Title: Where were you all this time, Nagi?

Summary: He was getting a pizza…

Disclaimer: Don't own Negima, etc. etc. Do not sue me, or I will be forced to file a lawsuit against you. Seriously. I also don't own part of the story. That belongs to my very annoying little sister, Jeeyeon (No middle name) Lim. And no, I do not care if I post her name up here because she won't even see it. So there! Ha!

Author's Note: I was talking to my two little sisters at night. They told me to tell them about the aging pills in Negima. After torturing them for a considerable while, I told about them, adding my little twists and tricking them into thinking this and that was true. Before long, Jeeyeon made up her own little things, too. Then I had the idea to put part of it as a fanfiction, adding much of my own things. I'm not going to use honorifics because I'm lazy, and I'm not sure the little dash thing will work all the time. Wow, long author's note. On with the story!

"Colonel Sandels," who was also known as "Albireo" or simply "Al" by a lunatic fringe of strange people claiming to know him, held up his pair of extremely strong binoculars and spied on the pretty girls of Mahora Academy. For their own protection, of course. Yes. Protection. Who knows what kind of pervert would attempt a kidnap or spy on them while they were in the bath? After all, they were a bunch of innocent and pretty young ladies. Very pretty. Was it possible for this many good-looking people to gather at the same place at the same time?

"Whatcha doing?" a young and equally innocent as the young ladies' voice interrupted Al's…I mean Colonel Sandel's…protection mission.

The man flinched and turned around to glare at whoever had interrupted his important duty. Ah. It was him.

Negi Springfield blinked curiously, and his face practically dripped of the childish naivety he had. His innocent eyes, longish hair, and big, clunky staff (which he called a gift from his wonderful father) furthered his image as a little child. He was, rather surprisingly, wearing something that was not a suit. Konoka had picked it out for him, claiming that he should wear something better for the festival.

"Ah. It's you." Al sniffed. "I was busy doing something. Now, shoo."

"Busy doing what?" Negi asked, still innocent and curious and whatever else little boys like Negi were like.

Albi…I mean Colonel Sandels…mentally sweatdropped. Nobody could that be clueless, even if he was ten years old. Seriously. I mean, wasn't it freaking obvious? He was carrying high powered binoculars and peeking into…I mean protecting…the female Mahora students inside the bathing hall, most of them from Negi's class.

"I'm doing a mission. Now go away. I'll talk to you later." Al waved his hand and wiggled his fingers in the other direction. Instead of leaving, Negi squatted down beside him. Stupid little boy. He probably suspected something.

"Negi…we're friends. Right?" Al asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes." Negi replied, tilting his head curiously. God, was this boy so naïve!

"And friends usually try to make their friends happy. Right?" Al continued on. Why wouldn't the little boy go away! He was wasting some valuable spying time! God knows when he would have an opportunity like this again. After the Mahora Festival was over, he would be stuck down in Library Island for the next twenty-two years or so. He had to admit that even books got boring after a while, just like Racan told him.

Racan. Stupid oversized swordman.

"Right!" Negi nodded cheerfully. Yes, cheerfully.

"Good. I'm happy that you understand. Now, you'll make me even happier by leaving. So scram. I'm preoccupied with something important. I'll talk to you later." Al finished. Then he proceeded in ignoring the boy, and held up his binoculars to watch the girls bathe.

"Albireo, are you peeking in on my students?" Negi asked, a horrified edge of understanding entering his voice. Finally, the little kid caught on. Someone give the boy a medal!

"No. And call me Colonel Sandels." Al said flatly, and went on spying. There was this cute girl with long bangs talking to Asuna's little friend, that odd kendo girl with the ponytail on the side of her head. They were both rather pleasing to the eye, but lacked…upper assets. Ah, well. Al tore his gaze from them and watched another girl nearby the kendo girl who was talking animatedly to the now teenage Asuna. (Wasn't she Eishun's daughter? Ah, how his fellow Crimson Wing member would murder him if he found out.) Yes, that was better.

