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You hold onto that one thing…

Soldiers aren't human, they look human, they talk and walk and breathe like humans, but in the end they're just tools. It's what they sign up for, it's what military life does; strips you down to bare bone, rebuilds you, and makes you something else. Something that has a different set of instincts, something that serves out a purpose, that works in the grander scheme of things. A lot of people didn't understand that. Civvie's expected a certain amount of humanity, mercy and compassion from each other. They cried out against criminals, against warlords, theives, CEO's and all the vileness in human nature, then expected to be protected from it, by it. Civvies didn't understand what a soldier was, what it meant, or why once you've been in it, it's all you really know.

Lee had been in the service for ten years now, since he was seventeen; that was the life he knew, the life he'd been shaped for. He didn't even know what he would do in the civvie world. Hard to talk to someone about the weather when you know twenty-five ways to kill them with a pen. He knew what a lot of grunt soldiers didn't, that this was it, once you sign that piece of paper and swear yourself in, this was your life. There was no going back. Some people saw that a little too late and ruined themselves trying to go back, others caught it in time and got out some way or another. People like Lee, saw it and damn well wanted it.

Lee you are such a frakking asshole

That's why he did so well in the army, why he was so good at his job. He had gone from an entry level grunt to the leader of one of the most sophisticated tactical assault teams in the entirety of the twelve colonies. His team had seen more combat and had a higher success rate than any other since the armistice. It was why instead of spending his R&R like every sane person, at a bar, he was out on a training run with the rest of his squad.

You hold onto that one thing…

Of course the thing about being a soldier is that if you weren't careful, you became damaged goods; you slipped passed that line where enemy and friendly were distinguishable. You became a razor, where everyone was expendable, even yourself. The company would give you a nice accident so that the civvies didn't find out and burst a vessel. Lee had been on that road a long time ago. Five years in, his special ops instructor pulled him out for a night at the bar and explained that there was one thing he was missing. That in the world of black ops, there was always one thing that kept the line in front of you. Lee hadn't understood it at the time, but a few weeks later, one of the few times he actually went someplace for his time off, Lee had made a couple of days worth of memories. Those he kept for himself and no one else. Some people kept pictures in their hats, some got tattoos. Lee had two days of happiness. For Lee, that was all he needed.

Lee you are such a frakking asshole

His brother Zak didn't understand that. He was an engineer on the Battlestar Solara, pretty good at it too, or at least he'd heard. It had been a few years since Lee had talked to his brother about anything other than reconciling with his parents. Which was a subject he definitely did not want to discuss. Zak didn't understand that either. Course Zak wasn't him, hadn't seen or done half the things that Lee had, which he knew was a blessing. So when he refused to go to the decommissioning ceremony of the Galactica and the official start of his father's retirement, Zak just kept needling until Lee had said something to the affect of 'get your head out of your ass and figure out that I don't want anything to do with the old fart'. To which Zak stated that he was a frakking asshole and hung up.

You hold onto that one thing…

The local birds made the last chirps of the day in the tall pines as the evening drew near. Caprican Mountain sunsets had to be the best of all the places he'd been. Of course this was the Cerebus run for his squad. Wasn't that bad considering some of the jams they had gotten themselves into in the past. A Cerebus run consisted of getting a mission standard of ammo, food, and gear; then being taken blindfolded by raptor to the middle of nowhere, dumped out, and told to walk home. Usually hard to do when you're tied up, with only the bare essentials, limited ammo, and four other teammates to depend on. Three years with this crew, and this, their fifth Cerebus run, made it all seem like luxuries.

" ...you don't know the half of it. So I'm at a bar outside the base on Aerelon…"

He had managed to get a buck with one bullet and dragged it back to camp for skinning and cooking. Usually they didn't allow themselves a fire, but they weren't in enemy territory, and venison tasted like crap raw. So there they sat, or most of them sat. Calisto, their medic, was on guard duty.

" …She's got me, just pinned me with some major 'come frak me' eyes so I walk over…"

She wasn't much for the nightly conversations, too quiet and serious for that, he thinks she might have been a trauma surgeon before joining the service. She hadn't even flinched when a nugget accidentally shot himself in the leg, just set down to stop the bleeding, giving orders like a general. It was hard to get her to talk, and usually Lee would worry about the stoic types; they tended to crack a little too easily when in the thick of things, but even she was not immune to Dion's charms.

"…and we're going at it like no one's business when suddenly the door busts open…"

Dion was a charming bastard that could make anyone laugh. The man had even sent Calisto into a giggle fit. On occasion, much to everyone's amazement, he managed to make Lee outright laugh and appear human. It was probably what let the team know he cared; didn't happen often but every once in awhile he would crack a smile, give a chuckle, and it never ceased to shock them when he did. Course sometimes laughing wasn't a great thing, especially when it came to Nestor.

