Author's Note: I wished for the ownership of Naruto this Christmas, but I've been a bad girl so Santa didn't visit me. Too bad I still don't own Naruto or Sasunaru.

BTW; I'm a rapist and A PSYCHOPATH so I forewarn anyone who are/is expecting this to be lighthearted and lovey dovey … sorry please hit the return/back button., and for those who stay, welcome to the other side (I play too much Persona these days).

WARNING! (If you are not okay with any of the listed items, hit the return button immediately…)

Male pregnancy (especially at a young age), nonconsensual sex aka rape, light BDSM (or maybe heavy, depending on the mood), homosexual sex (tons) or preferably "lemons" and "cream pies", heterosexual sex (info listed below), and possibly violence, gore and profanity (not too heavy) … last but not least, bastardation of Sasuke (yeah, he's a real bastard in this one as usual).

Pairing: Centric Sasunaru and Sainaru, some Sasuhina and some Itanaru as well as Kakanaru ... slight Sasusaku (mostly unrequited)

HEAVY OOC … The story follow the original Naruto plot slightly, but almost everyone and everything is out of character and out of place. I would say the setting takes place in a parallel Naruto world where Naruto was born a little later than the rest of his fellow comrades. Naruto is 13 years old, and Sasuke and the rest are 15 years old.

Heterosexual sex between SASUHINA … I would have used Sakura but she didn't seem to fit into the role very well … so I'm going with Hinata (she's definitely OOC)

VOCABULARY:

Thoughts, and sometimes quoted thoughts (even with "", if italicized, it is still thoughts)

"dialogue"

emphasis/clues/forewarning

regular text


Prologue:

"can't close my eyes,

this burning burning desire,

will change the dark dark darkness,

no one needs this colorless world,

ah, you don't need it."

- DOA "Desire" (for Naruto, from Naruto)

...

"I wonder if he still remembers…"

The blonde boy quickly averted his azure eyes when he caught glimpse of the raven-haired boy, and his joyously stupid face as he scooped up the woman of his life into his arms. He felt chills suddenly invading his own body, and wrapped his arms around himself … as if to protect.

"…the 3 months we shared together?"

Hinata's eyes were already gleaming with tears, as she struggle to breathe within his protection. She muttered his name, and for the first time, he smiled for her so gently … like he never did for Naruto.

"Sasuke … do you remember…"

Sai came from behind Naruto and whispered into his ears, he twitched and quickly escaped the grasp of the sly Anbu. The blonde glared at Sai who only stared back at him with lusty eyes, and suddenly the blonde's body shuddered at great heights remembering the days before he met Sasuke … when even Sai hated him.

"the days we spent together?"

Naruto glanced over to where Sasuke held the emotional reunion with his woman after 2 so-called years of separation. No mission achieve and no revenge accomplish, but Sasuke was still so passionately in love with Hinata. Of course, the blonde knew she was a good woman - she was the only one who acknowledge him when everyone else despise him. He forced a smile on, but the Anbu could easily knock down his pretense.

"…the pain … the pleasure,"

Yes, Naruto felt his head getting hotter and lighter as if he was being lift up higher into the air. He imagined if it was Sasuke, he would have been able to let go and rest down on the raven-haired man's strong shoulders, instead Sai quickly grabbed him by the waist to support him, and the blonde wriggled to free himself. If only Sasuke was the same old Sasuke, he would have quickly race to where Sai is and punch him a few supersonic KOs. Naruto shook his head for he knew the truth all along; the Sasuke who loved him was not the real Sasuke.

"…tears, loneliness, happiness… and promises."

He could feel Sai's skinny arms around him, and he pretended to struggle free some more as he focused his attention on the raven-haired man. No! He thought to himself as he watched Sasuke's head bow down closer to Hinata's … No, please don't kiss her, not here, not in front of me, no! His hands were quickly scooped by Sai's and like a butterfly, the palms of his suntanned hands became wings to shield his vision from the sight of happiness … and sadness.

