For all the sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these,
'It might have been'
-John Greenleaf Whittier
Prologue
My world was burning, crashing really. Nothing made sense anymore. I needed to leave, to clear my head. I didn't what I was doing. He found someone new. He didn't love me anymore. He didn't want to love me.
I knew that someone would capture his heart more than I ever could, but I didn't think it would be so soon. He wouldn't, couldn't, love anymore.
Deep down, I knew awhile ago I would give him up. I couldn't hold him back from being happy. I knew he loved me more than anything at the time. That was never in question, but I regularly questioned myself – did I love him? I didn't know that answer to that until today, right now.
"Bella, I imprinted. I'm sorry. You know I can't control that."
He was apologizing to me about imprinting! How could he do that? He had his entire life in front of him now. A reason for life, air to breathe. He didn't need me. No one did.
It seemed ironic, though, that just days before I was considering breaking up with him. I couldn't lead him on anymore. I didn't love him like that. I needed him the sun, but he didn't need me at all.
I couldn't handle it. He could be happy, I don't know, but he looked miserable walking out the door that day. Everything I said to him, every love you too, every come on, let's do something, every goodbye ran through my head all at the same time. He wasn't happy with me. He never was. I think.
"I love you, Bella. I know you don't feel the same, but I needed to tell you."
I could've told him the truth, I loved him too, but he would know it wasn't the same type of love. I always wished I had a claim on him, something to keep him in my life forever. I didn't have anything now.
Was it too late to show him how happy we both were? Or was he happier with her? I said her name with jealousy. I was jealous; she had my sun, my life, and my sanity in her hands. I didn't think she knew how well she had it.
The last few days were nothing. He didn't talk and I didn't ask. I knew something was off. I just didn't know how off. Nothing was right between us.
"No, Bella, don't go. I need you here. I want you here."
He didn't need me. He didn't want me. He had her. Everything that had happened between us meant nothing now. Every time I came home crying, nothing would help me except him. Now, when I needed him most, when he caused this, he wasn't here.
If I had just stopped him, just taken the time to listen to him, maybe he would be here. Maybe he would realize he needed me still. I should've stopped him. I should've kept him from walking.
But he should be happy. All those times he made me happy, all those times he dedicated his time to me. He should have his happy ending. He's made me happier than ever, shouldn't I want that for him, too?
"I love you. I always will, no matter what happens. Remember that, Bella, and be safe."
How could I be safe? When I had nothing to be safe for? When everything was gone? When he was gone? Jacob…
SONG: You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol
