Title: Sugar Tossing (1/?)
Author: Lilly
Pairing: Sam & Ainsley, a little Josh & Donna
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: Not mine, wouldn't life be great if they were!
Spoilers: SGTE, SGTJ

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"Hey?"

"Hayes," Sam replied not looking up from the pile of sugar packets in front of him.

"Donna invited me out. She said we're going to get you drunk and put you to bed."

"That was the plan."

"But you're down here, in the mess, tossing sugar packets in a trash can?"

"No one normally comes down here at this time of night."

"I come down here all the time." Ainsley looked at Sam as he threw another two packets into the bin, one after the other.

"Y'know that doesn't surprise me?"

"You should go home, Sam."

"This may come as a shock to you but you are not the first person to tell me that today."

"No, it doesn't. But you should know that Leo was right, you're putting too much faith in a new shirt."

"Is there anyone who doesn't know?"

"They're just worried."

"I will go as soon as I miss one."

"When will that be?"

"I'm up to 77 in a row." Sam moved his head, his eyes scanning the tables in the room. "Or maybe when I run out of sugar packets?"

"Come on, Sam. I'll walk you to your car." Ainsley held out his coat for him.

"You took that from my office." Sam pulled on his coat as he started up the stairs, looking back at the few sugar packets that were lying on the mess floor.

Ainsley hadn't noticed that he had stopped following, "I went there first."

"Hmmm?" Sam jumped up the stairs two at a time to catch her.

"I said I went to your office first, but you weren't there."

"You said that you come down here all the time."

"I do, and when you weren't in your office I went to the first place that I would go."

"The mess?" Sam didn't mean for it to sound like a question, everybody knew that if you couldn't find Ainsley then she would be in the mess. If, by some chance, she wasn't there then she was in Sam's office, eating lunch.

"Yes, the mess. Are you going to be okay to drive home?" She looked across the empty communications bullpen as they walked past. It still surprised her how peaceful this place could be at night.

"No, I was going to walk." He held open the first of the double door that led to the exit.

"I could take you."

"I want to clear my head." Sam smiled at the security guard and waved his hand. "I'll get it." Sam opened the door, stepped back, and waited for Ainsley to walk out.

Sam's car was parked in the front row where the rest of the senior staff parked their cars; only Josh's was left. Donna obviously wouldn't let him drive home if he was going to have more than one beer. Only a few cars remained in the rest of the west wing parking lot; he could see Ainsley's car in the back few rows not far from the entry gates. Sam stopped at the front of her car and Ainsley walked around to the driver's door.

"You should talk to him," Ainsley said as quickly as she could. She knew he didn't want to hear it. "I know you're mad but the longer---"

"I have … called him."

Ainsley stood motionless. It wasn't often that she didn't know what to say and she loved getting the better of Sam. She had been ready for a fight; she wasn't ready for whatever might come next.

"He didn't get it; he turned my life up-side-down … and my mom, I've called her every night and all she does is cry into the phone." Sam leaned on the hood of her car staring up into the sky. "He said he was sorry and that he should never have kept her a secret for so long."

"At least he is sorry." Ainsley couldn't imagine what he was going through, if it were her parents...

"He's not sorry. If he were he wouldn't be … I don't know what he should be saying but he shouldn't be sorry, he shouldn't have any reason to be sorry … … he just shouldn't have done this to us." He bowed his head and looked back over at Ainsley and said, "Naomi will be back on Sunday. What am I suppose to tell her?"

"Naomi. That's your sister, right?"

"Yeah, she has been hiking through the Himalayan countryside. She is coming to stay with me for a few weeks, her and Dad have always been so close … She is so much younger than me. I remember when mom told me she was going to have another baby, I was eight and all I ever wanted was a little brother to play with … but dad wasn't happy. I remember them fighting about it, how could it have happened? She still lives at home."

"Maybe she could stay with you for more than a few weeks?" Ainsley wasn't sure if that was a good idea, Sam had only ever spoken enough about his sister for her to know her name and that she had finished at Harvard last year. The last time he spoke of her was when he said she was travelling.

"I'm not sure that I want her to come and stay at all. Not now," Sam said as he stood and walked round the car to stand in front of Ainsley.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, it's not like that. I just think that someone needs to be with my mother right now." Sam ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the sky again. "I would, but there's so much going on here at the moment there's always so much going on here. I should be reviewing the speech for the new health care bill; it gets voted on next week and I have to give it to Leo in the morning. Then there are the pardons. Toby's got other things on his mind and he doesn't need to worry about them." Sam stopped talking and threw his hands in the air. "I just need some sleep."

