A/N: Baw it feels so good to be back, but not much has changed in the confidence department. After what has been about a year long block, I've decided to upload anyway. The block is still there, and my writing is struggling horribly, which sucks considering I'm finally back at school and have two writing classes on top of me wanting to pop out some of my beloved fanfiction. Thanks... SO so much to the people who have been waiting this long for an update - your loyalty and patience never goes unappreciated or unnoticed. I'm just so sorry for the wait - this has got to be one of the worst blocks I've ever been struck with.
That being said I think its safe to say that if this turns out to be shit, I'll have a decent excuse XD!
No but seriously, I really do appreciate everyone who waits for me. You all mean so much to me and you are the reason I keep returning to the AirGear fanfiction world. And besides... The sections seems to be swarming with OC's and Mary Sue's and I thought it was time to pull out the old super hero cape and fix this. LOL not that I think I'm great or anything but I don't think it's a secret that Mary Sue's and character x OC's give me hives. (cough) If you're one of those writers and you're reading this, don't take offense! You can write it if you want, but I'll just never step foot near it, is all..
ANYWAYYYYYYY, lets see... I'm back, I'm still lacking good quality fiction, and let's just call this story a practice run. To oil up the gears, if you will.
Oh uhmmm there are a few references in here to the manga AND the anime. Catch them if you will. They aren't huge.
Warnings: language, and unstoppable thoughts of a blondie in love. Chance of retard and spelling errors. Be warned!
Disclaimer: Air Gear, Ikki, Kazu blah blah blah do not belong to me. If I did, this stuff wouldn't be just fanfiction, would it?
Folly and Sin should be up either later tonight or tomorrow. HAH!
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Air Gear
a fiction by Crimson Vixen
All About Him
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During your first day of school, you're embarrassed by the color of your hair. It stands out among the rest, after all, and people notice. When you meet Ikki for the first time you discover he lacks the language of subtlety and hasn't been introduced to things like tact, because he pinches your hair between his thumb and forefinger and tells you, in case you didn't know, that your hair is blonde.
When you start coming to school in a hat he doesn't comment on it, but he still knows the color of your hair, and he still stares at you when you aren't looking, and even when you are.
He's mean to you and he calls you names, but no one else talks to you so you suppose he's the only person you can consider calling a friend. When you tell him this, Ikki doesn't seem all too impressed, but he doesn't tell you 'no' either.
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Your first race against him is one of pure rivalry. Underneath the thin layer of Ikki that liked your company is someone that wants to best you at the same time. When you both are running you realize quickly that you are leaving Ikki in the dust and no one can touch you, outrun you, outlast you. When you cross the finish line (which is a girl with dark pigtails holding her arms out and looking at you with giant eyes you won't be able to understand for another ten years or so), you look back at the distance you've run, the distance that Ikki is just finishing up, and come to some amazing discovery that you aren't even remotely breathless.
When Ikki crosses the line in second place, last place really but he'll never say as much and neither will you, he pushes you to the dirt and makes fun of your blonde hair.
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You find yourself at Ikki's side by the river, tossing rocks into the water because Ikki initiates doing so. He's challenged you to a few races since that day and hasn't won a single one of them, but it isn't like it matters. You see, Ikki is a lot better than you at countless other things. Speed is all you have.
You don't understand anything about girls or AT yet, and you don't know what it is you have with Ikki, just that you spend most of your time with the guy. A few years from now he'll steal your shoes and you'll go running in your bare feet regardless and Ikki will realize something because of it. You'll betray him once out of pure and unjust selfishness before you turn around and devote yourself to him completely.
For now there is a mutual curiosity between you. You're a skinny shadow and he's a bully you've found yourself drawn to. There's something about him keeps you coming back and something about you that makes him okay with it.
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Stuck in the same class, you sit close to him. Behind him, learning that if you show your back to him you'll be bombarded with paper footballs and probing feet rubbing up against your calves. However, you somehow find yourself relishing in the friendly rivalry and suffering the after burns of the guy's rather forthright sentiments. If feels like nothing more than rug burn now, because this is just how Ikki is, you've discovered. Calling things as he sees them, calling you as he sees you and not really giving a flying fuck how it pegs things. He never actually attempts to sugar coat all that much, like you should already know better sometimes and having it thrown in your face is really just a consequence of your flaws. How else are you supposed to learn, after all...
