A/N: So today I was sitting in math today and I was really bored after we took a quiz. My friend Brandon, who is Pig Pen in our school production of "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown," and I were singing "The Book Report" from the aforementioned musical. I came home and first I thought, "OMFGBBQ LES AMIS FIC TIME!!" and then I thought, "I need a life…"

But we'll go with the first one for now.

And "Peter Rabbit" was not written in 1832, so I'm using "Candide," which is, like, the bestest book evah… next to the Brick of course. :) And I read it in one sitting (well, it was on a plane ride… but it still counts…)

DISCLAIMER: Teh Hugo owns teh Miz and Teh Voltaire owns teh Candide. And teh Clark Gesner and Andrew Lippa and John Gordon and Charles Schultz- owns teh "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown."

(Enjy - Lucy, 'Ferre - Schroeder, Marius - Linus, Joly - Charlie Brown, Gavroche - Snoopy, and, what the hell, Grantaire - Sally) (well, who were you expecting -- Azelma?)


Enjolras placed a sheet of paper on his desk and took out a pen:

A book report on Candide, Candide, Candide, Can-


"Tell me why I'm doing this again?" Combeferre asked Courfeyrac, the latter casually lounging on his bed.

"'cause med students don't do anything useful anymore, obvi," he smirked.

"Excuse you! You try poking cadavers all day and then we'll—" 'Ferre started.

"Just do it. I win. Imma go nap now, mmk?" Courfeyrac sighed.

Combeferre went to the desk and took out a pen and a piece of paper:

A book report on Candide, Candide, Can-


Marius figured that Courfeyrac was doing something important back at the apartment they shared, so he went to the Paris Library in the Latin Quarter and began working:

A book report on Candide, Candide, Can-


"You should stop listening to Courfeyrac and his wild ideas," Joly scolded Feuilly.

Feuilly began working on a fan, "But I actually have a reason. I have to make ten fans by tomorrow morning."

"Ohhhh that takes sooooooo long," Joly said sarcastically.

"C'mon, Jol, I owe ya one."

"But I have so much other work to do. And before Courfeyrac tricked him into his stupid book report, Combeferre and I were going to go to the hospital and—"

"Excuses, excuses. Get started," Feuilly ordered, and began to fold more paper.

Joly frowned and snatched a piece of paper from off the floor and pulled a pen out of his pocket:

A book report on Candide, Candide, Can-
-Dide..


Enjolras wrote and said in unison:

Candide is this stupid book about this stupid fop who travels around the world
looking for his girlfriend.

He stopped and counted the words, " 1, 2, 3… hmm… 82 to go."


Combeferre glared evilly at a relaxing Courfeyrac and went back to the latter's book report. He also wrote and said in unison, "The name of the book about which this book report is about is Candide, which is about this dumb guy."
"I found it very-"
He looked to Courfeyrac for insight. He shrugged.
"I liked the part where-"
He looked at his friend again. Another shrug.
"It was a-"
Courfeyrac said he read the first two pages.

"You are so lucky I had to read this in high school."

Courfeyrac grinned, "I was supposed to do that to!"

Combeferre smiled, "You know I'm so going to screw up this report, right?"

Courfeyrac sat up straight, "WHAT? 'Ferre, don't! … Ah, pooh."

Combeferre went back to writing:
It reminded me of "Robin Hood!"
And the part where Little John jumped from the rock to the Sheriff of Nottingham's back. And then Robin and everyone swung from the trees in a sudden surprise attack. And they captured the sheriff and all of his goods and they carried him back to their camp in the woods and the sheriff was guest at their dinner and all, but he wriggled away and he sounded the call. And his men rushed in and the arrows flew- Candide did sort of that kind of thing too…


Enjolras thought smart again, "His friend on the boat was named Martin."

19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26 – OHH!


Marius was still wondering why he would have to write a book report on "Candide" in order to make it in law school, but he was not one to question anyone's authority. I mean, he was in a frikkin student revolution, right? He started to use fancy lawyer talk:

In examining a book such as Candide, it is important that the superficial characteristics of its deceptively simple plot should not be allowed to blind the reader to the more substantial fabric of its deeper motivations. In this report I plan to discuss the sociological implications of family pressures so great as to drive an otherwise moral man to perform acts of thievery which he consciously knew were
against the law. I also hope to explore the personality of Dr. Pangloss in his conflicting roles as philosopher and adventurer. Candide is established from the start as a benevolent hero and it is only...