"I drive right past your place every night; you sure you don't want that ride home?" Ainsley wasn't sure why she said that, but then there were a lot of things she said that she wasn't sure about.

"No, I want to walk. I need the time to think. If I don't think this through I will never get any sleep."

Sam opened the car door for Ainsley and waited for her to drive out the gates. He looked around the car park and put his hands in his pockets, slowly walking toward the gates. He couldn't remember ever being this lost; he had always hoped that he wouldn't end up like his parents. Now he was worried that he might end up being his father; the man he had wanted to be was nothing more than a lie. Sam's whole life was nothing more than a lie.

Sam stopped walking and looked around. Behind him were the lights of the White House and he was standing next to the Reflecting Pool. "How ironic." He pulled a quarter out of his pocket and tossed it into the pool; he'd only ever done this once before. The first time his father had brought him to Washington he had wanted to show him the White House. Now he'd turned his back on his family for a woman he didn't love enough to tell anyone about.

He heard a noise and felt pain in his back before falling to the ground; he felt someone pulling at his coat, their hands in his pockets, before they tugged at his left wrist.

Sam wiped his hand over the back of his head. It hurt. He hurt all over. He tried to stand but couldn't lift himself off the ground. Everything kept going black; the sounds of cars and sirens were fading in and out. He looked at his hands; there was blood on his hand - his blood.

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"DONNA!" Josh yelled for the tenth time, as she appeared at his door. "Where have you been?"

"At my desk."

"I've be calling you for like ten minutes."

"I know," Donna said as she handed Josh the file he was yelling for.

"Why didn't you come?" Josh looked at Donna, as she opened her mouth he spoke for her, "'Cause I was yelling."

"And Leo is asking for Sam."

"You didn't come because Leo is asking for Sam?" Josh walked over to the coat rack in the corner of his office with a confused look on his face.

"No,"

"Well, you seem to go on vacation when CJ is looking for me."

"Josh, it's Saturday. Toby's at temple and Leo is looking for Sam!" Donna was trying to stress her point without raising her voice.

"You said that already."

"He's not here and Ginger is running out of things to say."

"Why doesn't she tell Leo that he's not here?" Josh took one look at Donna's face, "Because she wants me to tell him."

"She's scared of him."

"And I'm not?" Josh put his coat down. "Donna," he whined.

"She'll bring you coffee."

"Yeah." Josh looked up from his desk, hopeful.

"No." Donna smiled at him as she walked back to her desk.

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"I rang his home phone and got the machine, he didn't answer it after I yelled for him to wake up. His cell rang until it diverted to voice mail. I paged him and Leo has paged him twice," Josh said as he leaned on Donna's filing cabinet.

"What did you tell Leo?"

"That Sam's not in yet."

"What did he say?"

"Get him in here." Josh was moving from his place at Donna's filing cabinet. "Sam hasn't called me back yet."

Donna stopped typing to look up at Josh. "He's had a pretty rough week, maybe he needs some time to himself."

"Maybe."

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"WHERE THE HELL IS HE?" Toby yelled in the middle of the bullpen.

"No one has seen him today. I've tried his cell and I've paged him but he hasn't called back," Ginger tried to explain but from the look on Toby's face he didn't care.

"I'm going to see Leo. When I get back I want Sam's copy of the speech on my desk and I want Sam!" Toby walked out of the bullpen and into Margaret's office, "Can I go in?"

"Yes, but he's not …" Margaret didn't get to finish what she was saying before Toby had closed the door to Leo office.

"Where is he?" Leo asked Toby without saying hello.

"He's had a rough week. He went home last night for the first time since he found out. His mother is all over the place, his sister is coming home on Monday, and he gets to be the one to deliver the news … he's just taking some time for himself." Toby was rubbing his head as he spoke.

"And I don't mind as long as he tells someone first. I don't know where we are on the speech or the pardons. He told me he wasn't re-trying the case but this morning I got a call from the director of the FBI, he's been over there about some guy that has been dead 50 years." Leo sat back in his chair, "Do we need to give him some time off, you know, so he can go home see him mom, maybe talk to his father?"

"I don't think he would take … I don't know."

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"He wasn't there?" Donna looked almost as concerned as Josh did. "Have you heard from him?"

"No, no one has. He hasn't answered his pages from the weekend. I should have gone to see him on Saturday. I assumed he needed the space and that he would call me when he was ready."

