6/29/09
As you can see, this was written a loooong time ago. I just recently decided to polish it and post it.

I do not own Naruto.


Loving Hope

Where does an outcast learn to love? The simple, heartbreaking answer is that he doesn't. Naruto had had to rise above more than simple poverty; he had needed to surmount a total lack of the most simple human caring. There was no fooling himself like the other orphans did that their parents had loved them, but had no choice to leave them because the Kyuubi had killed them or injured them. He never even had that one small comfort that someone somewhere out there had loved him for even a little while. Because the caretakers made sure of that. The whole God damned village made sure that he knew his parents hated him and left him behind because they couldn't bear having him for a son.

Children learn early; by the time he was kicked out of the orphanage at age 3, he had already known he couldn't trust anyone to take care of him, so he had retreated into himself as the only surety in his life. He had depended on no one except himself for anything. It was a lesson that had been reinforced by his childhood, meeting abuse or never fitting in wherever he went. But he couldn't even outwardly show his self-reliance. No, the village of Konoha made sure that he wasn't even able to be himself. He had to wear a stupid mask and act like the dumbest idiot in the world in order to appease someone who would never be pleased with him. He had to run into the riskiest situations, pretend to trust the meanest people, wear the brightest orange that would get him killed, and be nice to the people of Konoha, all so they would leave him alone in a twisted sort of peace. He hated them.

He doesn't know any better. All he's ever known is hate, disgust, indifference, a pretense of kindness...all leading to betrayal, heartbreak, fear, regret, and wariness. He's never felt love, he doesn't know how to love. Funny how easy it is to fake caring and loving, though. He imitates what he has seen, and it works. But he doesn't actually feel anything. He's never felt anything. They don't know, though, and they can never know. They'll try to kill him. He can't have that. He hasn't survived 16 years of personal hell only to be brought even further down. He won't be brought down like that. He's stronger now, more powerful. In fact, most say he is the most powerful around. And not because of the Kyuubi, no, he hasn't relied on the Kyuubi's power since Jiraiya died. Jiraiya had been the one to teach him how to use the Kyuubi's power, he had practically forced Naruto to use it, thinking Naruto too weak to survive on his own. Well, Naruto had proven Jiraiya wrong. He had even proved that ass Kakashi wrong; he had killed his most precious student, the famed last "loyal" Uchiha of Konoha. His supposed teammate and best friend, Sasuke.

But he wasn't like Sasuke or Gaara. He didn't kill to prove his existence. He didn't kill and deceive to get revenge. Revenge was pointless, from what he had observed countless times. And he was above all that petty shit. Yet there was no point in fighting, either. There was no reason to hide himself inside a shell, or pretend what he did not feel. But he couldn't help it. There was some innate need within him that could not be banished by the village's disgust. That could not be destroyed by his own will or indifference. It was ridiculous, that he, the one truly without emotion, could not give up his hope.

A/N: I'm not really satisfied with this ending. In fact, I'm not even sure if it's an ending. But I can't think of anything else...