General Disclaimer: I'm saying this once. I do not own the Harry Potter characters! Or the World of Harry Potter! © JKR!
AN: Hey all. I've not stopped working on Handbasket, I promise. Just a plot-bunny that jumped out at me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.
THE RACE IS ON. . .
CHAPTER ONE
"You will not believe what I just found out!"
Charles Weasley turned his attention from one Remus John Lupin as he was in the middle of reliving one of the rousing adventures he had partaken in when he had been one of the members of the notorious Marauders, fixing the interrupter with a look that might have been mistaken as relief. Readjusting himself in his seat, he ran a hand through his thick, red hair, blue eyes gazing intently at his brother, who happened to be said interrupter. "What did you just find out?"
William Weasley just shook his head, collapsing in one of the chairs around the large oak table that took up half of the Professor's Lounge. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were wild, a wicked smile lingering on his full lips.
"Well, tell us." Remus sat back in his chair, his graying brown hair falling over one inquisitive golden eye, giving him a boyish charm. He wasn't the least upset that Bill had interrupted his monologue. He had only been talking to fill the frigid silence of the overly large lounge.
"See, I had been talking to Ginny. . ." Here Charlie snorted, and Bill fixed him with a mock-glare, and continued on. "She had been complaining that our lovely Arithmancy Professor hasn't been on a date since she and Ron had that one particularly horrid one in their last year as Hogwarts Students." Here all three men shuddered. They had all been teaching at Hogwarts when the row between Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger had taken place in the middle of the Great Hall, where Ron ended up wearing three-fourths of a glass of pumpkin juice, and Hermione had not attended a week's worth of classes. If only Ron hadn't been staring at Lavender's impressive cleavage when he was supposed to have been paying attention to his date. "And. . .then Ginny said something that shocked me to the core. . ." Bill paused dramatically here, watching the faces of his two companions.
"Out with it, Bill!" Charlie groaned, tired of his brother's theatrics.
"She said that our ickle Hermione is still as innocent as the day that she was born!" Bill stage-whispered to the intent listeners. Charlie's mouth dropped open, and Remus blushed to the roots of his graying hair.
"You mean. . .?" Remus gulped.
"Yesssss." Bill hissed, lowering his voice even more. "Hermione Granger is twenty-five years old and still a virgin!"
"Oh, how delightful! I knew that she was a smart little girl." Remus exclaimed, which earned him a disgusted look from both Bill and Charlie. "What?"
Both men just shook their heads, rolling their eyes at the confused man. "Do you really mean to tell me that Hermione Granger has never slept with anyone, not even that Krum guy that she dated when she was fourteen?" This earned him an appraising look from Bill that clearly asked why in the world he had been following the love life of a fourteen year old, and Charlie rolled his eyes. "Lest you forget, Mum was in a terrible mood when she thought that Hermione had been leading poor Harry Potter on. I got to hear it firsthand. You didn't come in for Christmas that year Bill. I did."
"Oh. Well, anyway, yes, that's what I'm telling you." Bill nodded emphatically, shaking his already disheveled hair loose from the tail he had tied it back in. "So, what are we going to do about this?"
"What do you mean, what are we going to do about this? Should we throw her a party, you think? Do people throw parties for people that retain their virginity through their teenage years?" Remus pondered audibly. Both Weasley's again fixed him with a stare that plainly asked why they had even thought to include him in the conversation.
"Remus, are you. . .?" Charlie shook his head and stopped his question, realizing it might be a little too rude to ask that plain out.
"If you are asking if I enjoy the attention of males, I do not, Charlie." Remus retorted, looking just shy of being irritated. "I just don't see the problem with being a virgin. I wish I still was." Both Weasley men eyed him once more, and Remus grinned self-consciously. "She's just a girl."
"No, Remus, she is not just a girl. Hermione Granger is a grown woman." It was Bill's turn to grin, and rather wolfishly at that. "She is a grown woman virgin. She is a fine piece of—"
"I would not finish that sentence, Weasley." The frigidly soft voice from the doorway made all three men jump. "The chit in question is still a Hogwarts Professor, and to be speaking of her in this manner is highly. . .unprofessional."
