disclaimer: Anything recognisable in this story belongs to J.K. Rowling. I did not steal it from her. I just borrowed it without permission, and with no intent of returning it.
there is a difference.
Authors notes: this story was born around 3 am one night I was sick in bed, and was reading stories here, when my internet connection failed me. (the horror!). To cope with the withdrawals, I started writing my story. I set it as romance/ humor kind of randomly.. because frankly I feel it roams a little back and forth between all kinds of genres.
I hope you like it though. The first two chapters are a bit slow, but get through them and its starts snowballing from the third one.
I would also like to thank my excellent beta loveseverussnape. We are both first timers, but any remaning mistakes should be blamed on me and the ooo s are just an attempt at breaking up the solid block of text a little. I couldnt figure out how else to do it. if you have any tips for me, they will be more than welcome. Enjoy
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Chapter one: waiting impatiently
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It was november.
It had snowed a few days before, but as always the rain had come and melted most of the snow away. Now there were only a few piles here and there, and since it was still very cold the remaining snow had turned hard and icy.
It was not very late, only around 11 pm, yet it was pitch black and the parking lot outside the apartment buildings was completely deserted. No doubt a direct consequence of the frosty and harsh weather.
Then in an instant it started to snow again, and just as it did, a girl stepped out into the parking lot. She looked around, then smiled to herself, as if happy to find that she was all alone.
She took a pack of cigarrettes out of her coat pocket and lit one.
She pulled at it with long, calm puffs and exhaled angrily. She seemed lost in her own world and fully preoccupied with watching the smoke as it rose, coiled, and twisted amongst the snowflakes before it slowly dissolved.
She was actually more a woman than a girl though. She was 26 and a first year chemistry student at the local university. It was her fourth subject in five years. It was also her seventh town in the past nine years. Every time it was the same. She had high hopes as she moved in to a new apartment, enrolled for a new subject or got a new job, and every time she would grow so restless that it threatened to suffocate her.
This year it was almost a new record for her. She had only been here since August, and already boredom and loneliness was driving her crazy. It wasn't that she didn't have any friends, she had hoards of them, spread all over the world. 'Friends' may be stretching it a bit far. There were many people she knew well, but who didn't know her at all.
The heavy snow stopped. It had quickly laid a perfect blanket of white all over, and a sense of peace fell over the parking lot. She didn't notice this as her insides raged on. « I'm so sick of this!», she thought and kicked a towering pile of icy, hard snow to the ground, though it hurt her foot more than it helped her frustrations.
What she was sick of was waiting. Throughout the past week, she had not left her apartment, except to come down for a cigarette. She would fill her days with random activities like reading, drawing, and cleaning. She was usually a very active person, and staying at home for a week was really difficult for her. She had no idea what she was waiting for, but every evening she would make herself a pot of tea, sit down and wait for a knock on her door.
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She had always had strong instincts. It was like she always knew when to call, what to say, and where to go. There had always been something like a little voice whispering inside her. That voice had kept her an outsider for as long as she could remember. Always whispering that she didn't belong, that she wasn't like them, them being practically everyone she had ever met, including most of her family.
That voice always forced her to try and look beyond what she could actually see. When she was younger she would complain to her grandfather. He was the person she felt closest to.
« The world feels too solid, it dosen't feel right», she would say, and he would smile and say that she only felt that way because she was a rainbow in a grey world. Later on, she stopped complaining, but the feeling of not belonging never stopped. She continued to look for a sign, any sign that there was more behind the scenes. Had the people around her really known how much time and energy she spent longing for more, they would say she was obsessed. Some might even say she was going crazy, but she knew she wasn't. That voice inside her kept telling her she was right not to give up. It was the same voice she listened to now, telling her to wait.
It had been a week now, and even she, who was so desperate for her instincts to be correct was starting to feel stupid. She felt like some idiotic girl that still believed in Santa. She pulled on her cigarette one last time and flicked it into the snow. She was just about to turn to go back in when her phone rang. A quick glance showed it was her sister. She picked up and hung up on her at once. It was planned between them. It meant that she was in no mood to talk, but at least she was still alive. Her sister didn't call again.
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She decided to have another cigarette, and just as she lit it she felt it. It felt like someone suddenly lit a fire inside her. A fire that gently roared inside her, almost warming her up in the winter snow. She looked around. The parking lot was still as deserted as ever, but when her eyes fell to a shadow between to streetlights, her heart skipped a beat. Someone was there. She was sure of it. She couldn't see anyone standing there. There was no one standing there, but she felt it so strongly. She could feel eyes watching her, observing her every move. «Look beyond whats not there», the voice inside her whispered softly. She pulled at her cigarette again and cleared her throat. Hesitating a second before she spoke. « Well...? Are you just going to stand there and stare, or are you actually going to say something?», she said out loud, maybe a little louder than first intended.
ooo
When he was assigned the mission, he had downright refused. The first time ever he had refused to follow a direct order. The reason was that this had nothing to do with him. It was not his job to round up strays. It was not his responsibility to bring her back. He didn't care what world she belonged in.
