Love Will Live
Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo?
Could I ever be a girl like that? A girl who 'makes out with her boyfriend' every night? No. Did I need love? No. Did I want love? You guessed it: No. Sure, I have crushes, although I try not to. I really do. To me, boys are just pushy girls. They're meant for friends. I could never imagine myself 'being swept off my feet during the first kiss', or 'making out with a hot guy'. That would make me feel very immature. Not to mention girly, obnoxious, superficial and one who doesn't care about goals and self worth. So pretty much like a normal teenager.
I couldn't see that for me. I couldn't see anyone loving me, or myself loving anyone else. It's just not who I am. What happens when the cold-hearted-jerk-of-a-boyfriend dumps me? I would be heartbroken. Instead, I would rather worry about my goals and my future because, after all, who needs love?
And so the first day of High School begins. The big, awkward halls, the too nice teachers, all of the other 'freaks' like myself. Drama freaks that is. I'm attending my dream High School. The school where the actors are born. The ones who really care about acting and nothing else. The school where the talented are made even more talented.
"Hey! You must be Anna! I'm Ally! Wow! We're going to be such good friends!" A tall girl with the most perfect black hair that I'd ever seen tapped me on the shoulders, scaring the crap out of me, causing my books to fall on the floor with a loud thump. Great, now everyone was staring. That's exactly what I needed on the first day of the rest of my life.
Ally laughed a wonderful laugh like the birds outside my window, or the chimes on the front porch. "Sorry!" She chirped. "I really didn't mean to scare you! Didn't you get my bio? They paired us up with people to find who we might have similar interests with. I got you. That's how I know so much about you! Not because I'm like a stalker or anything…although I might be!" she laughed again.
Truth was, I did get her bio. I just thought I wouldn't like her and guess what? So far, I was right. I rolled my eyes and reached down to pick up my books. "WAIT!" I heard a deep but beautiful voice shout from across the hall. When I looked up I saw a boy there with brown hair and the most beautiful blue eyes that I had ever seen in my life. They were as blue as the ocean and when you looked into them they made you feel happier than I had ever been in my life. Ew.
"Let me get them." He managed to cough out, reaching down to pick up my books. "Um, well this is awkward. I'm Mathew." Mathew handed me my books and ran his hand through his chocolate brown hair. I heard Ally giggling behind me.
"Great. Thanks. To both of you. Now if you don't mind, I have places to be and things to see." I said, maybe a bit too harshly, and walked away.
"Where's your first class?" Mathew asked, running to keep up with me.
"Home room. Usually that's the first stop for all of us, am I correct?" Yes, I Anna, am fluent in sarcasm.
"Oh, yeah I guess it is. But who's your teacher? Maybe if we have the same teacher we could try to find our way there together?"
I heard Ally snort behind me. "No need. We're all in the same homeroom. And I have a map. We just have to go down this hall then make a right at the end. Oh, and her name is Mrs. Little." Ally went ahead of us, leading the way.
"Well, isn't she just a little busy body?" Mathew laughed at his own joke, as I pretended I hadn't heard and started walking faster. I hated boys. They were all heartbreakers and sex hungry.
"I'm sorry. I didn't seem to catch your name." Mathew was now running at my side, following me like a dog.
Maybe that's because I didn't give it to you, I thought. "Anna. Anna Small." I said, despite my annoyance.
"That's a really nice name. My Grandmother's name was Anna. She was the kindest person I'd ever met. I miss her. She died from cancer last year." His voice choked up a bit.
Now I felt bad for the hostile treatment. I mean, he'd never done anything to me before. I'd just met him. There was no reason we couldn't be friends. "I'm so sorry. Were you close?"
