Souvenirs by Switchfoot
ANGST I have the worst playlists, crying for a while now thinking about this AU but if it doesn't make you emotional well then you are one heartless, lucky bastard ;)
Loki has had a wonderful life with Tony Stark, having married a year and a half after seeing each other, they led a full life. Now at the end of the ropes, Loki rests near Tony's bed with his frail fingers clasped in his perfectly preserved youthful hand.
The sun was barely rising, the sky was still dark purple. Stars had mostly disappeared and the city beyond the glass window in the hospital was dreary and slow paced. Perfect as always.
The consistent, soft beep did not bother him as he gazed at Tony's face. So peaceful, a few sun spots and wrinkles but the man looked good for his age of 87. Loki could still remember the man as an eccentric 37 year old. He laid eyes on those brown ones and knew it. He would be his undoing. He was walking down the aisle of a well planned wedding. All due to the clever Ms. Potts who stood at the side of Tony wearing a beautiful bridesmaid gown beside Natasha, Jane and Darcy. Frigga had insisted on attending the Midguardian wedding ceremony and sat at the forefront of the piers smiling vibrantly. Tears brimming in her eyes she gave a nod as Loki glanced to her. Then his eyes moved back to that smooth and youthful face. The well styled facial hair, dark as was his head hair. That same grin that told Loki he was smug as hell.
Words passed the pastor's lips and the ring was slipped onto Loki's pale finger. As the god looked upon it his belly flipped. He didn't expect to be so moved by such mortal customs but here he was with glassy eyes. Tony noticed this and quickly brought his lips to Loki's and they cheered. Loki wrapped his arms around Tony and deepened the kiss as the smile spread onto his own face.
Loki looked to Tony now and still saw that man, his eyes slightly open looking past Loki. Perhaps he didn't see him very well but he knew he was there. He always was, all of the battles with S.H.I.E.L.D and the rest of the gang. Spending time all around the world with Tony's limitless funds and eventually the age moulded the original Avengers. Grey hairs streaked the iconic colour. What was blond, brown, red, and dirty blond was now a silvery grey. Tony's hair was whiter looking though. It was thin, wrinkles set at the edges of his eyes, a permanent smile, the dimples engraved into his withering cheeks. He was losing weight and Loki hated to know it.
The raven haired god rubbed his husband's knuckles softly with his thumb.
"You look tired." Tony commented with a strain in his voice.
Loki smiled weakly, "You look more so..."
Tony shrugged slightly, "I'm a fart, I'm supposed to be tired. I get naps and jello." He cracked the same smug smile, that wit that never failed to amuse Loki. It was a warmth that reminded Loki why he rejected the cold reality that chased away the faint hope in the back of his mind.
"Indeed, you are spoiled." Loki leaned in and kissed the man's thinned lips. Tony hummed and coughed. His beard had been shaved and now only faint 'each-fuzz' remained. It still tickled and the thought of it spurred memories of long nights and early mornings. They hadn't been shameful about their love, perhaps more so about Loki's complications. Jotun were transgendered but humans and Jotuns just weren't designed to mate. The removed dream of their child was painful but they managed this far without giving in to the empty bitterness.
Natasha had died three years ago, cancer. Clint just the year before last. Bruce was still kicking in some lab, he was on an oxygen tank though and his advanced age had actually repressed his ability to change into the Hulk. Steve hadn't aged as much as the other Avengers, but then again that serum in his blood travelled strong. Of course one original Avenger stood strong as ever before, Thor. Eternal in comparison to the humans... Loki had spent a decade travelling to Asguard pleading with Odin and Frigga to help him and Tony. They refused, Jane to this day stood as eternal as the Aesir. She had been granted the eternal life and Thor's blue eyes looked pained when he heard that their parents would not permit Tony the same luxury.
The following decades and the new Avengers had rolled in, Tony's suit began to take it's toll on the billionaire inventor. His arc reactor proving to aid his overall health but still prohibited him from certain indulgences. On Tony's 60th birthday it started. He began feeling the aches, Loki did his best but he was not a healer. The rashes spread, crude vein-like markings shaped very peculiar. It wasn't an option to remove the shrapnel, Tony refused anyways. Loki had no means to magic them out of his chest and organs. It was too much of a risk.