« I am far too busy for such nonsense. Can't you ask the mutt to do it? He sits around all day with nothing to do», he complained in a snarl that would have scared most people. The response came with a smile, « I can, but I want you, and only you, to do it». He objected in vain for almost a week, before he had to see the battle as lost.
So he found himself standing in the shadows watching her. She had come out just as he had arrived and he knew at once that it had to be her. He watched as she lit up her first cigarette and kicked the snow pile She was wearing a fitted, long pencil grey wool coat with white fur trimmings around the collar and sleeves. He had meant to walk up to her at once and get it over with as soon as possible, but for some reason he just remained hidden and watched her.
Her hair was black, curly and long, falling just above her breasts. Her skin was a light shade of olive brown and her lips were full and pink. His first thought was that she seemed older than she was. She looked tired and bored. He watched her as she paid far too much attention to the smoke she exhaled, and he watched as her phone rang. He watched her turn and step outside again, examining her nails with a sigh before putting a second cigarette in her mouth. He was so preoccupied with observing her that he didn't think anything of it when she stopped and looked straight at him. He looked back and held her gaze, and almost jumped when she spoke.
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She held her breath a few seconds, before starting to feel really stupid. « Talking to the air, whats next?», she thought and was glad no one was around to see that she might in fact really be loosing it. Then, slowly, the outline of a man appeared, right next to the streetlight she had been looking at.
He stepped into the light and now she saw him clearly. Raven black hair down to his shoulders, his black robes flowing as he made his way to her. He wore a cloak with the hood down, and a gust of wind made it billow around him. He had black eyes, framed with thick, long black lashes and his skin was milky white and smooth, except for the lines in the corners of his eyes and the frown between his eyebrows. She noticed then that he had an old fashioned wooden broom in his hand. The corners of her mouth twitched as she forced back a smile. « I must be going mad», she thought just as he stopped in front of her.
« So I take it you are Sarah Kessler?», he said calmly and with a certain amount of deliberate arrogance. He gave her a look as if he had caught her spying and not the other way around.
She looked up at him. He was tall, very tall. She was tall for a girl, yet she reached only to the tip of his large nose. « Yes, I am», she said with steady voice and held his gaze. He might have won their little staring contest, had it not been for his desire to get this over quickly, and the fact that the wind was cutting through his robes and cloak. It was far colder than he had expected it to be.
He reached behind her, opened the door and held it open for her. « Shall we?», he said, still speaking arrogantly. With a slight smile Sarah closed the door carefully and gave him a vaguely curious, almost offended look. « If you expect me to let a perfect stranger into my home, you must come up with something slightly more impressive than appearing out of thin air», she said in an arrogant tone to match his. His frown deepened.
He had been so embarrassed by the fact that she had caught him staring at her, that he had forgot to introduce himself. « I am Severus Snape, the potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and-», he started to say, but the earnest smile that Sarah's face broke into, made him stop speaking. He was nothing short of surprised that such a statement could make her smile like that.
Sarah's amazement was short-lived and she quickly pulled herself together again, and wiped the idiotic grin off her face. « Well, lets not stand here in the cold», she said in a voice no colder than the temperature. She opened the door and walked in to wait for him by the lift. As he stepped in to the lobby, the first thing he noticed was that her hair was in fact not black at all. It was a deep shade of chocolate brown. So dark that outside in the night it looked black.
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She held the door for him this time, and they didn't say a word as they waited for it to reach the fifteenth floor. He walked beside her down a long narrow corridor of identical white doors, until she stopped outside door number 1501.
She went in and the only thing close to an invitation to follow her Snape recieved, was that she left the door open behind her. He came into the living room just in time to see her hastily pick up a book from the sofa and stuff it into a bag. For a second she seemed uncomfortable about something, but it vanished in an instant.
« Are you expecting someone?», he asked as his eyes fell upon a tray set with two cups and a teapot. She unbuttoned her coat and threw it carelessly on the back of a chair, before sitting down in her white leather love seat and gesturing for him to sit in the armchair across from her.
« I was expecting you», she said while she poured him some tea and handed him the cup.
The tea was fresh, hot and strong. It smelled slightly of jasmine and warmed him in an instant. He sipped it as his eyes roamed the room. It was a middle sized room, with the kitchen in one end and the living room in the other.
