toad-1

This Is What Happens When You Turn Your Teacher Into A Toad

By Saphron

A/N: Ok, taking a break from DDA for a little while on request from some reviewers (wonderful people ^-^), I'm attempting to write something remotely resembling humor. Mind you--this will most likely turn out to be potentially dangerous and most probably fatal to everyone's well being, in other words, I suck at humor. Yet I try anyway for some strange demonic reason that can only be the result of pagan possession. *Sighs* I have really got to stop drinking so much coffee while simultaneously having access to a keyboard and Microsoft Word.

I always thought Lord Wyldon resembled a toad, haven't you?

~

"This is all your fault," Kel hissed under her breath at Cleon, who sat next to her grinning.

"Hey don't look at me-it was Genius here who goofed up and turned the Stump into a toad."

"It's not my fault-" Neal protested, "He just happened to walk by as I was performing the spell…"

"And BANG! The next thing you know he's hopping around as an orange amphibian and we're in his office waiting to be slaughtered."

"We're not going to be slaughtered Cleon," Kel said reasonably, "Just put on punishment duty."

"Wondered what it'll be?" Cleon pondered, "Maybe he'll have us clean the moat."

"We don't have a moat."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. But it'd be cool if we did-only then I s'ppose he'd want us to get some lily-pads and a crocodile or two to put in it…"

"Well, well, well, it seems you three have gotten yourselves in quite a predicament, eh?" said a disembodied voice floating through the open door. A man followed shortly thereafter, entering and placing an extremely ruffled looking toad on a nearby desk. "I don't think even I have ever turned my training master into frog."

"Toad actually," Cleon corrected, "a neon-orange, wart-covered, bulging-eyed, slimy little-" The toad in question made an interesting gurgle sound that sounded almost like a human shut-up warning cough.

A ghost of a smile lingered on Numair's face, "How exactly did this happen, might I ask?"

"Well-" Neal began, "I was practicing my magic homework in the library while Kel was doing math and Cleon was being annoying as usual-"

"Hey! I prefer to think of it as livening up you two little bookworms with a touch of humor-"

"More like stupidity," Neal muttered, but Cleon didn't hear.

"Anyhow, I was practicing this transformation spell that requires tons of concentration. I needed to turn the rock our teacher had given us into something else; anything else, we got to choose. And so right as I was about to turn it into a nifty little snow-globe that could be used as a paperweight, y'know, with a little figure of a Hawaiian girl in a grass skirt dancing a hula dance-" he cut off at the strange looks Kel and Cleon were giving him. "Er, never mind. But um, anyhow, I was in the middle of the spell when Cleon knocked right into me-"

"I was just doing my homework like you guys…etiquette class y'know. Dancing and such whatnot. I make a pretty good ballerina-"

Numair raised his eyebrows and Cleon, realizing he had said too much, glanced sheepishly down at his hands and muttered under his breath a, "What? I have the legs…"

Neal frowned and continued, "Well anyhow, that's when the Stu-I mean, Lord Wyldon, walked in. He walk right by the table with the rock on it, and well, you know, when Cleon knocked into me-"

"I was doing a flying leap-"

"The spell went a bit off target-"

"And kinda hit Lord Wyldon instead of the rock." Kel finished.

Numair nodded, "Hmm, well, that's certainly quite an interesting tale to tell. But we still have bit of a dilemma on our hands-it appears your spell Neal, is permanent."

Kel gasped in horror, as wild thoughts of how pissed the King would be when he found out his training master was now officially a toad, leapt through her head. Cleon stopped rambling on about pointed toes and good balance to splutter and cough in surprise. And Neal's eyes widened even larger than Wyldons', which, considering he was a 'bulging-eyed' toad as Cleon had called him, was really saying something. And it was nothing to Wyldon's reaction. He leaped from the desk straight onto Neal's head and started croaking his head off insanely. Neal hopped up, swatting at the slimy little beast on his head, and Wyldon fell to the floor, where Cleon did a mad tackle and successfully pinned him to the ground.

Numair chuckled at the scene before him and they all mutely wondered how he could find their situation so funny. Neal was trying to wipe slime out of his hair, Cleon was on the floor hugging a toad, Kel was in a state of shock, and Numair was having a laughing fit.

"Calm down," he said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "I didn't mean it was permanent forever, I meant permanent for now."

"So you mean-he won't be a bright orange little froggy for the rest of his life?"

"That'd be correct."

Kel and Neal looked visibly relieved as Cleon stood up (still holding his teacher) and snapped his fingers. "Drats," he muttered, "I wanted to keep him as a pet."

"So what'll happen? Will he just change back in an hour or something?" Neal asked, still smoothing down his brown locks of slightly slime-covered hair. He was going to need so much shampoo to get it all out…

"No," Numair frowned, "He won't transform back on his own, you'll actually have to do something-"

"Like?" Neal questioned, "What's the undo-spell? I want to get this over with so I can go take a shower. My head smells."

Numair turned serious, "It won't be that simple. For one thing, this was not an ordinary incantation, so there is no ordinary counter incantation…"

Kel and Cleon and Neal looked at each other.

"You've kind of messed with the Laws of Nature," he said frankly, "the spell was meant for an inanimate object, not a human-being. In fact it amazes me how you, if you don't mind me saying, a simple mage-in-training, were able to actually metamorphose him… To change a living being is a most difficult black-robe spell." He got that thoughtful look in his eye that meant he was thinking hard about magic, but he snapped out of it when Wyldon gave a load bellowing croak. He clearly wanted out of this horrendous toad body.

"Ah-well," Numair began, "Never mind that. We'll give you some magic tests later. But as for now-" he cleared his throat, "you can only change him back by…"

~

~*Saphron*~

Um…that's all I got so far! I don't mean to leave you guys hanging, but I don't know what they'll have to do yet…any ideas? Something funny preferably…(crazy as you want it to get, all credit to you of course! ^-^)

I TOLD you I suck at humor! I did give you guys a fair warning…um, well, anyway, I apologize for lame ramblings on transmuting toads.

Many, many thanks to my beta-reader i.j. who not only edited this, but also so kindly told me that I was 'rather good at humor!' That was so kind J Thanks hun.

Disclaimer: I own the toad body that Lord Wyldon is possessing, but otherwise he and the others belong to TP.