-Part 1-
"Letters from the Lost Days"
December 8
"What is that?" Abby asks, writing on a patient's chart.
Sam, coming from the lounge, drags her son down the hallway and toward admit. They both stop and she looks at Abby, looking very annoyed, "I found that guy's missing middle finger! I'll leave it up to you to guess who had it," and she looks down at Alex angrily. Sam then takes him over to a chair behind the desk and sits him down. "Sit you ass down and don't move until I tell you to. You've already pissed me off, and you do not want to make it worse. Believe me," she scolds and walks over next to Abby. Sam spots Malik walking by and shouts, "Malik! Can you take this guy's finger?"
"You found it?"
"Yeah, finally!" she says.
Malik laughs to himself as he walks off with the small plastic bag filled with ice––and the man's severed middle finger.
"D'you just start your shift?" Sam asks Abby, as she notices her lab coat.
"Yeah," she says.
Pratt, Neela, Susan, and Luka come to join them.
As they start to chat, Alex interrupts them, "Hey, cool! Someone's faxing you something."
Susan moves over to the fax machine, and they all begin to talk again. She grabs the piece of paper and reads over it; then, sees the name at the bottom. "Guys, we got a letter," she smiles.
"Who's it from?" Neela questions as everyone quiets down.
"Robin," she smiles and turns around to face them.
"Read it to us," Pratt says.
Susan looks at the letter, pausing for a moment, "No."
They all appear confused, not really knowing what to think. Neela asks, "Why not?"
Susan stays quiet and suddenly looks up at Abby. A smile grows on her face, and she says warmly, "I think Abby should read this one."
Abby grins, and then takes the paper in her hands
Elizabeth has come down from surgery, and she joins everyone at the desk. "What's going on?"
"Robin sent us a letter," Luka tells her.
She smiles and leans against the desk, "Alright, let's hear it."
Sighing, Abby looks down at Robin's handwriting––neat, but at the same time, messy like chicken scratch. Abby laughs to herself, and she begins:
"'Dear ER gang,
I'm sitting here in Paris, France, of all places, and believe it or not, I'm already bored off my ass!"
Abby giggles, as does everyone else, and she comments, "That sounds like Robin!" As the laughter dies down a little, she continues.
'Now that I think of it, that's pretty obvious––given that I'm sitting in an airport waiting on my second flight that's been delayed for half-an-hour!
'But, even in all the chaos going on around me, the only question that keeps running through my mind is, 'Hey...wonder who's workin' tonight?' I can't seem to stop worrying about you all..
'Now, as you might've guessed, I'm gonna start gettin' mushy...but please, bear with me here...
'You are the most amazing group of people I've ever known and had the pleasure of working with. We've had some rough times; but, luckily, we've muddled through the rain and gotten to see the better days. To me, you're more than just my co-workers. You're my friends...my second family. I appreciate everything you've done for me over the past eleven years, and I want to thank each and every one of you for putting up with. me–– especially this year in general, and with all that's been going on. You deserve so much more than you think...you all do.'
Everyone grins at Abby's sincerity and the way she reads the letter. The subtlety of her demeanor and the softness in her voice as she reads the heartfelt words says so much. Her eyes lighten as she reads on.
'You all know that something's happened to me that's hard to explain and I'm not the person I used to be anymore––I'm broken inside. But, hopefully, I still have at least one or two good qualities left in me. I'm not quite sure what those qualities would be, so I'll leave that to your imaginations.'
Abby stops and thinks for a moment. "I can think of more than a few, how 'bout you?" she asks. They all agree with her, nodding their heads and mumbling their answers.
"Mm-hmm."
"Yeah."
Abby continues on.
'Whether you read this out loud or not, I want you all to know that if something happens to me while I'm gone, I'll always be with you. You have my word on that...I promise.
'I miss you...and I love you all..
Love, Robin'"
Abby lets out an emotional sigh and smiles. Half of the staff that stands at the desk has tears in their eyes. For those who were there the day the ER got a letter from Dr. Mark Greene, two years ago, this is a familiar moment.
"Should we hang this one up somewhere, too?" Abby asks, still scanning the words with her eyes.
Sam answers, "Yeah, I think we should."
"But, before we do," Pratt says suddenly as he steps over to Abby and takes the letter, "I wanna do somethin'." He stands at one of the computers next to Alex and places the paper in the scanner; then, he starts printing out another copy of it. Pratt takes the papers and turns back around, handing the original back to Abby. "Here, you keep this one," he says sympathetically, "we know how much she means to you."
Grins appear on everyone's faces at his thoughtful gesture, and they agree with him. Abby looks at the letter, then up at Pratt. "Thank you," she laughs, wiping a tear from her face.