"Yes. She raised me because my mother died after giving birth to me, then when I was six my father also died from cancer. There's a terrible medical history in my family. Now I am kind of stuck with my Aunt, who isn't very nice. She has 5 kids already; Brady, Lisa, Alex, Shawna and Sammy. Brady and Lisa are 3 year old twins. Shawna is 7 and adopted. Sammy is probably the least annoying out of all of them. She's 10. And Alex is only 2 months. So it's quite a noisy household."
"Wow. I live with my Aunt too. I just got tired of my parents and moved out." I had never told anyone that before. Why was I telling a guy of all people?
"Uh, guys?" Ally called out. "Not to interrupt or anything, but Mrs. Little's room is here. You kind of walked past it."
My cheeks flushed red as I rushed into the classroom. I took a seat at the very back of the room and, you guessed it, Mathew sat next to me on one side, Ally on the other. Lovely.
Finally the bell rang. Home time at long last! It hadn't been that bad of a first day. Despite that fact that I had either Ally or Matt at my side 24/7, I didn't do too bad. I talked to Ally a few times and found out that she wasn't too good at making friends (yes, I was surprised too) but she had a wonderful boyfriend who meant the world to her, no siblings, super nice parents, and she was incredibly smart. She was nice, sweet, but too girly.
Mathew had told me to call him Matt, and nothing else. He had also told me that he thought my 'beautiful, strawberry-blonde, curly, shoulder length hair was absolutely breath taking" and that I had great teeth. He told me about how he is really serious about the arts, as it is his main way of relieving stress, but he also is incredibly sporty. This surprised me because he was really thin.
So now I was back at home, thinking about things. Thinking about how I should give everyone a chance and that girly might not mean terrible, or just because I see a guy doesn't mean I should shy away. They can be my friends too.
"Sweetheart?" My Aunt's voice was outside of my bedroom door. "Can I come in?"
I quickly jumped up and opened the door for her. "Yeah. What's up?"
"Oh, nothing. I was just wondering how your first day went." She gave me a hug and placed a tray of cookies on my golden-brown dresser.
"It was alright, but I'm really tired." I sat back down on my bed and placed my head on the pillow.
"Did you meet any boys?" She asked with a sarcastic smile.
"Yes, Auntie. Lots. But none that I want to jump on top of and carry their little children." Alright, that was rude and I now wish that I hadn't said it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Auntie walked towards the door. "I'll let you get some sleep. I love you."
I closed my eyes knowing that tomorrow would come fast even though I was turning in super early. Tomorrow would be a big day for signups. The school paper, glee club, Decathlon team, debate team…Not to mention learning more about Matt and Ally (Ally is so proud to be Asian and loves Pokemon. Matt likes to go horseback riding and has never played a video or computer game before.)
"Hey! Red! Over here!" Red was the new nick name given to me by Matt. I guess he thought that since it was the second week of school, it was alright to start calling me names besides my own. I smiled, despite my sour-ness and walked over.
"Hey, Matt! What's going on?" I asked, looking around. He was standing near the bulletin board and there were a bunch of tall, lean guys cheering and high-fiving.
"I did it! I made the basketball team! You should've seen the ones who tried out! This is so amazing! I can't believe it! Wow!" Matt sounded so happy!
"Wow, Matt! That's great! I'm really happy for you! Did you tell Ally yet?"
"No. She's not here yet. That's odd for her. She's usually always on time." Matt's expression changed from excited to worried.
"Here, I'll call her." I got out my cell phone and dialled Ally's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Ally! It's Anna. How come you're not at school yet?"
"I…can't come today." She sounded worried.
"Oh, okay. Why not? Do you need anything?"
"No. I just can't come. I'll talk to you later, okay? Bye."
Dial tone. She hung up. Matt must've caught on to my worried expression because he asked, "What happened to Ally?"
"I have no idea, Matt. She said she couldn't come and then she hung up. Do you think we should stop by after school and see what's going on?"
"I can't. I'm in charge of making supper tonight because my Aunt's working. Woo hoo." Matt exclaimed, sarcastically.
"Well I will then. I'm worried about her."
