Chapter 1: A Humble Beginning
Death Has a Shadow
It was an ordinary day in Quahog, Rhode Island. The Griffins were watching an episode of The Brady Bunch. On left to right were the family on the light purple couch; eldest son Chris Griffin, family dog Brian, who was sitting on the floor, father Peter Griffin, mother Lois Griffin, who was holding the youngest son Stewie Griffin in her arms, and finally eldest child and only daughter Meg Griffin, who was lying on her stomach.
"Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket." Jan told her parents.
"Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?" Mike asked, looking at Greg.
"No, dad." Greg answered.
Mike then turned to his wife. "Well, he's lying. There's no doubt about that." He then turned back to Greg. "Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snake pit." As he said that, he pushed a button next to him that revealed a trapdoor on the floor between Greg and Jan, where hissing noises were coming out of it. "Maybe that'll give you some time to think about what you've done." Mike then finished.
"Aw, man!" Greg whined. He then leaped into the snake pit.
"That'll teach him." Jan smugly said in victory.
Mike was now walking over to a metallic door in the same room. "And Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire..." He then pressed another button on the wall which opened the metallic door, revealing a room filled with flames. Mike soon finished his sentence "...for tattling on your brother."
"Uch! Smoking. How does a boy like that go so wrong?" Lois said, turning her head to Peter.
"Well, they live in a crummy neighborhood." Peter replied.
"The Bradys?" Brian questioned.
"Oh, hell, yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. Ugh, you name it." Peter explained.
Suddenly, a black woman pops up from the window holding a stack of pancakes and said. "You folks want some pancakes?"
"No, thank you." Peter told her and then turned to the audience. "See, that's the worst we got is, uh, Jemima's Witnesses."
Later, it was nighttime. Everyone was then at the kitchen table. Well, except for Peter, who wasn't there. There, Lois was busy getting dinner ready, Chris was doing homework and writing notes, Meg was reading a magazine, and finally, the baby Stewie was on a high chair, appearing to be adjusting to what appeared to be a ray gun.
"Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?" Meg asked her mother.
Lois then answered her. "Meg, you don't need to change the ay you look. You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image."
Cutaway #1
In a gym called "Das Gym," Hitler is trying pathetically to lift two small weights. He then hears laughter coming from his left and turns to see a physically fit Jewish man with woman around him. Hitler soon growls in envy.
End
"Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion!" Stewie exclaimed, satisfied with his success.
Lois then took away the rifle he was working on. "Stewie, I said no toys at the table."
"Damn you, vile woman!" Stewie yelled at his mother infuriated. "You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb."
Lois wanted to confort her baby. "Ohh, don't pout, honey. You know, when you were born, the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he'd ever seen."
"Yeah, I remember the day Stewie was born." Meg reminisced of her brother's birth, "He was the only baby I've ever seen who came out smiling."
"But, of course. That was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille!" Stewie explained, then ordered her. "Return the device, woman!"
"No toys, Stewie" Lois told Stewie. She put the device in a cabinet.
"Very well, then. Mark my words, when you least expect it, your uppance will come!" Stewie threatened her, narrowing his eyes menacingly at her.
"Kids, I just don't know if I like the idea of your father going to a stag party tonight." Lois discussed.
"Relax, Mom." Meg reassured her mother. "It's just a bunch of guys sitting around with a black marker and a checklist of The Ten Commandments."
"Hehe, 'Thou shall get drunk'. Yeah!" Chris chuckled.
"Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that." Lois told her son.
"Mom, can I turn the heat up?" Meg then asked, "It's kind of cold in here."
"Oh, don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset." Lois said
"Come on. This thing goes up to 90." Meg replied. She barely turned the dial when Peter soon bursted into the room.
"Who touched the thermostat?" Peter said.
"God, how does he always know?" Meg questioned.
"Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one. Tells you when the children are messin' with the dial." Peter told his daughter.
Right after he said that, a man immediately came in from the back door in the door. "Hey, Peter, my thing went off! Your thermostat okay?"
"Yeah, it's alright." Peter said to the man.
"Hey, is my kid over here?" Said a black man who then entered the scene.
"Forget it! False alarm!" The first man said. Then another possible father came up from behind the other two dads.
"Whoa, ass ahoy." Brian said whilst entering the room, then asked "Hey, Peter, it's 7:00 and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion?"
"He's going to a stag party." Lois answered Brian's question with her arms crossed.
"Oh, yeah. I forgot you had plans." Brian said remembering Peter's plans for tonight. "Say, when are you leaving for the party, Peter?"
"Eh, in about 15 minutes." Peter told Brian before turning to Lois as he then tried to convince her about letting him go. "And Lois, before you say anything, I work hard all week to provide for this family. I am the man of the house and as the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party." Peter demanded.
"Look, at least promise me you won't drink. Alcohol always leads to trouble." Lois said to Peter, hoping he would take it seriously.
"Come on, you're worrying about nothing." Peter told her, trying to get her to relax. "And besides, alcohol doesn't affect me."
"Oh? Remember when you got drunk off the Communion wine at church?" Lois asked Peter, reminding him that this sort of thing had happened before.
Cutaway #2
At a church, a pastor was giving a sermon to everyone. "And so The Lord God smote poor Job with festering boils all over his body." The pastor said.
The pastor continued his sermon. "Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity." While the pastor was talking, Peter was taking a rather big sip from the Communion cup he was allowed to drink, then he coughed.
"Whoa, is that really the blood of Christ?" Peter asked the pastor, now intoxicated.
The pastor answered "Yes."
"Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day, huh?" Peter drunkenly remarked.
End
Lois continued her point. "And then there was that time at the ice cream store."
Cutaway #3
The Griffins were inside an ice cream parlor, each family member, except Lois, who was holding Stewie, and Brian having their own scoop of ice cream.
"Aw, Butter Rum's my favorite." Peter exclaimed at his ice cream. As he takes a single lick, he passes out on a nearby table.
End
Brian emerges from underneath the table and furthers Lois's example. "And remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?"
Cutaway #4
The Griffins were at a theater crying like the other moviegoers, whilst Peter seemingly observing something about the movie they were watching. He then realizes the subject as he claps his hands together and says "I got it. That's the guy from Big. Tom Hanks, that's it." Meg and Lois turned their heads towards Peter in slight annoyance. "Aw, funny guy, Tom Hanks. Everything he says is a stitch." Peter continued.
Then on the screen, it showed the said actor saying "I have AIDS." Peter then bursted out laughter at what he said, believing it to be a joke. His daughter, Meg, however, gave him a very mad look on her face.
End
"Promise me, Peter." Lois said in irritance, hoping he would.
"Lois, honey, I promise. Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch these lips tonight." Peter proclaimed.
Immediately, at the stag party, a man with the red Hawaiian shirt said "Hey! Who wants to play 'Drink the Beer'?" The man was named Quagmire.
"Right here." Peter said. The chugged the beer.
"Heh, you win." Quagmire said.