"Stuff it, Snape." Bill muttered amiably. "You're just upset that there was something I knew that you didn't."
Snape glided into the room, his black robes swirling about him in a way that made him seem the stuff of nightmares that all Hogwarts students believed he was. Lank black hair lay against his alabaster skin, only giving that much more to the impression that he was an overly greasy vampire. Settling near the fire, reclining in an overstuffed armchair that was positioned rather gracefully at the edge of the long table, he turned obsidian eyes on his peers. "So, what is it that you are about to propose, Weasley?"
Suddenly, Remus caught the hint of where this conversation was headed. "Oh, no. No, no no no no! We can't be seriously thinking of. . ."
"You might not." Bill grinned wickedly at the aging Werewolf. "But I'm thinking that things have gotten a little boring since the defeat of Voldemort. I need a little spice."
"Not to mention a little action since Fleur left the scene." Charlie added glibly, ignoring the searing glare his brother sent his way.
"All I'm saying is that it is a shame, nay, a crime that Hermione Granger has not been divested of the last of her childhood!" Bill stood up. "I bet, that if I tried hard enough, I could rid her of this calamity."
Snape arched an eyebrow. "You. . .bet? How simply. . .novel." Lowering his silky voice, he purred. "I'll take you up on that bet. She's a smart girl, I'm sure she will not give her virtue over to the hands of an imbecile aping the acts of maturity."
Feeling a childish spurt of anger at Snape for that jibe, he squared his shoulders. "And I suppose you could do better?" Crossing his arms over his broad chest, he barely restrained the urge to poke his tongue out at the Potions Professor.
"Weasley." Snape all but snorted. "These fingers of mine are not only gloriously long so that I can easily brew fame, and mix fortune."
"Yes, they are wonderful for picking your nose too." Remus laughed softly.
At this, Snape turned a disgusted look on Remus. "Oh, and I suppose the Wolf in Professor's clothing has something witty to add to this conversation. How many women have you ever been with Lupin?" Remus flushed a deep scarlet. "One at the most, I suppose. None would have you due to your little monthly secret, eh?"
"I'll have you know that I can pleasure a woman just as well as any man!" Remus began hotly.
"Yes, yes, I'm sure you can, though only in your mind. You were one for daydreaming, if I remember correctly." Snape glared at his old rival.
"I bet I could have Hermione in a puddle before you could have her warming up to your icy overtures." Remus met Snape's glare, a look of the Marauder he once was peeking out from behind those angry golden eyes.
"I'll take up that bet!" Bill added, enthusiastically caught up between the two elder men. "What about you, Charlie? Are you in?"
"What do I get out of it?"
"Besides a chance at—"
"Mind your tongue, Weasley."
"How about a full week's vacation. Everyone pitches in a day and a half, and the winner gets the vacation, and the self-satisfaction of knowing he's a sexy beast."
XXXXXXXX
Hermione Jane Granger chewed at her bottom lip with her teeth, staring at Ginny with a mixture of hopefulness and worry. "Do you think he took the bait?"
"I hope so." Ginny sighed. "Getting you laid is something I'm only going to do once, after this you better find your own ways."
Hermione laughed, embracing her longtime friend. "Don't worry Ginny, I promise that your hen party will be the best. But why all of them, Ginny? And how are you so sure that he'll even take it as a challenge?"
"Well, it gives you something of a choice. There is Bill, who is roguishly handsome and devilishly enticing." At Hermione's look of . . .disgust. . .Ginny just shrugged. "Hey, I'm allowed, I'm his sister. Anyway, then there is Charlie, who is muscular and quite witty, not to mention adventurous. Then there's Remus, studious, sweet, quite a wolf, I'm told. And lastly, Snape. He has a sense of foreboding, a presence, an ego, and sarcasm. He is mysterious. And besides, every girl should get to be fought over. You only lose your virginity once, Hermione. You might as well have a ball before hand."
"I thought you got that during. . ."
"Miss Granger, I sense a sex-fiend in you yet!"