"Listen, Anna. Do you want to maybe go out for lunch with me tomorrow? Like, just the two of us? My treat!" Wow. Didn't see that one coming. Now, I have a dilemma.
"Uh, it depends. I have to ask my Aunt because she said something about taking me out for lunch tomorrow. But I'm not entirely sure, because she might have to work. I'll call you tonight and let you know." Good job, self! You can really think on your feet! I was really going to ask Ally's opinion.
"Yeah, of course! Just call and let me know…" Matt tried to hide the disappointment in his voice, but he faded out at the end so I could tell how upset he was.
I knocked on Ally's front door. I had tried to call but she wouldn't answer. I had also sent about a million texts and got nothing back. This was so unlike the social butterfly I knew…
"Hello?" The door opened a tiny bit, but I knew it was Ally because of her voice.
"Hey. Can I come in?" I asked.
Ally opened the door and told me to keep everything on. She grabbed my hand and led me up to her room. We had to go up a flight of stairs and I was worried about my shoes ruining the clean, blue carpet. Her room was at the end of the upstairs hallway and her white door had a purple and pink sign hanging on it that said "Welcome to Ally's room. Come on in!" How cliché.
The walls were pink with purple and blue dots (well, what did you expect?) and her double bed had a magenta bedspread and a fuzzy blue blanket over top. She closed and locked the door then lay down on the bed and started to cry. She immediately buried her head in her pink, fluffy pillow to muffle her cries.
I sat down beside her and put my hand on her back. "Ally? What happened?"
"I don't know how this happened, but it did. And I'm so sorry it happened and I don't know what to do. I need help Anna."
"I can't help you until I know what happened." I whispered calmly.
"Anna," she started to cry again. "I'm pregnant."
I took a deep breath, got up off the bed, and walked to the door. I didn't open it, I just slid down it and sat on the ground. I put my head in my hands and cried. I have no idea why. It could be because I couldn't really believe that someone as great my best friend Ally could have made such a terrible mistake, and especially because she was so young and she was so confident. She was a role model to so many people, and I couldn't believe she was telling me this. I didn't want to believe it was real.
"How?" I asked quietly.
Ally sighed. "I don't know. Tony and I, we-"
"Stop. I don't want to know the details. I obviously know how it happened. But you're only 15…"
"I KNOW OKAY! He forced me to do it with him! I thought he loved me, okay? So what? I made a bad choice. Did you know he broke up with me after we did it? I didn't tell anyone because I was scared. I was terrified. He said that-"
"Ally stop. Stop talking. I don't want to know. I just, is there anything I can do to help? I can ask my Aunt to help book an appointment and you could get an abortion…."
"I don't want an abortion! I couldn't live knowing that I had killed my child…but I couldn't live knowing that they were living with another family either. But I also won't be able to do what I want in life when I'm 15 and caring for a child. I don't know what to do!" She was crying again.
"Did you tell your parents? Let's go talk to them. I can do it." I offered.
"I'm not telling them. I can't. They'll be so upset with me…I don't know what to do."
"I am going to talk to them right now. You either come or you don't. They need to know, Ally." I got up and unlocked the door. I headed downstairs to the kitchen. Her mom was sitting at the table reading. Her dad was making a pot of coffee. I had met her parents a few times before, but I had never been inside her house.
"Oh! Hey, Anna!" Her mom looked up from her book to greet me, her voice was heavily accented Chinese.
"Hi, Mrs. and Mr. Chung. I need to talk to you. It's important and about Ally."
Mr. Chung stopped what he was doing and sat down next to Mrs. Chung. He put his arm around her and she put down her book. "Sit down, Anna darling, and tell us everything."
"Ally is pregnant." I said, much more confidently than I felt. How's that for beating around the bush?