Maybe that was part of the problem, Loki had spent all this time avoiding the realization that they would end up here. Tony's hand began to shake slightly and Loki kissed it lightly before smiling at Tony. The man opened his mouth as if to say something and nothing came out. Just a wheeze, he chuckled at himself and squeezed Loki's hand.
"Maybe this was a bad idea..." Tony began.
Loki arched an eyebrow. "What was?"
"I never wanted to hurt you, Loki." Tony sighed.
Loki lowered his eyes, "It isn't your doing."
"It kind of is...I just feel that after I-"
"Anthony..." Loki interjected sternly. His tone softened as a tear fell down his cheek. "Don't."
Tony blinked hard, "Baby I can't watch you watch me die... I want you to be able to live long after this, after me. And I know you can, you guys have like a good five thousand years before you clock out."
Loki held Tony's hand tightly and watched the bedside as tears blurred his vision momentarily and fell. "Time we would have had."
"It doesn't matter anymore." Tony sighed. "We had a good run, maybe we ignored this till it was too late, but right now being miserable over it won't change what is going to happen."
"I..." Loki bit his quivering lip. "I can't do this without you."
"You've lived a few millennia before me, you surived." Tony reminded gently.
"It wasn't what it could have been." Loki added shortly.
Tony snorted, "You are such a pessimist honey."
Honey. The word sounded no more alien than birds chirping in the morning or crickets at night. Stark was the same man, more or less, from the time that Loki had first met him.
"I don't try to be." Loki laughed uneasily.
Tony reached to Loki's cheek and messily wiped the tear stains with his thumb. "I hope I haven't started something." He joked.
Loki grinned weakly. "You've ruined me." He confirmed.
Tony gazed at Loki wistfully, "I wouldn't have done it had I'd known this would be the result."
Loki breathed out unsteadily. He smiled and chuckled nervously, "I wouldn't trade it for anything."
Tony's brown eyes seemed brighter after that moment than ever...well since he had first grabbed the man's hand and kissed his neck. Since they had spent their honeymoon nights near the ocean, throwing sand at each other until they fell over on the beach. Pranking Fury until he bought another eyepatch... Those days seemed so distant yet the reactions...the littlest things still managed to reach them even in this time of grim realization.
Loki glanced out to the window as the warm hues of orange and yellow began to crawl onto the sky. The light hit the bed and Loki followed it to Tony's unmoving stare. The monitor was making a different sound but Loki barely heard it. The look of peace on Tony's eyes captured him until the nurses rushed in.
The memories were being surfaced now, they were evidence that Loki had met his match. The one who could see right through the lies and tricks and just see him. He didn't even need to close his eyes to travel back to that time now... They were so young and ignorant, at leas they pretended they were. Bright brown eyes, that bitter and strangely alluring scent of coffee on Tony's breath when he snuck back up to their room after spending time in his lab. He was so alive...they were so wide eyed and ready. Despite their attempts to block out the future they knew their song, but it was never sung. It remained locked away, burning a hole slowly through their lungs until this moment.
He had to remind himself to breathe. Look at that...he could still breathe.
Loki wanted to go back into the room, he wanted to unlatch that precious blue orb of technology. That piece of Tony that still lingered in this world. It was probably still running...keeping the now unimportant shrapnel from Tony's still heart.
He didn't go back into that room. He couldn't. Loki was aware he was still crying silently, with a flick of his hand he was in the tower. Thor and Jane were watching television laughing loudly at some comedy they enjoyed.
Loki's anger simmered as he shifted his focus away from betrayal and towards the kitchen. He poured himself Tony's favourite whiskey and made his way down into the lab. The lights were beginning to shut off but the computer program that miraculously still worked fine after all of these years paused. "Master Loki?"
Loki sat down in Tony's chair. "Yes?"
"Will you be needing any assistance?" Jarvis asked uncertainly.
"Rest...I'll be fine." He took a sip and starred at the only source of light left in the room. The mounted and powered suit, the two blue eyes. they starred back at him, daring him to break his almost promise... Loki sighed deeply. He whirled his finger in the glass's contents and stared back at the machine mask. The glass cooled slightly and the dark gold turned lethal red.
"We don't always get what we wish for my love." Loki downed the contents of the glass whole.
As soon as the glass hit the floor, shattering, Thor and Jane were jerked into attention at the sound of Jarvis's alarm.
I am tempted to write a happy ending somehow after this... requests?
Please Review, I would love to know how to improve my writing or just be praised for what I know so far. :P
