Symptom Recital
Remus Lupin sighed loudly. Sirius and James were going at each other, again. Rolling his eyes to the ceiling, Remus continued with his homework. Professor Meyria had set them a two roll essay on werewolves. Remus smirked inwardly to himself. If it was one thing he knew about, it was werewolves. Everyone else in the class thought it fascinating. Personally, it made Remus feel sick in his stomach. The rain thrashed angrily against the window panes of the Great Hall. It was study time, and most of the students within the hall were studying or completing homework. However, there was a fair few that were merely hanging around with their friends, exchanging stories or discussing Halloween, which was quickly approaching. All together, the Hall was filled with the scratching of quills and the chatter of students. A symphony of organised chaos.
"What do you think Remus?" Remus looked up from his work to look at James. Sirius was sitting next to the raven-haired boy, looking thoroughly stubborn.
"Um, sorry?"
"What do you think? France or Ireland for the World Cup?" James said, stressing Ireland. Remus blinked.
"Is that what you were going on about?" James' frown grew deeper and Sirius breathed out a laugh.
"Trust Remus to be too absorbed in homework to focus on anything important!" he said, shaking his head and grinning. Remus smiled sheepishly. James, however, was determined to win the argument.
"Remus, will you please give me your opinion?" he pressed. Remus sighed.
"Fine, Ireland," he said. James beamed while Sirius' face darkened.
"What?! France all the way! Have you seen their new Seeker?! He's unreal!" Sirius said and soon himself and James were caught up in another fight. Remus returned to his work and was half-way through his first page when suddenly there was a fast movement from above and a large pool of ink streamed down the book he was revising from, flooding and vanishing the words. Remus dropped his quill and sat back. Sirius, who was lying across the table, (having been pushed by James, thus resulting in the toppling over of Remus' ink), smiled uncertainly up at Remus. Remus frowned down at him.
"I think I'll move down, just until I get this essay done," Remus said. He checked his watch. It was only twelve and already he was starting to feel tired. And the worst hadn't even started yet.
"Ah, Remus don't go!" James said, grabbing Sirius' robes and hauling him back to his seat. Remus packed away his things, but left his book on the table, the page shining and black.
"I'll come right back! I'll just go down and see if I can look into someone's book," he said, closing his bag. "I need to get that essay for Meyria done before sun-down because-"
"You're visiting your Mum, yeah we know!" Sirius said, reaching into his pocket and drawing out his wand. "Look, I'll clean it up!" Unfortunately, James had the same idea and both boys had pulled out their wands and both had said the spell. Remus looked at his book as everything on the page vanished, including the words that had been originally there. Remus sighed loudly. Sirius shrugged while James looked at Remus.
"Sorry, Remus. I was only trying to help-"
"I know, James. I'll just move down for a bit and look into someone else's book," Remus said, standing up to leave the area. Suddenly, Remus saw Peter Pettigrew enter the Hall. Remus smiled and inclined his head to him. "Look, here comes Peter, last I heard he was thinking France."
Glad at the distraction he had created, Remus headed down the table towards the top of the Hall where one girl was sitting alone at the top of the Gyffindor table. Remus walked over to her and cleared his throat. The girl turned to him, her green eyes blazing. Lily Evans and Remus had become exceedingly good friends. They got on well in First Year, but once Second Year started they had become closer. Much to the pleasure of James, and the great displeasure of Severus. Remus smiled politely.
"I am sorry, but I was wondering if I could look into your copy of Darkness Defence for my essay?" Lily looked at him, then looked beyond him at the three boys, now all of whom seemed to arguing. Remus seemed to read her mind. "Do you really think they brought anything? They spilt ink, and then proceeded to erase everything from my book." Lily looked as if she didn't know whether to laugh or criticise. Finally, she smiled warmly.
"Sure thing, here," she moved her bag to the floor and Remus sat down next to her. Taking out his quill and a fresh bottle of ink, Remus continued his essay. After only finishing his first page, he was interrupted by Lily. "Remus, do you know what's more effective? Mistletoe or rye?"