"Yes, you are. You're using binoculars to watch them naked in the bath!" Negi gasped, stating the rather obvious.

Al sighed, lowered his binoculars, and looked at his old friend's son. He leaned over and patted Negi on the head.

"Look, Negi. I'm a man. Men need some things to satisfy themselves. This is one of the things I need."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts! It is the truth. When you grow older, you will understand. And I'm sure that Nagi would be the same, too."

"Really?"

"Positive."

"Um, Al…I mean Colonel Sandels…are the people from the news suppose to be here?"

"Of course not. What makes you ask that question?"

"Look over there." Point in direction of a crowd news cameras and staff rushing towards them. No, not a crowd. More like a mob.

"Oh dear. Run, Negi! Run like your life depends on it! Because it does."

"What?"

"Oh, never mind. It's something I heard in a movie, and it sounded cool."

"Shouldn't we run?"

"Oh crap, I forgot all about it. Why did you have to battle in that tournament? They're after us because of that."

"You're the person who won it!"

"Ah. But you got into the finals."

"Ah! They're coming closer!"

"I told you to run!"

And then they both ran away from the rabid news staff, afraid for their own lives. Al did it

rather regretfully, dropping his binoculars and sending a longing glance towards the giggling, bathing, and totally unaware girls before sprinting like his life depended on it. Because it did. Okay, not really, but it sounds cool.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Negi was huffing and puffing. Al was not. No, instead he was pissed off at the news people, who just had to interrupt his little adventure! Sheesh! Didn't anyone value other people's privacy anymore? (Of course, him peeking did not mean that he did not value privacy. No, peeking was something else entirely. Read the fine print.)

They were both in this dark and cramped alley. No, actually they were in a large, happy crowd of people who were excited about the Mahora Festival, but a dark and cramped alley sounds spookier and better.

"Do you think they'll come back?" Negi asked after catching his breath. He looked around cautiously, but dropped his guard once he noticed that they wasn't any sign of the news people anywhere.

"Yes." Al sighed, still pissed off. Great. Now he couldn't peek anymore without being found out!

"Do you want an aging pill?" Negi asked, and got a bottle of aging pills out of nowhere. "They're delicious."

"No, I do not want an aging pill. And they are not delicious. They taste like anchovies." Al snapped, not wanting to confess to Negi how old he really was. If he took an aging pill, then he would be…really old. Let's just leave it at that. Besides, they did taste faintly like anchovies, and Al just despised those fish ever since he was five years old, when his pet crab got boiled alive for a crab dinner with a bunch of stupid anchovies.

Negi's big eyes (which he did NOT get from that Crimson Loser, Nagi. Heh. Crimson Loser. That was a good one.) watered dangerously, and his bottom lip trembled slightly. "I like anchovies."

Al could do many things. He could change his appearance at will. He could look cool and badass during fights, even more so than Crimson Loser. (Heh heh. Crimson Loser. Heh heh.) He could get as many girls as he wanted, more so than Crimson Loser. But what he could not do was handle a crying ten-year-old boy, especially Nagi's infinitely clueless little son.

"Now, now. Don't cry. I was just kidding. I love anchovies!" Al chirped in a bright and happy voice that sounded quite scary. I mean, really scary. As in scary scary. Whatever.

"Oh. Okay." Negi's potential tears instantly vanished. Talk about mood changes. Jeez.

The little boy popped out an aging pill, rolled it around his hand a little, and put in his mouth. Showoff little brat. Just because he looked cool doing that didn't mean he had to show off. Stupid little boy.

Instantly, Negi changed into…Nagi?

No, it was not Nagi. It was just that Negi looked too much like his father, and that he would break many hearts five years from now. (AN: I forgot who said that. Wasn't it Akira or Konoka?) But seeing the familiar face brought back many unpleasant memories for Al…I mean Colonel Sandels! Nagi was the one who stole some of those chicks from him. That was unforgivable. Just plain unforgivable.

