The door slammed in my face and I cussed at the wooden frame.

I turned around and walked away from my house, or my old house. My mother had made it clear that she didn't want to see my face in her home again.

Not that I was so keen on living with her again, but it would've been better than juvie.

Right now I just want to get out of the rain.

I could call Bianca, or Owen, sure, but…

Why should I?

They're not my friends; they're more like my drinking buddies, the people I'll meet at the ravine so we can get high together.

Shockingly, I don't wanna drink or smoke weed right now. I just…I just wanna get out of the rain.

What I really need is a friend, someone I can talk to about all this shit. But I don't have any friends.

Not that that's ever bothered me, its better that way. Have people in your life that can benefit you, but if things get to be too much, don't be afraid to cut your losses and walk away.

I didn't have a strong connection with my family, not that they'd ever made an effort to connect with me either. And the extent of a guy friend to me was someone you would go out drinking with, just to have a good time, never anything heavy.

And girls were for sex. Period.

There was no way I was getting myself bogged down in a relationship, occasional no-strings-attached sex with the only thing I was interested in.

Fortunately I could do that with a lot of girls that hung around the ravine, who had the same intentions as I did.

And girls who didn't put out? I didn't even look at them.

It's not like they could benefit me, no way could I use them to my advantage.

Unless I could use them to hurt someone.

And that's what I had used Clare Edwards for. A weapon.

She has her ways with people; she can work herself into your heart without you even realizing it. And once she's in there, you're stuck. She's got you.

I picked up on this whenever I watched Eli interact with her, I watched his defiant and cocky demeanor fade ever so slightly when he was with her, but still, it faded.

It was a while before I had the idea to ask her to Vegas Night though.

I noticed that whenever I fought with or bullied Adam, Eli would always get involved. He really didn't like it when people messed with his friends; he always stood up for them.

I felt like if I hurt Adam I'd be hurting Eli too, and that was an excellent discovery for me because it meant I could kill two obnoxious birds with one stone.

But it wasn't enough; it wasn't enough to really break Eli. So I went for the person I knew he was closest to, the person I knew he cared about most.

Clare.

The problem with her was that I couldn't just beat her up. She's a girl, and I'm many things, but I'm not the kinda guy that will hit a girl.

So then I got the idea of trying to lure her away from Eli. That would hurt him more than any punch I'd ever thrown him. If I could steal his girlfriend, make him accept that she chose me over him…that would be the final straw; that would destroy him.

So I threatened her into going to Vegas Night with me, and I told Eli I was planning on having sex with her.

I figured I would end up doing just that, I could be a pretty persuasive guy. And I don't mean that I would've raped her, but let's just say I'm not above at least pressuring.

I would touch her for a little while and make her like it so much that she'd beg me to take her, and I wouldn't hesitate to agree. And Eli would hear all about it, I'd make sure of that.

That was the plan.

But that was before I knew Clare Edwards; I knew how….good, how kind…how…amazing she was.

Suddenly hurting Eli wasn't the only thing on my mind when I looked at her…I liked her.

And it scared the living shit out of me.

Before she got ready for Vegas Night, she met me outside of the school. I'll never forget what she told me.

"Look Fitz, I know you Eli and Adam have had your problems, but I'm really hoping that tonight it can all just blow over. You know I have feelings for Eli, but in all honesty I wouldn't really mind going with you as just a friend, if Eli wasn't in the picture that is. I mean, I know I'm going with you tonight because…well, you know why. But I wish it didn't have to be like this. I feel like if you and Eli could just put all of this aside the four of us could actually become friends. You're a bully Fitz, and that's not good. But there is something good about you, and I hope Eli will see that and end this. And more importantly, I hope you'll see that."

Her words knocked my feet out from under me. Was she actually telling me that…she wanted to be my friend, she didn't hate me; she…had faith in me?

No one had ever had faith in me ever before and…it was a really nice change.

I cussed myself out for thinking and feeling the way I did but…the damage was done.

I liked Clare. I even bought her a damn corsage.

And I could've had her too. I had her in my grasp.

She was pissed at Eli for slipping me the epikack, and it seemed like she'd ended things with him.

She came to my locker and found me, checking on me. She said Eli was just a wannabe bad ass and she shouldn't have fallen for him. I could've agreed with her, and left it at that. I could've acted like gentlemen and then maybe she would've fallen for me like how I did for her.

But that's just not who I am.

I showed her the knife, I made my intentions clear. I pretended to stab Eli, I scared the piss out of him, literally.

And then I went to juvie, which brings me back to where I am right now.

Standing in the rain in front of Clare Edwards' house. The girl I should've taken back when I had the chance.

But I know I'll never be the boyfriend she's after, so I'll just have to force myself on her.

Make Eli hurt for sending me to juvie, and make her hurt for making me fall for her.

But I wasn't the kind of guy that fell for long, no, I always got back up.

I'm violent by nature and I'm not so much proud or ashamed of it as much as I just accept it.

I didn't whip out the knife because I have no self control, I knew exactly what I was doing.

I wanted to scare him, hurt him, see the fear in his eyes it's what I thrived on, it stimulated me, it…

The rain beat harder on my back and my train of thought was broken.

I walked knocked on Clare's door. I know exactly what I'm doing.