Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all behind to Dashner.


Thomas lied on the ground, staring up at the sky. It was late, really late, but he couldn't sleep. Nightmares plagued his mind anytime he closed his eyes. Visions of Newt, beaten and bruised begging him please Tommy, please. Teresa lying there, the life leaving her body. I only ever cared for...

Thomas couldn't handle it, he stood up and ran way from their settlement. He ran to the spot he always went to when he couldn't handle the pain of the memories of what he's done.

It's a stone ledge that hangs over the river. Thomas comes here and tangles his legs over and stares at the water as it rushes by. Sometimes, just sometimes he lets himself imagine what would happen if he were to push off the ledge and let himself fall.

When he got to the ledge, someone was already there.

As he got closer, Thomas realized it was Minho sitting there with his legs hanging off the edge. Minho didn't make any sign that he noticed Thomas' presence so he went over and placed a hand on Minho's shoulder.

Minho turned his head and looked at him. "What are you doing here?" Thomas asked him.

"I figured you'd show up eventually" he said.

Thomas sat down next to him on the ledge "what?" he said, confused.

"I'm not shucking blind," he said "you run off this direction every night. Not too shuckin' hard to figure out that you'd come here."

"Of course you know" Thomas said rolling his eyes "why aren't you asleep?"

"Why aren't you?" Minho asked.

They were silent for a while before Minho spoke, "I just can't stand that we left him. I keep thinking about him out there, all alone and out of his shucking mind." Minho didn't even need to say it, Thomas knew he was talking about Newt.

Thomas stared at the water rushing below them as Minho continued to talk. "We should have done something. We left him." Minho's voice was getting louder and angrier with every word. "We left him and now we don't even know if he's dead or alive! I abandoned him! He was probably killed by cranks alone and terrified!"

"That- that didn't happen" Thomas said quietly.

"You don't know that!" Minho yelled.

"Yes I do" Thomas said.

"HOW?" Minho screamed, angrier than Thomas had ever seen him. He stood and started pacing the ledge. "How could you possibly know?! We left him! He's alone! Completely alone! So tell me how the shuck you could possibly know that!?"

"BECAUSE I KILLED HIM!" The words escaped Thomas's mouth before he could stop them.

Minho stared at him for a moment, and then he was on top of Thomas. Punching, kicking, scratching, hurting him in any way he could.

Thomas couldn't find the resist Minho's actions. I deserve this, he thought I deserve this and so much worse. But then Minho stopped hitting him. He stared down at Thomas, breathing heavy. He looked as though he was fighting back tears. Minho put his head in his hands and climbed off of Thomas. Minho curled his legs up to chest and hugged them. He stared at Thomas, his eyes watery. He looked like a child, scared and upset. Thomas had never seen Minho like this before, even after everything they'd been through he always held it together.

Thomas sat up and stared at the ground as he spoke "I found him, on the way to WICKED. He begged me. He screamed and yelled and- and- he just kept begging. Please Tommy, Please. He just- he- he begged Minho. I had to. I had to."

There was a long moment of silence before Thomas finally raised his gaze to meet Minho's "please don't hate me. I can't take it if you hate me."

"Slim it Thomas, I don't hate you" he said quietly. Minho stood up and walked back over to the ledge. He sat down and stared at the water as he said the next part, in a voice so quiet Thomas could barely hear him "I loved him."

Thomas went over and sat down next to him. "I know," he said "I loved him too."

Minho let out a deep breath and whiped a tear from his cheek that Thomas pretended he hadn't seen. "You don't get it you dumb shank. I didn't just love him, I loved him."

Suddenly everything made sense. The long glances Newt and Minho were constantly exchanging, like they could communicate without words. How they always seemed to disappear together. The fact that Newt had given him the note rather than Minho, Newt must of known there was no way Minho could do it.

"Oh... I didn't know that" was all Thomas could think to say.

"Well it's not like we went around broadcasting it" Minho said. "It's just... It's why I can't sleep. Every night I dream about him. They're not even nightmares, we're just lying in bed and I'm holding him and... And then I wake up and realize that's never going to happen again." Tears were openly falling down Minho's cheeks by now. "So it's just easier not to sleep at all, ya get me?"

Thomas nodded "I dream about him too. And Teresa. But they're always nightmares. Replays of how terrible I treated her after what she did during the scorch. I never got to forgive her. She died for me and I never even forgave her. Brenda keeps... But I can't. Not with Brenda. She's not Teresa, she'll never be Teresa. "

Minho whiped his eyes and stared at Thomas. "Why did we live?" he asked "Why are we here when they're not?"

"Shuck if I know," Thomas said "we both know Newt was twice the guy we are. He should have been immune, not us. It's not fair."

"I know" Minho said "trust me, I think that everyday of my pathetic shucking life."

Thomas didn't know how to respond, so he just sat there. "I just miss him so much" Minho said in a quiet voice. "Him and Chuck and Alby and Teresa and everyone we lost."

Thomas leaned back and lied his head on the ground. He stared at the sky, "so do I." He said "I'm so tired. Tired of missing them, tired of the guilt, tired of everything."

Minho lied back next to him "I know. I am too. But we have to keep living. For him, for them."

Thomas knew he was right, no matter how terrible things got Thomas knew he had to keep going. Thomas closed his eyes and tried to sort out how they were going to hold themselves together without their glue.


Please let me know what you think! I don't know why I hurt myself by writing things like this, but it just keeps happening. Please please please give feedback/suggestions.