Let's be objective here. You're nothing dramatic – no, no, that's more Ikki's forte – you're more of a thinker. A silent sufferer. But Ikki doesn't mind shoving things into light for you, and really, it's for the best. The guy has stuck around for this long so maybe he knows what he's talking about.
After all, there are days where Ikki makes you feel like you can take on the world. He has this way of reminding you that even a thing as massive as the earth is nothing but a marble when compared to the universe. And its funny, really, because Ikki is the universe, it seems. Everything revolves around him.
And you? Ah, you're just the moon. A tiny, insignificant thing that fills the space around him with all the others.
Ikki nudges you and hands you a flat rock, silently questioning what in your right mind has stopped you from throwing stones into the water. You offer him a glance and take the rock, arching your arm back and letting it fly. It gets a good eight or nine skips before sinking to the bottom of the river, and Ikki scoffs at the distance you've gained.
"Tch. Fast," he says, hands in his pockets.
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In middle school you are introduced to the real concept behind girls. Creatures that are created to baffle and hurt you in ways you supposedly like, walk in ways you can't stop staring at and speak in ways that blind your 20/20 vision. You don't understand girls, actually, just know that they're there and you are forced to deal with them. Ikki seems to be a lot more accepting to the rules of gender differences so you base yourself off of him.
…which is hard considering you really just want nothing to do with them.
Onigiri, a stout horn-dog you and Ikki befriended a while back, leans over and elbows you in the side. You cradle your ribs where he's dug in and look to him. He's got this wide grin on his face and he's wriggling his brows, gesturing towards a girl by the door who is dressed in track clothes and chatting it up with one of her friends. You look over and see them, and feel nothing. But to pacify the boy, you shoot your brows up in a similar way. Yeah, she's cute. And then you think of Ikki.
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When Ikki first hands you a pair of skates and says the term AT's, you want to call him crazy. You want the old Ikki back – the one that makes more sense. You want to toss them into the water and watch them sink like a rock thats used up all it's skips (and not too far from now you'll do just that) but right now you try to take to them, really you do. They're hard to stand in, though. Hard to move and walk in, but you at the very least are able to keep your balance on them.
You wonder briefly if learning how to ride AT's will make you closer. You wonder if if you learn this and Ikki thinks about AT's if he'll think about you, because you'll be thinking about Ikki.
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Onigiri accompanies you at the school, which is seemingly abandoned and dead.
The feeling in your gut is heavy and weird, and you wonder where Ikki is and what he's doing. If he's dreaming about AT's now like a newfound obsession.
You should find it odd that Emiri and Yayoi are in the school so late at night; two girls that really had no bad records on them to give them reason to be staying after hours. They tell you about a team that runs the school at night and you start to feel like there is a lot more to this AT business than you first thought.
You tell the girls to leave, just get out of here because Onigiri and yourself can handle shit like this, but you start to seriously question yourself when you're surrounded by several of them. They beat you to a pulp, bulk up your face with bruises and crack your joints. The leader you'll unknowingly later befriend has his foot against your throat, pinning you to the wall before you can even gather your wits and remember why you're here in the first place.
Onigiri does nothing to help you, too sore and broken himself to really move to do so, and you wonder if Ikki would have been able to keep this kind of thing from happening. In a little while, you'll be bedridden in the hospital and unable to see that Ikki has come to see you and swear revenge. You won't know if he gets the note you'll struggle to write to him. All you know is that none of this would be happening if Ikki were here, and you have motive to get stronger.
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You're not as good with chopsticks as he is. Ikki, with a long history of eating ramen, seems to have mastered the technique. You put the sticks, balancing a decent heap of white rice, up to your mouth and chow down. You're starving today, and have no time for things like patience. Ikki is inhaling noodles just next to you, patting your back for a job well done earlier today. He seems giddy about it, head swelling at the latest victory. You tell him you're not surprised or anything. You say that Ikki is the best and no one can touch him. And Ikki's pat to your back turns into a light rub down your spine.