"Change back. You look too much like the Crimson Lo…I mean Nagi." Al demanded in a regal tone. No, he didn't demand. He commanded. And it was in a majestic tone, not in a regal tone. There, happy "Colonel Sandels?"

Negi obliged and changed back, much to Al's relief. Still, it brought back a sense of…nostalgia? Al did miss his old friend. Just a teeny bit. But still, he was glad that the Thousand Master wasn't here right now. He would probably try to steal Al's prizes.

I mean, what if Nagi really appeared? That Crimson Loser. He always lost at Monopoly to Racan. (Everyone lost to Racan in Monopoly, but Al conveniently forgot that fact.) After all, he, Colonel Sandels, was officially the strongest and the most handsome guy in the Crimson Wing. It was safe for him to think this. After all, it wasn't like Nagi was going to appear out of nowhere.

"Hey, Al!" Nagi Springfield cheerfully appeared out of nowhere strolled up to the two of them.

Negi blinked. Twice. Then he promptly fainted from shock. As trained as he was, and as much as he wanted to see his father, this was too much for him too fast. Al, on the other hand, was calmer. He had a better control of his emotions. His response was much more educated.

"WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME, NAGI?" Al shrieked at the top of his voice. Ow. His lungs hurt now. Passerby people either stopped to stare or ran ahead, afraid of the screaming lunatic. "WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU, GLORIOUS THOUSAND MASTER? DID YOU FAKE YOUR DEATH OR SOMETHING, 'CAUSE IT SURE SEEMED LIKE IT!"

"Um, I got that pizza you wanted." Nagi held out a greasy, cold pizza box. Then he noticed a nearby hot girl walking by, stuck a pose, smiled his best, and said, "Heya, how's it going?"

The girl giggled and batted her eyes. However, she ran away in fear when Al grabbed Nagi by the shirt and started shaking him.

"Ah, now look what you did! You scared her away!" Nagi whined, and kicked Al in the shins. To no avail.

"Tell me where you were all these years." Al growled threateningly. "And tell the truth."

Nagi held out the pizza box. "Like I said. I was getting your pizza."

Al shook his head, and glared at Nagi. Forget Negi's cluelessness! His father was too stupid for words! "You're telling me you spent ten years getting a pizza."

"I met some girls on the way. How do you think Negi was born?" Nagi answered vaguely. Then he noticed another girl and bestowed one of his smiles on her. But she sniffed, looked away, and ran to a nearby guy who seemed to be her boyfriend. Darn. He hated that whenever it happened.

"A pizza and you made a girl pregnant. That's what you were doing for ten plus years." Al stated flatly. "Are you serious?"

"I had other children. I think. The other chicks ran away. And I said that I would pay child support, too! (Even though I didn't do it for Negi. But my brother and niece took care of him, so big deal!)" Nagi said defensively. "Besides, you asked for pineapple pizza. Do you know how hard it is to find pineapple pizza? I mean, nobody eats that anymore! You could've asked for something easier, like pepperoni or cheese! Even triple cheese with sausage would've been much easier, and I like triple cheese with sausage!"

Al considered banging his head against a nearby brick wall, but decided against it. After all, it wasn't the innocent wall's fault. "You…You…"

"Yes? I what?" Nagi urged on, releasing himself gently from Al's tight grip, and then dusting off his shirt lightly. That was the last straw.

"You…You…Crimson Loser!"

"Pardon me!" Nagi gasped in shock. "I'm very offended, Al!"

"AUGH!" Al screamed. "You were going around the world, and the magical world, looking for girls and a pineapple pizza for ten years?"

"Without the pizza, it would've been five years, not ten. Like I said, nobody eats pineapple pizza anymore." Nagi shot back. "It was your pizza, anyway."

"Well, you had us all worried." Al spluttered. "Especially little Negi? Do you know how much your son suffered, not knowing if his own father was dead or alive. In fact, he just fainted. Look, he's right over there!"

