Flames and Darkness

Disclaimer: No.

A/N: As you may have noticed I was having a writer's block after the hard disk on my laptop died. I needed time to recover obviously. However, I managed to write this and I hope that I can update Without soon.

I hope you enjoy. I don't know if I can still say that this is a tag –like I'd actually planned- but I think it's cute. xxx


A while later, when it had already started to get gloomy, Stan and his wife lightened a campfire next to the grill. Around the fire they had set a few cushions and covers, so the few people who sat around the warm light wouldn't get a cold back. Most people had already gone home, only the closest friends of the Lisbon family were still there. Lisbon and Jane helped lighting a few candles and then decided to sit down too. Stan's family, Jimmy and a few other people were already sitting in a circle in front of the fire, obviously the atmosphere was good because they were giggling and laughing about some of Jimmy's jokes when they joined them. Karen and the kids were making French bread on the other side of the fire.

It was kind of intimate to sit so snuggled up next to Jane while people were around but it felt nice too. He was so warm in contrast to her. Her dress was really thin and when goose bumps started to rise all over her body even though the campfire was warm, Jane took off his blaze and put is around her neck and upper arms. He didn't say anything but his loving concerned regard was enough to keep her mouth closed from discussing.

"Thanks." She murmured. The fabric was still warm and smelled after him, Lisbon couldn't help but snuggling closer into his blaze.

His hand rubbed over her back a few times before he wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her a little closer.

"Hope you're cozy now." He said quietly after a while. "I really like it here. Your brother and their families are so generous and… I've never seen you so carefree."

Lisbon's head sank down on his left shoulder, rubbing her cheek against the fabric of his shirt. "Yeah, I… Now that I came back home… I realize how much I actually have missed that. To be completely myself."

"I know. Do you want to eat another French bread or something?" Jane tilted her chin and tried to look her in the eyes.

"No. No thanks. I'm very fine here." He could more hear her grin than see and his hand continued caressing her back slowly.

"So you two really have to go tomorrow morning? No way to stay longer?" Jimmy who was sitting a few seats next to Jane had seen them giving each other stolen glares and he really liked seeing his sister so happy with this guy. "If you want I'd be happy to call Abbott and tell him you became ill, you know that T."

"Yeah really. I wish we could stay longer."

"The bad guys keep killing and we have to catch them." Jane chuckled. "And the teams need the super intelligent brain of Agent Lisbon." Lisbon blushed and tried to beat him, but he was quicker, catching her hands before she could hit him. His eyes sparkled at her; they were so full of love and unspoken promises.

"Jane…" Trying to stop him she failed miserably while he just grinned.

"You know, when Lisbon has her gun in the hand, she's looks so focused, so super professional. She can take a man twice her size down. It's really breathtaking." The last few sentences didn't sound the way they were actually supposed to.

Now Stan became interested in this conversation too. "Sounds impressive Sis."

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes. "Can we talk about something else?"

"I think this is pretty cool. I'd really like to hear some stories about the FBI. Anything funny to share Patrick?"

"Don't you dare Jane!" Their hands looked gold under the sparkle of the campfire. His fists were still wrapped around her fingers.

Before Jane could say anything Karen got up set her baby on her hip and touched Stan's shoulder. "'have to take Paul to bed, he'll be so fussy tomorrow if I won't take him to sleep." He turned around and took Paul's fist in his and nodded. "But you'll come back afterwards?"

"Sure. Could you please look after Joe and the other kids?"

"I could put him to bed." Lisbon said shyly. "I uh I should do it at least once… I'm supposed to be his aunt." Stan and Karen stared at her in disbelief for a second but then they both nodded.

"Alright. You know what to do?" Jane let go of her hands and answered instead of her. "I'm sure she knows but I'll go with her and assist if she should need help."

Lisbon stood up with the blaze around her arms and let Jane took Paul out of Karen's hands. "G'd night sweetie." She pressed a short kiss on the toddler's cheek and asked Stan for the keys of their house.

"Thanks." Karen smiled and hugged Teresa. "He likes the lullaby to doze off. You know the one you used to sing to Stan and Jimmy. I'm sure Paul-"

"Okay, I can do that. Don't worry, just look after Joe and the others." She entwined herself and looked at Jane.

He was rocking a sleepy Paul in his arms and looked suddenly more earnest. "Come."


The more they walked away the more the surrounding became darker and soon the flames couldn't be seen anymore. All Lisbon could think of was what would be if this was another time, another life. What if Paul would be theirs? Would Jane like it? They'd never talked about having kids but she knew since a while now that she'd like to have kids. Marcus hadn't been the right man, ever, for her, but he'd offered her a life. She had known that if, just if she wanted children he'd love to give them to her. With Jane it was something so completely different.