After a moment, Elizabeth comments, "It's going to be a long December."
Silence falls among them, but is broken as two traumas come in. No one wants to leave, but they know they have to. Everyone leaves, except Abby. She takes both pieces of paper and walks up to the nurses' station next to the new security doors. Then, she gets some scotch tape and places the copy on the window. She smooths it out with her hand and tapes the bottom down with the other. Abby can't help but read it over and over again as she stands there.
Moments pass, then, Abby picks up Robin's letter and smiles. She backs away slowly and strolls down the hallway––reading her letter again.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27
-Part 2-
"Into Africa"
All hope abandon, ye who enter here.
Dante's Inferno
December 9
(Kisangani, Democratic Republic of Congo)
A small plane flies low over the tops of the palm trees as it prepares to land on the old, worn runway. Seconds later, the plane lands safely and starts to come to a stop.
Minutes go by, and the small door of the plane swings open. A man steps out: the one who met Robin in Kinshasa (the capital of the DRC). He helps Robin as she steps out into the scorching African heat––the air around her is electric and stifling. The man hands her luggage to her, and she puts the bags over her shoulders; and as the man grabs a box of medical supplies for the hospital and talks to the pilot, Robin walks away from the plane. She scans the surroundings of the vast foreign field through the dark lenses of her sunglasses; she is invigorated. The sunlight almost hurts. Beads of sweat decorate her face. Then, she fixes her eyes on someone a couple of yards away. A smile stretches across her face as she walks closer.
"Well, I'll be damned," she grins. "If it isn't John Carter."
He laughs and lifts his arms up beside him, "In the flesh!" They meet, kiss each other on the cheek—his scruffy beard scratches Robin's face—and hug each other for a few moments. They're so excited about reuniting after six months that they don't know the words to say to each other.
Carter holds her out in front of him at arm's length suddenly and tells her, "You haven't changed a bit!" even though he can see that she's aged considerably over the months—her face dark and tired for reasons he's not aware.
She laughs with him, "You haven't either, and I like your 'scruffy' look," and points to his hair, "but, man, you gotta get rid of the beard!"
"What? You don't like it?"
She stares at it for a second, then shakes her head, "Not really, no." Then, she decides to put her luggage in the back of the old, white Toyota SUV that's beside them.
"Oh, come on," Carter smiles.
Robin puts her bags in the back and turns around, "Alright! It does suit you better than it did a couple of years ago..." she pauses, "still, man, get rid of it."
"Alright, I give up," he says.
Then, the man who met Robin walks up to them with the supplies. "Are you two ready to go?" he asks.
"Yeah, Kahleem, I think we are," Carter answers. He looks over and sees Robin ambling slowly toward the plane, trying to see something. While they've been talking, two men have carried a stretcher from the vehicle and over to the plane.
As the men load it inside, Robin can't help but stare at what looks like a body laying on it––wrapped in a white sheet...but something's not quite right with it. It is misshapen. Her eyebrows buckle and she grows numb.
Carter walks up behind her and asks, "You alright?"
She doesn't give him a definite answer; but, instead, asks, "Carter, who's that?" Her tone is low and placid. Tranquil.
He doesn't want to tell her the truth, because he's afraid that he might frighten her; but, he decides to anyway. "He was a doctor from Italy."
Robin stands motionless and just keeps starting through her sunglasses. "How'd he die?" she asks blankly.
"Well," he hesitates, "about two weeks ago, he disappeared. Then, yesterday, we went to town and on the way back, someone threw a huge trash bag onto the road in front of us. They hadn't closed it very well...and an arm fell out of it. We got out and opened it..." he pauses, remembering the night. "He was in it: dismembered and decapitated. They just threw everything into a bag and dumped it."
No change of emotion can be seen on her face. She just keeps her eyes on the murdered doctor as the two men close the plane's door and walk back to the vehicle. The plane starts down the runway and finally takes off. Robin hasn't even been on the ground for ten minutes, but she's already witnessed a tragedy. This thought haunts her as she watches the plane disappear over the palm trees.
"Come on," Carter says softly, "they're ready to go."
But, Robin doesn't move. Thoughts flow through her mind, one right after the other. Was he loved? How did his family and friends handle the news of his murder (that is, if he had any)? How will he be celebrated and remembered? Who's going to love him now that he's gone?
"Rob," Carter asks after a moment, "you alright?"
She still stares. "Yeah," she says sullenly.
He waits for her to say something else; finally, he asks her, "You gonna stand there all day or what?"
"No," she says blankly; then, turns her head to the side. "Just thinkin', that's all."
