A/N: Takes place near the start of Volume 2. If you haven't read Laws of Attraction (my retelling of RWBY volume 1-3 through the eyes of Pyrrha), all you need to know is: Pyrrha suffers from panic attacks/anxiety (which manifests in the story as a little black box) due to a variety of reasons stemming from her home life/status as a 'prodigy', and Jaune wants to help her, more than anything, even if he's too clumsy to really know how.
I've been listening to a lot of Tumblr-aesthetic playlists on YouTube these days. This is how that manifests. If you have any soothing, fluffy song recs, PM me.
Let me know what you think!
Pastels
You're not good enough for anyone.
The black box's whispers were haunting. Her nights had long since become a never-ending stream of negativity, tossing and turning relentlessly. Her Aura bar was never full, and the weariness from that burden was weighing her heart down more heavily than anything else she could imagine.
She just wanted to feel proud again.
But nothing was alright. Ever since her mother had told her of the destruction of her father's workshop, there was no joy to be had. How could she be alright with anything, now that there was veritably nowhere to call 'home' anymore?
She dreamed a lot. Each of those dreams were so painfully loud, the clanking of metal ringing in her ears, sparks hissing and flying into the air from the forge, her father's loving, hearty voice echoing through her heart. She could still remember his voice, even after all these years. "Little fireball, don't cry," he whispered each time she tried to speak in those visions. Her childlike voice in her dreams could never convey just how broken she felt every single time she saw him again, the regret and shame from not being able to save the last bits of his legacy filling her with self-hatred over and over again.
If only I could have stopped her! The wish was futile, and her mother's deeds were done- but the little piece of her heart that still longed for home wouldn't cease its cries. And thus, the ache continued.
Surprisingly, it was Blake who noticed first. The dark circles under Blake's eyes had only grown darker and darker since the incident at the docks over the winter break. She had quietly been falling apart, although for reasons Pyrrha could only imagine- whereas Pyrrha's crumbling identity stemmed from her own internal struggles, she was still seen as a pillar for future Huntsman around the world. To have gone through what Blake had experienced was unimaginable for the redhead.
Yet, Blake was the one who had an answer first. Pyrrha found her listening to something blankly one day, curled up under an awning under dreary clouds. The rain had just ceased, but the girl's headphones blocked out the final pattering of raindrops, anyways. While they weren't exactly close, Pyrrha's heart always went out to the quiet girl, so she had taken a seat by her side to check in on the Faunus girl.
Blake hadn't said much. "It's white noise," she'd murmured. "It just- sometimes I just need everything… to stop." She looked up at the redhead, gaze rueful. "It might help you too." There was a kindred light in her eyes, and that had both hurt Pyrrha (for when had she become so transparent? So weak? The box cackled) and healed her, providing her a feeling of companionship she hadn't felt in her despair for a while.
Make it all stop- just for a little while. That had sounded nice to the redhead. So, she had downloaded a long white noise audio clip onto her Scroll and curled up one Sunday in their lounge, listening to it.
She had given up in a scant few minutes. The black box's voice seemed to creep out in every bubble of noise, in every creeping buzz. It only intensified the louder she turned up the volume. It was enough to drive her mad.
Nora had noticed her despair right after, the redhead walking into their room and throwing her headphones tiredly onto the bed, body language showing her tiredness despite the strained, seemingly pleasant smile affixed to her face. The orange-haired girl had merely smiled, pulling off one of her own headphones. In a rare display of quietude, Nora had been sitting sans Ren, reading a fantasy novel while Sun and his team dragged the other boy around a rainy campus on some silly adventure or the other. Jaune was still nothing but a big lump on his mattress, snores occasionally ringing through the dark room as he stirred momentarily, then fell back asleep.
"Is something up?"
Pyrrha shrugged, taking a seat at the foot of Nora's bed. "Do you… ever get wrapped up in your own head, Nora?" She was hesitant to ask, but her friend had so often shown little moments of surprising maturity and insightfulness that there was no harm in asking.
Thankfully, a flash of understanding appeared in pale blue eyes. Nora picked up her Scroll from her side, tapping away at the screen rapidly. In her trademark cheery voice, Nora replied, "Well, who cares if you do? Just drown it out!" Her voice was chipper and straightforward, not a single doubt to be heard.
Pyrrha softened. Nora knew. The girl had had her own demons to deal with since childhood, but thanks to Ren (or, Pyrrha had to acknowledge, maybe in order to protect Ren) she had already grown stronger than them. "And how do you do that?"
The girl motioned for Pyrrha's Scroll, so the redhead obliged and brought it over. Nora tapped a few more buttons, then with a satisfied grin, she reported proudly, "Listen to that! It's best if you're alone, though. It's kind of soothing."
Curious, Pyrrha raised a brow and examined this new file Nora had sent her. Surprisingly enough, it was just a link hosted to a music playlist on the CCTS. With a small, grateful smile, she stood, readying herself to leave.
"Nuh-uh," the orange-haired girl protested. Pyrrha turned back to her, only to see open arms extending her way. Her heart melted at the sight, and she leaned down to give the other girl a quick hug, squeezing tight.
"I'll go take a listen."
"Okay." Her voice was soft-spoken and empathetic, but her joy never faded, and that brightness gave the redhead strength.