Nagi gasped again once he saw him emotionless son on the floor. "Oh no! Negi! My son! My only child! (That I know of. Like I said, the other chicks ran away.) Offspring of the woman I loved! (Well, one of them anyway.) He's DEEAAAAAAD! Oh why? Just as I was about to reveal myself unto you!"

"He's not dead. He fainted." Al sighed, and mentally sweatdropped. Although both father and son had different types of stupidity, they were still big idiots. Must be a genetic thing.

"Quick! You know CPR!" Nagi panicked. "Do it! CPR him!"

"If you think that I am putting my lips on his and breathing into his mouth when he's perfectly fine, you are definitely insane." Al replied coldly.

"But he needs CPR! Like right now!" Nagi still panicked. Jeez.

"No, he does not. He's breathing perfectly fine. Besides, he's already kissed four hot girls. See. You know he's definitely you son now." Al snapped at his idiotic friend. (AN: Remember, at the time of the Mahora Festival, he only kissed five girls. Right? Asuna, Konoka, Nodoka, and Setsuna.)

Nagi gasped again. "Kissed? Four hot girls? At age ten? Oh no! Have you corrupted my son's mind, you pervert?"

Thankfully, Negi awoke at this time. He blinked again and stared at his father, who was rather inexperienced in raising children and would probably become one of those panicky types who would jump at the slightest hint of a girlfriend, and his jaw dropped open. "Father? Is that really you?"

"Negi!" Nagi's attention turned to the ten-year-old boy who resembled him so much. "You're awake! Thank goodness! Now what's this I hear about you kissing four girls?"

"Father, where were you this whole time?" Negi mumbled, transfixed by the sight of his missing parent whom he had been searching for.

"Eh? I appeared to you when you were four years old, and gave you that staff. Remember? And I was all cool, too, saving you from those retarded demon creature thingamajigs. I mean, they didn't even look like demons! They looked like screwed up humans!"

Al whistled, and tapped his foot impatiently. Nagi's attention snapped back to his old friend, and he said, "Oh. Sorry. Here's your pizza."

"Thank you." Al said as Nagi deposited the pizza box into his hands.

Nagi grabbed Negi by the collar, causing the boy to squeal.

"Now. Lead me to those girls you talked about." Nagi said sternly. Oh dear, he was fitting into his role of a father a little too quickly, no?

"What girls?" Negi asked, praying for the safety of those he made pactios with. He would tell Chamo to warn the girls beforehand. Yes, that was what he had to do. As a teacher, he needed to protect his students.

"The girls you kissed." Nagi replied, not to be distracted. He twisted Negi's ear, causing Negi to howl in pain. "Now lead me to them. This instant. I'm you father. Obey me. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything bad to them. Just talk to them…"

If he was just going to talk to them, what was up with the sinister background of a dark and stormy sky and that angry look in his eye?

"They were pactios! Father, I was in dangerous situations. I had to make pactios to get out of them!" Negi protested, but Nagi just pinched his nose. Hard. Negi squealed in pain.

"Liar. Lead me to them. Now."

Reluctantly, Negi pointed the way to the girls' bathing hall. Nagi, still holding on to Negi, marched toward the direction, mumbling something about looking through his books to find a suitable spell again. Oh, poor girls. Run! Run like your life depends on it! Because it does! Seriously, it does. (Well, maybe not Asuna, because Nagi knows her. Maybe not Konoka, because he knows her dad. But still, it was a dangerous situation.)

Al stared as father and son disappeared into view.

"Okay. That was weird. But hey, I get my pizza." Al said, thinking this was all a dream. Then he brightened, and opened the pizza box lid.

Instantly, his face fell. He chased after Nagi and Negi, yelling, "HEY WAIT! THIS IS AN ANCHOVY PIZZA!"

The End (For now…)

I might make another chapter if the mood strikes me.

But seriously. The End.