Three different parts. Directly after Wilson's Heart. Written for unloveyou on LJ. This chapter is Wilson's.
Regaining Balance
Prompt: Wish I didn't love you
Cuddy's eyes were full of concern on Wilson's first day back since Amber's death. He had only taken three days off for himself.
"Are you sure you're ready to be back?" she asked him quietly.
He just nodded and went to his office to start his daily paperwork. Cuddy had gotten someone to take care of his work on his day off so he wasn't behind at all. He was glad for that.
For a good half of the day, he sat there, calmly doing his paperwork and minding his own visits. House didn't drop by to steal his lunch or talk about how irritating his fellows were or ask him about the patient he was treating.
It was kind of lonely.
He unwrapped a hastily made sandwich and took a bite when the door opened.
Wilson thought he may have jinxed himself. He prepared to surrender the sandwich.
But it was Cuddy.
She sat down in a chair across from his desk and her hands were sitting on her lap in a way that clearly indicated that she was uncomfortable, she fidgeted a little and toyed with a stray thread.
"I can't even begin to understand how hard this has been for you-" she started, staring at the thread. "I don't even want to imagine it. But I want you…" she paused. "I don't want you to blame House for what happened."
Wilson stared at her and she finally made eye contact.
"You know it's not his fault. He couldn't have foreseen all of this when he made that phone call. You're grieving and it's comforting to assign blame and you can rationalize it all you want, but honestly Wilson, you're the best friend House has."
After a minute of silence, and a minute of staring, Cuddy left.
Wilson had of course, been expecting this talk. It was true, he had blamed House at some point. He wasn't sure which point, but he had. No matter how satisfying it was to know someone was at fault for this, he couldn't keep it up.
He couldn't blame House for Amber's death. He could rattle off things that could've changed her fate, could've saved her, but the fact that it had happened wasn't something he could just put on the shoulders of his best friend.
Though sometimes the load got so heavy he wished he could. He wished he didn't care so damn much about the man that he could assign him some kind of blame.
But he couldn't.