"Mistletoe; it makes m-" he stopped himself and hastily corrected. "-makes them more delusional. They'll try and get as far away from mistletoe as possible. Rye just makes m- them drowsy." He kept his eyes on his parchment, but he could feel Lily's gaze boring into him.
"Right," she said slowly, her eyes still focussed on him. "I know I'm probably really annoying but-"
"You forget, I'm friends with James Potter," Remus joked looking up. Lily laughed.
"Yes, you are for some odd reason. But, I was wondering if I could borrow some of your ink?"
"Sure," Remus said, using his quill to point at the small bottle. Lily reached across. Remus noticed she was wearing a bracelet. It hung loose from her hand, dangling and shining in the light. The smooth metal grazed his hand slightly. Remus winced. His fingers clenched around the quill so tightly he felt it about to snap. Lily snatched her hand back. Remus pulled his hand out of view, convincing himself she hadn't seen the red burn on his skin.
"Remus? What-?"
"Bit my lip," Remus lied quickly, letting his hand hang loosely from his side innocently. "Sorry." Lily eyed him closely. Her gaze dropped to the book, then slowly raised to Remus' face again. Remus could feel himself getting hot in the face. He really hoped it only felt like he was so nervous. There was no way she knew. She was smart, but not that smart.
"Remus-"
"Lily?" Remus turned to see Severus Snape standing behind them. Lily, who's hand had been stretched out, withdrew it slowly. Remus grabbed his things and shoved them into his bag before jumping up and leaving. Screw the essay, he'd finish it later. Borrow a book off someone else. As he was walking away, he could hear Severus' angry whisper.
"What were you doing with one of his lot?!"
James appeared to be watching Severus and Lily closely when Remus returned to the end of the Hall. Sirius and Peter both opened their mouths to speak, but Remus cut them off;
"I've got to go, packing," he said quickly, ignoring everything else and running out of the Great Hall. In his haste, he ran into Professor McGonagall at the stairs, sending himself to floor. The witch regained her posture at once and bent down to help Remus up.
"And why, may I ask, where you in such a hurry, Lupin?" she asked, her stern voice waking Remus up from his thoughts.
"Sorry, Professor. I was, distracted," he stuttered. Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow. Remus tried his best to look untroubled. "That time of the month," he said quietly in a light voice, trying to make it seem funny. It wasn't. Professor McGonagall's face softened, but she showed none of it in her voice.
"I will not tolerate running my halls, Lupin." Remus nodded quickly. "Move along, but if I catch you again it's five points from Gryffindor!" Remus rushed out an apology and thank you before continuing up the stairs.
There was not a chance Lily knew. Not one. James was the best in their year and he hadn't figured it out. Then again, they hadn't studied werewolves before that. Remus' pace quickened. It was impossible. No one could have figured it out so quickly. No one. Remus mumbled the password and entered the common room. Retreating to his dormitory, he decided to wait out break instead of returning to the Great Hall. There was no way Lily knew. None.
Remus breathed in the scent of the rain. The trees were wet and dripping and the wind was carrying the smell of fresh water and pine from the Forbidden Forest to the castle. It was early, most students were still in bed and the Great Hall wasn't even open. Remus was alone, sitting on bench in the Transfiguration Courtyard. Remus held his shoulder. Last night had been particularly, painful. The scratches still stung. Badly. Especially the one across his cheek, and the deep one in his shoulder. But there was no need to bother anyone about it. The school had already done so much. Remus thought it best not to ruin anyone's morning quite yet. That was Sirius' job.
"Remus?"
Remus jumped, causing a large shot of pain to shoot through him. Wincing, Remus sat back down onto the bench. Lily rushed down with him, tenderly grazing her fingers over the cut on his cheek. Her eyes were swirling with worry and curiousity, like jade oil on green water. Remus relaxed slightly and Lily sat back with him. It was a few moments before either of them spoke, but Remus knew what would be said.
