ME AND MISS VANILLA

Chapter One

Vector had, as usual, fallen asleep at the desk of his detective agency. Business was extremely bad. The only case the Chaotix had gotten lately was finding a lost Cream yet again. They had been there for hours before, finally, the phone rang in the office.

"Answer the phone, Charmy!" Vector moaned, still half asleep.

"The phone didn't ask any questions," Charmy argued. "It's just saying 'Ring! Ring! Ring!'" He started laughing.

"Could someone answer the phone, please?" Espio asked. "It's disturbing my meditation." He was sitting cross legged on the floor with his eyes shut.

"Well we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?" Vector asked. He got up, then fell on his snout. His foot was still asleep.

Charmy rolled on the floor. "Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, Vector, you're so funny!"

"Well, I try to be the life of the party," Vector said, "I…hey, shut up!" He stamped his foot to get the circulation working, then finally picked up the phone. "I hope it's not a bill collector! Hello? Ed's Bar and Grill!"

"Wh-what?" came a sweet, very familiar voice over the receiver. "I'm sorry! I must have misdialed!"

"No, wait!" Vector said. "Please don't hang up, Miss Vanilla! It's me, Vector!"

"Oh," the rabbit said, sounding confused. "You're…running a barbeque house now?"

"No, no!" Vector said. "Uh…I was just making a joke. You know me! Always making jokes! Ha ha! I'm a real clown, right guys?"

"Yeah, especially when you're not trying to be!" Charmy said.

"Yeah, especially when I'm not…shut up!" Vector yelled.

"Vector?" Vanilla's voice said, and now she sounded hurt. "Did you just tell me to shut up?"
Vector's mouth dropped wide open, which, being a crocodile, was pretty wide. "No! I'm sorry! I was talking to Charmy!"

Vanilla gasped. "Really! You shouldn't scold the poor boy like that! You know he looks up to you like a father!"

"Yeah," Vector said, glaring at Charmy. He'd seen horror movies where kids treated their fathers like that. "So, uh…it's great to hear from you!" Vector said, rubbing the back of his head nervously. "I hope little Cream isn't lost again."

"No, she's fine," Vanilla said. "She's with Amy. They're going spending all day together and will be having a sleepover tonight." She sighed.

"What's the matter?" Vector asked, wishing he could see her. He'd have to beg Tails for a new phone with a tv screen. "Do you miss her?"

"I understand she's getting to be a big girl and doesn't want to hang around her boring old mother all the time…" Vanilla said sadly.

"What?" Vector cried. "You're not boring! And you're sure not old! I mean, how old are you, anyway?"

He heard a strangled sound over the phone. "Uh…do we have a bad connection?" he asked.

"No," Vanilla finally said, more sharply than he'd heard her speak before.

"Did I say something wrong?" Vector asked, scratching his head. It was so hard trying to figure dames out sometimes!

He heard her take a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "I was just wondering if you're very busy tonight? There's a movie I'd like to see, and I really didn't want to go alone."

Vector's mouth dropped open again. Charmy picked up the phone book and placed it between his jaws..

"Wow, Vector! You sure have got a big mouth!"

Vector pushed the phone book away. "I'm warning you, Charmy!" he hissed. He turned back to the phone. "Miss Vanilla…uh…would you like to see that picture with…uh…well, with me?"

"That would be nice," the rabbit said. "Could you pick me up about seven-thirty? I'll try to be ready by then. Good-bye, Vector."

"See you tonight, Miss Vanilla!" Vector said. He vaguely heard her phone click, but his brain had stopped working. Not that it ran smoothly at the best of times, of course.

Charmy flew over and listened to the receiver. "Uh, Vector," he said. "The phone's going hmmmm! I think that means she hung up!"

"Yeah," Vector said. His train of thought was still boarding at the station. "Hang up the phone, Charmy!"

"Oh, okay!" Charmy said. He took the receiver and bonked Vector upside the head with it.

The croc grabbed him. "Ow! What the heck is the deal with you?!"

"Just bored," Charmy said. "So, Vector, are you and Miss Vanilla gonna play huggy bear and kissy face?" He hugged himself and puckered up his lips.

Vector blushed. "Sh-shut up! Miss Vanilla is a classy lady! You go wash your mouth out with soap!"

Charmy stuck his tongue out, then flew away. Vector shook his head, then realized the phone was still off the hook and making a buzzing sound. He hung up, then walked over to Espio, who was still trying to meditate.

"Hey, Espio!" Vector said. "You're not doing anything important right now, are you?"

Espio sighed. "Only trying to achieve Nirvana. What do you want, Vector?"

"Well, excuse me, Mister Grouchy," Vector said. "I got a date with Miss Vanilla tonight!"

Espio finally opened his eyes. "Be very careful, Vector," he said.

"Huh?" Vector stared at him. "Careful about what?"

"Don't talk to people that aren't there," Espio warned. "And don't tell her outrageous stories like you usually do. One of these days she's going to find out how you exaggerate our adventures, and then she'll never want to have anything more to do with you."

"Exaggerate?" Vector said. "What are you talking about, Espio?"