"Alright. What do I win?" Peter asked.
"Another beer!" Quagmire said, handing a beer to Peter.
"Oh, I'm going for the high score!" Peter excitedly claimed.
"Well, actually, Charlie's got the high score." Quagmire said pointing to a man supposedly Charlie urinating in a grandfather clock. "Hey, man. Your clock won't flush." said Charlie.
Soon then, Peter began to feel guilty about breaking his promise to Lois, which he then told the guys. "You know, I feel kind of bad, you guys. I promised my wife I wouldn't drink."
"Aw, don't feel bed, Peter." Quagmire told Peter.
"Huh, gee. I never really thought of it like that."
"Hey! did you bring the porno?" A man to Peter's right said.
"Did I bring the porno, eh?" Peter replied, holding up a video cassette entitled Assablanca on the front. "You're gonna love it. It's a classic."
They guys were watching the movie on a couch. The movie they were watching was an erotic version of the classic film Casablanca.
"Listen, Ilsa. If I tske this thing out and you're not on it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not today. But soon, and for the rest of your life." The man in a trenchcoat said to Ilsa.
"Oh, come on, Ilsa! Get on!" Peter told the fictional character, desperate to see some action.
Back in the movie, Ilsa then took off her robe, revealing herself in her underwear. Just as she was about to remove her bra, static cuts the scene to a picture of the Statue of Liberty. "The statue was originally a gift from France." said the announcer, as it was a documentary.
"What is this?" Charlie demanded.
"Aw, man. My kid must've taped over this for history class." Peter replied in realization.
Almost all the guys there groaned in disappointment. "Aw, the Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do?" One of them asked.
"Boys, boys, we're gonna drink till she's hot." Peter suggested.
"Eh, that's just crazy enough to work." Quagmire agreed with.
Soon, they were all busy slurping and consuming much alcohol in order to satisfy their specific needs. Suddenly, a blue, mysterious glowing light came from outside, but the guys were too on their own plan to even notice.
Then morning arose and everyone was having breakfast. The catch, however, was that they were having their breakfast on top of a hungover Peter, who was already awake.
"Meg, finish your pancakes. Chris, elbows off your father." Lois told her kids. "Thanks, son." Peter thanked Chris as the boy lifted his elbows.
"37 beers. Well, you're setting a great example for the kids, Peter." Lois said to her husband.
"Yeah, a new family record. Way to raise the bar, dad." Chris said.
"Chris, you're 13. Don't talk like that." Lois told Chris.
"Now, kids, daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off." Peter abruptly said.
"Peter, what did you promise me last night?" Lois tested Peter to remind him of what she said before.
"I wouldn't drink at the stag party." Peter replied.
Lois then gave Peter another question about last night. "And what did you do?"
"Drank at the stag pa... Oh, ho, ho, ho, I almost walked right into that one." Peter chuckled, but then had his hands on his head. "Oh, God! It feels like accountants are cranking adding machines in my head." Peter conplained in headache. The scene then zooms inside Peter's head to show two accountants in desks doing exactly what Peter said about them.
The accountant on the left asked the right accountant "Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls?"
The right accountant, on the other hand, brushed off the question and told his workmate "Say now, that's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work."
The other accountant then agreed "Okay," is all he said after that. Then he and his partner went back to work.
Back outside of Peter's head, Lois then said "You see, Peter? A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean... Ughh." She was cut off by the snap of one of her chair's legs and ended up on the floor.
"Mom, are you all right?" Meg asked.
Lois got back up, assuring everyone she was okay. "My goodness. This chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly? I could've broken my neck." Lois said after surveying the chair leg.
"Damn!" Stewie bitterly replied after Lois said that, indicating he was the one to have caused it.
"Look, honey, I took a cab home, I let the hobos outside sleep on the porch, I slept on the table so I wouldn't..." Peter informed Lois before she cut him off.
"Wait a minute. Peter, what did you mean by 'the hobos outside?'" Lois asked Peter.
"Oh, that. Well, you see, these two homeless guys were on the front porch when I got home. They were already out by the time I noticed them. I pretty sure they're gone by now." Peter told her.
Lois went to the front door to see if Peter was right and after looking both sides, she looked down and found two young men lying unconscious on the front porch, just as Peter said. They appeared to have been pummeled a lot, as one of them had a huge bruise on his. "Oh, my God!" was all Lois could say at her discovery. Then she got the kids in the living room. "Kids, help me bring them inside. They need our help." Lois and Chris lifted up a boy with brown hair who was wearing a long-sleeve, red shirt, blue pants and dark-gray shoes. They placed him on the couch to make him comfortable and to help him recover quicker. They then brought in the other teen who had glasses, tan-blonde hair, was wearing a cyan shirt, grey shorts and sneakers. They instead layed him on a blanket spreaded on the floor.
"Are they dead?" Chris was curious.
"They're not dead, you idiot. They're still breathing." Meg told her low-grade brother.
"Oh, yeah? Well, prove it." Chris dared her.
Meg then held on Boy #2's nose to show Chris. When the boy begins to move, she lets go and proves to him right.
"Chris, go and tell your father. I'm going to need him to
"Alright, Meg, I'm going to need you to watch them while I'm gone. Okay?" Lois informed Meg.
"Yes. ma'am." Meg said.
Lois went to find where the first-aid kit was. The boy then started to gain a bit of conscienceness back, but Meg didn't hear nor notice him, as she looked at Tyler first, wondering where he and the other boy came from. The kid groaned and thought "Oww, what happened? Where am I?" He couldn't feel his eyes open and decided to move his hand a bit to hand to the left, but soon Meg felt something touching her rear, which the felt the same. He managed to get his eyes opened and found his hand on what looked like a butt, which made him look up to find a girl looking down from behind. It was silent for a moment or two, then finally they both screamed at the same time, which then woke up the other boy on the ground. Lois and Chris rushed back into the living room to see what happened.
"You pervert!" Meg shouted at the boy on the couch.
"Meg. Are you okay? What happened?" Lois asked Meg.
"He touched my butt!" Meg pointed to the boy on the couch, who was now conscience.
"What?!" Lois exclaimed.
Chris laughs at the situation. "Looks like Meg's gotta new boyfriend." Chris then said.
"Is this true?" Lois demanded to the boy who "touched" her.
"No, her butt was right in front of my face." The boy claimed.
Suddenly, the boy on the floor was just getting up. He then took a big yawn and then stretched. "Mornin'." The boy said now waking up, "Wait, afternoon? Or was it evening?"
"It's morning." Lois told him.
"Oh..." Boy #2 replied.
"Can we get back to me, please? I got sexually harassed by some boy on a couch." Meg said.
"For the last time, I..." Boy #1 said.
"That's enough, you two!" Lois broke in, attempting to end their arguing.
"But he..." Meg said. "But she..." The boy on the couch said.
