him.
"I lied about her working for the Shadow Broker netwo—" The Illusive Man tried to explain, but he got interrupted.
"I get that, but why? Why lie in the first place?" Charlie had stopped him mid-sentence, demanding that he got straight to the point.
"Because I didn't want you to come into contact with certain elements of your past, so I made up a lie in order to discourage you, but now that you have to go there, I felt that you deserved to know the truth." The Illusive Man answered, still keeping his normal tone, a contrast to Charlie.
"And why is it so bloody important for you to keep certain people away from me?" Charlie spat out, who the hell was the Illusive Man to decide who he should talk to or not?
"Shepard, you must understand that this mission is important and that everyone involved needs to be dedicated and focused, the same goes for you, can I expect you to put your past relationships behind you?" The Illusive Man asked, his expression becoming more serious. He had placed his cigarette to rest on the ashtray now.
"That's none of your damn business." Charlie answered back immediately, arms crossed, not even bothering to give the proposal any thought.
"I just want to remind you that it's been two years since you were gone, a lot of people have changed, including her. Better to leave these things behind." The Illusive Man responded
"I can handle my personal life fine enough without your help." Charlie said, he had frowned at the Illusive Man reply; he had doubts about the sincerity behind the Illusive man's desire for his personal welfare. Hearing this, the Illusive Man scratched his brow, staying silent, creating a long pause between them while keeping eye contact. Taking up his cigarette, he finally broke the pause by taking an unusual long drag from it.
"Charlie…" The Illusive Man said, blowing the smoke out of his lungs before continuing. "Do not misunderstand me. You may not believe me, but you are important both to Cerberus and the rest of humanity. And that is why I care for your wellbeing." The Illusive Man finished, he once again awaited Charlie's response.
"Touching, I'll keep that in mind." Charlie said sarcastically, with a fake smile on his face, shaking his head subtlety.
"That's all I can ask of you, no matter what I trust your judgment and ability to get the job done." The Illusive Man finished, he did not wish to continue despite being quite aware of the commander's insincere reply, knowing that it would not go anywhere. He held a small pause before ending the conversation.
"Good luck Shepard. And be careful, the Collectors will be watching you." And with those words the Illusive Man pressed a button ending the connection the QEC provided, leaving Charlie to himself once again.
Walking out of the room, so many thoughts were running through his head, he barely noticed himself almost marching into Jacob in the armory, he quickly snuck through the CIC before Kelly could turn around and talk to him. Not that he disliked the fair red-haired yeoman, quite the contrary; he just did not feel like talking to anyone right now and would rather avoid having to ignore her. He let out a small sigh of relief only hearable to himself when he managed to get to the elevator, quickly pressing the button; the elevator started its short journey up.
Getting back into the room, he finally allowed himself to drop his guard; he quickly sat down at his computer, activating it. He needed to study the dossiers, but he just couldn't focus right now, his head turned slightly to the right, confronting the thoughts that had run through him since leaving the briefing room. A sudden rush of guilt met him; he had neglected so much because of this damn mission, he had not even bothered sending a message saying he was alive to his own closest friends, his family or hell, even Liara. He had chosen not to contact them. At first, it was because he did not wish to tell them, given his current company and rather dangerous mission, perhaps it was better for them to continue believing he was dead and live in blissful ignorance, but later, there was more to it than that was there not? Yes, he was afraid, afraid of the rejection that he would meet. Given what he experienced so far, it seemed to be the only thing he would find. His head turned slightly to the right again, eyes looking at the single picture he had at the table, a picture of Liara, a small smile appeared on his face.
Despite all that had happened, despite what the Illusive Man had told him, he refused to believe that Liara would be like the others, Liara would understand right? She had to; she was one of the most empathetic people he knew. He took the picture, holding it with both hands in front of him; a sense of longing arose in him. He wondered how she was doing, what she doing. He remembered what they had; remembering the feelings he had for her, and what she felt for him. He wondered if she still felt the same as he did, he quickly caressed the picture before putting it back in its place, before continuing working again.
Clicking on the new dossiers he had been given, he opened the first file, revealing an older asari, Samara was her name. Before he could continue reading her file, a message popped up on his computer. He clicked it.
Charlie. I have something important I wish to discuss with you, would you mind coming down to my office later?
- Miranda Lawson.
Quickly replying with a simple "Yes", he rubbed his chin slightly wondering what was so important that Miranda had to tell it to him in person. That said, he quickly turned back to the dossiers he had to study, but not before taking a last look at the picture.
Would Liara understand?
Yes she would, Liara would care. She would not hate or reject his return. Once again a small smile appeared on his face, even though Illium was two days travel away, he had finally for the first time since he woke up something to look forward to.
