Disclaimer: I am a blonde haired, blue eyed 15 year old in possession of a crappy Optima laptop and a broken Samsung cell phone. Clearly, I do not mirror the amazing Stephenie Meyer.
A/N: Just a random drabble about Esme. Nothing else to report. Carry on.
My Last Thought
The initial thought still rolled around in my head, the outdated thought that was loud, painfully bright, and filled with absolute joy that I now wanted to escape so badly.
"I'm a mother!"
I had got my wish, for the phrase had now become: "I was a mother!"
It was like the new axiom was on repeat, it kept rolling around in my head; over and over, and each time it did, the pain, melancholy, and utter depression kept growing greater.
My feet edged towards the cliff face, and the ocean sea spray whipped my brown curls wildly in the wind, and I dwelled on the reason that had brought me to this cliff with one purpose.
It was a mocking sadness that was piercing me; taunting me, tearing me apart piece by piece until finally, there was nothing left but a small, shrivelled lump, meant to be my heart, pathetically beating in a disjointed and gradually slowing rhythm.
Why, and how could such a small thing, make such a big impact? His small fingers, tiny nose, and…and…
NO. I couldn't be distracted by a split-second regret. The repercussions would be too great. The sooner, the better.
I began to wonder how would be the best way – then I laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. There's no best way to end a life. You still go through the motions of planning, and scheduling. Waiting for the right place, and thought.
I had walked around these cliffs for a few months now: when I wanted to get away from everyday life, I walked to these cliffs, and stare out into the ocean, letting my thoughts get carried away with the wind. It used to make me happy, but now, I was numb to all happy feelings and thoughts. Immune. Allergic.
A thought? It should be one to dwell on in eternity.
Of my late son? Lying in my arms, sleeping soundly, innocently, unaware of his internal battle.
Yes, that was a thought.
With that thought secured in my mind, I took a step, leaving the foot dangling over the edge, and I closed my eyes. Then, I reached my arms out, lost all bodily feeling, and let my body be controlled by the wind, my mind transfixed on one thing, and one thing only: my son.
And I smiled.
