Disclaimer: Nothing is mine but the plot.

All flaws are my own.

Character names and concepts belong to SM, but thanks for letting me play around with them.

Chapter 1

EPOV

Ding.

Mike's name appeared on my phone again for the eighth time today, no doubt asking me again what I was up to. The phone blinking on my passenger seat made me somewhat uncomfortable for reasons I didn't quite understand. We had been dating for the past three, almost four years. I ignored it and kept my eyes on the road. The small red car I drove now was nothing special but got me from A to B.

Mike hated it.

My hand firmly gripped the base of the wheel as I kept my mind occupied with anything other than driving or Mike. The radio helped to distract me as it played some top forty hit that I hadn't heard before. The sun shone through the front window, bright and unrelenting, glinting off the frost on the hood.

I pulled off the road slightly as I neared the trails.

Today was my first day off work in a few days, school was starting soon and I just felt like I needed a break. It made me laugh a little, the thought of a break. I had just had a break; three weeks off of school for winter holidays and somehow I was still tired. University was starting again in a week and if I was being honest I wasn't quite ready. I had been pulling forty hour work weeks at the chalet lately; a break from the thirty hour work weeks with an added full university course load. I was stubborn and adamant on graduating debt free.

I pulled into a small parking lot in the middle of a shadowed forest, I was one of three cars parked here. The snow crunched beneath my simple black sneakers as I slowly climbed out of the car. A chill ran down my spine. It was fairly cold out for just having a hoodie and a pair of jeans on, but honestly I couldn't care less. The trails here twisted and winded for miles around, sprawling out in all directions. There was a peacefulness in it. The idea of not trying to think of where to go but just letting the paths take you somewhere was nice today. The air stung my cheeks turning them a bright pink as I walked through the forest, absentmindedly getting lost in my thoughts and on the trail.

It was odd having a break from the ski hill today. If I was being honest I kind of missed it, the way the powder felt under my board, the kids I taught lessons to, my friends I worked with, all of it. I had been lucky enough to pick up a job teaching snowboarding to the kids at a local ski resort outside Seattle this year. It made the debt of school go away in a more painless fashion than working elsewhere, plus the perks were phenomenal; free membership and invites to VIP nights at the hill. Snowboarding was such a release for me, the hill felt like a second home no matter where I was. I supplemented my hours at the ski resort by bartending at the chalet at night, to be honest I enjoyed bartending.

Ding.

My ninth text from Mike today. I starred at the phone that broke my day-dreaming. His name in bold print across the front. I debated answering it, or even just looking at it, while I stood in the middle of the trail. The snow crunched under my now very cold toes as I shifted back and forth. My cheeks burned from the cold now. I decided then that warmth for my feet and face was the priority, because what good was a snowboarder with no feet?

I loved Mike.

I love Mike.

I really do.

I do.

I pushed the thoughts from my mind as I kicked an ice chunk in front of me all the way down the path and back to the car, only looking up to realize I was the last car there and that the sun was getting low in the sky. I unlocked my car door and crawled into the drivers seat, turning the key in the ignition and letting the car rumble to life. The heaters blasted cool air, trying to catch up to the temperature I set them at.

I threw the car in reverse and backed out, heading back home in the most casual of ways. The way home was easy, I had driven it so often that every tree and pot hole was beyond familiar to me. I know people like to think they could do things blind folded, but this I was sure I could. The treeline blurred as I now pressed harder on the gas. I loved to speed, it was a terrible habit.

The driveway to my place came faster than I had expected. I was renting a one bedroom basement apartment in my sister Rosalie's place. She had moved to Seattle when I was relatively young, maybe only thirteen. She was my rock, I don't know how I would be able to survive without her. And the fact that she cooked a lot for me while I was here in school didn't hurt either.

I got out of the car and quickly made my way to the door, unlocking it and letting myself in.

Ding.

Number ten. I honestly did love him.