Their mouths dropped in horror and they both gasped. Mrs. Chung started shaking her head and crying. "No! No! No! Quit lying! She would never be so immature and if by some chance she was then she would come and tell us herself! This cannot be true." She didn't sound like she believed what she was saying.
"I never liked that Tony kid. He was so much older and he never treated her right! How many times did I tell her to stop seeing him?" Mr. Chung got up from the table and marched over to the stairs.
"Mr. Chung! Wait! Please? Let me finish first. She was so afraid to tell you and she was going to try to hide the whole thing from you, but I told her that if she wasn't going to tell you than I was because, you need to know. I made sure she didn't tell me any details but I think that Tony tricked her into it. I just found out now, but I have been trying to talk her into abortion. Please, with all due respect, don't go too hard on her. She is really upset as it is. I will leave now. Please, if there is anything you need, then just call me." I walked out the door and started walking down the street.
I was absolutely mortified. I didn't understand this. How could you do something so disgusting? I needed to talk to someone, and absentmindedly dialled Matt's number.
"Hey, Red! What's up?" For some reason I was relieved to hear his voice.
"Matt, I need to talk to you right now. Are your cousins in bed? Can I come over?"
"Yeah, sure. I can come get you. Sammy should be able to watch the younger ones for five minutes. Where are you?"
"I just left Ally's house. What time is it?"
"It's 7:30pm. Is everything okay?"
"Just, please come and get me. I'm outside of the gas station by her house."
"Anna, I will be there in less than three minutes." Matt hung up and I was so glad to have someone as great as him there for me. I was so happy that I had become friends with him.
Five minutes later we were in his room and I was sitting on his bed while he opened a coke. He sat down next to me, very close, if I may add.
"Ally is pregnant." I breathed.
Matt was silent. He didn't drink his Coke. He didn't look at me. He didn't even breathe.
"Tony tricked her. I don't understand this! How can someone do something like that? It' so disgusting! I could never imagine…" I stopped when I looked over at him. He was crying. "You're crying?"
"I feel so bad for her. What is she going to do, Anna? What are we going to do? We can't tell anyone, obviously. But if people find out, what are they going to think of us?"
I started crying and he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me up onto his lap and rested his chin on the top of my head. It felt so good, but so weird. He was a best friend, so this felt kind of awkward. Plus, not to mention the fact that I was absolutely terrified of thinking of boys in anyway other than as friends…
"We are so weird. We're crying because of someone else mistake. Anna, this is her problem and she can deal with it. If she needs us along the way, we'll be there. But for now, we need to concentrate on our own lives and let her deal with hers. I don't know about how girls feel, but I know if it were me I wouldn't want my friends to know about it." Matt stated calmly.
"Wow. Matt has a voice of reason." I smiled and he laughed. "You know what? You're right. I'm not going to worry about her unless I have to. Thanks." I got up off of him and I walked over to the door.
"Leaving?" he asked disappointed. "Here, let me drive you."
"No. I will call my Aunt to get me. It's nine at night. Sammy's sleeping and you can't leave them alone. It's alright. But can we hang out downstairs until she gets here?"
I don't know why I didn't want to stay in his room. Maybe I wasn't thinking of him as just a friend anymore. Maybe I wanted to be more, but I was just so scared. I never want to find the one. I don't want to fall in love.
"Hey, Red! You ready? Do you want to go to Tim Horton's or Sub Way? Like I said, it'll be my treat!" Matt waved me towards him.
"Ooh, tough one. I say Tim Horton's! Come on! Let's go!" I grabbed his hand and started skipping out the doors. Why did he make me act this way? Happy, childish, but it was such a great feeling. He was such a great guy…
"Thanks for lunch, Matt. It was delicious." I said on the way out of Timmy's. "What time is it? I really don't want to go back to school…"
"We still have a half an hour. Want to go over to the park? It's quiet there." Matt grabbed my hand and I swear it felt like a thousand volts wiggled up my arm.
"Onward!" I shouted, because when I felt like this, the only thing I could do was try to be funny to break the awkwardness.