"… you gave me all of them, and I love you…"

Through the crack between his fingers, he spotted the raven-haired man; he quickly glance at the blonde and the Anbu and turned back to smother Hinata's body against his to confirm her existence and the existence of his reality, as for Naruto, he was still dreaming, and gazing at the memories Sasuke had set aflame. It was a light destined to be taken away under God's trick, and he knew it was because he is a boy. An Uchiha do not need a boy.

…"and I hated you so much."

Ah, the glittering sight of happiness is making Naruto feel sick. He wanted to puke. He bit his lips from puking. He pressed the edge of his abdomen, but his eyes were fluttering backward, and the world is spinning around and around in circles until Sasuke's face was twisted into ugliness. I hated you so much, he thought to himself again as he finally let go, and fell into the arms of the Anbu. Sai's worried face gave him a sense of happiness and sadness as he realized someone did give a damn about his health and his life. Sasuke's not coming, I knew that already but

"Stop looking at her."

Sai's face became warped with gentleness as he screamed and and yelled silent words. This was too much to take. He knew this day would come, but he can't help but hate Hinata for being the first … the first for Sasuke's everything.

"Why won't you look at me, like you used to?"

Sai's lips moved. He questioned him - probably, since he had that stupid, confused expression on his face. Ah, it felt good making Sai get worried over him … for once, the one in despair was not himself.

"…Sasuke?"

Sai's face contorted into one that look very familiar, like the time, Sasuke looked directly at him and asked for his name. It was like the first time, he ever met him, and the time, he tried to offer tea, but the raven-haired slapped the cup from his grip and screamed at the blonde for being insensitive. 'Don't you know how I feel,' Sasuke demanded,' I don't have time, Hinata could be here any moment.' Naruto reached for Sai's familiar expression, and in self pity, warm tears glittered at the edge of his half opened eyes. The world stopped turning, but everything was out of focused. It was getting so blurry.

For the first time, he heard Sai's voice again.

"What are you saying? I can't hear you."

Ah, Naruto thought, so I actually spoke out loud. How lame … he wanted to laugh but it was too painful to budge so how could he cry, but certainly, he felt tears at his wet cheeks. No, they were not his. He looked again and saw that familiar expression on Sai changed. Sai's face as he cried looked so much like Sasuke's.

"You cried that time…"

"You smiled too…"

"and you said I belong to you."

"Even when I was crying …"

"you said I belong to you…"

Oh no, the blonde can't seem to see Sai anymore. Sai's lips moved again … what are you saying? He made out of the lips, and he chuckled a little. It's not so bad seeing Sai's face blend into the resemblance of Sasuke … his kindness, his sadness, and his loneliness. If Sasuke's not coming over, and if Sai cannot hear him, he might as well say one more thing.

"I forgot to tell you, Sasuke…"

"that I'm pregnant … weird, right? Even though I'm a boy … I'm a boy but I got preg-

The lights went out perhaps. The world stopped moving, and within his dreams, there were only floating memories of his happiness. He felt a quivering hand over his cheeks, and for the first time, he heard Sai's voice spoke in such pain and agony, but he couldn't help but agree.

"You idiot."

"There is no pain you can't finish enduring,"

"Someday, you may come to like and to love yourself,"

"so faith, help me, be happy,

dance with life at such times..."

- DOA "Dance with Life" (dedicated to Sainaru's relationship ;;hints;;)


I will continue this story ... and yes, it will be so heartbreaking ... I'll probably cry while writing. This was actually inspired by one of the dreams I had. I'm really motivated for this one, so I won't work on any other story. I don't have a beta, and I'll probaby beta'd my own stuff so go ahead and point out if I made some annoying grammatical errors. I had a beta before, but suddenly she don't remember me ... which is one of the reason I quit on the old stories and start a new (no, I'm not blaming you, I'm just using you as an excuse).

Please review if you like the story .. I don't care if you flame, so why bother?

BTW, the title came from a song by the group DOA, called "Desire," which I used some of their lyrics for quoting (as well as their song "Dance with life").

Since Sasuke's a bastard, I will put up some quotes when I find them up to signify his future characters, as for now, these quotes I bold are hints of their (Sainaru) future characters and relationship. This prologues mostly hint at Sai and Naruto so for now, these are for them.