"…I looked General Kincad right in the eye and said, 'She's a higher rank, sir, I was just following orders!'"

Nestor was a good kid, no doubt, bright, a touch on the mousy side, but he was a genius comms officer. He could pick any lock, and make any hunk of junk work, but the man had the most irritating laugh in the whole of the twelve colonies. Usually Lee just ignored it, but it was especially hard when Dion got the little man going. And Lee was cleaning his gun, so it was a struggle.

"…there is no way that Mad Dog Kincad let you go with just a warning. He guts recruits for fun."

Everyone there was a hardass, had to be when you had to do the counterterrorism work they did. Breaks people left and right, that sort of job, so the ones left were some of the best soldiers you ever met. But being the squad leader meant he couldn't quite be human, especially when an order he would give might cost them their lives. But they knew that he wouldn't give an order that he himself wasn't willing to follow.

"Must be my natural charm?"

"Or maybe he didn't want have to see you and burst out laughing a second time."

Achilla, out of everyone in the squad, had been with him the longest. They'd started in the Service together and been each other's shadows ever since. She'd probably saved his life more than he'd like to admit. They just got on, never really knew why, maybe they both loved the military life the same way, maybe the same kind of past, maybe the same kind of pain, or maybe it was her laugh. Either way, after the first Triad game where they both had literally lost their shirts, they were friends.

"Ya know, Achey, I would start asking you out, it's just I'm afraid if I tried to kiss you you'd scratch my face off like every other boyfriend you've had."

"Scratching wouldn't make you look worse."

Lee trusted all of them with his life, same the other way around, but their weren't so many ears to lend when you just called them a dumb fuck with a brain of a Caprican mule for leaving the flank open. But Achilla, with her red hair and Saggitaron temper, didn't care that he only saw his brother once or twice a year, didn't care that he hadn't talked to his father in five years or his mother in ten. With the two of them they managed to keep this combination of eccentric people in line. So much so they seemed to be the mother and father of a tight knit, fucked up family.

"I'll have you know several stately women have noted my exquisite physique and handsome face, thank you very much."

"Yeah, your mother and all her sixty year old friends."

This always made him laugh; Dion was funny, Achilla was witty, but together they were hilarious. Sitting there, sunset in the distance, orange clouds glinting off of Calisto's dirty blonde hair, Dion's campside cooking filling the air, Achilla's eye roll at his dramatic proposals and Nestor's high pitched squeak of a laugh, would have made him feel like he had found a home. He hadn't had one of those since he was ten.

"Considering your last boyfriend was sixty-two, Achilla, I wouldn't throw too many stones there."

Red hair swished furiously when her head snapped to him. Dion pounced on the opportunity.

"SIXTY-TWO!"

Lee had seen the look on Achilla's face turn nuggets into puddles, But he merely quirked an eyebrow while he finished cleaning his rifle and started the process of putting it back together. It was a look that told you that you were lucky she didn't have a gun. Of course, her rifle was propped up next to her, so he was dancing on the edge. Knowing Dion, he would make a new nickname for Lee's second in command in a few days, probably something like "hip braker" or " walker robber".

Lee would try and call Zak once the week was over, try and smooth it over. Because no matter how much he would have liked to just cut free and leave his 'family' behind, Lee had been taking care of his brother for too long, and habits were hard to break. Resolved to this he slapped the magazine into the rifle and set the safety. Looking up he caught a flare up in the distance, something small and he couldn't quite make out. Lee, never one to give up on details, stared intently.

"Major."

Callisto's all business voice drew his attention from the puzzling horizon. It was unspoken that if it was operation related, rank or codname was used, otherwise everyone was on a first name basis. She had positioned herself to the east, on a small rock peak at the side of the outcropping, giving her a commanding view of the valley below, just above the trees. Moderate cover from below, with maximum visibility. Lee got up, Achilla's eyes following.

" Lieutenant?"

"Flare in the Northeast, can't tell what it is, might be an explosion, but it's too far for us to be seeing it and not hearing it."

Like the words commanded the elements, the wind picked up, coming in from the base of the mountain, and from where he sat, moved the trees like fields of grain. The rest of the team noticed the change of atmosphere, and Lee himself could feel the pressure start to build. Something was happening, and it felt ominous. The sound hit them just as the newest flash cleared, rolling forward like a stampede.

"Gods…"

Lee didn't hear Dion's near silent exhale against the rumble of nuclear thunder as he stood fixed for a moment, staring at the mushroom cloud.

Lee you are such a frakking asshole

Those were the last words Zak ever said to him.

You hold onto that one thing…

AN: This is a re-edit of the first chapter after a couple Beta's got to it. Thank you to both of them.