This afternoon when he'd swirl Paul around all she could've thought of was that she wanted to see him doing this with one of her owns. Lisbon had never felt the urge to have a baby as strong as today. She loved him and she knew she should have told him earlier but… it was a first for her. All the other times when she should have said it, to Greg or Marcus she hadn't could do it. Maybe because it hadn't felt right but with Jane it did. It felt so good to be completely honest to Jane but especially to herself finally.

Looking to her left she saw Jane looking carefully after the little boy who had fallen asleep in his arms during his gentle slow rocking motions. Lisbon was sure that he'd be a great father again.

Unsaid. They really needed to talk that. There were so many unspoken issues.

"Karen did give you the key didn't she?"

His voice made her jump out of her thoughts. "Yes." She held up her fingers. "Should I take him?"

"No, no it's fine." He didn't tell her that it touched him to have rocked a child to sleep, that memories came up. Both of them didn't feel like talking. "Later."

Lisbon nodded.

The walk was short. Soon they had reached her brother's house and Lisbon unlocked the front door. It was dark inside and for a while they needed to search the light switch.

"You can take him now." Carefully Jane handed Lisbon the sleeping boy. His hands touched hers and he helped her stabilizing her grip around his back. "Good."

They began to walk upstairs as quiet as possible but somehow Paul woke up and whimpered. "Shh it's okay. Shh." Lisbon gave him a short peck on his hair and began to slowly rock him like Jane had done. The baby's warmth felt good on her body, somehow soothing, stilling a need in her heart. It was a very new feeling Lisbon hadn't hold a child in years. In his nursery Jane told her to nuzzle on his diaper because he had the feeling it needed to be changed.

"How'd you know?" Paul's diaper really smelled like it needed to be changed.

"Uh you know I once had a child and it was obvious, he'd woken because of his own wetness."

Lisbon inhaled for a moment deeply and then took the diaper pack Jane gave her. "You can do it if you want to."

She saw the fear crossing Jane's face for a second. God, she would never ask him if he wanted a child again. It was so obvious. Lisbon knew he had a hard time whenever she went out on the field, but having two people he cared about who could be hurt every day would be too much. She couldn't prevent the little disappointment.

I surprised her when Jane nodded. "I… I'd like to try again." Paul's eyes were wide open and he began to wriggle when Jane undressed him on his changing table.

The boy's whimper turned into a cry when his diaper suddenly disappeared and his back was soaped with a rather cold than warm flannel.

"Oh, oh we're halfway there."

Lisbon's soft voice startled them both. Jane looked up into her eyes and she tried to smile. "Karen said he likes that lullaby to doze off."

Paul was suddenly quiet and waited for her to continue the singing.

"Oh, oh livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and well make it I swear."

Jane had changed the diaper quickly and Paul was on the edge of dozing off again. He treated the little boy so carefully, so very gentle and lovingly. It was a bittersweet moment to watch him with the baby. The gentle swings of Jane's cradling let the baby fall asleep in his arms again.

"We make a good team sometimes." Smiling Lisbon took the bed sheets away and Jane put Paul in his crib.

"Yeah we do."

Lisbon set down on the couch next to his crib and wished for a second that this was her real life. Her family. She knew she couldn't think like that, Jane had no plans and actually neither did she but this, all of this felt right.

They'd be okay without kids. They were on the wrong side of forty and the risk of a miscarriage was high.

Jane had set down on next seat and regarded at her.

"You okay? You know we did a pretty nice job here."

"Yeah 'm fine…" She sighed. "Was just thinking."

He nodded knowingly. They both began to think of more, of changes. Their discussion if they'd leave the FBI was still not finished.

"Is it about me not having plans? Plans for this." Jane wasn't just talking about Paul.

"In summary, yes." Lisbon knew she couldn't demand this from him. If it wasn't in his nature to want that again than she'd to accept that. She would. Her love was stronger than the wish to have a family.

They were quiet for a few minutes and the only sound in the darkness around them were Paul's little puffs.

"Come here. Let's just spin around and think of things you and I'd like to have or do. Okay? Just tonight we could be open… if you want." He knew the fear of having something to lose again would never go away and he didn't want to disappoint or discourage her in any way. Talking was fine.

Lisbon slipped closer and laid her head on this chest. "Okay, I'd like that."


A/N: I hope it's fine that way. I'd love to hear your thoughts, please leave a review and tell me.

-A x