"No 'buts'. Now, Meg, I don't want you to be rude to our new guests. They were on our front door and they need all our help and during then, I like for you to maybe get to know this boy a little more. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding." Lois told Meg.
"But I..." Meg said before Lois gave a stern look at her, causing her to change her mind. "Okay, fine, mom."
"That's better." Lois said. She turned her direction to the boy now. "And young man, I suggest you and your friend do the same."
"Alright." Boy #1 said.
"Yes, ma'am." Boy #2 said.
"Thank you... Oh, I'm sorry. I don't even know your names." Lois said realizing she didn't know their names first.
"Our names... Uhh... I think mine is..." Boy #1, "That's weird. I can't remember what my name is."
"Yeah. Me, too. Or anything else, for that matter." Boy #2 also said.
"How come they can't remember, mom?" Chris asked.
"I think they might have amnesia." Lois claimed.
"Who's amnesia?" Boy #2
"Not who, what. It's a condition where you cannot remember who you were." Lois said, "I know. How about you two stay here with us until you get your memories back. How does that sound?"
"That's mighty kind of you, Mrs..." Boy #2 said upon realizing something important, "Uh, I'm sorry. My friend and I don't know your names."
"Oh, I'm sorry. My name is Lois Griffin, but you two will call me 'Mrs. Griffin,' okay?" Lois told the boys. "Let me introduce you boys to everyone."
"I can see one of you've met my daughter, Meg, who's ass you grabbed." Lois told Boy #1.
"Wha- No! I didn't know it was her, "rear" that I touched. Besides, I had my eyes closed. I couldn't see where my hand was." Boy #1 quickly repied. "Sure you were." Lois said sarcastically. "I DIDN'T!" Boy #1 shouted.
Boy #2 pointed to Chris. "That's my son, Chris. And this here is little baby Stewie." Lois told the boys. "Say hi to the nice people, Stewie." Lois said affectionately to her baby.
"Hey, Lois, are you and the kids done with breakfast, 'cause, uh, I like to get off now." Peter said from in the kitchen.
"Oh, and that would be my husband, Peter." Lois said still aggrivated with him.
Everyone, including the new guests, then went to the kitchen where Peter was still lying on the table with breakfast on him.
"Peter, are these the 'hobos' you were telling me about?" Lois asked Peter.
"Yeah, that's them. Nice to meet ya, I'm Peter Griffin. You can call me Peter." Peter then talked to the boys, "What are your names?"
"Uh, Peter, they don't really know much about their names because they've got amnesia." Lois informed Peter.
"Amnesia? Wait. It is contageous, is it?" Peter questioned Lois.
"No, Peter." Lois answered.
"Wheh, thank God." Peter relieved.
"Anyway, Peter, I was hoping maybe we could have them stay here until they recover. I don't think they have anywhere else and I feel we should help them. So, what do you say? Can they stay?" Lois asked Peter about the decision.
"Well... I-I guess... Anyway, Lois, I was just letting you know that I slept on the table so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happen." Peter reminded Lois of earlier.
"Well, I... I guess you're right." Lois accepted his apology.
"Apology accepted. All right, I'm going to work. Somebody's gotta put food on this table." Peter said. He then passed out rolling off the table along with the family's breakfast.
Peter went to his workplace, the Happy-Go-Lucky toy factory. Peter's boss, Mr. Weed was checking up on his workers' progress. "How are you coming, Johnson?" Mr. Weed asked Johnson. The worker then replied "Well, Mr. Weed, I've been working on the new G.I. Jew line and as you can see, they look great." He was holding a prototype of his toy, a army soldier meant to resemble a stereotypical Jewish man, which said "You call these bagels?" "Whoa! I'm glad he's on our side!" The worker replied to the toy's statement.
The boys from back at the house came with Peter to work, who was asleep behind a conveyor belt that had different types of toys going by on it. "Peter!" said Mr. Weed waking up Peter, who stuttered "What?". Mr. Weed was very upset "Are you sleeping on the job?" Peter tried to convince him "Uh, no. There's, uhh, a bug in my eye and I'm tryin' to suffocate him."
Mr. Weed then went easy on Peter "Peter, I like you. But I need you to be more than just eye candy around here. It's your job to watch for toys that could be hazardous to children. Now, look sharp!" "Uhh, yes, sir!" Peter replied quickly. As Mr. Weed left, Peter went right back to sleep, where after one row of what were innocent playthings soon became a mini gallery of lethal weapons, such as a knife, a power socket, a tank of gasoline and etc. Boys #1 & 2 then attempted to wake Peter up but to prevail.
The next day, the news came on. "And now back to Action News 5. Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack." said the woman in the red anchor uniform. "Quite a situation we've got here, Tom." she soon told her partner. "Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane." Tom said to Diane, the red-clothed newswoman. "It seems the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy, Co. of Quahog, Rhode Island has released several highly unsafe toy products into the retail market." They then showed footage of some children whose parents purchased the "new" toys. "Come on, Timmy! Throw the Silly Ball!" a kid at home plate said, ready to swing, though instead of a Silly Ball, the kid at pitcher threw an axe which stuck to the boy's bat. "Oh, boy! A Pound Puppy!" said another boy who was shaking open a Pound Puppies box, only to find medicine to come out. Then, lastly, it showed a girl playing with a Baby Heimlich doll. "Come on, Baby Heimlich, spit it out." The baby then spat up fire.
Mr. Weed, watching the news in his office, ashamed and outraged, turned off the TV and turned to Peter. "Peter, I am appalled. Your negligence has damaged this company's reputation." "You're fired!" Mr. Weed then shouted. "Aw, jeez. For how long?" Peter asked his now former boss, confusing it with something else.
That night back home, Peter told his kids and the boys staying with them the news of what happened.
"Oh, my God! You got fired?" Meg said after hearing her father.
"Way to go, dad! Fight the machine!" Chris rooted for his father. "How do you know about the machine?" Stewie questioned Chris. "He didn't" Boy #2 told him. "Oh, well, never mind, then." Stewie replied back.
Peter tried to calm them down. "Now, don't worry, kids. Your father's still gonna put food on this table. Just not as much. So it might get competitive." Peter informed them.
Meg got up from her chair, "Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!" Meg said as she sat back down with her hands on her face.
"Hey, Peter, can we put her out in the yard for a while?" Brian suggested to Peter, which Boy #1 soon asked, "What?"
"Okay, who's hungry?" Lois said affirming that dinner was ready.
"Whoa!" Boy #2 said.
Peter han his hands to his head, trying to come up with a solution to the situation, "Aw, jeez. How the hell am I gonna break this to Lois? If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's gonna blame me!"
Boy #2 then decided to give Peter some help, "Why not just tell her the tr..."
Before Boy #2 gave him his solution, Peter's devil conscience appeared over his right shoulder. "Lie to her. It's okay to lie to woman. They're not people like us." The Peter devil said.
"Uhh, I don't know." Peter said in hesitation. He looked to his left shoulder and waited a second, then asked, "Hey, where's the other guy?"