The room was decorated entirely in black and white. The only color being a few green potted plants here and there and a vase of tulips on the coffee-table. They were fake, but made so perfectly that you wouldn't know that they weren't real unless you touched them. A low bookcase had been placed in the middle and worked as sort of a divider between the two areas. On top of the bookcase there was a rack holding three swords. One long and two slightly shorter ones. The wall behind the love seat was also completely covered in overloaded bookshelves that looked one sheet of paper away from falling down.
In a corner of the kitchen there was a large dining table, or what was originally intended as a dining table. It was clear though that she used it as a desk, because it was flooded with papers, and more books. The extreme clutter on her desk stood in bright contrast to the pristine and perfectly organised kitchen. He took a another sip of tea, and looked back at her. « How could you possibly have been expecting me?», he asked earnestly. After all he himself hadn't even known that he would come until about half an hour ago, when he had finally given up and decided to follow orders. « I just knew», she replied with a small smirk on her face. Snape snorted in disbelief. She tilted her head slightly and shot him a mischievous little smile. « Come now, Professor Snape, don't you believe in magic?». It almost made him choke on his tea.
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Sarah finished her tea quietly, set down her cup and refilled his. Then she curled her legs underneath her and leaned casually against the armrest of the sofa.
« So why are you here Professor?», she asked politely.
« Why indeed, Albus?», he thought. This whole situation was making him extremely uncomfortable. For all his abilities, all the missions he had been on throughout the years, this one left him feeling completely incompetent. He looked at her. She was looking at him, with fierce chocolate brown eyes that threatened to pierce right to the depths of his soul. She was patiently waiting for his reply. He looked away. « Miss Kessler, you were born a witch. When you were seven, it was decided that for your own safety, you should have your powers bound and live life as a muggle. I am here to offer you a choice. You can either continue to live your life as you have, in which case I will erase your memory of tonight, or you can come with me and have your magic unbound and live life as a witch», he said, then paused.
Sarah just looked at him and said nothing. Her face was without expression, but there was a certain glimmer in her eyes. « Oh merlin, don't you dare start to cry woman!», he thought and felt even more awkward than before. Sarah didn't start to cry though. In fact Sarah didn't do or say anything at all. For several minutes, she just looked at him, and it soon became apparent to him that even thought she was still staring right at him, her mind was miles away. Curiosity beckoned him to explore her mind to see what she was thinking of, but another voice was telling him that it was not a good idea. He recognised the voice, the only one he had never been able to block out.
« I KNEW IT!», Sarah exclaimed and ripped him out of his own thoughts. She had in an instant jumped off the couch and was now pacing the room, growling to herself. « All my life, all my bloody life I knew I didn't belong. Fuck it! I bloody knew!». Then she suddenly froze and turned to look at Snape with wide, horror struck eyes. She turned a light shade of red as she cleared her throat, and sat back down on the couch. She returned to the calm, composed person she had been a few minutes ago. « But why were my powe-», she started to ask, her voice once again ice cold and polite.
« There's no time for questions!», Snape snapped. The urge to get out of this situation was overwhelming. He had done his part. Dumbledore could do the rest. « There is very little time and far to much to do», he lied, « make your decision. Are you coming with me or not?». He got up and picked up his cloak which lay neatly folded over the arm of his chair. With one graceful motion, he unfolded it and draped it over his shoulders. He was impatient and expected her to hesitate.
Through the paper thin walls they heard the neighbours baby start to cry. Unknown to Snape the wails were tearing Sarah to shreds on the inside. She closed her eyes for a second, « Make your damn baby shut up!», then she opened them again and her look was determined and confident.
« Yes, I am», she said.
« Fine, pack a few things. Only the most necessary. You might be gone for a few days», he told her. Sarah reached for her bag and overturned it, spilling all its contents on the couch before disappearing through a door he assumed led to her bedroom. While waiting for her, he noticed a book amongst the things that had been in her bag. Only part of the title was visible. 'the Half-Blood Prince', it said, and he knew now why she had so hastily packed the book away. Sarah was back in an instant and threw her coat on. Then she threw him a look as if to say, 'come on then'. Snape looked back down at the book and then up at her again, and raised his eyebrows at her along with a mean little smirk.
« I almost forgot my keys», Sarah said casually and ignored his attempt at embarrassing her. She took her keys and went ahead into the hall. Slightly disgruntled that he hadn't been able to throw her off one bit, he followed her. Without another word they made their way back down to the parking lot
ooo
After checking around to make sure the coast was clear, Snape mounted his broom and told her to get on. Sarah looked at the broom, which to her looked no more sturdy than a twig. « Are we flying to Britain on that?!», she asked. He gave her another mean smirk. « Whats wrong? Are you scared?».