Because who doesn't like having their ego stroked a little now and again?
The contact is innocent, you know. But Ikki's hand is warm and lingering and you hate that you can't forget it.
He laughs a little harder and brings his hand to your face, plucking off a piece of rice that had been clinging to the corner of your mouth. He pops the small scrap of food into his mouth and continues his meal.
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"Ow, ow, ow!" you bark roughly. Ikki is never gentle when he wrestles you. His hands grip you fiercely and his body is heavy when he's on top of you. He makes fun of your blonde hair when you're too pinned to retaliate. He tells you you're really light, and you're easy, points out that you've gone breathless and all the other things that have learned to rile you up over the years. You squirm underneath him, swing your legs and somehow manage to get free, if only for a moment.
Ikki is quick to regain himself, throwing himself on top of you in a most ungraceful manner and knocking the wind clear out of you. His forearm pushes your face down to the carpet and his knee presses into you, right between the shoulder blades. Ikki's laugh is too close to your ear – there is a chance you felt his lips against your lobe – and you feel hot and don't understand yourself.
"So quick," he says. "You almost got away."
You want to laugh, though you've no idea why. After all, you almost got away from Ikki. Almost.
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When Emiri pulls your bodies close and rubs her stomach up against yours, you feel warm but you don't feel comfortable. When she scolds you, you think of Ikki. When she shoves you, you think of Ikki. When she goes on puking rainbows and speaking about love and justice and other things she doesn't actually understand, you think of Ikki. When she talks about AT's, you, of course, think about Ikki.
It's a never ending thing with you, really. Everything relates to the guy. He's the universe.
And when Emiri is finally fed up with your day dreaming and lack of attention, she grabs your face with both of her hands and crashes her lips into yours, long and hard and selfish, and you think about Ikki.
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You don't know how to react when he shuts you down.
Well, not shut you down, per se, but it still doesn't feel good.
Ikki isn't gay – bi, actually. Those were his words – but it makes sense when you think about it. Of course Ikki will want to keep a tight leash on his pride like that, things like sexual orientation, knowing where he stands but refusing to print it out in bold letters for the world to see, for his enemies and fellow AT rider's to see because hey! That's a pretty epic reputation to rip apart piece by piece for someone like you.
Meaning, basically, that no matter what Ikki was, he wasn't going to get with you.
You pull out your phone and stare at it for what feels like decades. You can send him a message right now if you really want to. You hadn't actually ask him on a date, or tell him you think you might be gay, but the conversation of sexuality just so happened to pop up the same day you woke up from a rather graphic wet dream that you still don't fully remember, and you had thought about Ikki.
Boys don't do things like that, anyway. Boys shove and wrestle and fight and make messes. They don't date. But you're thinking about the day Ikki's hand trailed down your back and rested just above your pelvis like it wasn't strange. You think about the way Ikki smiles when you tell him something he likes or agree with what he says. You think about his high status and the endless stream of people who worship him, and people like Ringo who have such an obvious eye for him, and you think about your chances slimming with Ikki, but you never stop thinking about Ikki.
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Today you are alone with him, and it's dark, and all the movies and TV shows you've seen up to now tell you that this is the perfect moment and you should take this chance. But the movies don't normally go down the logical route of rejection and this stops you cold when Ikki turns to look at you, waving a hand in front of your face because you look spaced the fuck out and it's worrisome.
You swat him away because that's what boys do, and then you sit yourself down on the grass because you feel sick and weird and your legs are shaking. He doesn't make fun of you, he sits along with you. You watch his legs bend, the folds in his jeans crease and the wide-spread position he sits himself down in. You watch Ikki roll his head back to look up, like the idiot isn't aware that he's showing off the slender angles of his neck. You look away, have to look away, because this is already hard.
Confessions aren't really your bag, and it's not like it was the plan from the start, anyway. Just a night out alone with the guy to see how things play out.
