Little did he know
A Vampire Diaries Fanfic
Set at the end of "Rose"
Pairings – Elena and Damon
Chapter 1 – I Have To Say It, Once
Damon sat on Elena's window seat, thinking about how he had almost lost her, yet again. He didn't know what he would do if he lost her. Losing another person he loved would be so unbearable and this time he knew it would have all been real, not that his feelings for Katherine weren't real. But this time, even though she might try to hide it, burying it deep inside so that no one could see it, she did love him, perhaps not as he loved her, but it was there.
It was wrong and they both knew. For her to feel anything for him was just so wrong on so many levels; for Elena because it was betraying a man whose love meant everything to her and for Damon because inside he knew that he didn't deserve her love and never could. It was even wrong in other perspectives; there is not a single religion that does not condemn marriage to your brother's wife. Also, Damon really didn't want a repeat of Katherine, he didn't want to hurt his little brother again, when their relationship was only just repairing. He cared so much about Elena and didn't want to hurt her, but Nothing could of would ever come of it because he could never give her what she truly wanted. So he tried very hard to keep his feelings hidden, but it was hard, so hard.
In fact, the only thing that was really keeping all of those feelings bottled up, was fear. He was afraid of getting hurt again, and he had been hurt so many times before. He had been hurt by Katherine when she hadn't chosen either him or Stefan, and when he had thought she had died. Then again when he had discovered that the tomb was empty, that she had been alive and well, and never even thought of him. He had been hurt when she had at last chosen Stefan over him, not more than a few months ago. And on that very same and painful night, he had also been rejected by Elena, the fateful night when he had almost lost her friendship forever. All of these incidents had left him damaged almost beyond repair.
But, in just being with Elena, he saw a glimmering flash of hope. The friendship, which she had very generously offered him again, after all he had done, lit in him the humanity that he had worked so hard to erase. She made him a better... well when he was with her he could almost be called a person. She was his all, his forever. With her, it almost didn't matter that they weren't together, that she was his brother's girl. Just being friends with her was almost enough. Almost, but not quite.
Lately that friendship was becoming much more difficult. He had never told her his feelings. Well not when he was sober, anyway, and it didn't really count when he was drunk. That one time he had said it was all to do with Katherine, not Elena. But his feelings for Katherine were all over now. He only wanted Elena, now. He loved Elena, he needed Elena, and only her.
He just had to say it the once, those three little words with eight life-changing letters, that were always so hard for people to say. He needed to say them, even if she did already know, even if she didn't want to hear it, even if she could never return that feelings they expressed. He just needed to get them off his chest, just to tell her how he felt. Just the once. He fingered the vervain necklace gently and watched his finger burn. She wouldn't even have to remember it.
Elena walked into to her room and jumped slightly when Damon said, "Cute PJs!"
"I'm tired, Damon," Elena countered, and she turned away from him.
Damon held up her necklace, saying, "I brought you this."
"I thought that was gone," she gasped. He shook his head and she thanked him. But as she reached out to take it, he quickly pulled it out of her reach.
"Please give it back," she said, anger and just a little bit of fear creeping into her voice.
Damon took a deep breath and said, quickly, "I just have to say something."
She frowned and asked, "But why do you have to say it with my necklace?"
He looked her sadly and said slowly in a low voice that was almost a whisper, "Because what I'm about to say ... is probable the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."
Elena gave a frustrated sigh. "Damon, don't go there."
"No, I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it." He paused and nodded, as if he was mentally telling himself that this was the right thing to do. "I love you, Elena, and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you, why you can't know this. I don't deserve you, but my brother does." He leant towards her and kissed her ever so softly on the forehead. Then he whispered, as he gently stroked her face, "God, I wish you didn't have to forget this, but you do." He looked deep into her eyes and compelled her to forget and as he did, as small tear ran down his cheek.
She blinked and as fast as lightning he put the necklace back around her neck and disappeared out of the window. When she opened her eyes, it was as though he had never been there, except for the necklace dangling from her neck.
Outside, he stood on the ground and watched her window. He had done told her and that was all he could ever do. He had needed to do it once and he had done the right thing in making her forget, for it was not his place to love something that would never and could never be his. He knew what he had done was write, yet he had never felt so sad. There was a pain deep within his chest and he knew this to be the cause of it. It was strange that, in all of the pain he had felt caused by Katherine, who he thought he had truly loved, he had never felt that kind of pain. With Katherine there had been a kind of emptiness in him, almost as though he had never had anything inside him. When he had become the bloodthirsty monster Elena had first met, all he had attempted to do was fill the void inside of him. Now, with Elena there was a kind of constant ache. It was always painful and never wavered in its intensity.
He turned away from the window and flitted off into the night.