Carter nods, and then starts for the SUV.
Robin gives a quick glance back at him as he walks away; then, turns her focus back to the trees. She sighs and walks back to the vehicle.
She takes her seat next to Carter and shuts the door.
The driver shifts gears and they begin to move.
Robin just stares out the window––but, she decides not to think about what might happen to her. She feels at ease now, in the jungle of the Dark Continent: a place between Heaven and Hell. Nowhere.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men do nothing.
Edmund Burke
Now, thirty minutes later, the sun is now beginning to set and its soft orange light touches every palm tree and every mound of dry dirt. But, gray rain clouds engulf the sun and the light is no more. Soon after, the rain begins to fall in large drops––drenching the ground within seconds. It casts a spell of serenity throughout the gray-green world—curtains of green mass everywhere the eye can see.
The old Toyota drives up to the side of the hospital––which has fallen into disrepair; vines slither up the crumbling outer walls––and the doors swing open. Everyone jumps out and retrieves their things from the back of the vehicle. Kahleem, the two men, and Carter carry the medical supplies in through the back door.
In a scene similar to Carter's first real glimpse at the Congo, Robin quickly puts her luggage over her shoulders and walks toward the front of the building. She sees a large canopy set up at the very front; and as she gets closer, more and more people seem to appear from around the corner. She stops when she gets to the side of the makeshift shelter––able to see everyone under it. Her eyes are filled with shock and her brows sink as she looks upon the disease, malnutrition, and misery that has ravaged these villagers in this war-torn country. At least fifty people fight for a place to rest under the canopy––maybe even more, counting the children. Most of them are alive, but they have the appearance of corpses. Their skin is dry, tight, and drawn––she can see the bones protruding out from under their skin, because their muscles have deteriorated due to malaria, polio, cholera, and AIDS. She's unaccustomed to this. But this isn't even the worst of it.
How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed by terrors.
Psalm 73:19
Robin feels something tugging on her pant leg, and she looks down to see a small boy––no older than two or three––staring up at her with big, sad eyes. She grins at him, even though she's still in shock. As she continues to stand out in the pouring rain, the child moves back under the shelter.
He turns and stands, as if he wants her to follow him.
Robin's not quite sure what to do; then, he motions with his hand for her to come with him. Slightly confused, she begins to go behind him; but, as he easily moves through the crowd, she has some trouble––her luggage slows her down. "Excusez-moi, pardon (Excuse me, sorry)," she says, repeating herself over and over again. "Merci (Thank you)." She makes her way over to the middle of the crowd where the boy stands. She kneels down next to him, as he points to a woman leaning against one of the wooden poles used to hold up the large tarp overhead. Looking over at the boy, she asks him, "Tu t'appelles comment (What's your name)?"
"Taki," he says in a voice that breaks Robin's heart.
She smiles at him, "Je m'appelle Robin, je suis une docteur (My name is Robin, I'm a doctor)."
The boy is beginning to trust her, but he says nothing.
She continues, "C'est ton mPre (Is this your mother)?"
He nods.
She smiles again when she notices the hurt in his eyes, and then turns her attention to the woman.
Taki's mother appears to be sleeping, so Robin gently shakes her shoulder, "Bonjour, madame." She shakes her again, then asks, "Madame?" She feels for a pulse; there is none.
The woman is dead.
Her heart sinks and she takes her fingers away from the woman's neck.
Taki can sense something is wrong and he begins to sob.
Robin looks at him with concern, and he puts his arms around her neck. She stares at the ground, and then closes her eyes––comforting him as he cries into her rain-soaked T-shirt. After a moment, Robin picks Taki up––along with her luggage, which is still around her shoulders––and just stands in the middle of the chaos. Rain still drips from her hair; it streams down her face and runs down her arms.
The rain beats down on the canopy as she stands amid the crowd––not knowing where to go or what to do. The two are slightly glassed off from the swirl around them: crying children; sounds of sickness and death.
The cries of the Congo––a country in turmoil––are clear to her now.
Father of all mercies and God of all comfort, look in pity on all who are suffering during this time of strife and warfare. Protect the defenseless, heal the wounded, and sustain the homeless and hungry. Turn the hearts of our enemies, and forgive both them and us for our share in sin that has brought this anguish on humanity. Open to us a way of reconciliation, and lead us to the path of peace; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
Prayer: For the Suffering
-Part 3-
"A Rumor of Angels"
December 10
"Robin," Carter whispers from the doorway.
Dr. Shepherd is asleep in a humid room where the staff sleeps. There are small beds––each having a large mosquito net draping down over it from the ceiling.
