They weren't even gay. At least not in their eyes. They were best friends that were just…together. They both generally liked girls-well Kyle didn't really like either. He had no need to be with anyone and Stan got that. That's why their relationship was perfect. Because Stan understood him and he understood they didn't need to have wild crazy sex all the time, and that Kyle never had or wanted a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Their relationship was one of a kind.
They never showed public displays of affection because it was unnecessary. They weren't technically even in a relationship. Of course at their apartment they'd give one another a quick peck on the way out the door-if that. They watched movies and on occasion held hands. Stan didn't like that though, "My hands get all gross and sweaty," he'd say.
No one knew either. With exception to one person. Of all people that person was Cartman. Who was surprisingly alright with it. With his usual snaky attitude and rude comments he had off handedly said to them one day,
"What are you, fags?" When Stan froze Cartman understood but never said anything about it. Other than the already usual, practically daily fag joke.
Their relationship was perfect for them. No one else needed to understand because they understood each other so well. Although it was a bit strange and not at all like a regular relationship, it suited their lives perfectly. Never having the chance or need to be normal in South Park, being un-normal was completely normal. No one ever mentioned their relationship-of best friends or otherwise- to them. The best part was, neither of the boys ever mentioned the relationship either. When ever they got into petty fights there was no awkward "It's over" on the tips or their tongues, because there was nothing to end. There was no "If this is going to work we'll have to…" Because it already worked. The only time they even danced around the relationship subject was when they watched movies. A weekly habit of theirs. Even so it was indirect, though both knew what the other meant. They subliminally tried to compare their special not-relationship to a fantasy one. They never found one..
They weren't like Romeo and Juliet. "Bullshit, anyways," Kyle once said. "He's basically got some jailbait and they kill themselves. Who wants that?"
They weren't like Jack and Rose.. "Let's not even talk about them-" Stan's opinion, this time. "If she just moved her fat ass over, there'd be no issues."
Certainly not like Edward and Bella. "I mean, come on. He flat out says he wants to eat her…and she's totally fine with it? He watches her when she sleeps. There could be some crazy shit pulled." They both contributed to this opinion.
The sexual relations were not surprisingly the most stressful. Stan being an average healthy boy often wanted what Kyle refused to give. Through the years Stan grew used to it, but it has ever remained the most difficult part of their not-relationship. Kyle felt awful but having limited to no sex drive, he had nothing he could do about it. They often tried and failed.
"Perhaps it's a good thing." Stan had said once after a futile attempt leaving them both slightly embarrassed. They both were thinking it. If Kyle got over his sex issues it would push them into the relationship realm more than their kisses and flirty eyes. Neither wanted change. Eventually Stan grew used to his hand and would pretend like it didn't bother him. They were happy the way they were. They never wanted to change.
Maybe one day it would change, though. Into something magnificent and beautiful. For now though, they expressed their not-exactly-love to each other in their not-exactly-together way, and they were okay with just that.