« Is that a problem, Miss Kessler?», he asked. « No, of course not», she said and jumped on the broom behind him. « Fine then, hold on», he said and took off a split second later. The acceleration was so fast, they were past the clouds before Sarah had time to realise that they were airborne
Snape soon realised that Sarah had her arms wrapped around his waist, and was clinging for her life.
« Am I flying too fast?», he asked. « Did you say something? I think I dozed off for a second», came the ice cool reply. He sped up and felt her grip on him tighten. This made him speed up even more.
After about an hour, he was going so fast and Sarah was holding him so tightly, that he could actually feel her heart pounding against his back.
« Just admit that you are scared, and I'll slow down», he thought.
Again he asked her if he was going too fast for her, but again the reply was no. Although this time her calm voice sounded strained, and forced. For some reason it bothered him, that she refused to admit it. He went even faster, and faster, but Sarah still wouldn't admit to being scared. He gritted his teeth in frustration. He, who had dreaded her tears earlier, now wanted nothing more than for her to cry and ask him to slow down. Wondering how far they had come, he dropped down below the clouds to see where they were. After a quick search for landmarks, he discovered that he had been so obsessed with trying to break Sarah, that he had overshot Hogwarts by at least a couple of dozen kilometers. Silently cursing he turned and headed back.
Sarah caught on instantly. « Forgotten where you live?», she teased him, and regretted it at once, because Snape replied by doubling his speed.
Her breath hitched and her heart was beating heavily and irregularly. She closed her eyes, clenched her fists and feared that if she held on to Snape any harder, she might break his ribs. « Are you alright?», he asked and the wind was gushing past her ears so fast that she barely heard him. « Just enjoying the view», she shouted back, her voice a couple of notches higher than normal. The view being countrysides and towns that they passed so fast that it was nothing but blurs of light and dark.
Suddenly, without warning, Snape let the broom fall into a vertical nosedive, going as fast as ever. Stupidly Sarah opened her eyes to see that the ground was growing closer at a literally neck breaking speed. Yet Snape was showing no signs of slowing down. She chewed on her lip to keep from screaming. They were only a few meters away from crashing into the graveled pathway, and still he was not slowing down. Then, half a second before they would have slammed into the ground, Snape straighted the broom again and touched down as lightly as a feather.
« holy fuck! You crazy son of a bitch!», Sarah thought as she desperately tried to stop hyperventilating.
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As her heart rate slowed down, she looked around and was stunned.
There was the Hogwarts castle, with her towers rising high into the clouds. As she looked at the building, her first thought was that it seemed to defy pretty much any and every law of physics and engineering. The only thing missing was if it had been hovering upside down in the air.
« Unbelievable...», she muttered inaudibly
« Do you mind?!», Snape growled at her. Puzzled for a split second, she realised to her horror that she was still gripping on to him quite tightly. « Oh! Sorry!», she said, let go and jumped off the broom. He dismounted as well, with grace and fluid motions, like he always moved. Sarah turned to him, crossed her arms and looked straight at him.
Almost as if to prove to him that despite his insane flying and the fact that she forgot to let go of him, he had not thrown her off balance for a second. Even though underneath her serene exterior, her heart was still fluttering like a hummingbird and her stomach was threatening to betray her. Snape shot her a quick look, but found that he couldn't look her in the eyes, and he couldn't figure out why he was the one feeling embarrassed. He turned away from her, and started to walk up to the castle.
Sarah followed, and as they walked up the path she looked around, and now it was dawning on her where she was, and what this meant. The voice inside her was screaming with joy. No matter what happened from this moment on, life would never be boring again, that was sure. Then she felt her eyes watering. She was so excited and happy, so overwhelmed, that she just wanted to sit down on the ground and cry. Sarah bit her lips and forced the tears away. She would definitely not cry in front of HIM. Never.
They walked down the many dark and quiet corridors of the castle, headed for the headmasters office. Snape was walking so fast, that Sarah nearly had to jog to keep up with him, but she was determined to keep up. For some reason, she didn't want to show him that she might not handle his pace. Just like during their flight, she refused to have him slow down on her behalf. This was very typical of Sarah, always wanting to be the strongest. In fact, if she had any idea where the headmasters office was, she would probably have quickened her pace and walked ahead of him. Just to show him she could.
They finally reached a stone gargoyle that Sarah instantly recognised. With a grimace Snape said, « Banana pancakes». With a little smile, Sarah thought about the song with the same name, and wondered if Dumbledore had ever heard it.
ooo
The headmasters office was, just as the rest of the castle, familiar in a sense, yet strange and unknown. The room was round and the ceiling was high above them.
