Dear Diary,

It's been seven days, three hours, two minutes and in counting, 30 seconds since he left. I'd never expected it, or rather, I had, but forced myself to not believe it. It's getting ridiculous, Charlie wanting me to live with Renee, and Renee coming to Forks in a few days. The extra time, the surplus hours of the night that I no longer flustered about the past. The long gone, false past.

My chest hasn't stopped heavily panting since the first tear slid down my cheeks, the same cheeks that'd been kissed, touched, and cherished by him. I would be lying to myself if I wasn't heartbroken. No, that wouldn't even be a powerful word...possibly getting my heart ripped out of my chest, shred into pieces and devoured by the dark beast that is known heartbreak. All of which, the full circle swings back to the early warnings he'd given me. The times he'd told me, not to be around him, and all in all, I had been the idiotic one to think that he did love me.

It just didn't seem possible for him to leave me with such cruelty. Maybe it was for the best - he is afterall, the perfection...and let cliche be a way of life, like an angel. The many lies he told, the many confessions - they all felt so real. They weren't something I'd imagined, were they? It wasn't to the point, in my life, where I would no longer remember them, would I? The only sanity I am able to hold onto remains with the place I live in.

Forks. The town that'd started all of this, and yet seemed to be the end of everything. It's the only place that I am for certain he'd been here - that he once wanted me - or so he said. Oh look, another tear dropped onto the paper. My legs are cold as I stay huddled up on my bed, scrawling out this messy entry of my miserable life. It would seem to be a lie, if I told my father I was fine, yet this life expected so much out of me. It's been too long since I've inhaled his scent, indescribable and now, almost forgotten. My bedsheets are wet now, pillow included, with tears.

I feel weak, lips paler than normal and the areas around my eyes darker. The restlessness I've suffered, the endless nights I suffer of seeing my sparkling angel leave me, is something I am unable to repress, or remember in a way that would not cause the painful strike of a javelin into my heart. My chest hurts again as I sniffle back the tears, but useless. I was in too deep and now my body is unable to sustain its purpose of keeping me in well conditions.

I look pitiful. I hear Charlie and Renee talking on the phone. They're worried about me, thinking of taking me away. It's been the same debate - take her away from this town and everything will heal. I wish it would be true, yet also would regret it. I don't want to forget him, yet the acids burning away my heart seems to feel otherwise. I am no longer in control of my emotions. They're all the same...everything is the same...I'm plain, why would he have loved me anyways?

I hadn't attended school yet, but tomorrow I have to. It's been a week and they say I will fail if I don't catch up. But it's a good thing I'll be in class again - for better or for worse - it'll get my mind off the matter. The whole purpose, I assumed, that Charlie wanted to delay my return of school, was to convince me to leave Forks, and start fresh. How does one, like me, start new, to leave a place I'd vowed to stay in, just for that bittersweet surreal feeling that, he was once here.

That, was the true reason I could no longer leave. I miss them all - every one of them till my heart ached and my knees bucked from the swollen pains my heart was having. It felt like a black hole, one where all my body's last few strands of life will be cut and take the last few nutrients of it away, finally growing larger and larger, then somehow being sucked away into nothingness, into void.

Bella.