Irken Idol
Chapter 1:
The USMAPYSDKDM??

Setting: Dib's House

Dib's father, Membrane, saw that their house was gone and then he used his Insta-Construct to rebuild his house with everybody's things in it. Everybody went inside their house and did their usual thing. Dib went on TV to watch Mysterious Mysteries, Gaz went on her Game Slave 2, and before Membrane went down to his lab, he went walking around his house to see if everything was there. For some reason, he didn't question why his house had been gone.

Tv. Today, we're going to talk about a baby Bigfoot, sent in by Dib.

Dib. Yes!! Finally! They're gonna show mine! I've been waiting for this for years! (shows his happy face with his tongue sticking out)

Membrane. (walking by) Dib! Is the TV teaching you to stick your tongue out to people? You shouldn't watch that kind of stuff! You should watch..REAL SCIENCE! (pulls out a VHS tape)

Dib. What?! NO! They're gonna show something that I've been waiting for years! (straps come out of couch and straps Dib to the couch real tight) Hey! What is this?!

Membrane. Now watch.. and learn! (puts tape in the VHS)

Dib. NOOO!!

The television starts showing the tape. The theme song comes on.

Theme Song Plays
Song: Bill Nye the Science Guy, from Bill Nye the Science Guy Show
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
"Science rules"
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
"Inertia is a property of matter"
Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill
"T-minus seven seconds"
Bill Nye, the Science Guy.

Theme Song Ends.

The episode of Bill Nye, the Science Guy is about fossils.

Tv. Why do people thing there are such things as big foot?

Dib. Because they see big footprints!!

Tv. You see this big footprints? They are really tracks from fossils of very old dinosaurs.

Dib. No!! They're really from big foot! BIG FOOT!

The tv goes on and on about whatever Bill is trying to talk about. When it ended, you see the straps that covered Dib disappear and Dib, who is now sleeping, fell on the floor from the couch. Then Gaz passes by, sees Dib on the floor, and kicked his big head. Then Dib woke up.

Dib. Is it over? (goes to TV and changes the channel to Mysterious Mysteries)

Tv. Sorry, Mysterious Mysteries is having technical difficulties.

Dib. Grr.. What else is on? (changes the channel)

You see a dude swimming in water with strange looking fish.

Tv. (in Australian accent) I'm swimming with a beautiful school of foogoo fish. I'm gonna slap this foogoo fish just to see what happens! (dude slaps a fish) GORGEOUS!

Dib. uhh... (changes the channel) Ooh! It's Jessie McCartney!

You see the television is on MTV. You see Jessie McCartney singing her song.

Dib. WOOT! I love Jessie McCartney! She's an awesome singer.

Gaz walks by eating a hamburger and sits next to Dib.

Gaz. This hamburger actually tastes good.

Dib. (looks at what Gaz is eating) Gaz, where'd you get that?

Gaz. I saw it on the table. I was hungry.

Dib. You do know that is Zim's hamburger.. right??

Gaz. (looks at the Irken symbol on the hamburger) AH! GROSS! Now I have Zim's DNA in my mouth. This taste is gonna stay in my mouth forever!! (leaves the hamburger on the couch and walks off)

Dib. mhm.. I wonder.. (takes a piece of the hamburger and eats it) wow.. I didn't know Irken food actually tasted good. If our food burns him, then I wonder what their food does to us..(watch beeps) It's time to go stalk Zim!

Setting: Zim's House

You see Dib crawling on the ceiling in the living room. Gir is watching MTV too and cheers!

Gir. Woot! GO JESSIE MCCARTNEY!

Dib. (falls off the ceiling) Why is there make-up on you??

Gir. I want to look like Jessie McCartney! (pulls out a wig) Oh yeah! Go Jessie!

Dib. (forgets about stalking Zim and cheers too) OH YEAH! JESSIE!

Dib and Gir start dancing. You see Zim coming up from that toilet again and sees Dib and Gir dancing! By the way, Dib dances really good!

Zim. Dib! What are you doing? Why are you dancing?! Is that Jessie McCartney?

Dib. Yeah.. How'd you know?

Zim. She's famous all over the universe! She acted in movies such as Toy Story as Barbie and sang songs in a bunch of different languages! She became famous all over the universe in just two months! She's one of those universal artists. She's the only one thats from Earth.

Dib. So, she's a famous human being that knows about all other aliens and stuff?!

Zim. Yeah...

Zim changes the channel to channel 122, TIC (The Irken Channel). A commercial is on.

Tv. Do you want to be famous? Do you want to show the universe what you're made of? Sing here at Irken Idol! It's a special season because it is the 9,876,543,210th anniversary! Anybody from any universe of any dimension can come! The prize is a century's supply of tacos, burritos, and anything else you can think of!

