Dear Fandom: A Reversed Version of "Ask-The-Characters"

The five main characters (Simon, Piggy, Ralph, Jack, and Roger) discover the small LotF fandom, and they have a few questions for it.

Note: I had some trouble with the title and the editing and stuff; please bear with me.

Disclaimer—I do not own Lord of the Flies. All characters belong to William Golding.

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Ralph: Hey, everyone! I just found something wizard!

Jack: What?

Ralph: We have something called a "fandom". Here, look. (Hands Jack a laptop; everyone else crowds around.)

Piggy: They write stories about us?

Ralph: Yeah, and they draw pictures, too. Smashing, isn't it?

Simon: Um, well, I guess so.

Jack: Why can't you just enjoy it, Simon? See here; look at this picture of me! I'm almost as attractive there as I am in real life!

Roger: (Points) Click on that.

Jack: What is it?

Roger: Something called "slash", I think. It has your name on it, and mine, so it must be good.

(Jack clicks on the link and everyone reads the story by...someone.)

Simon: (Halfway through) Oh...my. Are—are you sure you want to finish this?

Roger: (Grinning) Of course! It's so funny!

Jack: And so...just...I don't know.

Piggy: You find this funny? We ought to write a letter to this "fandom", Ralph—see just what all these people are up to.

Ralph: They seem cracked to me. But all right. Does anyone have an idea on what they want to ask?

Jack: Well, I want to make sure that they like me more than you.

Ralph: ...Why do you hate me?

Jack: Just get some paper and write the question.

Piggy: I got it already. (Holds up pen.)

Jack: (Sighs) You would, Fatty.

Ralph: Shut up. (To Piggy) Did you write the question?

Piggy: Right here on the paper.

Ralph: Well, I have a question for them, too. I wonder why they liked Will's book.

Jack: I don't remember Will. Was he a littlun?

Piggy: Yes, the littlun what was always scratching things in the sand. You remember, don't you, Ralph?

Ralph: Sort of. He made us famous, so it would make sense that I would. Did you write my question?

Piggy: What was it again?

Ralph: Ask them why they liked the book.

Piggy: Okay. Got it down now. Simon, have you got a question?

Simon: I suppose...I mean, if they don't mind, of course...

Jack: Just say it, for the Queen's sake!

Simon: Well, Will didn't write about where we were before the island—of course he didn't know, so it would make sense—but I wonder what they think about that. I mean, what do they think we were like before the island?

Piggy: All right.

Roger: I've got one! What death did they think was the most wizard? Yours, Piggy, or Simon's, or the sow's, or even that littlun with the mulberry mark on his face?

Piggy: Why on earth would you ask something like that?

Ralph: He's just being Roger. Perhaps you should write it down...

Piggy: Of course! (Quickly writes question) All right, I suppose I ought to ask one now. Hmm. (Scribbles something, then shows the list to the rest of them.) What d'you think?

Ralph: I think that's fine. Now all we have to do is post it.

(Everyone looks at one another)

Jack: How do we do that?

Piggy: I'll figure it out. Jus' as soon as I figure out how to work this here computer...

Everyone else: (sighs)

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Here is the completed list of questions for the LotF fandom, from the boys themselves.

Jack asks: Which of us is your favorite? It had better be me.

Ralph asks: Why did you like the book in the first place?

Simon asks: What do you think our lives were like before the island?

Roger asks: Which island death was the best/worst?

Piggy asks: What's up with the slash?

Piggy's Note: I want to be ambiguous about our feelings on slash, because you should be honest. Don't feel like you have to answer every question, either.