Complete shit story. Don't even bother reading. If you do, I hope to God you understand the humor…
"Hey, get the Hell over here. I'm gonna tell you a story. "
Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.
"Fine, don't get over here, I don't give a shit! I'm just gonna keep on telling you all about me. The single fucking greatest player in SAO."
"That Kirito bitch? Fucking loser. 'I was the best beta tester ever worship me.'"
"He fucking sucked. Beta player? I was fucking ALPHA PLAYER BITCHES! That's right, I was playing before Kirito's balls dropped (have they ever dropped?) in the beta. Hell, I still remember him from the beta."
"Yup, just walked up, looked at him, said 'Bitch Imma kick yo ass!' and stabbed the fucker to death. He dead. Then I shit all over his dead body."
"What?!"
"Yup, shit on him! Literally walked over to where he was, dropped my virtual pants, and shit all over his virtual body as he lay there dying."
"That was my number one skill, after all, shitting on people. Literally, the skills shows up as Shitting on People. Number one skill."
"Number two skill, you ask? Kicking Ass. I was that fucking good. Solo'd every fucking boss on every fucking floor. Sometimes I'd just stare at bosses and they'd rush out of the dungeon and throw themselves off the damn castle. Fucking perfect."
"What about number 3 skill?"
"Panty-dropping. I shit you not. All 10 girls in the game dropped them panties for me. They threw themselves as me, just begging for me. It's pretty fucking funny to think about."
"Wait….where were you during the open release?"
"WELL, FUNNY STORY!"
"Another story?"
"Yup! Moment fucking Kayaba told us his plan (WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING TELL SOMEONE YOUR PLAN IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET THEM ALL KILLED? Genius, huh? Nah. Only fanboy bitches like Kirito worshipped that idiot with a God-complex.), I logged off and worked my magical IT skills, hacked the system, and found out where he was hiding. Little bitch was in a cabin."
"How did you log off?"
"Sheer force of fucking will at how awesome I am! Anyways, I tracked him down, pimpsmacked his assistant, and shit all over his VR-stuck body. Earning that number one skills, right? And then I fucked his assistant for good measure."
"And you didn't try to fix this?"
"Fuck no! I was hoping that castle would crash and kill everyone. Little fanboy bitches."
"I don't believe you!"
"Well fuck you too, buddy, I'm the best!"
