Maybe
by Brooxie
Authors note:
This story was written a long time ago while listening to the song "Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. The original inspiration for this fic was that song and oddly enough my sister's boyfriend who was a frustrating mystery to her at the time. But for my love of of Guy, let's pretend this is about him. :) I altered some parts in order to replicate Marian and Guy's character and what is going on in the series.
This is AU because the Marian that the writers of Robin Hood have written would not have these thoughts and feelings because the writers were stuck on the whole "Robin and Marian are legend" thing. :P This story is all from Marian's POV.
Maybe
When everything is going wrong I turn to him and I see the chaos has not touched him. His face is neutral and his posture is concrete. He will not yield, nor alter for any one...except for me. Upon learning this, I have took advantage, used and even humiliated him to no end and I do so without remorse. I will not feel guilty for my trivial misdeeds when his crimes are much more despicable than mine. It is his own fault that I am able to harm him at all. He continues to be blind to who I am, what I represent, and to whom it is I really love. He is a fool.
Maybe I am being too harsh
Maybe I do care just a little
I wish I knew what went on inside him; I wish I could read him more easily. I want to reach inside him and be part of him. It is only when I am with him that I falter. My high expectations and standards are shaken by his unexpected tenderness toward me. He should not be tender. There should be nothing that resembles a conscience in such a twisted man. Yet I have seen it. It exists.
Maybe I (Robin) is wrong
Maybe he is not a hopeless cause
He lives his life in the shadows, in the background, unnoticed. I wish I could fade and disappear into him. Go the places he has been to, to understand him. He does not realize I am trying to destroy him, even though I've been so obvious with my intentions. How could he not know?
Maybe he does know.
Maybe he just does not care.
Maybe he truly does love me despite knowing that I very well may be his eventual downfall.
When he falls apart he grows cold and distant. A wicked smile he stows upon me is only done to cover his heart. He is not all bad. He thinks he is fooling me; everyone. He may succeed with the latter but not with me. Never with me. I want him to know, I need him to know, he does not have to pretend with me. I am the exception, the burst of color in the shades of gray world he lives in everyday. Yes, I am the exception.
Maybe I like that.
Maybe for once I feel I am worth more than someone's helping hand.
I can see it in his eyes. To a casual observer they seem cold; lifeless. Cruel eyes that befit a cruel man. But I know better.The conflict that dwells inside of him never shines as bright as when I look into his eyes and ask something of him. In those moments, all pretense and false indifference evaporate and a myriad of emotions flicker before me. In those moments, he is not the black and white villain I (nor Robin) have painted him to be. It is in those eyes, that I see him silently asking if he can rest his burdens on me. But if he does, he will damage my spirit with his misery. I do not want that to happen to me. I cannot let that happen to me. I am needed by others and if I am damaged then I will be of no use to them. I deny him his request and selfishly, I let him suffer alone, to maintain his facade with the world.
Maybe I wish my life did not belong to England.
Maybe my heart belongs to him.
I love him, but I do not want to be like him. I do not want to be broken inside, begging to be fixed. Something needs to change. But I do not think anything will, even so, I continue to stay with him, inside this frigid, barren castle that represents his life.
Maybe we are meant to be.
Maybe.
THE END