Joly had barely written one word on the paper when he turned to Feuilly and lamented:

If I start writing now when I'm not really rested, it could upset my thinking, which is no good at all. I'll get a fresh start tomorrow and it's not due till Wednesday, so you'll have all of Tuesday, unless something should happen. Why does this always happen? I should be with Combeferre, at the hospital. I work best under pressure, and there'll be lots of pressure if I wait till tomorrow. I should start writing now, but I if I start writing now, when I'm not really rested, it could upset my thinking, which is no good at all…


Enjolras smiled to himself as he wrote down:

Candide was very naïve.

"27, 28, 29, 30 – YES!" he counted cheerfully.


Combeferre continued writing:

Down came the staff on his head- smash! And Robin fell like a sack full of lead- crash! The sheriff laughed and he left him for dead- ah! But he was wrong—


"35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40!" Enjolras grinned.


Combeferre prolonged:

Just then an arrow flew in- whing! It was a sign for the fight to begin- zing! And then it looked like the sheriff would win- ah! But not for long. Away they ran.
Just like Candide. Who ran a lot As you can tell. From the story Of Candide. Which this report. Is about.


"Candide, Candide, chasing Candide!" Gavroche and Grantaire sang out of nowhere.


Joly continued whining to Feuilly:

How do they expect us to write a book report of any quality in just two days? How can they conspire to make life so misérables, and so effectively in so many ways…?


Enjolras only had 45 words. He wrote down more:

There were many people who Candide met in his story.auto da fé, and the Bulgarian soldiers and Cunegonde's brother, and the people in Eldorado, and Cacambo, James the Anabaptist, the Jew, and the Inquisitioner, and Pococurante, Paquette and Brother Giroflée …

Such as Dr. Pangloss and Cunegonde and Martin and the Old Woman and Baron Thunder-ten-tronck and Baroness Thunder-ten-tronck and the people getting hanged at the

Enjolras looked at all the characters he had written, "Dang! How did I know all that?"


Marius was still writing: Not to mention the extreme pressure exerted on him by his deeply rooted friendship with Dr. Pangloss, Cunegonde, and the Old Woman!


"Candide, Candide, chasing Candide!" Grantaire and Gavroche had yet to find the reason why they were still singing.


Joly was nervously sweating, "If I start writing now, when I'm not really rested, it could upset my thinking, which is not good at all. Not good at all. Oh, "he looked at Feuilly, "First thing after dinner I'll start."


Combeferre fired his pen across the paper:

The name of the book about which this book report is about is Candide. Candide, All for one, ev'ry man does his part. Oh.


Marius wrote furiously:

What drove an otherwise moral man to perform acts of thievery? Thievery! Sociological implications, fam'ly pressure. Simple plot


Enjolras couldn't take it anymore:

Candide is this stupid book about this stupid fop who sails the world searching for his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend.

He counted again, "75, 76 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82…"


Gavroche and Azelma sang in the streets of Paris:

Candide. Chasing Candide. Chasing Candide. Chasing Candide. Chasing! Chasing! Candide, Candide. Chasing Candide. Find Cunegonde! Do or die!


Enjolras would not write another word. He so fed up with this stupid book.

And they were very, very, very, very, happy to make their garden grow.


The End. Combeferre wrote.


94, 95. The very, very, very end. Enjolras finished.


"Amen!" Marius shouted when he was done.


A book report on Candide. Just start writing. You can do it. Nothing to it. Got to start-
Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide!


Combeferre explained what he wrote to the now-alert Courfeyrac:

Candide was a lot like Robin Hood. Candide was a lot like Robin Hood
Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide!


Marius read his book report to his darling Cosette in the Jardin du Luxeumbourg:

Sociological implications joined with familial condemnations…
Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide!


Enjolras began to write a pamphlet to give out on campus and at a rally:

Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire. Monsieur Voltaire.
Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide!


Gavroche and Grantaire hounded Éponine:

Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide! Candide!

"Guys, go away. Go home. Gav, go back to your 'son' things," Éponine demanded.

"I like my sons, don't be hatin!" Gavroche ran away crying and Grantaire still kept repeating 'Candide!' without him.


Feuilly finished his ninth fan and turned to Joly, "So what are you trying to tell me?"

The med student held up the paper and pen to the Polish man's face, "I haven't even started yet!"


"Candide!" shouted Enjolras, Combeferre, Courfeyrac, Marius, Cosette, Grantaire, Gavroche, Éponine, and Joly.


REVIEW. NOW. I WILL WRITE MORE PARODIES IF YOU DO!
SO REVIEW. NOW.