"You know how on the first day of school, when I met you, my life changed." Matt shared, making me jumpy, as we sat together on the park bench. "You were just so…so beautiful. I could tell that you were unhappy or worried about something, but at first I couldn't point what it was. But then as I got to know you some more, I realized that you were afraid. Afraid of love. Of finding the one. Afraid that it would be me… But I knew that I liked you. I like you more than anything or anyone and if I could move the world for you, I would. Anna Small, I love you."
Then the silence fell like a blanket and the awkwardness settled. He looked into my eyes, seeming to see inside of me. He inched his head closer and closer to mine as my heart beat wildly in my chest. This feeling of adrenaline I had never felt before overcame all of my senses and he came closer. So close I could smell his lips and feel is heart. Then soundlessly he touched his lips to mine and my whole body was overcome by this tingling feeling. A feeling of happiness and love and joy and so many other things. It felt like a movie. It was soft and gentle. Not what I had expected. It was wonderful. He pulled back only by an inch and smiled.
Then he came in closer again and this time pressed harder. He reached his hands so that one was behind my head and the other was gently against my back. I pressed myself closer to him suddenly being overcome by a feeling over longingness and I wanted him so bad that I never wanted this moment to end.
I didn't think it would be like this. I thought it would make me feel like every other sex obsessed teenager. But it didn't. It made me happy and it was like taking a drug. The feeling of floating on air was suddenly mine and the feeling of being loved and wanted. It was everything I never wanted but suddenly there it was and this time I wanted it. I wanted it so bad that I couldn't stop even when he pulled back.
I sat there in awe looking at the person who had changed my mind and the way I looked at life. The one who may have made me feel differently about love and just what it really means. The one who made me realize it was good and that I could still accomplish any goal while being happy. And that moment I knew that he was thinking the same. That we were perfect together. That if anything happened between us it would stay forever. That I loved him.
"I love you too." I whispered, as I smiled. "And I'm not afraid anymore. Not if I have you here with me to be my brave soldier." I leaned in and kissed him again. I could taste the coffee on his lips and I could feel his smile.
When I finally pulled away, he pulled me close again and held me.
I walked home from school, wondering if I should stop by at Ally's to check in. I stopped there anyways. When I knocked on the door her mother answered. "Hello Mrs. Chung. Is Ally doing okay today?"
"Anna, Ally is having troubles. We really were hoping that you'd stop by. She hasn't talked to us since you left yesterday. If you have a moment, do you think you could come up and see her? Maybe bring her some food?
"Oh, of course."
"Ally? It's me. Anna. Could you open up? I promise that your parents are downstairs."
Ally opened the door and I went in. I sat down next to her on her bed and I gave her the sandwich that Mrs. Chung had given me.
"Matt and I are dating." I blurted. I didn't mean to, but I had been dying to tell her.
"Really? I knew that you too would make the most adorable couple!" At least she was sounding like herself again.
"Why don't you go talk to your parents?" I asked, watching her gulp down the sandwich.
"I called the doctor, and I'm getting an abortion. Don't tell anyone about me being pregnant, okay? It will be like it never happened. I'm going tomorrow and I was wondering if you could come."
"I will come. But don't you think you should talk to your parents first?" I asked.
"You tell them. They can come if they want, I would rather them not though." She said with her mouth full.
"I have to go. I'm going to Matt's. I will call you later and we can set a time to go. I will let your parents know." I said dully.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked.
"No. Why would I be mad?"
"You're not talking much."
"I'm tired and I have been worrying about you. I will talk to you later, okay? And Ally? Your parents aren't upset with you."
"Anna, I haven't been feeling so well lately." Matt old me while we were lying in his bed. He had his arms wrapped around me and he was rubbing my back gently.