You open your mouth to speak but Ikki cuts you off to tell you what's been on his mind recently. And you don't actually hear the words he's saying but you pick up that its about AT and girls, girls and AT, Ringo, Simca, AT, and hearing it feels like there was never any room for you to begin with. Your fingers curl tightly in the grass, wet and soggy and gross, feeling yourself wane and fold like a weak little thing, the kind of weak things that don't have a place with Ikki, and you fall onto your back on the grass.
Ikki, clueless to his stabs, falls back with you, arms spread out and elbow knocking into yours. He's smiling as he talks, you can hear it. About AT of course, but just AT this time, and it's a little easier to listen to. The crow eventually rolls to his side to face you, elbow now implanted in the dirt and palm supporting his spiky head as he looks down at you.
He's going on and on about parts and battles and other things he's learned that he hasn't shared with you yet but wants to, and you've obviously forgotten your place because you interrupt him. Ask him if he likes Ringo.
The sudden silence is shattering to your ears and its surprising that they aren't bleeding right now. Ikki, for once, doesn't know what to say at first, and he straightens out his arm and lays on his side next to you, head turned slightly so that he's facing the earth. His voice is nearly lost in the ground and in his shirt.
"I don't know."
That's all you need to hear. You know that best friends are supposed to listen at this point, but you can only wobble as you climb to your feet, and you leave him there in the dirt.
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A week or so from that day you're back at school and Ikki s scraping the tip of his shoe against your ankle, trying to annoy you or get your to turn around, you don't know. He seems utterly clueless about that time, seeing it as nothing more than a night to forget and a conversation that never actually took place. You find it too hard to actually meet the jerk's eyes, though nothing you've been pissing about over the past few days is really his fault.
What place do you have getting jealous over something like that?
When the bell rings you leave before he gets the chance to capture you. You know the second he takes you hostage you won't stand a chance. You never did. You break away and head somewhere where you can be alone and away from Ikki, or thoughts of him, because all you can ever think about is Ikki.
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Ikki is hooting and howling at the girls at lunch who just so happened to bring pocky to school with them today, obviously set on capturing the attention of the boys who have been ignoring them. They were probably, most likely, thinking of Ikki. They sit just across from him, pulling out a stick and biting into one side and waiting for one of the other girls to dive in and nibble the other end. One eventually does and together they inch closer and closer and together the boys watch.
It's a sick thing, really. You can't say the sight really interests you, but you keep an eye to the side for it anyway, mostly because you're as curious as they are as to Ikki's reaction. Even if you want to be mad at the guy, he isn't mad at you, and you still can't stop thinking about Ikki.
The girls lips graze and they burst into fits of giggles as if saying wow that was so close, wasn't it sexy? and looking over to Ikki and the boys for signs of approval. Anything, really, to get the boys to look at them.
"Give me that," Ikki demands, smiling, making a daring grab for the pocky box and sliding one out. "I'm next."
The girls explode into smiles and light laughter and pile up next to Ikki, eager to see who he'll choose. Ikki is fondling the pocky stick and bearing his fangs in short contemplation before whipping around and waving an arm at you.
"Kazu! Get your ass over here!"
You can't say you want to take part in his stupid girl-crazy games and you can't say you've fully forgiven the guy for what he's done. But you've never been one to disobey your leader when he tells you to do something, so you rise to your feet and wander over. Take a seat next to him. You don't want to see which of these girls he'll choose, and you can't understand why you have to be here to watch with him. If he's expecting you to run around later telling the tale of how Ikki snuck a kiss in on a cute girl with pocky, well sir, he was highly mistaken.
And you turn to tell him something, whatever that something is, but its lost when you feel something drill into your mouth so fast you almost choke on it. The pocky is sticking loosely out of your stunned lips, and you're blinking wide eyed at him and you can hear the girls whispering and making offended noises that you can't really regard because Ikki ducks his head down.
And puts his mouth around the other end.
"Ready, Kazu?" he grins around the stick, taking the first bite and waiting for you to take your turn. But you're too stunned. Too dumbfounded.