Cutaway #5
Peter's angel conscience was stuck in traffic. "Come on, you bastard! I'm late for work." The angel said. He then takes a sip of his coffee, which spills on his white robe. "Oh-ohhh-oh, this is perfect!"
End
Peter then informed his kids and the guests, "Look, I don't want your mom to worry, all right? When she worries, she says, 'I told you so' and 'Stop doing that. I'm asleep.' So I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay? Now, not a word to your mom about me getting canned." "The same goes for you two also." Peter also said to Boys #1 & 2.
"What's that, Peter?" Lois asked Peter about what he was saying as she walked in the room holding dinner.
"Uh-uh, nothing. Uh, oh, the lost-my-job smells great." Peter nervously said out. "What?" Lois questioned.
"Uh-uh, Meg, honey, can you pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?" Peter quickly changed the subject nervously.
"Peter, are you feeling okay?" Lois was concerned. "Heh-heh, I feel great! I haven't got a job in the world." Peter replied.
"All right, then let's eat." Lois stated. "Now, I know you all hate eggplant, but..." She was cut off when a blue laser suddenly zoomed right in front of her, catching her and everyone else's attention. "What on earth was that?" Lois exclaimed. "It looked like some sort of laser..." Tyler claimed. Everyone pointed towards Stewie, who was holding what appeared to be a sandwich with a gunpoint at the opposite of Stewie's face. "What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish... And nothing else." Stewie told everyone as the gunpoint then rolled into the sandwich. Boy #1 then gave Stewie a suspicious look, assuming there's more to this child than meets the eye.
The next day, Peter walks back to the house with Boys #1 & 2 and Brian waiting for him on the front porch.
"Hey, how's the job search going?" Brian asked Peter.
"Uh, it sucks, guys. I've already been through two jobs this week. I got off of that commercial." Peter told them.
Cutaway #6
Peter is auditioning to be Sonny, the Cocoa Puffs mascot, with little success.
"Try it again." The director said.
Peter gets it wrong. "I'm caca for Cuckoo Puffs."
"No, damn it! Take 26." The director said aggrivated at Peter's repeated mistake.
End
Peter continued about his job search. "And then I had that job as the sneeze guard for the salad bar at that restaurant."
Cutaway #7
At the restaurant Peter mentioned, a woman is going to sneeze at a salad bar, but Peter, who's in uniform, pulls out a gun and points it directly at her. "Take it outside, lady." Peter informed the woman.
End
Peter then ended his statement. "And I thought I could win some money in that talent show."
Cutaway #8
We are shown a scene from The Sound of Music, where an announcer is giving out the results.
"And the grand prize goes to the Von Trapp Family Singers!" The announcer revealed.
"Oh, that is bull..." The last part of his sentence was drowned out by a round of applause from the audience. A German man later comes in and tells Peter, "They're gone!"
"Aw, sweet!" Peter proclaimed relievely.
End
Boy #2 then spoke, "Peter, I know it's a dangerous precedent, but why don't just tell Mrs. Griffin the truth."
"What? That I can't provide for my family? Tha-that she's always right? That I didn't really stand up to that tank in Tiananmen Square?" Peter told Brian, also bringing up a time he did fail Lois at.
Cutaway #9
This takes place to the Tiananmen Square event back in 1989. The government tanks are rolling down the street, where Peter is next to the lone man who attempts to stop the tanks. After looking back and forth between the man and the tanks, Peter suddenly says, "Aw, screw this! I just came over here to buy some fireworks!" After admitting his intentions, Peter soon runs away.
End
"Peter, they're right. You can't keep lying to her about losing your job. Sooner or later, she's gonna find out where you're really going every day." Brian said to Peter.
"Oh, yeah." Peter realized.
Cutaway #10
Lois is watching what sounds like a game show on the TV. Behind her is Peter disguising himself as a lamp.
End
Peter then realized that Brian and the Boys were right. then said, "Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell her tonight."
As soon as he left, Boy #1 then decided to ask Brian one personal question. "Hey, Brian, uh... Can me and my friend talk to you for a minute?" Boy #1 finally asked.
"Sure. What do you want to ask me?" Brian replied.
"Well, it's kinda about the baby." Boy #1 said.
"Who? Stewie?" Brian asked.
"Yep." Boy #1 replied.
"Let me guess, you think he's precious, don't you?" Brian teased.
"No. More like deviously phycho." Boy #2 said.
"Oh..." Brian exclaimed, "So, you both see it besides me, eh?"
"You knew?!" Boys # 1 & 2 said in unison.
"Look, it's something you'll both won't understand until you see it." Brian told them.
"Yeah? Well me and 'him' are going to catch him in the act before it's too late. Tonight." Boy #1 said.
"Phhttt. Well, good luck with that." Brian sarcastically told them.
That night, the kitchen was dark and there was no sign of anyone nearby. Just then, Stewie in his PJs enters the room, doing a small flip jump. He then pulls out a grappling hook out from behind him and aims it to the cabinet by the backdoor. He fires the gun and then slowly retracts up to the cabinet. He then opens it and successfully retrieves his mind control device from inside. "Victory is mine!" Stewie triumphly shouts.
"Gotcha!" Just then, Boys #1 & 2 jumps from different sides towards Stewie and tackle him, which breaks the rope that was holding him. The buys then try to hold down Stewie, but he keeps struggling to escape. Soon, the struggle has them roll under the table. Just then, Lois walks into the room while talking to Peter.
"Peter, I'll need the checkbook in the morning. I'm going to Stop 'N Shop for some sweet corn." Lois said to Peter. As they were talking, the boys' struggle with Stewie continues from underneath the table, though Lois and Peter didn't pay attention to nor could hear them.
"Wha, you're sending money on food again?" Peter asked Lois, "Geez, Lois, we just had dinner."
"Well, you know, I enjoyed it so much, I thought we'd eat again tomorrow." Lois sarcastically replied to Peter, "Since when are you so concerned about our food budget?"
"Well, I just, uh..." Peter stuttered and struggled, "Lois, this is really hard for me to say, but, uh..."
"What is it, Peter" Lois asked Peter.
Peter was having a hard time trying to tell her what he needed to say. Unfortunately, however. "You're getting kind of fat." Peter lied defeated.
"What?" Lois said a bit angered.
"I-It's just... It's not healthy. Heheheh..." Peter lied again.
"Peter, I do my Jane Fonda workout tape three times a week. When was the last time you saw your toes?" Lois reminded to Peter.
"Gee... Man, I thought you people were supposed to be jolly." Peter said.
"Peter, what the hell's the matter with you?" Lois concernly asked Peter, "Honey, if's there's something wrong, you can tell me."
Just after she said that, Peter's angel conscience finally arrives. "Hey, uh, sorry, man. Am I late? What did I miss?" Peter's angel conscience asked him.
"Ah, thank God you're here. What do I do?" Peter asked his conscience.
