Doug: Homecoming

Doug sat in the coach seat of the 747 and watched as the small town the size of a train set grew and grew before his eyes. He hadn't been home to Bluffington in about 11 months. Doug checked the ribbons on his uniform and made sure his marksmanship badge was "squared away" Personally Doug hated wearing his class a uniform, but it made his parents happy.

"We are now making our final decent into Bluffington. Pleases make sure your….

Doug began wondering about the past few years. Man, one minute you're in Middle School than High School and you don't know what to do with your future. The next thing you know you're getting yelled at by a Drill Sergeant and doing push ups. You figure you are only going to do one enlistment, but when the time comes up to reenlist you sign up again. Doug had about 2 years to go to retirement from the Army, that is if he wanted to retire.

"Have I really been away this long? Sure I've been back a few times but aside from Bluff Book and texting Happy Birthday here and there do I really know anyone anymore?"

The plane reached the terminal and Doug waited for the families and elderly people to vacate the plane. He had packed light, only one carry on. He only took 8 days of leave to be home for Christmas with his family in Bluffington. When the line was thinning out and the cleaners came on board he got up and grabbed his duffle bag from the overhead compartment.

"Happy Holidays, and thank you for your service." The flight attendant said.

"You too." Doug replied.

He lugged his duffle bag over his shoulder and began toward the area he was suppose to meet his family. Doug reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. 4 missed calls. 20 text messages.

"Moms" He thought.

His flight had arrived 30 minutes early. Doug decided to grab a beer at the Skybar. He enjoyed the cold beverage and watched as a couple of planes taxied toward the terminal. He suddenly had the urge for a cigarette but had decided to quit a few days ago.

"I'll quit next week. Better yet, it will be my New Year's Resolution" Doug chuckled to himself. He left a small tip for his beer and headed over to the shop to buy a pack of cigarettes.

"One pack of Bluff Lights, please" Doug asked the cashier.

"I'm sorry sir, the airport does not sell cigarettes." The cashier said rolling her eyes.

Doug pocketed his wallet and walked out of the store and back into the concourse. He saw a group of businessmen outside of the Airport smoking. He decided to go bum one.

"Sir, I hate to ask you but could I bum a cigarette?" Doug asked.

"Sure, buddy!" The man replied. "Here, take this too, trying to quit! Merry Christmas and thanks for your service!" The man said handing Doug a cigar and giving him a large pat on the back.

The man took a few drags of his cigarette. "I did some time in Desert Storm myself. Field artillery, nothing heavy."

Doug took a drag of his cigarette.

"King of battle. Boy we love you guys. I'm a grunt." Doug replied.

"I could tell by your unit patch, and not to mention the combat infantry badge." The man said.

The man shook Doug's hand and put out his cigarette on the ground. Doug put his out as he saw his mother's car approaching. He didn't want to be chewed out about smoking by his own mother. Even combat veterans dread that.

##############################################################################

The drive was a pretty short one. Traffic was light and there had not been any bad weather in Virginia yet. Doug was in his old room unpacking a few things out of his bag.

"Son, me and your mother were thinking about going out for dinner would you like to come?" Mr. Funnie said.

"Na, I'm good dad. I'm not quite hungry yet. Must be the Jet lag." Doug said. "Maybe you can bring me back a Honker Burger and fries?"

"Sure thing Doug, welcome home son." Mr Funnie said.

Doug watched from his window as his parents left. He admired his old room. It was tiny compared to his room in the NCO barracks back on Fort Bliss but still somewhat comfortable. He sat behind his old desk and pulled out his old journal and skimmed through it laughing at the sloppy handwriting. He tossed the tattered journal back into the old desk.

"Flying sure gets you home quicker, but I think I should have drove. I feel weird boring Mom and Dad's car" He thought to himself.

He decided to go for a walk. He put on a pair of sweats and his running shoes. When he got to the porch he saw Mrs. Dink taking groceries out of her car. She caught him out of the corner of her eye.

"Well Doug Funnie! How are you young man?" Mrs. Dink called.

"I'm fine. Took a week of leave for Christmas. I am so sorry to hear about Mr. Dink. I wish I could have made it back for the funeral, we had a field training exercise. I couldn't get any leave approved. He wasn't considered family." Doug replied.

"It's ok Doug. Bud was so proud of you when you would send pictures back from over there. Well I have to get these groceries inside. I will talk to you later." Mrs. Dink said in her unemotional but pleasant way.

"Ok Mrs. Dink. Have a good one." Doug waved and began his walk.

These walks were sure more fun with Porkchop he thought. That dog was nearly human he chuckled to himself.

Doug walked for a bit and then it turned into a jog. His knees were still pretty healthy, for a 35 year old. He decided to keep it at a nice jog instead of a run. He was after all on leave. P.T. could wait a little bit. He slowed down a bit when he reached a row of townhomes. There was one on the far left with a wheelchair ramp.

