Everything is eternal, a never-ending cycle that assaults my ravaged senses. Emotions run haywire; thoughts run wild, leaving incoherent fragments behind to sort through. Questions forever unanswered.
Pain…Depression…Desperation...
There is no sense to love, it just is. A look, a touch, a word…love is everything. True love, on the other hand, is a rarity. Precious gems are like a dime a dozen compared to true love. It awakens your soul with an intoxication rhythm. Finally you understand those love songs, you feel complete, like finding the last piece of a puzzle. But in just a second, you can lose it.
I lost it…
I accepted who I was from an early age, but love always eluded me till one fateful day. Never had I felt so happy, she completed me, and I her. A look equaled butterflies in my stomach, a smile weakened my knees, hugs stole my breath away and lowered my thinking capabilities to those of an amoeba, and those kisses…oh goddess, those sweet kisses stopped my heart. Things were perfect, no secrets, no lies; everything laid out. We accepted each other completely.
Disaster struck…
We were ripped apart. Now I am nothing; an empty husk of worthlessness. A broken and battered body, containing an even more damaged soul. Undeserving of that wonderful woman that holds my heart in her delicate hands. Self-hatred always ready to pounce at me while I'm at my most vulnerable and take another chunk of my blackened soul. Giving in to base desires, anything that could end the pain. Metal biting into my skin, blood flowing in little rivulets down my thighs and breasts. Her name forever in my flesh.
Weak…Pathetic…
I craved touch, but when it was achieved…I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. Their hands don't belong on my body and their kisses are poison. I go numb. They leave and I slink back to my room, like a kicked dog. Curled up in my bed, tears streaming down my face, an imaginary blade strike my heart. The hickeys on my neck disgust me, a mark of ownership from the wrong woman. How could I of been so fucking stupid?
I am forever defiled…
But that girl that awakened my soul is still there, just out of my reach. Her sadness kills me. Thinking that everyone has left…but I'm still here, waiting for her. I want to shout, "Look, you're not alone!" But when I open my mouth, the words won't come out. Secretly, I stand by her side giving her the strength and support to carry on. I just wish she'd look at me, I'd get on my knees and beg if need be. Just look…please?