Just as it was about to answer, a devil conscience for the angel conscience then appears.
"Tell him to keep lying." The smaller devil conscience told the angel, "He's in too deep."
"Uhh, I don't know." The angel struggly said. He then looks to his left, only to find no one there. "Hey, where's the other guy?"
Cutaway #11
Just like what happened with the angel conscience, the angel's angel conscience is, you guessed it, stuck in traffic.
"Ughh! This is unbelievable!" The smaller angel said.
End
Peter lets out a slight sigh, then says, "Lois, I promise you, everthing's fine. You got nothin' to worry about."
"Well, well, mother!" A familiar voice came out, "We meet again!"
Lois turns around to find Stewie pointing his ray gun directly toward Lois, though, she doesn't seem horrified.
"Mrs. Griffin, get out of here!" Boy #1 said coming out from underneath beaten up.
"Yeah! Stewie's psycho!" Boy #2 soon too came out, also heavily bruised.
"What are you boys doing down the-" Lois was saying to the boys as she turns her attention to Stewie, "Stewie, I thought I tucked you in an hour ago."
"Not tightly enough it would seem." Stewie told back to Lois, "And now, you contemptible harpy, and with those two imbeciles out of the way, I shall end your oppressive reign of matriarchal tyranny."
"Oh, I see what's going on." Lois said.
"You do?" The boys underneath the table said.
"Yes, of course. You were both playing with Stewie." Lois said affectionately, "Well, isn't that sweet of you, boys."
"What?" Boys #1 & 2 exclaimed, shocked at what they've just heard.
"Oh, you can play with your new friends tomorrow, honey." Lois said to Stewie as she put the device back up in the cabinet, "Right now it's bedtime."
"Oh! Blast you and your estrogenical treachery!" Stewie yelled as Lois was carrying him out of the kitchen. "And your inefficient henchmen, too!" He then said, referring to the boys.
"Heh, sweet dreams, kiddo." Peter said to Stewie.
"You have the power to end this!" Stewie pointed to Peter.
Just as Lois left with Stewie, Brian walks in and he, Peter and the boys sat at the table.
"Hey, how'd she take it?" Brian asked Peter.
"He told her she was fat." Boy #2 replied for Peter.
"No. No." Brian then told Peter as he tapped his newspaper on Peter's head.
"Look, I hate lying to Lois. It's just... I-It the best way to keep her from knowing the truth." Peter explained to them.
"Mr. Griffin, you have to her about it before it's too late." Boy #1 reasoned.
"He's right, Peter, you don't have a choice. Your unemployment's gonna dry up soon and she'll probably sense something's amiss when they repossess your house." Brian then followed.
"Yeah, Mr. Griffin, you really oughta think about your family's welfare, or something..." Boy #2 said.
"Jeez, guys! That's a great idea!" Peter exclaimed in dignity.
"No. That's not what I..." Boy #2 replied to Peter's statement.
"Hey, thanks alot. Alright, I'm goin' to bed. Don't stay up too late, guys." Peter told them as he left the room.
"By the way, what happened?" Brian asked the boys.
"Uh, we were fighting Stewie." Boy #2 told Brian.
"You knew what was going to happen, didn't you?" Boy #1 questioned Brian.
"Pretty much." Brian replied, "So, now do you understand why I don't act?"
"Yes." Both of them agreed.
"Good." Brian told them as he went off for bed.
The next day, Peter was at the welfare offices in hopes of them giving hm money.
"Okay, do you have any disabilities, past injuries, physical anomalies?" The accountant asked Peter.
"Uhhh... Eh, o-oh! I-I didn't have gas for the first time until I was 30." Peter proclaimed.
Cutaway #12
It shows a younger Peter in his early 30s possibly in the '70s, where he was reading the paper. Suddenly, he farts for the first time and stops reading with a surprised look in his face.
"What the hell was that?" Peter wondered.
End
Peter excitedly returns home with his new welfare check. The boys, the kids (except Stewie) and Brian were there at the fornt porch.
"Guys, our money problems are over. We're officially on welfare!" Peter told everyone, "Come on, kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn."
"Uh, how much are we getting?" Brian then asked. "Yeah." Boy #2 replied.
"Uh, let's see. $150 a week." Peter exclaimed.
"Huh. Well, that's not too bad." Boy #1 said.
Meg takes a closer look at the check. "Wait." She soon said, "That's a comma, not a decimal."
Peter lifts his thumbs to show how much it really was; $150,000.
"Uh-oh..." Boy #2 proclaimed.
"Whoops." Peter replied.
Back in the house, Lois was sitting in the kitchen talking on the phone.
"No, no, I haven't seen Peter nor the new house guests all afternoon." Lois said on the phone, "I was giving a piano lesson."
Suddenly, arrows hit the side of the chair Lois was sitting on, exactly a few feet away from her. She then notices Stewie behind where she was looking at.
"Stewie, why don't you play in the other room?" Lois told Stewie.
Stewie steps out from behind the table. "Why don't you burn in Hell?" The toddler yelled back.
"Well, no dessert for you, young man." Lois said to Stewie's statement.
Somewhere else in the neighborhood, Peter was genually achnowledging how much money the government gave him, whilst Brian was urinating on a fire hydrant.
"Boy! Who would've thought getting drunk at a stag party would get me $150,000 a week from the government?" Peter excitedly said.
"This is why I don't vote." Brian scoffed.
"Heh. Hey, maybe somebody down there was drinking, too, huh?" Peter assumed.
Cutaway #13
At a presidential hearing, a man in the crowd gives the President a question about his politics.
"Mr. President, why do you think the American public continues to support you throughout these impeachment proceedings?" The man asked.
"Um, probably because you're so fat." Bill Clinton trash talked back at the man as he was clearly intoxicated from the martini he was drinking.
(A/N: This Bill Clinton is actually the one with the redesign seen in "Peter and Bill's Bogus Journey. I just thought that since Seth and his animators wanted this new look, that it should be the main look for the character.)
End
"Peter, you might want to call the Welfare Commission." Brian told Peter, "That check is obviously an oversight."
"Well, not necessarily." Peter suggested, "Maybe I'm like their one millionth customer."
"What, you're gonna spend a $150,000 a week?" Brian questioned Peter.
"Um. Yeah." Peter said a bit nervous.
"On what?" Brian asked.
Back at the house, Peter was just showing everyone his first purchase with the welfare money.
"Oh, my God!" Lois exclaimed in surprise, "Peter, you bought the Statue of David?" It was indeed the Statue of David.
"No, no, no, I just rented it." Peter informed Lois, "Yeah, they're gonna be ticked, though. The penis broke off while I was loading it into the car." Peter then threw the broken off fragment into the distance. It crashes through a window in Mr. Weed's house, where, coincidentally, it lands right next to him sitting in his living room.
"I shall call you 'Eduardo.'" Mr. Weed said at his newfound companion.
Cuts back to the Griffins outside their house.
"Peter, how can we afford this?" Lois questioned Peter.
