So, I just couldn't resist! I decided that I had to start writing a "Rango" story. Enjoy and tell me what you think! :)


The sun beat down on the dry sands of the Mojave Desert as a gentle breeze brought a small bit of relief to the parched town of Dirt. Heat was coming off in waves on the horizon as the inhabitants of the town sought out shade in the Gas Can Saloon. A few of the citizens parted as Sheriff Rango came through with Beans not far behind him.

"Rango, will you listen to me when I'm speaking to you!" She stomped her foot down, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the chameleon.

"I heard what you said!" Rango said as he turned on his heel to face her. "And I already told you that I don't think you should worry about it."

"But you didn't see what I saw," Beans huffed, narrowing her brown eyes.

"No one ever sees what you see," Rango pointed a finger at her. He looked around as prying eyes turned in their direction.

"Bull! You always…." There was silence as the desert iguana froze.

Rango shook his head as he turned to the bar. The others slowly returned to their cactus juice and poker games. The quiet noise of the bar worked its way back up to its normal volume as Beans came out of her trance, snorting before turning to leave.

"Sheriff Rango!" A kangaroo rat came barreling through the doors, nearly knocking Beans over. He was sweating hard, like he had been running out in the heat. "Somethin' got a hold of one of my boars. Saw it draggin' it away out into the desert."

"Wait, you mean it was dragging it?" Rango asked as he followed the young rancher out of the bar towards his ranch. "You mean physically dragging one of your full grown boars?"

"Yeah, I jus' barely saw it, but it was takin' my boar out into the desert," he said, jumping onto his wagon that a sow was hitched up to.

"Was it a coyote?" Beans asked as she jumped up onto the wagon next to the jumping mouse, leaving Rango to sit in the bed of the wagon.

"No," he shook his head, snapping the reigns. "I would swear by my mama's ashes that it was a rattlesnake."


It was hot in the heart of the desert. Dead Spanish daggers rose into the blue sky, some having fallen from lack of water. The sand was hot, the rocks were hot, even the breeze was hot and dry. The only shade was under the heavy sandstones where creatures had burrowed to get out of the heat. Clouds were gathering in the north of the desert, giving a sign that rain would soon come and that a flood would follow. When it rained in the desert, it poured.

A small roadrunner scratched at the sand, looking for any sign of wet sand which meant that there was usually water nearby. The crest of feathers on its head swayed back and forth as it bobbed its head as it walked towards a sandstone with a shallow cave beneath it. Sometimes water would collect in small pools under the stones. It scratched at the sand in front of the cave, barely stepping into the cool shade. Before it could go any further a rattling warning came from further back in the cave, making it tear out of its current location far out into the desert and away from the rattlesnake.

Rattlesnake Jake lowered his head, flicking his tongue out in irritation. That had been the third roadrunner to bother him that day. Even they were becoming desperate for water, and they could last fairly long without it. A quick shake of his tail always sent the smaller ones running though, it was the bigger ones that were persistent and needed a little more muscle to get rid of.

Jake shifted around in the cool sand, pushing farther back into the burrow. His pupils narrowed in the bright light as he glanced outside into the desert. He pulled his head back in, thankful for the protection from the sun.

There was a scratching sound outside of the cave again as a larger roadrunner came looking for water. Jake rattled his tail in warning. Even though his tail was a gun, it worked as a rattle just as well as a real one. When the bird only jumped back and approached the entrance again, he lunged out with his fangs bared.

"Get out of here!" He hissed, his tail swinging up in front of him and rattling wildly. The roadrunner cawed and jumped at him. With a swift movement, he tripped the bird and towered over it. Getting to its feet in a hurry, the bird took off as fast as it could.

Jake rose up and flicked his tongue out, watching the roadrunner running out into the distance. The bigger roadrunners usually ate the smaller rattlesnakes, but he was unusually large and hard to fight. As it was, he usually ate the roadrunners that bothered him, but he was not particularly hungry at the moment. His last meal was still holding him over and probably would for the rest of the day, and then the annoying roadrunners would start disappearing.

"Stupid birds," he mumbled as he retreated back to the cool of his cave. Sand fell off of his scales as he curled up, resting his head on a coil. There were only two things that made him tired, and those were the hottest time of the day and after eating something. Both were having an effect on Jake right now. His ribs expanded and contracted as he breathed, falling into a light sleep.


"Well, what do you make of it Sheriff Rango?" the kangaroo rat asked, leaning over the sheriff's shoulder to look at the prints.

"Somethin' dragged your boar off, that's for sure," Rango said as he stood up, placing his hands on his hips.

"We got that part sheriff," Beans said pointedly. "I think we're all more concerned about what dragged it off."

"Ah, of course," Rango scrambled up a rocky outcrop as he spoke. The outcrop looked out into the desert beyond and towards the north where a much appreciated storm was gathering. "It had to be somethin' big."

"Yeah, it was pretty big from what I saw," the kangaroo rat said.

"And strong," Rango added, flexing his weak muscles.

"That boar was nearly forty-four pounds," the kangaroo rat was starting to pace, trying to think of any other details. "I heard it squealing like somethin' fierce so I came runnin' out here with my shotgun. All I saw was a bloody trail and a flash of scales."

