Author's Note: Okies, redone! Thank Jesus!
Summary: A months after X-2. Rikku opens up to a Guado man about why she is the way she is and shows him how things aren't always what they seem.
Rating: PG-13/R (I can't decide)
Chapter
1: Shattered Innocents
By:
Mazzie May
"I'm not that sweet, you know." I was sitting cross-legged on the cold, dirty ground. I was staring at the wall. The person I was talking to was off to my side, curled up in fear in a corner. Cowering, actually, pressed against the door in the northeast corner of the room. His pinched, ratty features flushed and sweaty.
"No, listen, you gotta listen-I don't know anything, you don't want to do this. I'm no threat to you! I swear!" the Guado pleaded weakly. He was working himself into a fourth, and I decided that making a man wait for his death, particularly such a sad little man, was cruel.
"...and I'll just leave, okay?" He was still babbling. "I'll be gone and you'll never hear from me again, swear to Yevon, why do you want to kill me, I'm nobody. Tell me what you want and I'll do it, whatever it is, talk to me, Lady Rikku, okay? Let's just talk, okay?"
I suddenly realized I'd just been staring at him out of the corner of her eyes, as if I'd been lulled into a trance by the rise and fall of the mans' hysteria. It had been an endless day in a series of them...But as much as I wanted to kill him, I suddenly felt compelled to say something.
"There's nothing personal in this" I began. Then snorted "Okay, I'm lying, there is something personal in this. But, it didn't start out that way...things are...Things are different now."
He nodded quickly, eyes wide. "Yeah, sure they are. Different"
Now that I'd started I couldn't seem to stop. "It started way, way back. I was only seven. I'd been walking home with my sister and a man came up from behind us. Some Al Bhed hater. He pushed my gently to the side, like he didn't want me hurt. But my sister..." I trailed off then, fighting back my tears. "He crushed her throat so she couldn't scream. He ripped her apart"
I stood up then. I felt tingly. It felt good to talk about it. So, I turned and faced the pathetic person in front of me. "He tore out her arms and slit her stomach open. I got blood all over me-"I stopped to move my arms up and down in front of my body. A waving motion to symbolize where the blood was. "-but, I just stood there. I didn't scream, cry, or try and help. I just stood there wide-eyed."
I felt hot then. I could feel my face flushing. "Her body parts were everywhere." I closed my eyes. Remembering the unidentifiable chunks, strips of muscle, ribbons of skin and vital organs scattered around like slabs of meat. The blood glopped on the graveled path, running lazily down walls. All over my face and little body.
"I was only seven, you know" I said, my eyes still closed. I ran my fingers through my soft, blonde locks. "I remember where the blood laced itself with my hair...it was in millions of little braids, tied in little white bows with little white ribbons. Well, they weren't white for long."
I fiddled gently with the ends on my hair. I'd cut it since the fight against Vegnagun. Since Yunie's heartbreak with Tidus. I smiled then, a sick smile. I knew it was a twisted smile. I could feel it; I didn't need to see it. At the end of Yunie's pilgrimage she'd told Tidus she loved him. Now, she couldn't see it because she was turned around, but Tidus had a look that said only one thing and one thing only 'Oh shit'. So, he did the best he could; he hugged her. And then threw him self off the airship. Heh, he never was one for commitment. But, Yunie... She thought it was love. So she asked Tidus after he had returned if they could get married. He'd laughed in her face. I'm sure you can guess what happened after that:
Wakka tried to calm all the people who had been shocked that Lady Yuna and the Blitzball Star would not wed. Lulu tried to comfort a wailing Yuna. Kimahri sat on his mountain. Paine sighed and said she 'knew it'. Baralai didn't do anything, it wasn't his place. Gippal took Tidus out and the two are now really good friends. Gippal and Yuna never got along that much anyway.
And me? I was nowhere to be found. I was wandering Bikinel Desert. But that's not important now. What was important was talking out my eye-opening experience. All this time, not a peep out of the little man. He was wise enough to keep his mouth shut. Very wise.
"I'm sure, I'm sure you're wondering why. Why I didn't help or try to." He shook his head 'No'. But I really didn't seem to care whether he wanted to hear this or not. "I, to be honest, I was fascinated. That a human being could have that kind of strength. To do what he did...I was-" I opened my eyes, making a face, trying to find the right word. "impressed...Yeah, I was impressed."
I giggled then. And he flinched. I giggled some more. I looked directly at him and smiled, my big sweet smile. "And he talked to me, you know." I continued on, letting my hair fall back around my shoulders. "He told me, how he was doing this because he could. That he had that kind of power." My smile melted away. Like ice, on a hot plate. "He… he told me that I had to...to keep my chin up. And he tilted my head up."
I looked up then; I could almost see his out line. "I got some more blood on me. From his hands. And when I- I" It was hard to talk about this part. I always got chocked up about it. "I dragged my hand along the bloody wall, fallowing – no, skipping - after him. He turned to me and said:
'Don't ever tell anybody what you saw. Or you'll see it again' and walked away into the shadows from which he came.
And I believed. I didn't want to see it again. Though I was entertained, it made me feel funny..." I stopped and placed a hand over my stomach. "...All funny right here..." My voice sounded far away, more so than usual. Like I was talking to me, but I wasn't me. I gripped the thick material that covered my upper body.
The Guado looked slightly confused. I knew why; I wasn't dressed like a hooker. I decided to explain, waiting for the strange feeling in my stomach to cease. "I'd started wearing more covering clothes. I had to. I started cutting myself again." I flipped my wrist and the cloth reviled the scars. The jagged scar tissue the older scars pale against my deep bronze skin, the kind of tan that one only could acquire living in the desert. They had begun to tan with the rest of my skin. But the fresh scars stood out even more; they were pink, raggedy strips running all around the arm. "I can't handle emotional pain. So, I make physical pain instead. I know where it's coming from, and I can control it," I said in a matter-of-fact tone.
He nodded deeply. Almost like two long bows. I think he liked that I was talking to him. And I liked that I was talking to him. He was coming down more and I felt better that I was talking about it.
"And then what?" Poor dear. Probably thought the longer I talked, the better chance he had of lving. Silly, misguided Guado.
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Woot for redoneness. This story really needed it, don't you all think? Same rules apply, though; review if you feel like it.