"You're not gonna believe it, mom! Dad's getting a-" Chris said, almost blowing Peter's plan.
"A-a big raise!" Peter quickly said before Chris finished.
"Peter, that's wonderful!" Lois claimed in excitement.
"But, dad, I thought-" Chris almost blew it again.
"Th-the kind of raise that'll allow me to give my kids a big allowance just to keep their big mouths shut." Peter interrupted again, this time bribing Chris, "Come on, you guys. I'll buy us the most expensive meal we've ever had."
The Griffins are in their car, along with the boys, at a restaurant's drive-thru with Peter giving their orders.
"Yeah, I'd like 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas, please." Peter said to the intercom.
"I beg your pardon?" The clerk through the intercom asked.
"Uh, 6,000 chicken fa-ji-tas." Peter repeated.
"And a "So-sage" McBiscuit, please." Brian said afterwards.
"And two sodas." Boys #1 & 2 followed in unison.
The next day, Peter has everyone gathered in the living room.
"Peter, what's the big surprise?" Lois asked Peter.
"Lois, you know how I always said you should be treated like a queen?" Peter questioned Lois, "Well, I you your own jester." After telling her, Peter claps his hands and summons Lois' "jester;" Jerry Seinfeld.
"Hey, guys. It's good to be here in New England." Jerry Seinfeld said as he walked out of the kitchen in a jester outfit, "And what's the deal with "New" England, anyway? It's over 200 years old! Last time I checked, that's not that new."
The next thing Peter spend with his welfare money was at the Quahog Institute of Cosmetic Surgery, with it's slogan, "Because you're no prize."
"Aw, this is great." Peter said, "I can finally afford to give my little girl the lips she's always dreamed of."
"Wonder what she's gonna look like?" Boy #1 asked.
Just then, Meg's cosmetic surgery is finished and she runs toward and hugs her father, thanking him for what he did for her.
"Thank you, daddy!" Meg giggled, then gave her father a big kiss on the cheek, leaving a kiss mark.
"I kinda liked her better before." Boy #2 said.
"I think he's right, Peter." Lois told Peter, "Lips are one thing, but did you have to buy breast implants for Chris?"
"Eh, it makes him happy." Peter replied.
Chris walks by with the implants in his hands. "Hey, these are cool." Chris said squishing them.
The next day, the boys were walking out of the house, only to find a stream of water upfront. They decide to ask Lois about it, who was busy gardening.
"When did we get a pool?" Boy #2 asked.
"Oh, it's a moat." Lois chuckled. "I know it's silly, but Mr. Griffin thinks the family needs extra protection now that we're, hehehe... Well, we're rich."
"Does it at least work?" Boy #1 asked.
"Well, it does keep the Black Knight at bay." Lois replied.
"Black Knight?" Boys #1 & 2 questioned. He and Boy #1 then turned to the right to see the Black Knight trying to get across.
"Oh..." Boy #1 said.
"I was wondering who that was." Boy #2 claimed.
After letting out a deep sigh, Boy #1 then said, "Okay, this has gone long enough."
"Yeah, we... We just can't take it anymore." Boy #2 followed.
"What are you both talking about?" Lois asked them, concerned, "Is there something you want to tell me?"
"Look, we weren't suppossed to show you this, but we just feel it should come out." Boy #2 said to Lois.
"This is Mr. Griffin's welfare check..." Boy #1 said as he handed her over an envelope.
"What the-" The last word in Lois' exclamation was drowned out when a foghorn suddenly went off. She then gives an angry glare to the right. The kids were waterskying while Peter was driving the boat.
"Hiya, honey." Peter saluted to Lois, who only gave him the "look."
"What?" Peter asked.
In the living room, which was now decorated with fancy things, Peter was talking with Lois, who wasn't looking at him with her arms crossed. The boys and Brian were there with them.
"Lois, I know what I did was wrong, but I only did it for you and the kids." Peter told Lois, "Except for the jukesbox in the bathroom. That was a gift for Peter."
"Yeah, from the American taxpayers." Lois fumed, "I am so mad I can't see straight."
"Heh, no problem. We got the money to get that fixed..." Peter told Lois, "...with enough left for us to buy our way outta any trouble our kids might get into. Just like the Kennedys."
Lois only gave him a sign of rejection on her face.
"Hey, come on. These two were the ones who started it." Peter pointed at the boys.
"No, Peter. They were doing the right thing by telling me." Lois defended.
"You know, I-I feel like I don't even know you anymore, Peter." Lois then said to Peter, "The man I married would never think he could fix a problem just by spending money!" Afterwards, Lois then stormed off.
"Oh, boy! She's pretty pissed, huh?" Peter asked to the group.
"Yeah, who'd thought welfare fraud would be one of her buttons?" Brian sarcastically questioned.
"What's the point of having a jukesbox in the john if your wife's mad at ya." Peter asked the guys.
After his sentence, Boy #1 was struck by what Peter said. "What was that you said, Mr. Griffin?" He soon asked.
"'What's the point of having a jukesbox in the john if your wife's mad at ya?'" Peter repeated what he just said to the boy a few seconds ago.
"Alright. Now go back a bit." Boy #1 told Peter.
"'If your wife's mad at ya?'" Peter repeated again.
"Okay, before that." Boy #1 said.
"Having a jukesbox in the john-" Peter said.
"That's it! Now after 'having a jukesbox.'" Boy #1 instructed.
"'In the john?'" Peter said lastly.
"Now after 'In the.'" Boy #1 finally ended.
"'John?'" Peter finally said what Boy #1 wanted to hear.
"John... John. Wait. I'm starting to remember now." Boy #1 replied.
"Well, what is it?" Peter asked him.
"That's my name... John." Boy #1 said trying to remember, "Yeah, that's it!"
"Oh, my God!" Peter proclaimed in surprise, "You're named after a toilet?!"
No! My name is John." Boy #1 said, or John, for that matter, "And I think you're name's Tyler!" He was pinting toward Boy #2.
"Tyler?" Boy #2 replied to "John's" statement, "Hey, yeah, it's starting to come back to me now."
"Then that must be it. Our names are 'John' and 'Tyler!'" John said triumphantly as he and "Tyler" just got up and were then standing on the coffee table.
"...Is that it?" Brian then asked.
"Yeah." John replied to Brian's question, his tone lowered as he and Tyler sat back down on the couch, "For now, that is..."
"Oh, good." Peter then said to John, "For a second there, I thought your name really was from a toilet."
"Anyway, Peter, you may have to return that money to the taxpayers." Brian soon reminded Peter of the situation.
"Yeah, but I gotta make sure Lois knows I'm doing it." Peter said, "I-I need an event with thousands of people. Something that everybody cares about."
Peter was brainstorming for a few seconds and came up with a solution.
"We might have to leave Rhode Island for this one." Peter stated, implying it involves outside the state.
"Why?" Tyler asked.
It then shows a stadium hosting Super Bowl XXXIII.