Gir. .. Tacos??

Tv. Also, you win an ultra super mega awesome pretty yet super dangerous killer death machine, or "USMAPYSDKDM." Did I mention it's shiny?? And it never gets scratched so you'll never have to make sure it's polished and clean and covered in scratches!

Zim. The USMAPYSDKDM??

Tv. You also get one free wish from our advanced Irken genie! It doesn't matter what it is! Want a free trip to Paradisia? Want an invention that was never built before? Do you want to expose an alien for who he is?!

Dib. YES!! YEESSSS!!

Tv. No problem! Call for auditions today! 1-555-555-Irken-Idol. Call now! It is 1-555-555-Irken-Idol!

The TV then shows phone numbers in different languages such as Vortian, Utopian, Irken, English, Filipino, Spanish, French, Schmorange, etc.

Zim. A death machine?! Oh my gosh!

Dib. Zim, can you even sing?

Zim. Dib? What are you still doing here? OUT! (pushes Dib out the door)

Gir. A century's supply of tacos?? (SCREAMS) TACOS! TAACOOOOSSS!! (runs to the kitchen to do who knows what)

Zim goes to his phone and dials the pretty numbers.

Phone. Hello this is Irken Idol how may I help you?

Zim. I would like to join Irken Idol.

Phone. Can you sing?

Zim. Yes.

Phone. Okay here are the rules.
1.) Since this is a special anniversary, you'll need some type of SIR unit or robot that can sing.
2.) Your robot should be the lead singer.
Do you have a robot that can sing?

Zim. So you're saying that I should have my SIR unit / robot to be my lead singer?

Phone. That's right.

Zim. GIR!

Gir. (comes in covered with pickles and waffles) YES MY LORD!

Zim. Why are you covered in pickles and waffles?

Gir. Waffle pickles blew up on me like this KABLAM!

Zim. Can you sing?

Gir. Yeah!

Zim. (to phone) Yeah, he can sing.

Phone. Okay come to Planet Irk on the third day of the full moon.

Zim. Uhh.. which moon?

Phone. Irk's moon! BYE! (hangs up on Zim)

Zim. (looks at his calender for the Irkens) The third day of the full moon is.. in three days! It'll take me about six months to get there!

Computer. According to my map, it says that when you were coming here to Earth, you went through a time warp that made it seem like a trip as long as 6 months. It really only takes 1 day or 24 hours to get there.

Zim. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!! and .. HAH! Once you and I will win, Gir, we'll rule the world!

Gir. Look Master! TRY SOME OF ME WAFFLE PICKLES! THEY'RE DELICIOUS!

Zim eats a waffle pickle.

Zim. Oh my gosh! This pickle.. is IRKEN!

Dib. (who was secretly on the ceiling) Oh no! I'm not letting Zim get that death machine! (falls on the floor)

Zim. Dib! YOU STALKER!

Dib. ZIM! Just because it's green doesn't mean pickles have to be Irken! .. Do they??

Zim. So Dib-monkey what are you going to do now?

Dib. I'm gonna stop you from getting that USMAPYSDKDM!! I'm gonna make a robot and..

Zim. and what?? It's not like you can sing better than me! Us Irkens have one of the best voices in the universe! and it'll be a miracle if you could sing better than me. How do you think Gir sings so very good?!

Zim. Gir, will you please stop singing?? So as I was saying.. It'll be a miracle if you could sing better than us. But I don't dance!

Dib. You don't think dancing takes some game??

Zim. You SING at Irken Idol! Think you can beat me with your dancing?!

Dib. A little...

Song Starts Playing
Song Tune: I Don't Dance, from High School Musical 2
Dib. (sings) Hey Zim you will never get that death machine!
Zim. (sings) I've got to just do my thing.
Dib. (starts dancing) Hey Zim you know I can sing better than you!
I'll show you that it's one and the same:
Singing, dancing, same game.
It's easy: Show me your moves, start dancing!

Zim. I wanna sing you now, and that's all.
This is what I do.
It ain't no dance that you can show me.
Gir.
(sings) You'll never know it you never try.
Zim. There's just one little thing that stops me every time yeah!
Dib. Come on!

Zim. I don't dance

Dib and Gir. I know you can.
Zim. Not a chance.
Dib and Gir. If I could do this, well, you could do that.
Zim. But I don't dance.
Dib. Try dance me if you can!
Zim. I don't dance.
Dib. I say you can.

Zim. There's not a chance.
Dib. You know I can beat you so give up now
Zim. I don't dance, no.

Dib. Hey Zim you will never get that death machine!

Zim. I've got to just do my thing.

