Heyy everybody! This is my first FF in the Death Note fandom and I decided to write angst! Huzzah!
As a warning to everyone, this fic contains dark themes and not a lot of smiley happy faces. :( As another warning; though the rating may be upped later on, I don't intend to write lemons in this fic.
RANDOM NOTES: All the chapters are going to be relatively short as I intend to write this story in that style. And for all those Light hater's out there, this is a Sayu-Light centric fic. NOT INCEST. I intend to write a sequel which will feature the L and the rest, for now, they play no part.
Well, happy reading!
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any other associated characters and settings
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1900 hours,
27 days since my life ended.
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I crouched on the dirty rock, rivulets of water running through the cracks in it. Like miniature rivers, from the mountains into the sea. But in this case, the mountains were the roof of our cave and the sea was the pouring rain outside. I couldn't see anything past the cave mouth in the early darkness of winter. I didn't need to.
It was cold in the cave, despite the shelter it provided. Far, far, too cold.
My brother lay beside me, choking on his own blood with every breath he took. His normally gorgeous face was twisted into a grimace, with eyes screwed shut, and coloured ashy white. His normally immaculate clothes were grimy and torn. He didn't have his lovely hair anymore.
I suddenly reached out, and touched one hand to the blood pooling at his side. His sharp intake of breath followed me. I ignored it, drifting my hand across his stomach, slowly moving it upwards. I stopped when my hand reached rough fabric. I had laid my only jacket under his head to cushion it from the rock. Ineffectual to the extreme, but somehow held a twisted comfort that reached me beyond my own shivering. I continued to move my hand until it cupped his face. My brother opened his eyes.
I met those eyes and caught my breath. We both knew there was nothing I could do. There'd never been anything we could do.
I turned away to gaze at the walls.
The moss and lichen that lined them might have been some miraculous cure for my brother, but I wouldn't know, would I? I wasn't prepared. We hadn't asked for this. I looked back when my brother's breathing stuttered, and returned more laboured than it had been.
He met my eyes again and god I wish I didn't understand the plea in them. It was all about waiting now, but waiting took time. Something we- no, I didn't have.
"Sayu."
I froze; here it comes. My eyes drifted involuntarily to the tattered backpack lying opposite me. I tore them away immediately. Out of sight, out of mind. Only it wasn't.
I felt a pressure well up in me, and fought not to let it burst out. We had to be quiet. Instead, I refused to look at him, lying on the ground and asking something of me he knew I couldn't do.
"You promised."
My lip wobbled as the pressure built up. I fought tears and gasped in the action.
"So did you!"
He said nothing. I wouldn't look.
"Light!"
He managed a sigh without choking. I shuddered as one of the pale and long and beautiful hands I'd always envied my brother rested on my arm weakly. I still refused to look at him.
"Sayu."
I fought another gasp and instead let my tears overflow. They dripped down my turned face and onto his. He was dying and it hurt and I had to end it and continue running. Alone this time. Without the brother I loved more than anything. The brother I couldn't leave to die in pain. I struggled briefly.
"Sayu."
I looked at him and saw the relief in his eyes alongside the pain. He was right. If the rest of them could do it, so could I. I reached out my hands again, and placed one either side of his face. He closed his eyes and I kissed his eyelids. First one, then the other. I let my forehead rest against his for just one, precious, moment of peace between us. I felt his harsh breathing stop, and for a fleeting second, I could pretend we were kids again, and he was putting me to bed, like the parent he's always acted.
"I'm sorry, Sayu."
"It's not your fault."
I was on my feet and across the cave a second later. The backpack was light, and the material wet. I reached in and rummaged until my fingers touched icy metal. The icy feeling shot up my arms and bloomed in my chest as I withdrew my hand, something I couldn't look at grasped in my trembling fingers. Light watched me calmly from the floor, his only reaction the clenching of fists.
I stood in front of him and wrapped both hands around the gun. Mingled fear and relief filled my brother's eyes. I felt the pressure reach a boiling point inside me and knew it had to be done soon.
I looked at Light. He looked back. There was nothing more to say. I was going on alone. I could tell him I love him, but there's no need; he already knows. Light didn't say anything either.
I levelled and aimed. Light closed his eyes.
I pulled the trigger and cried.
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"Onii-chan! Don't go, I'll miss you!"
"Don't worry. It's only for a little while, then you can come too."
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I'll try to be consistant with my updates, but no promises ;)
