Title: Needless Words
Author: LovelyxIrony
Rating: PG
Summary: A few hours after the whole "Cyberwoman" incident in the first season, Ianto Jones tries to come to terms with what happened, with Jack Harkness there for him, like always. [I am GODAWFUL at summaries, sorry!]
Ianto Jones felt the first signs of traitorous tears for what must have been the thousandth time that night. The burning behind the eyelids; the clenched, suffocating throat; the sudden blank feeling that swept over his very soul were all becoming far too familiar for his tastes. He tried not to think of it, his hands balled into fists as he stood on his apartment roof, watching the people stroll by without a care in the world.
How Ianto envied them. How he hated them for being like that when everything inside of him was screaming.
"It's my fault." He hadn't realized he'd had the intention of speaking until the words stumbled out of his raw throat, cracked and miserable after hours of useless crying. "It's my fault L - she's dead. It's my fault you all were so close to being killed..."
There was no reply to Ianto's words, but he'd heard the breathing and felt the air tense as though waiting for something horrible to happen. The Welshman shifted his body slightly to take in the sight of his boss, Jack Harkness, who was merely staring at him with disturbingly piercing blue eyes.
Sometimes, Ianto reckoned that those eyes saw too much. It was unnerving, at times, how he felt those eyes reading into every move he made, or every word he spoke.
"Have you come up here to make me feel worse, Jack?" Ianto's voice rose slightly, blinking back those traitorous tears that wanted so badly to fall. "Do you not think I feel guilty enough?" Silence - how he hated the silence. Jack yelling would have been much preferred; much more like the man than this. "My Lisa is dead, do you understand?"
There was a flare of something in Jack's eyes, although it was hard to tell if it was anger or pity. Ianto found he couldn't stand either. "I told you. That wasn't Lisa, Ianto."
"How do you know?" Ianto found himself yelling furiously; spitting the words out as if it would make things easier. "You never knew her! You never -" And those tears started to fall bitterly as his legs gave out beneath him in grief. Strong arms hooked themselves around Ianto, tugging him towards a firm chest as the sobs tore passed his throat. Without meaning to, his hands tangled in the coat his boss always wore, and Ianto buried his face in the material of Jack's shirt. "Oh God," He was whimpering - whimpering like a girl - but Ianto couldn't bring himself to care. "I - I want her back, Jack..."
The arms tightened around him, a pair of foreign, warm, comforting lips pressing to his forehead and lingering for just a moment. "I know. I know..."
Needless, plain words that were most likely meant to fill an awkward silence. Yet, at that moment, Ianto found them a comfort as he wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and lost himself in mourning.
R&R please :]! And remember that this is my FIRST "Torchwood" story, so I'm sorry if it's horrible...