I kicked my sneakers off and walked into the living room, tossing my phone on the side table while curling up on the couch. The basement was more open than most basement appartments I had seen. The windows were large and let in a lot of natural light. The ceilings were high and made living here comfortable.

I drop of water fell unto my nose and distracted me from my thoughts. My tousled bronze hair was damp. I looked outside and only now noticed that it was snowing out.

Why was I so out of it?

I debated skipping dinner tonight, I just wasn't feeling it. Or at least that's what I would tell Rose.

Ding.

Eleven?

I finally gave in to looking at the phone. The missed messages could be summed up by, how are you, where are you, whats going on, where are you, i love you, i love you, where are you, i love you. Every text had an I love you in it. Why did that make me feel guilty? I loved him right? This was how things were supposed to work out. Long term relationships were supposed to just work out right? I mean we had done this since right after high school and it was fine. But this..? Why does this feel different now? Why do I feel guilty? I love him. I do.

I repeated it to myself over and over, willing the guilt to go away every time I repeated it.

It only got worse.

I dropped the phone to the floor and rolled over on the couch facing the back, propping my head up on a pillow. The couch was warm, comfortable, and safe even. I loved how comfortable it was. I starred at the plaid pattern on the back. Sure it was a little "northern" inspired but it matched my personality.

Ding.

I ignored this one too. Mike and I had been together for almost four years. His family adored me and mine him. It was both of our first real relationships. We had both moved from Forks, WA not a year after we started dating to live in a bigger city; Port Angeles. Some could almost say I followed him, and it took some time but I eventually really loved the new city life. Two years later he moved to Los Angeles and I moved to Seattle. Both of us for different schools. I went to study cell and molecular biology and he went to pursue a degree in film and photo. We saw each other as often as we could but flights aren't cheap and both of us are kept rather busy.

I was okay with it though. And still am. Gaining my independence back wasn't a bad thing.

My stomach growled as my brain ached. I needed to figure this all out. I needed to figure out what this meant. I needed food. I needed sleep.

The couch became increasingly comfortable as my eyelids fought to stay open.

Mike. Couch. Sleep. Food.

Couch. Sleep. Food.

Couch. Sleep

Sleep.

I awoke on the couch groggy and a little confused. Why hadn't I just moved to the bed? My stomach growled.

I got up and quickly blew through my morning routine. I decided on a black v-neck t-shirt, dark denim jeans, and a leather chord bracelet for today. My hair naturally fell in a disarray that I judged as okay for the day. I was heading back to the hill today to teach a few lessons to some local kids. I had built a relationship with them over the past couple weeks and would be sad to see them go in the spring, we always had a blast and I was always impressed by them.

I tossed my snowboarding gear into a bag and grabbed my boots and board, hauling them to the car.

I tossed them in and went back inside to say bye to Rose, crossing the snow-covered lawn in about ten steps.

I knock, louder than I should've, on Rose's door.

"Rose! I'm leaving!"

She opened the door, looking immaculate for this early in the morning. Her blonde hair fell down over her shoulders to one side and her blue eyes were perfectly outlined by eyeliner that could have not been more precisely drawn. Her blue denim jeans hugged her legs as did her white tank top to her torso. I still had no idea why she chose to be a mechanic when she could have easily had a successful modeling career.

"Hey, well can you take something with you so you don't starve?" Her tone was concerning.

"Sure, sure." I rolled my eyes but knew she was right.

She handed me a brown bag, already prepped and ready, and sent me on my way. I would go there tonight I thought, maybe have a talk with her. She always had the best advice.

I walked back to my car breakfast, egg white and vegetable burrito, in one hand and lunch in a bag in the other. Rose always had the best cooking, I could never keep up with it.

The road was fairly clear today as I took my usual commute. The sky was overcast and sun barely shone through. I liked these days on the hills, they made it easier to see. There wasn't a reflection of light off the snow, it sure made the terrain park easier.