So, Pyrrha grabbed her headphones and a novel Ren had been recommending her, pulled on a sweater, and wandered across campus to the library. The friendly librarian immediately pointed her towards a free CCT monitor, assuming she was about to make another call. The redhead's heart leapt into her throat as she shook her head, holding up her novel and pointing towards a more isolated study corner instead. Don't make me think about calling her, please.
Thankfully, the woman didn't press the issue. She simply smiled and gestured towards the quiet corner as well. Grateful for the privacy, Pyrrha wandered over to the study nook, finding an empty table. There was a nearby group of older students working a project, but they were far enough that their hushed voices were nothing more than whispers on the wind.
Settling into a seat by the window, Pyrrha leaned against the windowpane, glancing out to look at the campus beyond. It truly was a miserable day- pale grey clouds covered the entire horizon, leaving not even the slightest sliver of blue visible through the thick haze. Dew clung to every surface imaginable, clinging on thanks to the odd humidity, despite it already being early afternoon. She idly watched a drop of water trickle down the willowy branch brushing up against the window as she flicked through her messages, connecting to the CCT to find Nora's playlist.
The girl sighed, pressing play on the first song. She really didn't know what to expect- while Jaune was very vocal about his taste in music, Nora rarely spoke about what she liked. The bubbly girl would find a way to dance to anything, after all.
And yet, somehow, the song which began to play took her for a loop anyways. Unlike anything bright and bubbly, or loud and brash and bombastic like she might have expected, Nora's playlist began on a decidedly somber note. There was nothing more than a gentle, contemplative voice strumming along to a ukulele and a few strings, a piano plunking notes in the background to highlight the crescendos in the song. It was music of pastel hues and tender spirit.
She listened the whole way through, understanding slowly dawning on her. It's kind of soothing, Nora had said. Pyrrha could see why- there was nothing but warmth in the voice ringing in her ear. Not exactly what the redhead had been expecting, but there was a gentleness to it which definitely still managed to carry Nora's eternal cheer, and she could see Nora listening to the song on a rainy day like that day. Still, the words which seemed so sweet and kind on the surface lingered in her heart, leaving behind a sour taste in her mouth.
She clicked to the next song. It was the same sort of tune, light and sweet and easily digestible. So was the next, and the next, and the one after that. It was futile, looking for any relief. The sour taste only intensified until the sweetness seemed washed away, leaving behind nothing but a quiet sense of dread and loneliness.
She was still lonely. If only she was still nothing more than 'Pyrrha Nikos'- maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.
Her father's kind smile flashed through her mind, and she drew a knee into her chest, staring despondently at the unopened book on the table. She didn't feel like reading anymore. However, for some reason, she also couldn't turn off the music playing in her ears, allowing herself to sink further and further into the feeling.
The black box was quiet though. That was a change.
Suddenly, a hand on her shoulder caught her attention. She glanced up, starting in her seat, dropping her legs back to the floor. Her breath halted for just a moment as she tried to process what was waiting for her.
Hunched over sleepily behind her with a blanket around his shoulders was Jaune.
"Nora said you'd be here," he whispered, yawning wide. His hair was still mussed, clearly having just woken up. He rubbed bleary eyes tiredly, swaying side to side. "She said you might not wanna do dinner today."
"I just wanted some peace and quiet," she replied, keeping her voice hushed.
Jaune reached over, plucking one of her headphones out of her ears. Before she could splutter and take it back, the boy had leaned forward on one arm, resting against the table, listening along to the crooning voice playing. The words rang of lost love and loneliness and the feeling of being incomplete- all things which Pyrrha would never know how to bring up with Jaune. She froze, panicking slightly, pulling on a neutral expression as quickly as possible.
The blond's expression was indecipherable, eyes narrowed slightly but betraying nothing. His mouth pressed into a grim line, fingers tapping on the table. Pyrrha shifted under his scrutiny, silently cursing that she hadn't found a more discreet part of the library to hide within.
To her surprise, though, rather than saying another word, he simply handed back her headphone and walked off into the many aisles of the library. She paused the music with bated breath, feeling her heartrate climb. Oh gods. What is he thinking? This music isn't really like me. What does he think of me now?
She didn't have much time to ponder the question. He quickly returned to her, a comic book from his favourite superhero series in hand. The blond walked up to a nearby table where the few other students were seated, murmuring in hushed tones- after a moment, he dragged the empty chair from their group back towards her and took a seat on her right side. Casting a sneaky glance around, the blond pulled his backpack in between the two, propping it up on his lap so that the opening faced her.
She raised a brow, peering into the bag. Hidden inside was a bag of dry cereal. She bit back a smile, instead chiding him with her eyes, You know that we can't have food in here.
The boy wiggled his eyebrows mischievously in response as if to say, What the librarian doesn't know won't hurt her.
This finally elicited a roll of her eyes and a wry smile. She glanced around to see if the coast was clear before reaching into the bag, grabbing a small handful of cereal. Opening up her palm in her lap, she had to fight down the bark of laughter which came automatically. Pumpkin Pete's? Really?
Jaune shrugged knowingly, taking a few dry crisps and popping them into his mouth with a cheeky smile before snuggling further into his blanket and opening up his comic book, effectively ending the conversation. She shook her head, tasting a few of the puffs herself as she turned her attention back to her book, replacing the headphone in her ears. The music resumed. This time, though, it didn't make her feel lonely- the taste was sweet.