"The air is electric here at Super Bowl XXXIII tonight!" Super Bowl XXXIII host John Maddon said, "Pat, I think it's safe to say that all these fans came out here to watch a game of football!"
"Uh, John, we're in commercial." Second Super Bowl XXXIII host Pat Summerall reminded his co-anchor.
"Yeah, I know. I'm just prepping up for when we're back on. And I'm just trying to make conversation." John Maddon told Pat Summerall, "Come on... Football!"
.Just then, a blimp reading "FORGIVE ME LOIS" is being flown above the stadium. In it's deck was Peter piloting the blimp, John, Tyler and Brian.
"Amazing, you can barely drive a car and yet you are allowed to fly a blimp?" Brian asked Peter.
"Yeah, America's great, isn't it?" Peter then replied, "Except for the South."
Peter then pulled out a bag containing the rest of the welfare money. "Oh, boy, I hope Lois is watchin'." Peter said, then started to throw money out of the bag he was holding, "Okay, taxpayers, here you go!"
The dollar bills began to float swiftly to the stadium ground below, quickly grabbing everyone's attention.
"Looks like we're getting some rain here tonight, John." Pat Summerall said to John Maddon.
"Yeah." John Maddon replied, but soon realized, "Hey, wait a second! This is no ordinary rain! It's some kind of crazy money rain!"
"I'm being told it's a man, his two sons and their dog throwing cash out of a blimp." Pat Summerall informed.
The bag was now empty. "Oh, man, I hope this works." Peter worriedly said, "Otherwise, I'm gonna have to start droppin' these." He held up a spiked bomb which, like the blimp, read "FORGIVE ME LOIS."
"Mr. Griffin, don't drop that!" Tyler shouted.
"Why not?" Peter asked.
"Because that's a bomb!" Tyler answered.
"Whoa, this is a bomb!? I-I thought they were just some weird firecrackers!" Peter confessed after realizing what it what.
Meanwhile on the ground below, the crowds were storming the field for the money. Each person hoping to grab enough they can carry. They were even starting to fight over it.
"The crowd is storming the field!" John Maddon exclaimed, "This is pandemonium!"
"Have you ever seen anything like this, Pat?" John Maddon then asked his partner, but the latter didn't respond, "Pat?" He turned to find that Pat wasn't there, until the latter came back in after collecting himself some of the money on the field.
"Just once, John." Pat Summerall quickly replied, "The 1975 Cotton Bowl. This is the old 'trying to make amends for spending $150,000 a week in misappropriated welfare funds' play."
"I don't care what it is!" John Maddon shouted, "That guy's ruining a perfectly good game of football!"
"Madden to Fox security." John Maddon then said to the security guards below.
"Go ahead." One of the security guards said.
"Take them down!" John Maddon ordered.
"Yes, sir." The same security guard said.
He then takes out a gun hanging above a sign that read, "Just One Gun" and then fires only one shot. He tries to shoot more, but all that could be heard were clicking noises, implying that it only had one bullet.
"Really? That's it? Just one bullet?" The security guard holding the gun said.
"Huh, yeah. I thought there'd be more than that..." The security guard said.
"Well, I guess not." The latter then stated, "Hmm. Oh, well."
The quartet are then put in prison for the incident. Back in their cell, Brian was sitting on the lower bunk reading, while Tyler was sitting at the other end of the bunk and John was leaning beside it.
"Uh, how was your shower?" Brian asked Peter.
"Uh, I tell you, guys, all the rumors about dropping the soap are true." Peter confessed to the others.
"Really?" They all said in unison.
"Aw, yeah. You can't hold onto that thing to save your life." Peter explained revealing it was about soap instead, "Oh, it was slipping all over the place. Guys were laughing."
"Hey. There's the guy who couldn't hold onto the soap." One of the prison inmates said.
"Oh, that was classic." Another inmate replied. They both left laughing.
"Oh, boy, I really let Lois down this time." Peter down-spirited, "You think she'll wait for me?"
"Oh, come on. If every woman dumped her husband just for crashing a blimp into the Super Bowl, no one would be married." Brian told Peter.
"Yeah, you're right." Peter agreed, "Okay, I got the top bunk."
"Race ya to it!" John challenged Peter.
"Heh, you're on!" Peter replied.
John manages to get there first, Peter jumps up on it and causing the top bunk to collapse on top of both Brian and Tyler. John is then crushed underneath Peter.
Back at the Griffin house, the other members of the family are sitting at the kitchen table.
"Oh, my collagen is wearing off." Meg complained.
"Well, honey, sagging lips are just nature's way of telling you you shouldn't have covered for your father's lie." Lois then said to Meg.
"What does it mean when your armpits cry stinky tears?" Chris asked his mother.
"Oh, it means you're becoming a man." Lois answered Chris, "But, hopefully, not the kind who stays out all day and doesn't call. Like your father who shall remain nameless."
"Hello, mother." Stewie emerged.
"Well, hi there, sweetie." Lois said affectionately to Stewie.
"You know, mother, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." Stewie speechly told his mother, "Your life, however, is more like a box of active grenades!" Stewie opens the box to reveal newly active grenades instead of chocolate, making it clear he was threatening her.
Lois, however like before, still didn't seem surprised and just gave a smile.
"Now, I offer you one last chance for deliverance." Stewie negotiated, "Return my mind-control device or be destroyed."
"Oho, you just want your toy back." Lois, again oblivious to what's really happening, assumed.
"Okay, here you go, honey." Lois said to Stewie as she placed his mind-control device on top of the box filled with the grenades.
"Yes, well... Victory is mine!" Stewie exclaimed in unexpected triumph. He then strolls away out of the kitchen. In the other room, the grenades then go off, unfortunately for Stewie. "AAHHH! DAMN YOU ALL!" Stewie yelled in pain.
The phone began to ring and Lois picked it up.
"Hello?" Lois answered, "Oh, my God!"
The family arrives at the courthouse where Peter is being put on trial for his welfare fraud. They sat down behind Peter, Brian, John and Tyler.
"Lois." Peter said, "Aw, man, am I glad to see you."
Lois was still mad at him. "I have nothing to say to you, Peter."
"Wha-I gave the money back. Why are you still steamed?" Peter asked.
"Peter, you lied to me, you betrayed her trust." Lois informed her husband, "Compare to that, welfare fraud doesn't even matter."
"Really?" Peter questioned, "Aw, let's hope the judge feels that way."
Lois just scoffs at Peter's remark.
"This court will now come to order." The judge announced as he banged his gabble.
"Well, you know, I figured the sooner I cashed the check, the sooner they'd, uh, cash their mistake." Peter explained to the court, "Look, why are we making a federal case out of this?"
"Mr. Griffin." The judge asked Peter, "Don't you think you should have alerted the government of such a gross overpayment?"
"Well, uh, I-I was gonna call them, But, uh... My-my favorite episode of Diff'rent Strokes was on." Peter answered, "You know, the one where Arnold and Dudley get sexually molested by the guy who owns the bike shop?"