Carter walks over and kneels on the floor, "Robin, wake up." He grins as she stirs and mumbles. "Rob?"
"What do you want, Carter?" she asks in a muffled tone, not enjoying the wake-up call.
He grins and tells her in a soft voice, "I want you to meet somebody."
"Who?" she mumbles.
"Someone special."
Robin gets annoyed with him, "Carter, I've gotta eat breakfast. Plus, I'm not in the mood right now...my jet lag's caught up with me."
"Alright, after ya eat, then," he says and stands. "Come find me when ya get done," he tells her as he walks out of the room.
"Yeah, alright...whaaaatever," Robin mumbles––not really caring at this point. All she wants is to sleep, but she knows that she can't. Suddenly, she sighs loudly and opens her eyes. She sits up and her face brushes against the net, startling her. With a little trouble, she gets out from underneath the net and gets out of bed––shuffling her feet.
Now dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a plain navy blue T-shirt, Robin walks through the admit area––packed with villagers and refugees. She grins at the small children who watch her pass by.
Carter sees her from across the large room and makes his way toward her.
Robin spots him as he comes up to her––his face beaming and full of excitement
"What's up with you," she asks, grinning but looking confused.
Carter takes a breath and tells her, "Nothing! I'm just so glad you're here!"
Robin smiles, "Thanks, I'm glad I'm here, too!"
They say nothing to each other for a moment, then Carter tells her, "I wanna introduce you to somebody."
"Oh, right! Right," she nods her head. As he starts to lead her away, she seems confused again, "Where're we goin'?"
"Outside."
"Why outside?"
Carter smiles from ear to ear, "You'll see."
Carter leads Robin over to the corner of the building, where a dark-headed woman stands drinking coffee.
The woman turns and faces them as she hears them walking up to her. "Ah, John, there you are," she says with an English accent, and smiles.
They meet her and Carter begins, "Kem, this is Robin Shepherd––she's one of the doctors I work with back in Chicago."
"Nice to meet you," Kem says as she shakes her hand.
He continues, "Robin, this is Makemba Likasu––she's the head of a new AIDS program here in Kisangani."
Robin smiles, "Nice to meet you, too."
"I have to say," Kem says, "it's so great to finally meet you! John's told me so much about you."
Robin's surprised to hear this, and she looks over at Carter, standing slightly behind her. She looks at Kem again and inquires, "So, uh...you run an AIDS program here?"
"Yes," she tells her, "it's just starting to come together, but hopefully everything will work out." Carter suddenly reveals, "It's such a shame that you'll have to leave the duties up to somebody else in a few months."
"Oh, why's that?" Robin asks.
Kem smiles ear to ear. "I'm having a baby!"
Robin seems very excited for her, "Wow! Congratulations!" and looks back at Carter, "Isn't that great?"
"The greatest," he answers softly and looks at Kem, which Robin doesn't notice.
Offering her best wishes, Robin laughs, "Tell the father I said, 'Congratulations and good luck'!"
"I think you just did," she confesses and slides her eyes over to meet Carter's.
Robin gazes at Kem with an utter look of shock and confusion written on her face. Her mind is a step behind and nothing is making sense to her. She sees Carter walk over and put an arm around Kem's waist and his hand on her stomach; both of them standing there smiling and looking at Robin––waiting for a reaction. She has no idea what to say––not even the slightest clue. She leans forward slightly, as if to catch her words, with a blank expression on her face now. "Mm-hmm... What was that now?"
"We're havin' a baby, Rob!" Carter beams.
She says nothing, but smiles strangely––thinking that this might be a joke; some cruel practical joke Carter's trying to pull on her. But then, she realizes that everything they're telling her is real. She suddenly feels very betrayed by Carter––somehow; she's not sure why. The more she thinks about it, the more she wants to rant and rave about the foolish situation that they've gotten themselves into. But, she decides not to make a scene and exclaims, "Uh-huh!!" She obviously feigns her joy and happiness for them, but they don't seem to catch on. "Well!" she says with a grin, sounding very perky. "That's just ducky!" Robin takes a long pause, then decides she wants to get away from the awkward subject. "Look, I'm sorry. I was gonna check on a patient before I ran into you in there, and I don't wanna keep 'em here any longer than they have to be, so..." she says and shakes Kem's hand, "Kem, it's great meeting you! I hope your program is a success, and congrats and good luck with the baby!"
Robin steps back and looks at Carter; her smile shrinks as she stares at him. "Carter..." she simply says as she turns and starts making her way back inside. Her expression turns to that of anger and frustration, and she scoffs to herself, "Son of a bitch."
Carter watches Robin as she walks away from them. He sees her shake her head in disappointment, and it is now that he realizes that she's upset with him.
"Robin seems really great," Kem tells him.
He agrees with her, "Yeah, she's the best...but she's mad at me."
"How do you know that?" she asks.
He explains, "When she's frustrated, she gets this sarcastic 'edge' to her."
After a long pause, Kem suggests, "Talk to her at lunch or something."
Carter smiles at her. "I will."
Lord of the nations, and God of all peace, pour out Your Spirit in rich measure on those in high places and low, who continue to seek peace during this time of war. Protect them from hate and violence, open their ears, their mouths, and their hearts to pursue the goal of peace, and make the citizens they represent responsive to their care; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
Prayer: For the Peacekeepers
Back inside the hospital, Robin walks through the crowded, suffocating admitting area. She stops as she hears a woman speak to her.
"Docteur! Docteur, can you help my son?"
Robin moves over to the bed and asks her, "You speak English?"
The woman nods, "Yes."
"What's your name?"
"Razina," she answers.
Robin asks, "And your son?"
"Mahiri," she tells her, as she watches Robin's actions––taking her stethoscope and listening to her son's breathing; then, taking his temperature.
"Bonjour, Mahiri," she smiles as she examines him.
He grins, but says nothing.
"Je m'appelle Dr. Shepherd." She has the young boy open his mouth, and she shines her pen light inside––what she sees troubles her. Next, she checks his ears, and she sees a middle ear infection––which is also alarming.
Mahiri begins coughing.
"Razina," she asks, "how long has he had this cough?"
She estimates, "About two weeks."
"Mahiri," Robin asks the boy, "avez-vous fatigué (Are you tired)?"
He nods his head and looks at her with an expression as if to say, "Please help me...I don't want to be sick anymore."
Robin has trouble keeping her composure, but smiles at him. She knows what the problem is; she doesn't have to finish the exam. Just by looking at him, she can see the suffering he's been through lately: his extreme weight loss and muscle deterioration make him appear as being that of a corpse.
"What is wrong?" Razina asks very calmly in a deep tone. "What is wrong with my son?"
Robin peers at her with a look of despair and speaks to her in a soft, low voice. "Razina...I'm so sorry..."
"My son has AIDS," she says blankly.
Robin is taken by surprise. "Yes...he does."
A loud silence flows among the three of them as Razina watches her son––no expression on her face; no movement comes from her; she doesn't blink. Suddenly she confesses, "Then, it is my fault. I am the reason he is sick."
After a moment, Robin questions, "You have AIDS?"
Razina takes a second, then explains, "Yes. I had it before I found out that I was pregnant with Mahiri. When he was born, the doctors told me that there was a possibility he might get it later on in his life...they just did not know when." She pauses. "Can you make him feel better...for now at least?"
In a soft-spoken voice, Robin tells her, "I'll try my best." She moves over to the IV stand that's been placed beside the bed; a bag of saline already hangs from the stand. She wipes a small spot of Mahiri's arm with an alcohol swab, and this makes the boy turn his weak head.
He sees the IV needle and begins to panic––which, for him at this point, is being able to move his body around just to make it somewhat difficult to get the needle in his arm. First, his mother tries to calm him, but it doesn't faze him. Then, after she sees nothing is working, Robin gives it a try.
"Mahiri," she says softly, "Mahiri, regardez-moi. Regardez-moi (..., look at me. Look at me)." The boy finally meets her eyes and listens.
"Écoutes, écoutes. Calmes, d'accord (Listen, listen. Calm down, okay)?" She pauses, then continues, "Etroite-vous oeils, d'accord? N'ayez pas peur (Close your eyes, okay? Don't be afraid)."
The boy squeezes his mother's hand and Robin is finally able to hook him up to the IV.
"Prends une haleine profonde...relaxes (Take a deep breath...relax)," she reassures him.
He opens his eyes and looks up at her.
"N'ayez pas peur (Don't be afraid)," she whispers and sits down on the edge of the bed next to Mahiri.
The boy trusts her now; he feels safe with his mother and the caring doctor sitting beside him.
Razina looks over and keeps her eyes on Robin. Seeing the two crucifix necklaces around her neck, she questions, "Dr. Shepherd, do you believe in angels?"
"I guess so, why?"
"Because, before, I was not sure what to believe," she explains––a small grin crossing her face as she continues, "but now, I know there has to be...otherwise, you would not be here."
Robin smiles at the compliment, looks down, and studies her hands––resting in her lap. Then, she moves and adjusts the saline dosage, while Razina watches her son as he sleeps.
There's the beginning! Hope you all liked it! More to come soon!
