Irises in the Moonlight
Laura Harland, LeaSheElf@netscape.net
Disclaimer: The Goo-Goo Dolls own the song, Meg Cabot owns Jesse and Susannah.
This fanfiction in no way takes ownership of Ms. Cabot's work nor am I in any way being paid for this. It is solely for my enjoyment and meant as homage to these books.
***
The moonlight poured in through Susannah's bedroom window and pooled like molten silver on the floor. But the pale light was not solely from the moon, as I well knew. Much of it came from my own glow. She can't see me now, and I am thankful for that. She's sleeping, her arm tossed carelessly across the pillow and her chocolate hair falling heavily over the white pillow like a curtain of dark silk. I reached out to her and just barely brushed her cheek with the backs of my fingers.
I'd
give up forever to touch you'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
I recalled clearly, piercingly, the coldness of the foggy hall from which she rescued me. All the time I was there I felt a tug on my heart, as though someone had placed a hook through my chest and was lightly tugging on it. Now I could never go back there. Nor would I want to.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
I could feel the light breath from her lips rush over my fingertips, and I closed my eyes for a moment, relishing the feeling of feeling. For so long, there had been no one in the world able to touch me back if I touched them. All they felt was cold, cold, cold. But Susannah could touch me back, a reality I had tasted for a brief moment that night. Before the silences began. She was so alive, so alive it was painful to watch her laugh and cry and talk. She moved with such vivacity and animation that I am forced to return to the painful realization that she is alive. And I am dead.
And all I can
taste is this momentAnd all I can breathe is your life
How much longer do I have? Sooner or later Susannah will find out what is keeping me here, and then I will be gone. Every moment spent with Susannah is a treasure to me, because I know that they must be limited. Once a child lived here. I watched the child grow up into a young woman.
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
She was plain but smart. As she grew up I watched her talk with her parents about life and marriage. She married a man who loved her. He died. She died in this room, all while I stayed the same. This will happen to Susannah. She will live her life, and I will watch her. She will grow old and I will stay the same. She will die and I will not be able to follow her. Because I am stuck here. I will be stuck here forever.
And I
don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
No one knows about me but Susannah. I hear her friends talk with her about so-and-so at school, and how they wish they could date so-and-so. They don't know about me. They don't know I long to kiss Susannah every time I am in her presence.
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I want to tell her, but she keeps looking at me with these incomprehensible eyes, those maddening green eyes of hers that tell me nothing of her thoughts. I don't know if she loves me, if she hates me, if she wants me to leave, all I know is that she is looking at me, my lovely querida.
And you
can't fight the tears that ain't comingOr the moment of truth in your lies
Saving her from her own messes, keeping her from killing herself in her own schemes. My heart had stopped when I found her in her brother's room, terrified. At first I laughed. What a paranoid, my little darling. But then Maria- she went so still when I drew her close, and I thought she wanted me to release her. But then she looked at me like I was insane, and I wondered.
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
I wish she could know I love her. I wish she could see me now, sitting on the side of her bed and watching her sleep, breathe, live. Maybe she could understand. Being with her was heaven. I didn't need her to find me a way to the next life. I was in it.
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
Te amo, querida. Te quiero. Te adoro.
Fin
.Wow! Okay, major news! I have met Meg herself, at Vero Beach Book Center. She is very awesome and talks a lot like Mia. She goes to fanfiction.net and reads some of the summaries, but the ones with kissing freak her out. She says she's going to review this once she gets back home, and will head off to the Estrogen Militia. WOOHOO!