Cutaway #14
We go to a scene from the supposed episode of Diff'rent Strokes. Arnold and Dudley are in the bike shop, where the owner is slightly bent down right behind them.
"All right. Now I want you boys to scream real loud at my ass." The owner told the boys, just as Peter assumed.
End
We go back to the courtroom.
"And everybody learns a valuble lesson." Peter ended.
"Mr. Griffin, have you learned a lesson?" The judge questioned Peter.
"Aw, yeah. Stay the hell away from that bike shop." Peter chuckled to the judge, who gave hm an unapproved look instead.
Peter realized that it was finally time to come clean. "Look, uh, everybody, I feel really bad about what I did. I-I just..." Peter admitted, "I don't know. I just saw the one chance I'd have to give my family the things they deserve."
"I guessed I screwed it all up. I cheated the government. And worst of all, I lied to my wife." Peter continued in guilt, "And she deserves better. I'm sorry, honey."
Everyone in the room was touched by Peter's confession, even the judge.
"Mr. Griffin, I think your words have touched us all..." The judge said softly to Peter, but was soon interrupted.
"Wait!" John said from the table he, Tyler and Brian were sitting at, "It wasn't Mr. Griffin who did it."
"Then who did?" The judge then asked John.
"It was... It was me." John confessed.
Everyone, including the Griffins, gasped in shock.
"He's right and it was me, too. It was our idea in the first place." Tyler then joined John, "But it wasn't on purpose."
"That's right." John soon said, "We were just wanting to help him out with what was going on."
"So, if you want to throw someone in prison, take us instead." Tyler willingly said, "We should be the ones on trial..."
"Is this true?" The judge asked.
John and Tyler both nodded.
"Alright, then." The judge accepted, "Because I'm sentencing you both to 24 months in prison." The judge then banged his gabble, confirming their punishment.
The Griffins, especially Peter, were stunned by the news.
"Oh, no!" Peter exclaimed in fear of what was happening, then was followed by Lois, followed by Brian, followed by Chris and then finally followed Meg. Just after they said that, the Kool-Aid Man bursts through the wall, screaming "Oh, yeah!" Everyone, however, only looked at him in surprise and confusion. The Kool-Aid Man realizes that he cam at a bad time and stepped back out through the giant hole he had made in the wall.
"Hey, aren't you the Kool-Aid Man?" Tyler asked as the Kool-Aid Man was stepping out of the courthouse, "Never mind..."
"Excuse me. Y-your Honor?" Lois said to the judge.
"Yes?" The Judge replied.
"Look, these two may have been the one responsible for all this." Lois explained to the judge, "But they're amnesiac and don't really remember much about who they were. And I know they only wanted to help the people who helped take them in after they had no where else to go, especially if it meant convincing my husband to accept that check, who wanted to be a good husband and father. But what they both need to know is that we've grown to love them. And that no matter what, I'll always stand by them now."
"Yeah, I kinda like them, too, honey." Peter said to Lois.
"Thanks, Mrs. Griffin." John also said to Lois.
"That was very moving, Mrs. Griffin." The judge said of Lois' speech, "Okay, you and your husband can go to jail with them!"
"What?!" Peter, Lois, John and Tyler all said in unison.
"24 months in prisons, eh? Unacceptible!" Stewie said to himself from in the row behind Lois, "Intolerable as it may be I'm completely dependent upon those wretched drones for sustenance."
"Let us see how the iron constitution of American justice fares against the device!" Stewie challenged as he pulled out his new mind-control device and pointed it at the judge.
The judge notices Stewie and gazes at him as the device pulsates repeatedly for a few seconds until finally.
"Is that your boy?" The judge asked Peter about Stewie.
"What?" Peter said confused, "Oh, yeah. That's Stewie." Peter answered the judge.
"Gohs. I can't seperate a kid that young from his father and brothers." The judge then thought, "It's unjudgmenly. Oh, hell, you three've learned your lessons, right?"
"Yeah." Peter, John and Tyler agreed.
"All right. You're both off the hook." The judge informed them.
"Aw, wow!" Peter exclaimed in excitement, "Can you give me my job back?"
"No." The judge coldly replied.
Stewie pulls out the device at the judge again.
"Yes." The judge soon quickly said.
"All right!" Peter said satisfied.
John and Tyler then walked up to Stewie and were giving him each a big grin on their faces.
"What the deuce are you two looking at?" Stewie demanded to them.
"We know what you did, kid." Tyler said to Stewie.
"The devil are you talking about?" Stewie said.
"Come on." John said, "You did what you did because you're starting to like us, aren't you?"
"Don't be ridiculous." Stewie brushed them off as he walked off.
"He likes us." John said to Tyler.
"I DO NOT!" Stewie shouted from the background.
The next day, everything was to the way it was before. The Griffins were in the living room watching TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes.
"That was a crazy one, Dick." chuckled.
"It sure was." Dick said, "In this next blooper from Joanie Loves Chachi, watch what happens when Scott Baio tries to say: 'She sells seashells down by the seashore.'"
They then show a clip from Joanie Loves Chachi.
"What does your mom do for a living?" The woman said lying on the couch.
"Ah, she sells seashells down by..." Scott Baio almost said until a bear suddenly bursted through the wall, getting his attention.
We cut back to the Griffins on the couch.
"Heh. That is kind of a tongue twister." Peter remarked at what he saw.
"Hey, Mrs. Griffin, thanks again for what you did for me and Tyler at the trial the other day." John told Lois, "So, you still think me and Tyler should stay a little while longer?"
"Oh, you're welcome, John." Lois replied, "And it's the least we can do for what you both did for us."
"It's also good to have you home, too, Peter."
"Ah, honey, I knew everything would turn out okay." Peter said to Lois, "And besides, I think I'm starting to like those two, too."
"I sure am gonna miss being rich." Meg said glumly.
"Not me." Tyler replied, "Money does terrible things to people." Everbody agreed after Tyler said that.
Everyone then agreed with Tyler.
"Aw, don't worry." Peter consoled Meg and told everyone, "I got a way to get money."
"Not another welfare scam." Brian said as he hoped Peter wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
"No, no, no." Peter claimed, "Minority scholarship." Peter giggled as he put on an afro wig with a headband.
Peter then winks at the audience as he gives a thumbs-up at his next misadventure. Everyone else disagreed, while Meg gave an annoyed look.
"Okay, I mean, uh-uh-uh-uh, sexual harrasment suite." Peter nervously giggled again as he put on a blonde wig and ripped his shirt open revealing his torso.
Again, everyone disagreed, but Meg now gave a disgusted look.
"Nuh-uh-uh, disabilty claim." Peter proclaimed as he pulled out a bat and knocked himself out. Everyone then stares at a now unconscience Peter.
"I'm starting to like you guys." Tyler said to John.
"Me, too. Me, too." John said.
The End