"What happened to your shoulder? And your cheek?" Lily asked. Knew it, Remus thought. But Remus had already planned out a story. After all, he did have three best-friends who would be asking the very same question later. And maybe some professors too.
"I fell, while I was visiting my Mum," he replied. "It's nothing." Did she know he was lying? Remus avoided her gaze, because it certainly seemed so. "I won't be going to classes today. Madame Pomfrey wants me in the Hospital Wing-"
"Then why aren't you there?"
"I-" Remus couldn't focus. There was a horrible pain in his head, drilling on both temples. Every breath stung through his nose. Everything wasn't making any sense. Or at least, it didn't seem to. Or maybe it did, and it was Remus who wasn't making sense? Or maybe James... Remus shook his head. His thoughts were getting cloudy and they started to intertwine. He could barely remember where he was. Then, he noticed something, clutched in Lily's hands. "What's that?!" he rasped. Lily looked down and replied;
"Mistletoe, I'm collecting some for Potions later," she replied. She gave Remus a very knowing look, like she was waiting... She knew. Remus felt his stomach drop.
"Can you, get it away from me? I'm... allergic," he said, taking whatever straight thought entered his head. Lily bit her lip, looking slightly annoyed.
"Allergic? Are you allergic to silver too?"
"What?"
"And moonlight?"
"Lily, I don't-"
"I know, Remus."
Remus looked right into Lily's eyes. Gold meeting emerald.
"I know."
Lily threw the mistletoe away and Remus could feel his sense and mind returning. She took Remus' hand and lifted up the sleeve. The burn from where her silver bracelet had skimmed his skin was still there, just now a faded pink. Lily ran a finger over it.
"You burn with silver, delusional with mistletoe and you seem to be absent once every month, at a full moon," she said, letting go of his hand and sitting up straighter. Remus waited for her to say something else. She read out all his symptoms, as though she were asked to describe his condition in class. Why was she waiting? Remus felt fear prickle at the back of his neck, it clutched at his stomach and twsited it uncomfortably.
"I suppose you're going to avoid me for the rest of our lives now, yeah?" he said sadly. Lily looked slightly confused and hurt.
"Why would I do that?"
"Because you know what I am!" Remus stated. "And no one wants to be friends with something like me."
"You mean, someone like you. You're not a thing, Remus," Lily said kindly. Remus looked away from her and started playing with his hands.
"Does Potter know-?"
"No!" Remus said, sitting up again and looking right at Lily. "No way!"
"You haven't told him?" Lily said, trying to hide her shock. Remus felt confused at her.
"What do you mean?! Of course I haven't told him! Or the others! How thick do you think I am?!" Remus snapped. Lily watched him closely. "Do you really think he'll want to be friends with me once he finds out? If he finds out?! I don't think so! And the others will follow him."
"Remus, you said I wouldn't want to be your friend, but I'm still here aren't I?" Lily said, giving him a kind smile. Remus let out a bark of mirthless laughter.
"In case you haven't noticed, Lily, you and James aren't exactly like two peas in a pod!" he said, getting up and starting to walk away. Lily got up and ran right up to his side, walking with him.
"Remus," her voice was stern. "James is a twat. There's no denying that. But I've seen him around with you and as much as it kills me to say this, he's not a bad friend. He always sticks up for you. Always. Doesn't hear a word against you, or Sirius, or Peter. Remember that time he jinxed Sev? You know, that time he gave him mouses ears and made him cuckoo like a clock? Sev was in the Hospital Wing for a week because they couldn't find the counter-curse. Do you know why James jinxed him?"
"Same reason he always does?" Remus asked sheepishly.
"No. Sev had said something about you, and James didn't tolerate it," Lily said, looking like she was desperately trying to fight a smile. "You guys are thick as thieves, and I doubt this is going to stop them."
Remus didn't say anything. He mind was reeling. Maybe, just maybe she was right. But what if she isn't? Another voice popped up in his head. Then he'd have gotten his hopes up for nothing. Then it would hurt more when they rejected him.
"You can't tell anyone, Lily. Ever. Not a soul," Remus said finally. Lily nodded.