"He means lie," Charmy said bluntly. "Or fib if you prefer. Hey, watch me juggle your books, Vector!" He tried to juggle several mystery paperbacks Vector read, hoping to improve his detective skills. The books fell on Charmy's head. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Stupid books!" He flew off, muttering to himself.

"We gotta make him switch to decaf," Vector said, picking up his books.

"It wasn't my idea to let him have coffee in the first place," Espio pointed out, trying to go back to his meditation.

"Well, how else was he supposed to stay awake during those all night watches?" Vector demanded.

"Our cases never required all night watches," Espio pointed out. "Those were your idea. You always get carried away and put more into your work than is needed…or wanted."

"You two are always ganging up on me!" Vector complained. "Well, I don't have time to argue. I have to get ready for my date with Miss Vanilla at seven-thirty!"

"Vector, it's only one o'clock!" But the croc was already gone. Espio heard the shower running. "Why do I bother?!?"

"Simple," Charmy said, "you're a nut!"

"Please go away," Espio moaned.

"Okay," Charmy said.

Vector was ready to go by two.

"How do I look?" he asked, fixing his bow tie. He had put on a black tuxedo that was a size too small.

"Those buttons look like they're about to give!" Charmy said.

"Just what are you implying?" Vector demanded.

"Have you considered going on a diet?" Charmy asked. They'd all put on weight since Vanilla had started regularly bringing them food.

"You've got me confused with Doctor Eggman!" Vector said, flexing his biceps in front of the mirror in the hall.

"No, Eggman is smart," Charmy pointed out, flexing his biceps in the mirror.

"Yeah, he is, and…shut up!"

Charmy fell over onto the floor and rolled with laughter.

"Vector," Espio said with a sigh, "it's five hours before you can pick her up. Are you going to wear that all day?"

"Hey, this might help us to get more cases," Vector said, looking at himself in the mirror again. "People might take us more seriously if we look like professionals!"

"You look like an undertaker," Espio pointed out.

"You're just jealous," Vector insisted, sticking his tongue out.

"Oh yeah," Espio said, rolling his eyes, "you really look professional now!"

"Hey," Charmy said, "all it would take for Vector to look professional are a few little items of clothing."

"Yeah?" Vector said. "Like what?"

"Oh, you know," Charmy said, counting on his fingers, "a rainbow-colored wig, a big red nose, huge red shoes, a tiny car that about ten guys could fit into…"

"That sounds interesting," Vector said, considering this. "That would make me look like a…hey, shut up!"

Espio got up with a moan. "I can't concentrate with this going on!" He crossed the room. Reaching Charmy, he asked, "Why are you annoying Vector like that?"

"Oh!" Charmy said, sounding like he had exciting news to tell, "Well, you see, I thought I'd try to find out how many times I can get Vector to tell me to shut up in one day, and then beat that record!" He grinned at the chameleon.

"Ah," Espio said, leaving the room. "And here I was afraid you were doing it for a stupid reason."

"Nope," Charmy said, shaking his head. "Nobody stupid here but Vector. Right, Vector?"

"Ri…shut up!"

Charmy flew away again, laughing. Vector sighed. That kid needed to learn some respect for his elders. He shrugged, then picked up one of the books Charmy had tried to juggle earlier. He sat down in his easy chair and started to read.

"'Chapter one: It was a quiet day in my office, on a hot, muggy day in August, and I was waiting for my phone to ring when…'" Vector dropped the book and started snoring.

"Vector?" He snorted and rolled over. "Vector, wake up!"

"But I don't wanna go to school today, Mom!" Vector moaned.

Espio sighed. "Charmy?"

"Right!" Charmy said. "Gasp! Miss Vanilla! You shouldn't want around in public in such a skimpy little bikini!"

Vector jumped up, looking around. "Where?!? Where?!?"

Charmy fell on the floor, holding his sides as he roared with laughter.

"That was mean," Espio said.

"Come on!" Charmy said, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Even you have to admit that was funny!"
"Well…yeah," Espio admitted. "But it was still mean!"

"What's the deal, you guys?!?" Vector demanded, trying to hide his blush.

"It's seven o'clock, Vector," Espio said. "You might want to hurry if you don't want to be late."

Vector's mouth dropped open again. "It's whaaat?!? How come you guys didn't warn me before?"

Espio walked away. "I've been calling you for half an hour."

Vector turned to Charmy. "Why didn't you try to wake me before?" he demanded.

"What fun would that have been?" Charmy asked, grinning.

That did it. Vector started chasing the bee. "I'm gonna get you for that, Charmy!"

Charmy flew around in circles, just out of Vector's reach. "Hahahahahah! Can't catch me-ee! Can't catch me-ee! Pbbbbtttt!"

"Haven't you left yet, Vector?!?" Espio demanded from the back room.

Vector slapped his forehead. "You're right! I'm off!" He ran out the door.

"Truer words were…" Charmy stopped. "Nah, I already told that joke! Hey, we should get Vector a rocking chair!"

"A what?" Espio demanded. "Are you saying he's getting old?"

"Course not," Charmy explained. "But every time he got up, I could say 'Vector's off his rocker!'"
"Sometimes I really wonder about both of you," Espio said.

"Well no wonder you wonder," Charmy said, "I'm pretty wonderful!"

How will Vector do on his date with Vanilla? To be continued…