I watched in sadness as I helped Angel patch up a painful cut on her tiny arm. The Erasers had attacked again, and these new ones could actually fly well. They were tough to beat. We got away sure, but we were worn out. I looked from face to face of the flock. Each and every one of them had the same look on their face; sad, tired, a little angry, and frustrated. They were all wondering the same thing, 'Why?'
Why did the Erasers have to attack us? Why couldn't we just live in peace? Why us in the first place? Why… everything?
I'm why. Well, mostly. The School wants the rest of the flock just as much, but I'm the reason they're all mutant bird kids. To 'help me' save the world. If I wasn't around them anymore, the Erasers would go after me instead. They wouldn't bother with the Flock because they just want me. They don't realize it, but I'm the cause of their sadness, their pain, and their suffering. Kick me out of the Flock and the rest of them are home free.
That's just it. If I wasn't around… I could leave the Flock. The Erasers would follow me, and leave the rest of them alone. But it would be too painful and hard on my own. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to live on with my pain of being alone and the Erasers would capture me quickly. It would just be a wasted and depressing effort for everyone.
Angel left to go play with Total. The rest of the Flock was finishing up themselves while I hadn't even started on myself. Fang glance over to me and noticed this.
"Well? You just gonna sit there all day or does someone have to make sure you don't bleed to death?" He said and threw some First Aid stuff at me. I really wasn't that badly hurt though. None of us were, it was just tiring and annoying how every other day our lives were put in danger. Fang gave me a questioning look. Damn. I can block my thoughts from Angel, but somehow not from Fang. He knew something was up. I ignored him by pre-occupying myself with making sure my leg would stop bleeding and went back to my thoughts.
So… What if I killed myself? Then I wouldn't have to live on my own. I wouldn't have to even try. I could fly up really far, and then just drop. It would be so easy really, and once I hit the bottom… would it hurt? I have no idea. Yes, it would hurt, but would I die first. I shook away the thought when I realized that the School still wouldn't have a mutant bird kid to test on. They would still continue going after the Flock and they would have to keep suffering and I wouldn't even be there to help. Killing myself would just make everything worse.
We all stacked our hands together and slept on the floor of the forest. After a short argument with Fang, I had first watch. Then Fang, then Iggy. The last thing he said to me as they were finding a soft peace of ground to sleep was something like, "What the hell is your problem Max?" Well, it wasn't spoken. More like growled so the others wouldn't hear. I just ignored him and went back to my thoughts after banking the fire down to a soft glow.
What if I made a deal with the School? What if I sacrificed myself? After all, I could let them do whatever it is they want to do with me, kill me, experiment, whatever, and in return they would leave my Flock alone. They would have no use for the Flock anyway… The School is smart enough to know that if we were to go to the public about them and us, we would have already. So they would have little reason to go after them.
It was the best idea of the three, and after further thought I couldn't think of another option. I was just so tired of watching my loved ones suffer. I couldn't take it anymore! Every other day we're ambushed, our lives are at stake. Every day we have to run, or fly, or get away somehow. We have trouble finding food, water, a place to sleep. They deserve better than that. They deserve better than me.
But do I really want to do this? Who will be in charge when I leave? Can I take the pain of the School for the sake of the Flock?
If it's for the Flock… I think I'll do anything. Even take the School. If I'm at all lucky, they will decide to run a few tests, and kill me. If they don't kill me, on purpose or accident, maybe they'll mess up so much that I live in ignorance. Maybe they'll do something so I don't feel pain. Kill all my nerves or something. I don't know… But these guys are sick; I wouldn't be surprised if that did happen. Probably not, but it was worth a shot hoping that they would mess up and I would die.
Max, I forbid you to make a rash decision like this. My voice suddenly chimed in. Convenient isn't it?
Why hello voice. Good to see you. But I'm afraid you're wrong this time. You don't know feelings like love and suffering. You're probably imaginary anyway. And if you're not, guess what. I don't care. I don't care what you have to say, I don't care what you'll do. This is my decision, this is my life. So get lost.
