Dear Fandom: A Reversed Version of "Ask-The-Characters"
The five main characters (Simon, Piggy, Ralph, Jack, and Roger) discover the small LotF fandom, and they have a few questions for it.
Note: I had some trouble with the title and the editing and stuff; please bear with me.
Disclaimer—I do not own Lord of the Flies. All characters belong to William Golding.
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Ralph: Hey, everyone! I just found something wizard!
Jack: What?
Ralph: We have something called a "fandom". Here, look. (Hands Jack a laptop; everyone else crowds around.)
Piggy: They write stories about us?
Ralph: Yeah, and they draw pictures, too. Smashing, isn't it?
Simon: Um, well, I guess so.
Jack: Why can't you just enjoy it, Simon? See here; look at this picture of me! I'm almost as attractive there as I am in real life!
Roger: (Points) Click on that.
Jack: What is it?
Roger: Something called "slash", I think. It has your name on it, and mine, so it must be good.
(Jack clicks on the link and everyone reads the story by...someone.)
Simon: (Halfway through) Oh...my. Are—are you sure you want to finish this?
Roger: (Grinning) Of course! It's so funny!
Jack: And so...just...I don't know.
Piggy: You find this funny? We ought to write a letter to this "fandom", Ralph—see just what all these people are up to.
Ralph: They seem cracked to me. But all right. Does anyone have an idea on what they want to ask?
Jack: Well, I want to make sure that they like me more than you.
Ralph: ...Why do you hate me?
Jack: Just get some paper and write the question.
Piggy: I got it already. (Holds up pen.)
Jack: (Sighs) You would, Fatty.
Ralph: Shut up. (To Piggy) Did you write the question?
Piggy: Right here on the paper.
Ralph: Well, I have a question for them, too. I wonder why they liked Will's book.
Jack: I don't remember Will. Was he a littlun?
Piggy: Yes, the littlun what was always scratching things in the sand. You remember, don't you, Ralph?
Ralph: Sort of. He made us famous, so it would make sense that I would. Did you write my question?
Piggy: What was it again?
Ralph: Ask them why they liked the book.
Piggy: Okay. Got it down now. Simon, have you got a question?
Simon: I suppose...I mean, if they don't mind, of course...
Jack: Just say it, for the Queen's sake!
Simon: Well, Will didn't write about where we were before the island—of course he didn't know, so it would make sense—but I wonder what they think about that. I mean, what do they think we were like before the island?
Piggy: All right.
Roger: I've got one! What death did they think was the most wizard? Yours, Piggy, or Simon's, or the sow's, or even that littlun with the mulberry mark on his face?
Piggy: Why on earth would you ask something like that?
Ralph: He's just being Roger. Perhaps you should write it down...
Piggy: Of course! (Quickly writes question) All right, I suppose I ought to ask one now. Hmm. (Scribbles something, then shows the list to the rest of them.) What d'you think?
Ralph: I think that's fine. Now all we have to do is post it.
(Everyone looks at one another)
Jack: How do we do that?
Piggy: I'll figure it out. Jus' as soon as I figure out how to work this here computer...
Everyone else: (sighs)
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Here is the completed list of questions for the LotF fandom, from the boys themselves.
Jack asks: Which of us is your favorite? It had better be me.
Ralph asks: Why did you like the book in the first place?
Simon asks: What do you think our lives were like before the island?
Roger asks: Which island death was the best/worst?
Piggy asks: What's up with the slash?
Piggy's Note: I want to be ambiguous about our feelings on slash, because you should be honest. Don't feel like you have to answer every question, either.