A polished white marble staircase circled around against the wall and went up three whole floors. Perched on the railing, somewhere between the second and third floor was a beautiful red bird. She recognised the phoenix at once. There were at least fifty doors leading to who knows where, and practically every inch of the walls were covered with portraits of men and women. The largest portrait was hung directly behind the desk, over a gigantic fireplace and between the only two giant windows in the room. It was the schools previous headmaster, and Sarah felt that she as many times as she had read the books, she should know what his name might be, but right now her mind was a blank. In front of the roaring fire stood the man himself, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Midnight blue robes, adorned with little silver stars, his unnaturally long hair and beard was silvery white as well. He was the first thing from the magical world that was exactly as he had been described and Sarah had pictured. Right down to the half moon spectacles and the twinkling blue eyes behind them.
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« You've arrived a lot earlier than I expected», he said to Snape, « I do hope you took into consideration that this was her first time on a broom?», he added somewhat accusingly, as if he already knew that Snape had flown like a deranged man with a death-wish. Then he turned to Sarah, and his face broke into a smile. « Sarah Kessler!», he said with such warmth and familiarity that it almost shocked her. He walked up to her with his arms outstretched and actually hugged her.
« I do hope the flight wasn't too... unsettling?», he asked her, and gave Snape that accusing look again. Sarah who was wondering why on earth he had hugged her, smiled and said, « Not at all, I almost fell asleep», then she turned to Snape, « there was really no need to fly so slowly, just because of me».
« You liar! You were terrified!». Snape thought to himself as he clenched his jaws to keep from saying something.
« Really? Thats good to hear», Dumbledore said and smiled at the both of them before turning his attention back to Sarah. « I cant believe it! The last time you were here, you were only seven, and look at you now, all grown up!», he exclaimed. « the last time...?», Sarah said curiously.
« There was a last time?».
« Why yes, when your grandfather and I...», Dumbledore turned to Snape and smiled, but it was a very different smile than his previous one. « I am sorry, Sarah, but you must excuse the professor and I. I remembered I have something urgent I need to discuss with him. There is fresh tea in the pot and you may use the silver bowl as an ashtray», he said, and both him and Snape left the room.
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Sarah hesitated for only a second before she went up to the desk, poured herself a cup and took out a cigarette. She knew that they were standing right behind the door, even though she couldn't hear a thing. She sat down in one of the two large, comfortable chintz armchairs in front of the desk and blew smoke rings up at the ceiling. She looked around the room and noticed that the portraits were in fact moving. Most were asleep, and some of the frames were empty. She thought of where she actually was, and could almost hear her best friend's voice and how he would react to all this.
She smoked two cigarettes while waiting for the two men to come back in. She still couldn't hear anything of what was going on behind the door, but she had a strong feeling that Snape was being lectured. Finally, just as she was putting out her second cigarette, they came back into the office.
Dumbledore came to sit behind his desk, and gestured for Snape to sit as well, but he remained standing behind the empty chair. Stiff as a guard awaiting orders.
The headmaster rummaged through the papers and scrolls on his desk, picked a particularly thick roll of parchment and handed it to Snape. « The ritual instructions, along with the recipe for her potion is all in there. If you are not too tired from your flight, I suggest you start at once. Meanwhile I can explain things to Sarah», he said.
« Of course, headmaster», Snape said and without another word, he turned and left.
ooo
« I take it you are surprised by all this», Dumbledore said casually as he refilled her teacup and poured himself one. One look at him and Sarah knew that she could quit the act. « Of course not. Fictional, and not to mention dead, characters show up on my door every other day», she said a bit more sarcastically than intended. He peered at her. « Biscuit?», he said and offered her a plate of assorted goodies. She politely declined. « Are you sure?», he said. « Yes, never really been a fan of biscuits», she said with a smile. « Really? Well, thats a shame. They are rather delicious», Dumbledore replied and helped himself to a second one, « so I understand that Severus didn't really elaborate on the detalis of you situation?». « To be honest, all he said was that I was a witch and that I now had a chance to choose which world I wanted to live in», she said.
« And yet you trusted him enough to come with him without any further questions, or even proof that he was who he said he was?», Dumbledore asked with a clear hint of amusement in his tone. « Well, Headmaster-» « Please, call me Albus», Dumbledore interrupted her. « How could I not have come? How could I possibly have chosen to stay behind and never find out what would have happened if I had dared to go with him? Even if it turned out to be a lie», she said. He nodded, « True indeed».
