A/N- Hey guys! so this is a project i've been working on for about a week now. i got the idea a few days before Christmas and started writing the day after Christmas. i have 8 chapters written and am working on number 9 as we speak. trhis story spilled out of me so fast, it's carzy. i wanted to upload the first chapter to see what people think. as always: Reviews are nice and constructive criticism is good too.

Enjoy!


The door clicked shut, but still Kate Beckett sat on the exam table wrapped in the flimsy paper gown she was given. She held the multitude of pamphlets and information the doctor had given her. She looked down at the article on top of the pile, "The Basics of Polycystic Ovarian System," but it made her stomach churn. She slid a pamphlet about fertility treatments out of the pile but couldn't look at it for more than a second.

Tears began to pour out her eyes and down her cheeks. She hoped this was the universe's way of a cruel joke and that someone up there was watching her and laughing their ass off.

'How could this happen? What am I going to do? What am I going to tell people?' a million questions ran through her head, and still the tears flowed.

Half an hour later she had finally composed herself enough to change back into her clothes and leave her OB/GYN's office.

She smiled and waved when the nurses told her to have a good night, but inside she still wanted to cry.

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She parked her car down the street from the loft and let the cold January air nip at her nose, fingers and ears. She tried to escape inside herself for a few minutes, knowing if she didn't now she probably never would.

She replayed the events of her doctor's appointment over and over in her mind.

"I've gone over the results of your tests and adding them to the symptoms you told me about I've determined that you have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome." Everything after those words was a blur in Kate's mind. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she wouldn't be able to have children. She had heard what the doctor had said about there being other ways to have children but, in her mind, it wouldn't be the same.

She dried the tears that had fallen down her cheek as she came up to her building and walked up the front stairs.

"Good evening Miss. Beckett," the doorman, Thomas, said cheerfully to her as he held the door open for her. Kate smiled and made her way into the elevator. The only people besides her inside were a five year old boy and his father. They made small talk with Kate and she tried to look pleasant for the kid. Luckily they got off after three floors. Kate rode the rest of the way up in complete silence, still inside of herself trying to make sense of the events of the day.

She was met at the front door of the loft by her husband holding a glass of her favorite red wine. She kicked off her heels and put them, along with her jacket, into the front hall closet. She put her badge and gun into the safe before taking the glass and drinking a long sip.

She smiled up at Rick, who stood a good head above her when she wasn't wearing heels. He lifted her chin and met her lips with his.

"Hello to you too," she said once she pulled back and for the first time in the past hour, she actually felt happy.

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"You're really quiet tonight," Castle told Kate later that night over plates of his famous pasta carbonara.

"Just a lot going on in my head tonight," she said not giving any more information to him than that. Knowing the look on Kate's face, Rick let the subject drop, but made a mental note to ask her about it later.

After dinner and cleaning the kitchen the couple settled in bed with the TV and glasses of wine. Kate channel surfed and Castle attempted to write on his newest Nikki Heat novel. He would type a little then glance up at Kate.

After the fifth time, she sighed in frustration. "It was something that happened at my doctor's appointment today," she said smoothly, straight faced.

"I wasn't asking," Rick said looking up from his half-assed chapter.

"Yes well you weren't asking very loudly," she said.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to guess," he asked only half kidding.

She was silent for a long while, Castle waited for her to open up and tell him what was going on.

Finally she took in a shaky breath, tears forming again in her eyes. "Rick I'm sorry," she said her voice breaking.

"Kate," he breathed, pulling her into his arms. She leaned into his chest and cried, she whole body shaking. "Babe, it's all going to be ok, whatever it is. Always," he whispered into her hair. He let her cry, rubbing her back and holding her. Finally, when her sobs reduced to sniffles, she sat up and looked at him her eyes tearstained and red.

His eyes were full of questions but before he could ask them, she was up and out of their room. She came back a minute later with the pile of papers she had gotten earlier in the afternoon.

She didn't say anything, just returned to her spot in bed and handed the papers to Rick.

He shuffled through the papers for a minute before looking back at her.

Tears formed in her eyes and she scoffed a laugh.

"I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know it was this. I am so sorry," she finished in a whisper.

"Kate," He started pulling Kate back against his chest. "I told you, whatever happens we will get through this, together."

They stayed like that the rest of the night wrapped in each other's arms. Kate slept and Rick watched her sleep.

'It could be worse,' he thought. 'There are things we can do about this'

Around three in the morning, Rick finally fell into a light, fitful sleep.