When you hesitate for too long, Ikki takes the second bite, then the third, then the fourth, and you can easily see the bites getting larger as he gets closer. The girls are watching as intently as you are (because it's Ikki and no can can ever predict what that guy is going to do next), eyes large as they can get and going cross eyed when the crow is so, so close… you hear him laugh through his nose before taking that final bite, tips of his teeth scraping across your lips when he takes it and finally pulls back to savor the taste of chocolate and, unknowingly, you.
The girls are pouting now, disappointed in the turn of events, and Ikki is lounged back in his seat with the box of pocky at hand, contemplating a second go. But your cheeks are too hot and you can't take the eyes circling you, looking down noses at you for stealing the show, so you get up, and you leave, licking your lips to gather the remaining flavor of something that isn't chocolate.
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It's Friday evening and you're locked in your room. He's toying with your feelings. You're sure of it.
You pull out your cell phone and flip it open. Stare down at it, flick the buttons until you're at Ikki's stupid name. You can still text him if you want.
If you really want to, you can sum up all the feelings of pain and rejection and thoughts and final words into a 160 character limit text message and hit send. You can wait for the notification that it's delivered – cause really, there'd be nothing worse than working up the guts to send such a thing and do something crazy afterwards only for the idiot to never get the memo – and then go about your way.
You've never been one to result to suicidal thoughts, but that's because you don't intend to, but it's definitely crossed your mind and you just want to let Ikki know and maybe, somewhere, some part of you wants him to try and stop you.
There's a shiver that makes its way up and down your spine telling you that you're crazy and irrational and love sick and thinking about Ikki. Its something that throttles you and doesn't let you go. Your thumbs are hovering over your phone and you're texting him things before you can actually finish thinking them. And because you're feeling horrible and you're stuck in the moment, you hit send, and you can't unsend.
And all you can think about is Ikki.
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It's the following Monday when you see him again. When he sees you again. It isn't anything casual. Not really.
He gets a pretty painful grip on your scrawny shoulders and throws you up against the wall and suffocates you by getting up real close. You hiss at him that this is embarrassing and he's causing a fucking scene and people are fucking staring at them but Ikki shakes you roughly and tells you he doesn't care.
He asks you about that message you sent the other day. He asks you what the fuck you were thinking. He screams at you for being stupid. He wants to know what the hell is going on. He calls you names and makes fun of your blonde hair.
You try to shake him off but Ikki is made of stone, and you can almost feel your bones cracking under his hands, feel yourself melt under his hot breath. He's staring down at you like an insect he's gotten somewhat attached to, and he pulls you back from the wall only to slam you back up against it. Your back is rubbing raw and your feet are awkwardly inverted and unbalanced. You take hold of his wrists in attempt to remove them, and dare to glower back at him.
Tell him off, already. It was nothing and he wouldn't understand anyway. It isn't like you were actually going to do anything. People are crowding around and watching you and you tell Ikki to let go so this doesn't turn into some scene but he growls and tells you that if you didn't want a scene you should have thought about that before you wrote that stupid text message. And here he is again, calling you on your shit and putting you in your place.
You look left, and then down, and you focus on your feet because you can't meet him in the eyes. Not that it matters because all you can think about is him. Of Ikki.
His hands are tight around your wrists but they loosen enough to slide up to your hands and grip you there, lacing your fingers forcefully and pinning them to the wall instead. He brings himself closer to you, lips close to your ear as if you're wrestling.
This isn't about girls or AT or pocky, and somehow you think that Ikki gets it now. You narrow your eyes at him, not knowing that a few years down the line this will be a moment you'll remember most fondly or that you wouldn't have wanted it to play out any other way. But right now you're furious and embarrassed and Ikki mutters something under his breath before closing the distance between you and connecting his lips to yours.
The shock strangles you instantly. Your chest heaves out and your arms try to squirm but can't, and your legs go frantic and flail. He's stealing your breath, your everything and people are still staring and you hate Ikki, you hate him so much, but he's all you can think about.
And when he finally pulls back, his eyes are still fierce, and you return the glare equally, fingers curled into fists to show you're upset with him as much as you think you're in love with him and you want to fight back but he's got you hostage and there was no way you stood a chance, no way you ever stand a chance, when all you can think about is Ikki.