«You mentioned my grandfather?», Sarah asked. Curious and impatient to find out what the details of her situation, as Dumbledore had put it, were. « Yes, I believe we should start there. Your grandfather, Branan Kessler, was a wizard. He came from one of the old wizarding families, maybe not the richest, or the oldest, but a respectable family none the less. I knew him well. We shared a dorm room during our school years and became close friends. He was quite the wizard, your grandfather, and very popular with the ladies, which is what got your family into the mess in the first place. The summer after we graduated, he married the most beautiful girl in our year. Maureen MacMathan. For years their marriage seemed idyllic, and perfect, but there was turmoil underneath the surface. There always is. Maureen was desperate to have children, she longed to be a mother, but your grandfather refused. He did not want children, he didn't even want to hear of it. He told her that if she wanted to be with him, then she would have to forget about ever having children».
Dumbledore paused to give Sarah a chance to ask questions, but Sarah didn't have any questions, she just wanted him to go on, and so he did.
« Her love for Branan, made her reluctantly give up her dreams of motherhood. Then, fifteen years into their marriage, he confided in me that not only had he had an affair with another witch, a ravenclaw three years younger than us, for the past two years, but that she was now pregnant and he wanted to leave Maureen to marry his mistress and start a family with her. That witch was Helen Quigley, your grandmother», he said and again paused. Sarah had never heard any this before of course, and was slightly gaping. « How did Maureen react?», she asked, as if he was telling her an exciting bedtime story. Dumbledore shook his head. « Very badly, I am afraid. Yes, when he told Maureen the truth, she was furious and heartbroken. Not only had he lied, and been unfaithful, but he was willing to give Helen the very thing he had denied her for years.
A child. It made her realise that he loved Helen more than he had ever loved her, and that hurt her more than anything. She granted him the divorce he wanted so badly, but in her bitterness, she cursed him, and his soon to be wife».
« I dont blame her...», Sarah muttered, « the bastard!», she added and had clearly forgotten that it was her own grandfather she was talking about. « Sarah, your grandfather was a good man. He just made a few bad choices in his youth. I would say the same about both Maureen and Helen. None of them really indended to hurt anyone. They were just young and acted foolishly on the impulses of their heart. Now, where were we? Oh yes. Maureens curse resulted in Helen loosing the baby. Not even a year later, she was pregnant again, and again she lost it. Your grandfather was a healer, and more than capable of helping her, but nothing he did helped. Finally after ten years and six failed pregnancies, you father was born. David Septimus Kessler».
ooo
Sarah nodded. This story she knew, at least partly. Her grandmother had told her about her six abortions, and explained that, that was why her fathers middle name was 'Septimus', which meant 'the seventh', but she had never heard the story like this before. « But if my father had wizard parents, shouldn't he...», she started to ask.
« I was getting to that. The seventh time the curse showed itself in a different way. Your father was born a squib. This broke your grandfathers heart. Not because he was disappointed, but because this meant that his only child would grow up and live in a world very different from his own. Of course, your fathers story you might already know. When he turned the proper age, he was sent to a muggle boarding school, and from there he went on to the university and met your mother. Their first child, your sister Roxanna was born a squib as well, and your grandfather thought nothing of it. It was just the bitterness and the curse that lived on. Then you and your brother were born, and maybe it was the tragedy surrounding that birth, that broke the curse, I dont really know why, but the both of you were born wizards».
Again Dumbledore paused, refilled their teas, offered Sarah biscuits once again, which she once again politely declined and lit up an old pipe that he withdrew from the folds of his robes. Sarah took out her cigarettes and look at him, when he gave her a slight approving nod, she lit one, and waited for him to continue.
« I will never forget it. The day your grandfather burst into this very office, interrupted a rather important staff meeting and announced to me that he would like to sign up his grandchildren to go to Hogwarts when the time came. Of course, as you were not born in Britain, your names would have automatically come up on the list for the magic school in your country, but he wanted you to go to his old school. He was so happy, and so proud!».
« Then why did he bind my powers?», Sarah asked quietly.
ooo
Dumbledore's brief smile faded, and his face turned solemn. « Sarah, do you remember how your brother died?». Sarah looked at Dumbledore. She didn't like talking about her twin brother. Almost twenty years had passed, and still she felt cut in half. « I remember that we were expecting guests that day. Darius and I were playing in the living room, waiting for our friend to arrive. Roxy and my father were in the garden. We started arguing over something, I dont remember what, but suddenly there were flames everywhere, and then I was outside in the garden, watching the chaos, as the house burned down, and there were people and firemen running around, screaming and shouting at each other». Sarah had never spoken about that day. She lit another cigarette with her first one.
« I remember when they carried his body out of what was left of the house, and the look on my fathers face when he saw him», she said. Still perfectly calm she inhaled the smoke deeper than she usually did, then held her breath for a few seconds, before exhaling it slowly. « I was always told that there had been a malfunction in the electrical circuits that caused the fire, but I suppose you are about to tell me what really happened». For the first time that night, there was a clear bitterness in Sarah's voice.
