"James?"
"Hmm?
"Do you have any plans for Hogsmeade?"
I stopped writing my essay because I'm pretty sure Lily Evans is asking me out. I can't say her timing is perfect though. We're friends. I've just started coming around to the idea that being with her wasn't going to happen and I was okay that. But you just had to mess that up, didn't you? I spent so much time and energy trying to get over you so it'd be bearable to work with you this year. I don't know if I can handle this right now, so I answer a little evasively.
"Not really. I'll probably be spending it in the Three Broomsticks with the other three."
You're biting your lip in anticipation now… Dear Merlin, you are asking me out.
"Well, I was wondering if you maybe… wanted to go out with me? Maybe grab a bite to eat together before you join the boys?"
I can't breathe. And the words are starting to get backed up in my throat and I'm choking on them and you're getting nervous now because you're starting to move your leg in nervousness while you wait while I start to say something AND WHY CAN'T I OPEN MY MOUTH TO SAY YES?
"Uh… Why?"
Why. Why? WHY!? Out of all the things to say like, oh I don't know "Yes", you say why?
"I mean, I don't understand."
Yes, because that's a much better answer.
"What do you not understand? I fancy you, you fancy me… right? I mean, you do right? Oh god, you don't do you? I'm too late? Am I too late? I knew it. I bloody knew it. I should have kept my mouth shut. I 'm sorry. Please just forget wha-"
"When." I needed to know. Why now?
"What?
"When and how did I miss this?"
"You mean when I started to fancy you? It just happened. I don't know James, what do you want me to say? All last year, I kept seeing glimpses of this man I knew you could be if you would only take things seriously and it happened. You grew up. And better yet, you didn't do it for me. You wanted this for yourself. And now with the Head Boy badge, you wanted to prove that you did deserve getting it and you do.
I was always waiting for you, James. You've become the man I always wanted. And I'm rambling. Can you just… Just put me out my misery. Do you want to go to Hogsmeade or not?"
I couldn't bother to say yes to her. After all that, how could I?
So I kissed her instead.