The drive today was quicker than usual, no thanks to my led foot, and I was there in no time. I found a parking spot in the employee parking quickly and hauled my gear bag out of the car along with my board. Emmett, a good friend who taught skiing, was doing the same.

"Hey Masen!" He yelled from across the parking lot; Emmett always used my last name.

"Hey Emmett!" I waved back. Emmett was one of my closest friends here at the chalet. He had been here with me since day one when I started, helping me get used to everything and introducing me to everyone. He was the only one who I could really talk to here.

He ran over with a big smile on his face, his ski-gear bouncing on his back. "Hey Mase, how was your day off?"

"It was good, I didn't do too much." I could hear how boring my response was but couldn't help it. I was stressing out over Mike, even if I was thrilled to be back at the hill.

"You sure dude?" Emmett sounded concerned, I guess I was being a little too obvious something was bothering me.

I put on a smile as we walked into the chalet and said, "Yea for sure!"

"Alright Mas." Emmett's voice trailed off.. he wasn't satisfied with my answer.

I liked Emmett's nickname for me. I had never been the biggest fan of the name Edward but this was different, I just liked that he was so comfortable with me.

Emmett was one of the first people at the chalet to find out that I was gay. Being a straight guy dating one of the hottest girls I had ever seen I thought he would be too uncomfortable to talk to me. But Emmett really surprised me, becoming one of my best friends here in no time at all.

He broke me out of my day-dreaming,

"See you on the hill!" he was already a few feet away and with a wink he was gone.

I sat down at a bench inside the chalet and started to get ready for my lesson. Today we were working on carving. The kids had already mastered heels and toes, and could turn well so I thought I mind as well crank it up and teach them how to carve down the hill.

Just as I was finishing putting my boots on one of the kids walked up to me. He was one of the kids struggling in the classes; his name was Simon.

"Hey Eddy." he was acting shy today, not unusual.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" He sat down next to me on the bench as I finished tying my laces.

"I don't know if I'll be any good today... I can't even turn that well..." He looked a little defeated.

"Hey, know what? If you don't have it by the end of our lesson I'll stay after for a bit and we'll work on it till you can turn better than me. How's that sound?" I smiled my most encouraging smile.

"Okay Eddy, thanks" his face lit up as he bounced off the bench and took off outside.

I got up and slid my jacket on, heading out to the hill myself. I was about to push the door open when a sign caught my attention. It was taped onto the back of the door and read,

"SKI HILL CLOSED NEXT WEEKEND FOR OLYMPIC TRIAL RUNS - - SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE."

Huh. I wondered if I would be bartending that night. I usually worked most private night events.

Ding.

I cringed and ignored it.

I pushed the door open and made my way to the beginner hill to meet my kids for their lesson. My brain ran circles around this entire situation but I really wanted to forget it. The air wasn't as cold as yesterday. My jacket was almost too warm. The sun wasn't really here today.

Perfect.

Distractions.

The day went by fairly easily. The kids picked up everything I taught them and Simon even figured out the rhythm in turning. I high-fived all the kids in my class and congratulated them, giving Simon a small pep talk as we walked back to the chalet. After the free-snowboard-time part of the lesson I decided to wait for Emmett. The chalet was clearing out when I got in so I stripped off my snowboarding gear and grabbed a table by the window, watching the skiers race down the hill getting their last runs of the day in.

Ding.

Ding.

I hadn't checked my phone all day. I took it from my pocket and read the names on the screen.

Mike. Mike. Mike. Emmett. Mike. Mike.

5 new messages from Mike. My stomach churned slightly.

I opened Emmett's first.

Hey buddy, you're back at the hill today right?

He must have sent that before I got here. I didn't bother to look at Mike's messages, not now anyways.

"Hey Mase!"

I looked up to see Emmett standing in front of me holding out a sports drink which I grabbed gratefully.

"Hey" I said, trying to sound cheerful.

"What's got you so tense today? You aren't yourself." His brow furrowed as he spoke.

"It's no big deal Em, how were your lessons today?" I made a sad attempt to derail that conversation but could tell Emmett knew exactly what I was doing. For my sake I think, he gave up and went on to answer my boring question.

"It was good man, business as usual. Took the kids down a tougher run today. Did you hear about that Olympic trial run?" He sounded excited.

"Yea, but I think I'm bartending that night actually." I hadn't even thought to check my schedule.

"No way! There's some big talent heading up this way man, I volunteered to help with the event during the day. And you know what that means right?" He smirked as he said it.

I laughed out loud and in unison cheered, "Free drinks!"

We burst out in laughter again.

Whenever there was a VIP event the staff that helped out during the day went unpaid but were allowed a pretty generous tab at the bar in the chalet that night, food, drinks, anything all covered so they could be apart of the evening events. Emmett loved working those events the nights I bartended because of my... ahem... heavy pour.

"You got it Mase! I'll be there that night with ya so it'll be a good day, I'm gettin excited for it." His eyes lit up as he talked.

We laughed and carried on conversation talking about the kids we taught, going back to school, and our holidays. Emmett was in pre-health, it was nice to have him at the university of Seattle with me. He vacationed back to Vancouver with his parents this winter break as well; going up for a week to their second home in Whistler, British Columbia. I drooled as he talked about the mountains and fresh powder. Not to mention his parents unbelievable house they owned there. Emmett's parents were very well off. They were both in medical fields and encouraged Emmett into the same. Saying they would only help him with tuition if he passed with excellent marks; not that that was a problem for Emmett. He was always secretly smarter than he led on.

Sooner or later the conversation turned to the subject of relationships. I asked him as many things as I could about his girlfriend Kate, a gorgeous blonde girl that all the girls were jealous of. I wanted to avoid talking about my relationship as much as possible, because there was nothing to discuss. It was good.

I loved Mike.

I love Mike.

Sure.

"Mase you're ignoring my question."

"What? Did I?" I had been zoned out and hadn't even heard what it was.

"How're things with Mike?" Emmett seemed genuinely curious.

"They're fine." I retorted.

"Fine? Mase are you kidding? I know you too well to know that when something is fine it's the furthest thing from fine. What's up with you two?"

"It's nothing Em, seriously..." I trailed off and turned my head to stare out the windows. The sky was almost black as little specs of snow fell from the sky. The ski hill was now being re-groomed and the bright lights on the hill lit it up.

Thankfully Emmett dropped the conversation and went back to the Olympic event. It was interesting enough, at one point he even got me excited. It turned out I would actually be meeting some of my favorite snowboarders out there. They would all be here.

We walked out to the parking lot together, some of the last to leave and said good byes. I would see Emmett again the next day when we came back in to teach.

The drive home was uneventful, I turned the radio on and belted out a few good songs, vowing only to do that alone. I could only image the teasing that would happen with Emmett in the car.

Home arrived sooner than I thought, and as I walked in the door I was suddenly aware of how exhausted I was. I hadn't slept that well the night before but was ready to pass out now.

I walked to my room and stripped my clothes off, crawling into bed in my underwear and an old t shirt.

I checked my phone again, realizing I hadn't sent Mike a text in two days.

His now eight messages all sounded concerned, and nagging, and loving, and irritating.

I did love Mike; afterall it had been four years. That means we'll just work it out right?

I replied with a quick response about how work had been busy, how I was doing fine, and how I loved him.

With that I put the phone down and rolled over.

Why did it feel like I had just lied?

Sleep didn't come easy. It was unwilling and teasing. My stomach tossed and turned almost as much as I did.

I dreamed of nothing as I drifted off that night.

A/N: Let me know if you enjoyed! Thank you for taking your time to read what I've written, it means the world to me.

Sincerely -X