After that, the voice shut up So I went back to my train of thought.
But my biggest question; who would be in charge? Would Fang even bother to stay? And if he didn't, could Iggy really be in good charge? I mean, he's capable and mature at times, but face it. He's blind. And maybe it's just because he doesn't have to be mature, but he can be real childish at times. Still, I would like to know if my leaving would split up the Flock.
I got up and tip-toed over to Fang. I gently nudged his shoulder with my shoe, and motioned him to follow me. We walked a little bit away from the rest, and sat down. We could barely see each other, but I bet he was giving me the most annoyed look ever.
"Something's been bothering me." I finally said. Fang said nothing. "I need to know something. Answer me straightly, no lies, and I'll let you sleep."
"Okay. What." He said, ready to get what little sleep we could.
"If something happened to me…" I chose my words carefully. "If I was gone. Like, in a fight and I died-"
"You shouldn't talk like that Max." Fang interrupted sounding annoyed at my melodramatic attitude lately.
"Well to bad. I am." I continued and silently wished he wasn't so stubborn. "Would you stick around if I was gone… For the sake of the Flock?"
There was silence from Fang, which couldn't be taken as a good sign. But then again, this is Fang we're talking about, and he's silent most of the time anyway.
"Max this is stupid. We both know your way to stubborn to let anyone kill you." Fang said and stood up to walk away. But before leaving, he added, "But if it makes you feel any better. I wouldn't leave the Flock."
So I was alone again with my thoughts. I stayed still until I heard Fang fall asleep with everyone else, then silently searched for something to write a note on. We don't have much in the way of writing things. The closest thing would be Fang's laptop, but I didn't want to use that because then the Flock couldn't be sure it was really me. I managed to find the back of a large receipt from a fast food place and a pen that had just enough ink.
I sat back down on the tree and leaned my back against it. I thought about whether I really wanted to do this… I love my Flock. But am I willing to sacrifice myself so much for them? It didn't take long for me to make my decision. Of course I would. I love them, and I'm almost ashamed of myself for not thinking of this sooner. I put the receipt on the back of Fang's laptop for a hard surface, and began to write.
To my Flock,
You deserve better than this. You shouldn't have to live with Eraser attacks and living on the cold hard ground every night. You should be able to sleep in a bed, or at least indoors.
The School wants a mutant bird kid to experiment on. That's all they really want. One who will do anything for them. Once they get one, they'll stop chasing all of us. All of you I mean. The School is twisted and evil, but if I give them what they want, they'll give me what I want. They'll be the ultimate winners in their eyes. They get the oldest Flock member, the leader, the whatever. But in my eyes, I win. Because you won't have to suffer the fights and the hard crap that we all go through.
So, I've left to make a deal with them. Fang promised me he would take care of you. If he doesn't, I give you permission to harass him until he does. You guys will be fine. You're all strong and capable. You will get along perfect without me, in fact, without Erasers harassing you; you might just get along better without me.
We could all try and take out the School and the Erasers, but it's getting to hard. We can't do it. Face it. It's time to grow up and drop the dreams of 'saving the world' for the sake of our lives. The School is too powerful and big. The Erasers are getting to tough to beat. So, I let them take me and do whatever it is they want, and they don't bother you. It's a win-win situation. Kinda.
I love you all. I'll sacrifice anything for your guys' happiness. You probably will never forgive me for doing this, but I have to. As I've said before, you'll be fine without me.
Fang, you're officially in charge. From now on you do what's best for the Flock. I'll help you out on your first big decision to make: Don't follow me. For the good of you and the rest.
Please.
Love,
Maximum Ride.
Remember, I did it for you.
Disclaimer - I still don't own Maximum Ride...
I'd like to point out that a song inspired me to write this. I thought about making it into a song fic, but realized that unless someone knows the song, I don't think very many people read song fics. So I took the song out. The song it called Frozen by Within Temptation. They are utterly awesome for writing stories to...
Review and tell me what you think. There isn't much dialog... mostly Max's thoughts. But whatever. It was written late at night anyway. Hope it doesn't suck to bad. :)