"Patti Mayonaise" He thought to himself.

Doug walked up to the front door of the house and got ready to knock. He stopped about an inch before the door. He bit his lip and turned around.

"Eh, the lights are off. Nobody is home anyway." He told himself and began to jog off.

On the second floor of the house a light came on. A few moments later Patti Mayonnaise was out on her porch watching the man jog off into the evening.

"I wonder…...was that Doug Funnie?" Patti thought to herself. "Na." She thought going back inside.

Doug returned from his jog about 45 minutes later. His parents still weren't back then. Now he was feeling hungry for sure. He went in and took a quick shower and changed into a tshirt and jeans. There were a few power bars stowed away in his bag and he gnawed on one looking at his phone. A few text messages from his buddies back at Fort Bliss asking if he got home ok. He replied to them. He got on Bluff Book. All of the sudden a PM popped up. It was Patti Mayonnaise!

"Well damn!" Doug said.

"Doug I could have sworn I say you jogging earlier. Are you home from the Army?" Patti's messaged said

"I'm not home for good. 2 years until retirement. I am home for leave." Doug replied.

"Was that you on my father's porch? I am spending the week at his house for the holiday"

"Yes."

"Well why didn't you knock, silly?"

"The lights were off. I figured nobody was home."

"LOL. My dad was at his basketball game. He plays Thursday nights down at the Bluffington Rec. He has a special van now. I was just upstairs unpacking, I knew it was you! You still run like a wimp, LOL" Patti wrote back.

"HA, yeah right. Next time I will knock. Maybe we can get something to eat sometime." Doug replied.

"How about we get some coffee tomorrow morning around 11:20?" Patti offered

"Sounds good. Where at?"

"There is a new Starbucks on Bluffington Blvd. Pick me up at around 11:00"

"I don't have my car, I can see if I can borrow my mom's or dad's" Doug replied.

"Who said anything about driving. It will be a race, slow poke!" Patti challenged.

"I'm down like a car with floor flat tires Mayonnaise." Doug wrote back

"You run like a car with four flat tires. Night!"

#############################################################################

Doug walked up to the porch. It was a pretty decent morning about 50 degrees or so. Just a small hint of coldness in your lungs when you ran. Before he could knock the door swung open. There she was. Patti was wearing a tight fighting jogging suit. The suit wasn't attempting to show off but her athletic and toned body did on it's own.

"Patti Mayonaise" Doug thought.

Patti grinned and shoved Doug out of the way. Doug spun around and couldn't believe that Patti was 10 years ahead of him already! He began to sprint to catch her. He could already feel the double honker burger with chili fries disagreeing with his exercise.

"I really have to quit smoking. New Year's. For real this time." Doug thought to himself, gasping for air.

Patti continued on like a missile down Shelborne Ave. Her feet barely seemed to touch the ground. Who ran like this in their 30's? Who had the time to stay in shape. Even Doug, in the Army with mandatory PT ever weekday wasn't on her level.

"Hurry up Army man!" Patti called about 20 yards ahead.

"Running is for cowards!" Doug attempted to shout in a hoarse voice.

#############################################################################

Doug gulped the bottle of water he had gotten himself before he drank his coffee. It was his mantra ever since basic training to drink a glass of water with every meal even with another drink. The idea seemed crazy to Patti.

"Ha. Doug I hate to say it but you are a slow poke." Patti joked.

"Knee surgery on both knees Patti. You try luggling a 60lb ruck sack wherever you go." Doug said.

"Maybe if you quit those Cancer sticks Doug. They are bad for you." Patti said.

"New Year's Resolution is to quit." Doug chirped "So how is Baltimore? Is it fun working for the Ravens?"

"It's pretty good actually. I don't really interact with the players, just all the logistics stuff. Joe Flacco is a pretty nice guy." Patti went on between sips of her Pumpkin Spice coffee.

"He seems so laid back. But Ben Rothelisberger is still the man." Doug said.

"Ugh I can't believe you like the Steelers, Doug! Nobody is perfect I guess." She said tossing a napkin at Doug.

"I have tickets to the game on Thursday. Remember Chalky Studebaker?"

"Yeah, whatever happened to him?" Patti asked.

"Him and his wife have season tickets. He moved up to Baltimore awhile back. Works for some law firm." Patti said.

Doug grinned. He thought back to the time Chalky cheated off of his test. Yeah that sounds like something a lawyer would do.

"So what do you say Doug? Want to go to the Ravens game?" Patti asked

"Who are they playing?"

"Thankfully not the Steelers. You would get beat up for wearing that in Baltimore. The Ravens have the Colts." Patty said.

"Hey thats cool. I do have Andrew Luck on my fantasy team." Doug laughed as Patti threw another napkin at him.