As exciting as all of this was, she was tired, and all this looking back was bothering her.
« If this is too much all at once, Sarah, then we can leave it here and finish talking in the morning», Dumbledore offered her. Sarah shook her head.
Dumbledore went on, « You see, wizard children have no control over their magic. Sometimes they emit surges of wandless magic. It is quite random, but stress or excitement can be a triggering factor. You brother was a very powerful young wizard, Sarah. Already as an infant, magic would burst from him, completely uncontrolled. This is a very rare thing, with most wizards, those surges wont start until they are two, three years old».
« Are you saying that the fire was his fault?!», Sarah exclaimed, rather angrily. «Of course not! How could it be his fault? He had no control of what he did. When it happened, he probably didn't even realise that his magic had caused it. It was nothing more than a tragic accident», Dumbledore said.
« Do you mind if we skip this, and go straight to why my powers were bound?», Sarah said. She didn't want to hear another word about her brother, or what really had happened. Dumbledore gave her an understanding smile. « After what happened, your grandfather feared for your life. To him, the accident was further proof that Maureens curse lived on stronger than ever. Your magic was not out of control like Darius' was, nor as powerful, but Branan was so worried, as was your father. The risk of loosing yet another of his loved ones, proved too much for him. Together they contacted me and told me about their decision to bind your powers. For your own safety. They asked for my help, and I gave it to them».
ooo
Sarah had a million and two questions. « I was almost eight! As much as I remember about my brother, I dont remember any unusual, or magical things happening around him...», she exclaimed not knowing where to start. « Well, I am responsible for that», Dumbledore said. « I thought it best to erase certain memories, both yours and Roxanna's, so you could easier feel at home in the muggle-world».
« But I never felt at home! Up to this very day, I felt that I didn't belong there!», Sarah cried.
« I know that Sarah. Whenever I spoke to your grandfather over the years, he expressed concerns that he might have made a horrible mistake, and in binding your powers done you more harm than good. When you were still a child and believed in magic, he hadn't thought it odd. All children believe, muggle or wizard, but as you grew up, and still held on to your beliefs that there was more to the world than what you could see, thats when he started worrying. You seemed so unhappy, and unable to adjust, no matter how much time passed. Thats why, when your grandmother passed away, he left the magical world and came to live with your family. He wanted to keep an eye on you. The very last time I saw your grandfather in person, was at Maureen's funeral. That time he was hopeful and told me that you had just turned eighteen, and seemed to finally have found your way in life. Two years later, he wrote to me, and told me about your little incident-». « You know about that?», Sarah asked shamefully.
« Yes, but dont worry, I am the only one at this school that knows, and I have no problem keeping it that way», Dumbledore assured her. « When he wrote me, he all but begged me to help him release your magic again. He had realised that you would never belong in that world, and he couldn't lie to you anymore. Unfortunately, at that time we were at the brink of a second war, and my reply to him was that he remained patient. Bringing you into our world when it's future was so uncertain would have been idiotic, specially after all he had done to keep you safe».
ooo
Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. « To be honest Sarah, I had serious doubts about this, bringing you back, but when I saw you the day Branan was buried, I understood what he meant», Dumbledore meant to say more, but the look of shock on Sarah's face made him stop.
« I remember you! You were wearing a grey suit, your face was different, your hair was blond and you had a moustache, but it was you...», Sarah was gaping at him.
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. « That was me, with a little help from a Polyjuice Potion».
« I remember it so well. We were all standing around his grave, and Roxy was so mad at me, because we were at our grandfathers funeral, and all I could talk about was the fact that you were wearing a Gryffindor tie!», Sarah said excited, « and it wasn't just the tie! The second I saw you talking to my father, everything was telling me that you were no ordinary man! It was driving me out of my mind for months!».
« Well, it is an old custom to wear your house colors at a fellow house mates burial», Dumbledore said humbly.
« Sarah, at that funeral I could clearly see that you misery ran far deeper than the loss of your grandfather. Feeling partly responsible for that, I decided that when the war was over I would send for you, which brings us to this night.
ooo
Dumbledore turned and looked out the window. The sky outside was blue. It was dawn. « Well, I believe thats more enough for one night. Let me show you to your room, you need your rest for tonight». He got up and gestured for Sarah to follow him. « But, Headmaster...»
« Albus», he said. « Albus... what about the books?», Sarah asked as she got up.