"You should go to the doctors. You know that with your family's medical history, if you're not feeling well then you need to get checked out." I kissed him hard. I pulled myself on top of him and he still kept his arms around me, him also kissing with a fierce determination.
"I love you." He told me, again and again.
Just then there was a knock on his door. I rolled off of him and he opened the door. His Aunt was there and she came in to sit on his bed. I sat up and crossed my legs to give her some room.
"Mathew, I have made a doctor's appointment for you tomorrow. You must be aware that your health is nothing to fool around with. The only problem is that I cannot go with you. The appointment is for 4:30 so you won't have to miss school, but you will have to go alone. I also need you to babysit tomorrow." The she got up and walked out.
Matt looked at me and shook his head. "She is incredible."
I walked over to him and put my arms around him. "I would go with you but I promised Ally I would go with her tomorrow. She's going to get an abortion. Personally I think that's the best choice. But if she's done by then, I can come with you."
He kissed the top of my head. "No, it's okay, Red. I can go on my own. I will be fine. I think it's important that you go with Ally. She needs someone there with more than I do. You should go home now, it's getting late."
"Okay. I love you." I kissed him long and hard one more time, then he took me to his car and drove me home.
So now all was good. Everything was great. Ally wasn't pregnant anymore, and nobody knew except for me and Matt. I had found love. Found everything I needed. I was lead role in our school play of Romeo and Juliet, Matt was Romeo. Everything was great until my phone rang.
"Hey, Matt! How'd it go?" I asked, happy he had called.
"Anna, I need you to come over. I have to talk to you. I'll come and get you. I love you."
Now I was worried. Matt was never so upset, nor did he ever hang up before me. I put on my jeans and a black t-shirt, grabbed my purse, and went out the door to wait for him outside.
I sat down at the kitchen table with Matt's family. His Aunt, Brady, Lisa, Sammy, Shawna, and Alex was in bed. Matt was standing next to me, with his hand on my back. He started to cry.
"Matt?" I said. "What's going on?"
"I wanted to tell you all together." He started. "They…they found cancer."
I froze. I couldn't talk. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I could only cry. His Aunt wasn't crying, but Sammy and Shawna (they were probably the only ones able to understand) were.
"I knew it was only a matter of time. How bad is it? Should I start planning a funeral?" His Aunt folded her hands and asked him, and she was serious.
"How can you say that?" I screamed at her. "How can you say that about your nephew? He's been diagnosed with cancer and all you can worry about is his funeral? You're kids are crying, the 7 year old is crying! And you're not? Way mature." I slammed the chair into the table and left his house.
I didn't know where I was going but I started walking. Not towards my house, or towards Ally's. I was walking towards the park where Matt told me he loved me. I sat on the same bench, hugging my knees and crying.
"Hey Red? You okay?" I heard his sweet voice. Then I felt his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry." I cried. "I'm sorry you're sick, that your Aunt is so evil, that I can't do anything about it….I don't want to lose you, Matt. I can't lose you. I love you."
Matt lifted my head so he could look into my eyes. "Anna, you're not going to lose me. Even if I'm not here to kiss you, to hold you, I will always love you. Always and forever and I will always be here. The cancer is bad, Anna. But I'm not scared. If I go, then I go. The Doctor said that by next month," he started to cry. "By next month I'm going to be in the Hospital and that I might only have three months left. He said I won't live to be 17."
"NO!" I cried. I shot up out of my seat. "NO!"
"Anna,honey. Please. This is hard, I know. But I, I need you to be strong. And remember, that whatever happens, I love you."
"Matthew. I love you too. I love you more than you could ever know, more than I could ever show. I can't imagine life without you. You're my everything. I need you to live. I need you for everything. How can you be okay with leaving? Being nothing but a ball of grief and a memory that everyone will soon forget? Matt, you just can't go." I buried my head into his shoulder and cried.
All he could do was say, "I don't know," and rest his chin on my head. And we stood like that forever, or at least what seemed like it. At some point it started to rain, but we stayed there. It grew late and we were soaked, but we still stayed there.
