Death is a horrid thing. When it comes to the one you love, when you least expect it. But what hurts the more than death is knowing you can never have that love, or any love at all. It cuts through you like a knife to the heart. You try to cut yourself off from the world, your friends, it rips you apart to see them so happy and together. Sometimes you feel the world would be better if you left, but you know you can't, you know you have a job to do.
That's my problem, I'm Harry James Potter and I just happen to be the person who has to save the whole bloody Wizarding World. Not only must I save the whole of the magical population, but also I'm in love with something I can never have. Now you may think that's impossible, you say to yourself he's Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, he could have any girl he wants. Therein lies my problem, you see, I don't want just any girl, in fact I don't want a girl, yes that's right, I'm gay, a pouf, I fancy men. The only people who know this are my two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, I mean, imagine if the Wizarding World found out their saviour is gay, they would kill me! Ok, well maybe not kill me (I do have to save their arses of course), it's acceptable to be gay in the Wizarding World, but I'm their saviour.
Anyway back to my problem, as I said I have fallen in love (or at least fallen), for my archrival. Yes the saviour of the bloody Wizarding World has fallen for his enemy, Draco Malfoy. But then how could I not have fallen for him? The silky blond hair, those silver eyes, that flawless pale skin, just the way he walks, when he smiles, everything about him, he's a bloody sex god! But none of that matters, he will never see me or look in my direction (unless we're fighting), he's not even gay, even if he was gay and he did want me (fat chance), I could never be with him, not until Voldemort is dead. I've lost too many people to Voldemort to lose the one I love.
So here I am on the Hogwarts Express going to my final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Ron is in the prefects' carriage getting briefed by the Head Girl, none other than his girlfriend, Hermione, and the Head Boy, Draco Malfoy. So I'm left with my thoughts, thinking about the one I can never have. Ron and Hermione should be back soon, so I won't have to be alone.
'Harry, mate. Why so down?' said Harry's friend Ron Weasley as he came into the compartment about half an hour later, followed by his girlfriend and Head Girl, Hermione Granger.
'Yeah, Harry, what's wrong?' Hermione asked.
'Oh, um… nothing I'm fine.' Harry said distractedly.
'Sure, Harry, because people who are fine stare out of windows with glazed looks on their faces for hours on end.' Said Ron.
'Well I was just thinking about….' Harry trailed off looking out the window again.
'Yup, definitely fine,' joked Ron as he watched his best friend looking at the passing trees. Just as he opened his mouth to say something to hopefully bring Harry out of his daze, their compartment door slid open with a loud thunk.
'Well, well, Potter, why so glum? Did your pet die or something,' drawled a voice that made Harry's heart stop and his breath catch in his throat. 'it can't have, as the Weasel's right here.'
'Sod off, Malfoy,' said Ron angrily. 'I've had to listen to you mouth off enough today.'
'Well, Weasley that's just too bad isn't it? I rather like it in here. So I'm afraid you'll just have to deal with it.'
'What do you want, Malfoy?' asked Hermione.
'I wanted to see what Potter and his merry band of losers, being you, were you to,' said Draco with an air of boredom 'but it seems I'm disappointed as Potter has apparently lost the ability to speak.'
'Go away.' said Harry in a small voice still looking out the window. 'Please. I'm not in the mood to fight with you.'
Draco was taken aback at Harry's use of the word "please" and stood staring at his back.
Hermione took Malfoy's sudden stillness to her advantage to study Malfoy's face, she saw a look she'd never seen before on the blond's face that she couldn't quite place, was it concern, hurt, and perhaps… longing?
'Malfoy are you deaf? Sod off!' snarled Ron.
Draco came out of his stupor at the sound of Ron's voice. 'Fine, you lot are boring and not worth my time.' He said briefly glancing at Ron and Hermione. After tearing his eyes away from Harry's back, he retreated back out of the compartment.
'What the bloody hell was that?' said Ron the moment the compartment door had snapped shut.
'What was what?' asked Harry.
'You and Malfoy. You saying "please" what was that all about?' said Ron his voice rising.
'Oh, um I don't know. I just didn't feel like fighting with him anymore, I mean, we're seventeen now, and don't you think all this fighting is a bit childish?' said Harry still looking out the window.
'No,' said Ron immediately 'Well maybe, but this is Malfoy we're talking about!'
'So what if it's Malfoy,' said Harry turning around at last, and Hermione saw the same look in Harry's eyes, the one she took for longing on Draco's face, rather than the usual venom. 'It's childish.'
'But-' started Ron.
'Ron, he's right, it's childish to fight with Malfoy anymore.' Interrupted Hermione. 'We're adults now. Just give it up.' She said forcefully as Ron opened his mouth to say something else.
The rest of the trip went by with Harry staring out of the window lost in his own thoughts while Ron and Hermione talked about trivial things until Hermione got bored and started reading her course book and Ron got up to patrol the corridor.
Finally, after everyone had changed into their school robes and made sure their things were secured, the train began to slow down and eventually came to a halt.
Harry got off with Ron and Hermione and began walking toward the carriages pulled by the horse-like thesrals, when someone knocked into him, nearly knocking him to the ground. 'Sorry,' mumbled a voice that he reconised, but he had never heard say "sorry"; before a shock of white blond hair and pale skin was lost in the sea of people making their way into the carriages.
Confused, Harry climbed into one of the coaches followed by Ron, Hermione, and Neville Longbottom, Harry's accident-prone dorm mate, and Ginny Weasley, Ron's younger red-headed sister who was a year behind Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Had it really been Draco who had knocked into him? Had it really been he who had said "sorry", to Harry Potter of all people? Harry's thoughts were reeling as he watched the winged boars that stood guard by the school entrance loom nearer.