Dib. Hey Zim you know I can sing better than you!
Two steppin', now you're up to dance
I know you can do your dance
It's easy: Just move your left arm and leg
Zim. I've got what it takes, singing my songs,
so you are going down you Dib-monkey OH YEAH!
I'll show you how I do
Gir. You'll never know if you never try
Zim. There's just one little thing that stops me every time YEAH!
Dib. Come on!

Zim. I don't dance

Dib and Gir. I know you can.
Zim. Not a chance.
Dib and Gir. If I could do this, well, you could do that.
Zim. But I don't dance.
Dib. Try dance me if you can!
Zim. I don't dance.
Dib. I say you can.

Zim. There's not a chance.
Dib. You know I can beat you so give up now
Zim. I don't dance, no.
Dib. Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance.
Move it out, spin around, do the dance
Zim. I wanna sing you, not dance you
I'll get that death machine and you won't beat me!
Dib. I can prove it to you til you know it's true
cause I can swing it
I can bring it to the Broadway too.
Zim. HAH! I'll show you what I got, you Dib-stink! YEAH!
Dib and Zim have a little dance off although Zim says I don't dance.
Dib. That's what I mean; That's how you move!

Zim. Oh you sing horrible so give up now
Dib. I say you can.
Zim. I know I can't
Dib and Zim. I DON'T DANCE!
Zim and Dib start dancing again.
Dib. You can do it.
Zim. I don't dance no.
Zim and Dib are still dancing.. Gir is just staying there.. watching in amusement.
Dib. Nothin' to it. alien scum, alien scum.
Zim. I'll win that death machine with Gir so give up!
Dib. One, two, three, four, everybody dance! Come on!
Gir starts dancing!
Dib. Come on!

Zim. I don't dance

Dib and Gir. I know you can.
Zim. Not a chance.
Dib and Gir. If I could do this, well, you could do that.
Zim. But I don't dance.
Dib. Try dance me if you can!
Zim. I don't dance.
Dib. I say you can.

Zim. There's not a chance.
Dib. You know I can beat you so give up now
Zim. I don't dance, no.
Dib. Try dance me if you can!

Zim. I don't dance

Dib and Gir. I know you can.
Zim. Not a chance.
Dib and Gir. If I could do this, well, you could do that.
Zim. But I don't dance.
Dib. Try dance me if you can!
Zim. I don't dance.
Dib. I say you can.

Zim. There's not a chance.
Dib. You know I can beat you so give up now
Zim. I don't dance, no.
Song ends.

Dib. I'll make my own robot! and sing! and DANCE! hah!
Zim. How'd you know we needed our own robot?

Dib. You said that out loud when you were talking on that phone.
Zim. uhh... COMPUTER!

Computer. I'm on it..

A robotic arm comes out of the ceiling, grabs Dib, and throws him on the lawn. The gnomes see Dib, they fire a bunch of death rays at him, then they take him, then they throw him out of Zim's property.

Computer. Dib actually sings as good as you.

Zim. YOU'RE MAKING IT UP! I have to get there in three days. How's my Voot Cruiser??

Computer. Repairing process for Voot Cruiser: 23 percent complete

Zim. Is it that hard to fix a little ship?! Computer! I'm mad! Get me soda!

Computer. Okay.. cranky...

Zim. What?!

Computer. Nothing. (gives Zim his soda)

Zim. Great.. now let's go see if this pickle is Irken.

Chapter 1 ENDS!

HAH! I don't dance! from HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL !! lol DISCLAIMERS: I totally don't own Invader Zim. The jhonen dude owns this amazing show. Otherwise, if I owned it, I'd still be making episodes. Bill Nye the Science Guy is owned by some other company.. I think Disney owns it. I didn't really see the episode with fossils though. I wonder how Irken burgers taste like! and Jessie McCartney is a parallel version of Jesse McCartney!! So, I kind of own Jessie McCartney! I don't own Toy Story! Disney does! TIC (the Irken channel) is a parody of TFC (the Filipino channel). I don't own MTV! and the dude with the Australian accent is a parody of somebody too. Foogoo fish was from Charlie the Unicorn 2 ! Ok the song that Zim and Dib sings at each other is called I Don't Dance which is a parody of I don't dance from High school musical 2 since I changed the lyrics a little. In the song, Dib was Ryan and Zim was Chad lol. Channel 122 is really Nicktoons Network. HOOHAA! Got questions?? MESSAGE/REVIEW ME! Want to review me?? well here's something..

REVIEW ME!
NOW! FOR EVERYTIME YOU DON'T REVIEW ME, I WILL..THROW A MUFFIN AT YOU IN YOUR SLEEP! NOT JUST ANY MUFFIN! A DEATH MUFFIN!
(dramatic music plays)