"You saw the scales of a snake?" Rango looked down at the young rancher. "What kind of snake?"

"To be honest with ya, Sheriff Rango," the kangaroo rat stopped pacing and started to wring his hands. "I could've sworn that it was Rattlesnake Jake."

"Really?" Rango swallowed the bit of fear that had come up. Even though the gunslinger had showed him a bit of honor the last time they had met, he had no doubt that Jake would kill him in a heartbeat. "But why would he start hangin' around here again?"

"Maybe he's lookin' for water?" Beans suggested, crossing her arms.

"Or maybe he's lookin' for an easy meal," the kangaroo rat spit angrily. "That was the only boar I had, and he was a good one too."

"I don't think that Jake would be the type to just come back to eat a few peccaries," Beans shook her head, her curls bouncing. "There was a rumor going around that he would only eat creatures like us, someone who would plead for mercy."

"Yeah, I heard that rumor too," the kangaroo rat nodded his head. He took off his cowboy hat, ruffling his sweat soaked fur with a hand. "I also heard that he liked to eat 'em alive."

"Nah, I heard that he'd bite 'em first and let them die a slow, painful death before eating 'em," Beans objected, reasoning that her theory was most likely.

"Okay! Who cares how he eats whatever he's eating?" Rango interrupted the two before he could get anymore horrid images in his head.

"He's right, we jus' need to find out who or what dragged your boar out there," Beans motioned towards the lonely, seemingly never ending desert. "I think we should make a posse and go out there."

"And then what?" Rango inquired. "If we just went barreling out there and confronted Jake about stealing a boar, how well do you think that'd go?"

"It's destruction of property," the kangaroo rat argued, placing his hat back on his head.

"We shouldn't do anything until he actually threatens someone's life," Rango jumped down from the outcrop, landing on one foot and nearly toppling over. Once he regained his balance he said, "I'm sorry 'bout your boar, but if anything else goes missing then we'll form a posse and go lookin' for Jake."

"Alright," Beans rolled her eyes, following Rango.


Jake awoke with a start, shaking his head in irritation as he looked towards the entrance of the cave. Not seeing a roadrunner like he had expected, he slithered out into the open. There was a squeal that could only be coming from a peccary getting attacked by something. He made his way onto a rocky outcrop that overlooked the sloping desert. He had been right; there was a peccary running with a limp, and it was a boar peccary judging by the tusks.

"What the….?" He watched as a winding figure came out from under a clump of cacti, hissing like mad and shaking its tail furiously. Another rattlesnake was in his territory from what he could see. The only thing that was off was that peccaries did not live in his territory. In fact, the closest peccaries were in the town of Dirt.

Deciding to deal with the problem now rather than later, he took off down the slope as silent as a snake could be. The other rattlesnake paid no attention to him as he rose up. He fired off a round of shots in the general direction of the invader, not really aiming to kill it but to just scare it off.

As soon as it heard the shots the other rattlesnake snapped up its head, slithering across the ground at break neck speed towards Jake. He bared his fangs, hissing at the other snake. It matched him by baring its fangs as it got within range of him. Firing off rounds this close was out of the question; he would wind up shooting himself. It was no matter; he could win a fight easy enough without his gun.

When the other rattlesnake was close enough it lunged forward off the ground, aiming to bite at him. With a quick jerk he pulled his head and neck out of the way as the other snake crashed into him. From that point on, it was rather hard to tell which scales were his scales. The two snakes hissed, trying to bite each other or get a coil on the other's neck. Jake saw a flash of dark orange eyes with red streaks in them as the other snake's head came and went out of his vision in a quick second. Within the next few milliseconds, he felt fangs pierce his hide.

"Let go!" Jake turned, wrapping a tight coil around the other's neck and hauling its fangs out. The other snake slithered back a few inches, rising up into the classic S-shape. He could tell that the bite was nothing; it was just a dry bite. Turning to face the other snake he hissed, "What're you doing here?"

"Hunting," the other replied, flashing its hypodermic fangs. To Jake's surprise, the gravelly voice belonged to that of a female. It was unusual to see another rattlesnake almost his size, never mind a female rattlesnake.

"That your peccary that I saw runnin' off?" Jake asked, curling his coils together and lifting his head up.

"Was," she said with a grumble. "Thing nearly broke one of my fangs off."

Jake snorted. Now that the dust had settled, he could smell the blood on the other snake and could see her pattern clearly. She was a Western Diamondback, like him, with base scales that were a bit lighter than his, but her diamond pattern was darker and a little different.

"Get out of here," he nodded to the desert farther off. "You don't want to be here in my territory."

"Says you," she argued. "That little town has some of the easiest prey around for tens of miles."

"Stealin' food from Dirt?" Jake lifted a brow, his face shadowed by his dark hat. "Those guys will come out lookin' for ya if you keep doin' that."

"Like a couple of mice and jackrabbits could bring down a rattlesnake," she said, turning to leave in the direction the boar had run. "Stay cool, my friend."


So, what did you guys think? Im sorry if my writing of the characters is a bit off, I have to get used and get into the swing of writing "Rango" and western. I haven't written anything western for a while. Remember to R&R! Thanks for reading! :)