« Ah, the books... the books are quite the conundrum», Dumbledore said as he held the door for her, « the magical community didn't really become aware of the phenomenon until the first movie was made, and by that time it had grown far to large to be erased, as it were. It is not the first time books with such intimate details about our world has made it out to the muggle one, but those were books written by wizards, or at least people with connections to our world. However, upon further investigation of the author, it soon became clear that she was a muggle, with no wizarding history or relations of any kind. That, and the fact that the books seemingly foretold a possible future for our world, left us to one conclusion. Can you guess what that might be?».
He looked at Sarah with a very 'teacher-esque' expression. « I guess the logical answer would be that she has some sort of precognitive abilities, but dont you have to be a witch to be a Seer?», Sarah replied as the perfect student, « but what do you mean, 'a possible future'?, I thought all this happened years ago?».
Dumbledore came to an abrupt stop. The staircase in front of them was gone. « Blasted moving stairs! If I ever find out which genius amongst the previous headmasters had that idea, I 'll have his portrait moved to the broom closet», he mumbled angrily. Sarah suppressed a giggle. « Come on this way», he said and led her down another way.
As he walked, he explained.
« Not at all. Young Harry was in his first year, when we learned about the books, and she had already written four by then. I dont pretend to know why she changed the dates. One would have to ask miss Rowling herself. As for Sight, that is an ability unrelated to magic. It is not even really magic, but something derived from the human soul. My theory is that she does in fact have Sight, to some extent. She has been given visions, from a world she didn't know of, or believe, and saw them as ideas for a children's book». He stopped in front of an oak door, looked at Sarah, and shook his head. Then he moved on to the next door. « This will be better», he said and guided her in.
« But.. Headmaster.», Sarah muttered. « Albus!», he almost commanded.
« Albus! How can the books be true? I mean, obviously they're true but then again, they can't be, because..well...you are here, and ...he is here», Sarah said, referring to Snape.
« It dosent surprise me that she changed so much. The real story wouldn't have been suitable for adults even, let alone children...».
« But what really happened then?», Sarah pressed on.
« Sarah, sit down», Dumbledore said and Sarah flopped down on the bed. « You must understand that you are coming into this world a mere months after a devastating war. We have suffered unimaginable losses. The wounds have barely had time to begin healing. I suggest leaving those books in the muggle-world, where they belong.
It does not matter what parts of the books are true. Just leave it behind. Let it be». Now Dumbledore was the one sounding bitter, and angry.
« If it had been entirely up to me, I would have waited a few more years before sending for you, but others meant that it had to be now».
« Others?», Sarah wondered. « Dont think about that now. Get some sleep, you'll need your rest». Dumbledore brushed her off, then before she could say anything else,
he excused himself and disappeared out the door.
ooo
Sarah looked around. The room reminded her of a small yet very comfortable hotel room. It was dominated by a large fourposter bed and a glorious fireplace, that Dumbledore had lit for her when they first entered the room. She dumped her bag on a large leather ottoman under the only window in the room. Then she caught sight of her self in the vanity sets mirror.
To say that her hair was windswept, would have been the understatement of the year.
She was too tired to do anything about it, instead she opened the window and bent out as far as she dared. The November morning air was ice cold and delicious. The windowsill was rather wide, so Sarah climbed up and sat down with her legs dangling out the window. She looked around the castle grounds and laughed.
« Where the hell am I?».
The grounds were large enough to fit a small village. The dawn light glimmered across the surface of the great lake, making it look like a lake of molten silver. Her eyes moved to a vast forest, backed up by several heavy mountains in the distance. Just by the edge of the forest, there was a small cottage, with a pumpkin patch and a few sheds behind the house itself. At her far right she spotted the corner of a green house, but she didn't dare lean far enough out to see it properly.
Again she fished for her cigarettes, and cursed when she realised that she was down to her last one. She put the cigarette in her mouth, crumpled the empty pack and threw it into the room behind her.
« I have to call Leo! He'll freak out», she thought and took out her phone from her other pocket, but just as she did, she froze and felt really stupid. Then she figured she would call her sister instead, but her phone wouldn't work. Remembering something she had read about all the magic at Hogwarts interfeering with muggle gadgets, she gave up and put her phone away.
The calm silence of the morning was soon broken by a large group of kids, making their way to the cottage she assumed was Hagrid's hut. Some of the kids turned right and headed for the greenhouse. Amongst them a boy spotted her and pointed up at her. His friends turned to see, and Sarah let herself fall back into the room. As she lied half on the floor, half on the ottoman and felt pain soaring through her body, she wondered why the hell that had seemed like a good idea. For a while she just lied there, thought of all the kids in their school robes and house scarves, and smiled.
Finally she dragged herself off the floor, undressed and climbed under the warm covers on the bed. She curled up in bed, hugging her pillow as she always did and was sure that after the night she had had, she never be able to fall asleep. Then she yawned, closed her eyes, and was gone.