Finally Matt spoke. "Pretty soon we'll both be dead from hypothermia. Let's go home, okay?"
"Don't joke. That's just sick." I said, despite the smile that was creeping along my lips.
I awoke the next morning…er afternoon, in Matt's bed. I was in his arms, under the covers keeping warm.
"Hey, beautiful. Did you sleep well?" he kissed me softly on the head.
"Was it all a dream?" I asked. "The cancer. You leaving."
He didn't speak, and I knew immediately that it wasn't.
"Day number two. Let's just give thanks for that, okay? I love you Anna." He kissed me softly, this time on the lips.
"I love you too." I grabbed his neck and kissed him hard. Somewhere deep inside me I was thinking, This could be our last kiss. Our last touch. Our last hug. Our last breath together.
Somehow this thought made me want more. I kept on kissing him, harder and harder, until he forced me to pull away. I blushed as I looked at him.
"I need air." He said, with a smile.
I laid my head on his chest and stayed totally still, cherishing this moment. This moment that I didn't want to leave. I didn't want it to be forgotten. And then we heard a knock at the door.
"Oh, boy." I heard Matt mutter from the door as he looked out the window.
"Who is it?" I asked, still a bit dazed from our kiss.
"Good day, Matthew!" I heard a man say from the front door.
"Hey there, . Is everything okay?" he asked, sounding worried.
I dashed into the front room and wrapped myself in Matt's arm.
" I'm afraid not, Matt. After studying those scans more closely, I noticed that things were even worse than we thought. I didn't know it could get much worse. I truly am sorry. Please, tell me the truth. How are you feeling?" Dr. Lawerence walked in and sat at the couch.
"Right now I feel alright." Matt muttered, confused.
"Matt, I am going to give you the truth here," he started. He folded his hands in his lap and lowered his head. "You have about a week left before you get really sick. Live while you can and do everything you need to." He looked from me, to Matt, and back at me again. Then, without a word, he picked up his briefcase and left.
Why did a week have to be so short? I asked myself this constantly, on my treacherous walks to the hospital everyday. He'd been admitted two days ago and had only been awake for a few minutes. I was now prepared to spend every moment with him from here on in. I brought everything I would need with me.
"Matt, baby. Are you sleeping?" I walked quietly into his private room. The television was on, which was good. That meant he'd been awake at some point. I noticed an empty tray in the middle of his bed. That meant he'd eaten. Thank goodness. But something felt wrong. Empty.
"MATT? I NEED A DOCTOR! PLEASE!" I started to scream at the top of my lungs. I ran over to the bed, and grabbed his hand. "MATTHEW! PLEASE! YOU CANNOT LEAVE ME MISTER. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE, DON'T GO!" I dropped my head to his arm and bawled. I sobbed, and I screamed.
I did everything I could to show how much agony I was in. I felt a nurse rubbing my back, telling me that it was going to be alright, that the suffering had ended, he wasn't in pain. And I didn't believe any of it. I couldn't believe it. I needed him.
The nurse picked me up and guided me out into the hall. I couldn't see anymore. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think. Anything and everything that was going on around me was nothing but a blurry mess. All I could do was fall to the ground and cry. I couldn't even feel the linoleum floor underneath me. I heard people rushing past me. I didn't care about them. I only cared about one person. I didn't want or need anything else...
I laid in his bed that night. I couldn't bring myself to leave his house. When I finally fell asleep I dreamt of him.
"Anna, please don't forget that I love you. That I will always be there. Even if you can't see me, I'm there. Please, Anna. Don't cry because I'm gone, laugh because I lived."
I rushed over to touch him, but instead he turned into mist and showered upon my body.
And when I woke up, I knew that he was there. I knew that he would always be there. Love is wonderful. Love is peaceful. Love goes on even when you don't. Everyone needs love.
