05.39 am
I never thought that this could happen to me. I never thought I would be in this situation. That I would feel those feelings and be thinking those thoughts. I don't like this situation, I don't like what I have done. Right now, I wish my mind would stop racing and my head to stop spinning. My vision is blurred and my eyes can't seem to focus. All I can see is my hands, hands which are covered in blood. I sit in a corner in a deserted hallway. No one is around, no one is around to witness my bloody deed. A knife lies besides me. The knife is remarkably clean, there is no trace of blood on it. I let a bitter laugh slip through my lips; "So it's indeed not the weapon that kills but the human behind it?", I asks the cold brick wall in front of me. Not surprisingly, no answer escapes the wall. While I sit there looking at the wall and letting my life gush out of my wrists, a tragicomical fact hits me: I feel more kinship with this corridor and wall than anything I have ever seen before. The sun is rising outside and the beams are casting a golden glitter of light on my brick wall, the trees outside are swaying to a gentle breeze and rocks the shadows on my brick wall in a never ending cascade of motions. My head feels light as another stark realization comes to me; I am the brick wall and the brick wall is me. We are the same. Might not in appearance but on the inside there is no difference. A wall is blank, so am I. A wall is a wallpaper, I wonder if you could even call me that. A wall is a convenience, it never questions you actions or gives you any answers, it can be used as a release, you may hit, hurt and scream at it and no one will care. That is a wall and a wall I am. But, more importantly, a wall is dead and so am I.
05.40 am
- 06.00 am they found a boy with golden hair and bright blue eyes dead in a hallway. In front of him was a brick wall cascading in numerous variations of light mixed with the shadows of the trees from outside. On the wall, a shaky hand had written, "This is a wall and a wall I was." The boy was bathing in blood and golden morning light. -