"Hello?" Ainsley voice echoed into Josh's office. "Donna?"

"In here," Donna called through the open door

"Hey." Ainsley stood at the entrance to Josh's office

"Hey," Josh said as he looked down at the mess that was his desk.

"I was looking for Sam, but he's not in his office or the mess." Ainsley watched as Donna looked over at Josh but they didn't answer her. "His car is in the car park," she added in the hope that they would respond.

"His car?" Josh's head shot up to look at her.

"Yes, his car. Has he gone for a meeting? I was just going to ask him if---"

"Where in the car park?"

"In the front row, two down from yours. Why? Is he in your spot?" Ainsley adding a jock at the end to lighten the mood.

"No, CJ's. He parked there on Friday, and he didn't come in over the weekend." Josh was tapping his fingers on the phone.

"He walked home on Friday night. We left together and he wanted to walk home." Concern was growing in Ainsley voice, "Did something happen? I want to know what's going on."

Josh didn't answer her, he looked at Donna. "Tell Ron I want to see him."

"You don't think?"

"I don't know what to think. Call Margaret and tell her I'm on my way." Josh walked out past Ainsley who hadn't moved from the doorway.

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"Has he said anything that makes any sense yet?" Dr. Hawley asked as he picked up the chart from the end of the bed and looked at Kerry, the ICU nurse who had been on the night shift.

"Not yet," Kerry said as she took the IV bag down and replaced it with a new one.

"No one has missed him?" The doctor had a note of surprise in his voice

"He came in well-dressed, he's by no means homeless … you would
think that someone would have come looking for him by now."

"Maybe he hasn't lived in D.C all that long, he might not have anyone to miss him."

"Well he's not getting any worse, all we need now is for him to come back to us. Nothing more we can do but wait."

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Donna walked down the last steps that led her to Ainsley office; she tapped on the door and peered in. "Hey?" She smiled as she looked at Ainsley who was facing the wall. "I thought that Sam had arranged for you to get a better office."

"He has. I'm meant to move in next week, but I kind of like this one. It's grown on me … no one comes down here."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll go."

"No, Donna, that's not what I meant … Sam, Sam is the only person besides Babish that ever comes down here. The President came down once; CJ and Toby came down a few times… Donna, if it's bad news, just tell me."

"I have no news. Josh is in his office staring out the window waiting for Ron, and CJ took a question from Katie if Sam's father was the reason he wasn't at work."

"How does she know that he wasn't here?"

"I don't know, but they can tell when something's wrong. I think they can smell it."

"Something's wrong, Donna, something is very wrong. He wanted to walk home and I just drove away. I offered to take him home. He said that he wanted to walk, Donna, needed to clear his head. I offered to take him home."

"We don't know, Ainsley, he might just be taking a few days off. We all like to hide out when things go wrong."

"Sam was hiding here all last week and he finally went home. There's something wrong."

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"What happened?" Sam voice was dry and hoarse.

"Well hello." The nurse hit the button for the doctor. "I was hoping to talk to you. Is there someone I can call?" She watched as Sam tried to speak but nothing came out. "Just the number, don't worry about the name if you can't give me one, I'll just introduce myself." Kerry smiled at him as she pressed the buzzer again.

"2024561414." Sam closed his eyes halfway through the number.

"Do you want to tell me your name?"

"How is he doing?" Dr. Hawley asked as he entered the room.

"His temp is still 101.4, he was awake for a few minutes. No name, but I got a phone number." Kerry smiled at the doctor.

"Well, he's no worse and if he was able to give us a phone number that's a good sign that there's no brain damage."

"As long as someone answers."

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"Hello this is the White House, how may I direct your call?"

"I'm not sure. My name is Kerry Bonner, I'm the nurse on duty in the ICU. On Saturday morning a young man was brought in. He has been unconscious until this morning when he gave us this number to call."

"Do you know who the young man is?" The receptionist looked at the women next to her and rolled her eyes.

"He has no ID. I'm sorry all I have is this number. When I asked if could call someone he gave me this number."

"Then there is nothing I can do to help you."

"He is young with brown hair, well dressed---"

She cut Kerry off before she could finish. "Ma'am, there are eleven hundred people who work here and there are only 50 women and everyone is well dressed. There is nothing I can do to help you."

Kerry placed the phone back in the cradle and walked back over to Sam's bed.

"Please give me something more to go on. I know someone is looking for you somewhere."

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