"Of course," she said, her voice steady and sincere.
"And you can't tell James, or Sirius, or Peter. Especially not James," Remus stressed. He knew that if Sirius or Peter found out, they'd probably keep it themselves. But if James found out he would immediately share it with his fellow Marauders. James didn't like secrets.
"I won't," Lily said, though she looked like she was reluctant. Remus decided to take her word for it. They turned a corner and ran straight into James himself.
"Remus! There you are! I was wondering when you'd be back!" James exclaimed happily. Remus smiled sadly. James grew a little more serious. "Rem, are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You have a great slash down your face!" James said, incredulous and pointing to Remus' face. Remus suddenly felt very nervous.
"Yeah, I fell-"
"You fell?!"
"Yes."
"On what? A knife?!" James said. Suddenly, James looked like he had realised something and his eyes narrowed to slits. Lily looked between the boys. For the first time, ever, James seemed oblivious to her presence. "You mind telling me what really happened?"
"That is what really happened," Remus argued, trying to look innocent.
"I think I better go, Remus," Lily said quietly.
"Yeah, you do that, Evans," James said. He wasn't looking at her, but his voice was filled with venom. Lily looked shocked. Since First Year, James had been sickeningly nice to her trying to make up for teasing on the Hogwarts Express. He had never once been less than a gentleman to her. Not that it mattered to her, but she looked slightly dazed from the drastic change. Remus couldn't stop his eyes widening.
"Bye, Remus," she said weakly before walking ahead. Remus watched her go, her flaming hair swishing violently in her haste. He turned back to James.
"James, are you al-?"
"Who did that to you?!" The question spurted from James lips angrily. Remus almost flinched, but didn't answer. James eyes narrowed even further. "It was Snape wasn't it? That looks awfully like his handiwork all right!" He inclined to the gash of Remus' face. Remus was about to say something when James cut him off again; "He got me yesterday-" he rolled up his sleeve which showed an ugly cut running up his arm. "He did that to you, didn't he?"
"James, it's-"
"And that bloody Evans always defending him!" James suddenly snapped, turning away from Remus. "Always defending that greasy-haired prat. I bet she knows it's him! I bet she enjoys the fact of you and me being cut up like Shrivel-fig roots!" He kicked the corridor wall angrily. But before Remus or James could say anything else, Sirius and Peter rounded the corner. They looked at Remus and James curiously. Remus didn't blame them; he must look terrified. And James was practically shouting.
"Everything alright?" asked Sirius, trying a smile. Peter's eyes darted from one to the other of the three boys.
"No, Sirius. Not really. Check out what Snivellus did to Remus!" James said, pointing a finger at Remus. The bitterness at uttering Snape's nickname made James shudder. Sirius turned and looked, along with Peter. Remus felt very self-conscious. Was it that bad? Sirius' face went from suspicion to anger, Peter looked horrified. Guess it is that bad, Remus sighed silently to himself.
"That-" (the name he called Snape caused Peter to out a little squeak). "How dare he do that to you?!"
"It's fine, Sirius. It wasn't him-" Remus started, but his weak attempt was silenced by James.
"Don't you go defending him just because he's Evans'-" (Remus registered the use of Lily's second name now, rather then her first). "- friend! You shouldn't have to put up with either of them!"
"James, I assure you, it wasn't Snape," Remus said, stronger this time. But James looked unconvinced. Sirius turned and started to walk away.
"Where are you going?" Peter called as Sirius stormed away.
"I'm going to find, Snivellus, and kill him!" Sirius spat. The other three ran after him.
"No way, Sirus! At least not without me!" James said drawing his wand.
"And me!" piped Peter, taking out his own wand. Remus ran quickly and blocked them.
"Guys, stop!" he shouted. The other three stopped, looking mildly surprised at Remus' defiance.
"I swear to you, it wasn't Snape," Remus said, stressing the words. "This sort of thing happens to me all the time! I'm just clumsy!"
"That's true," said Peter. "You were pretty bashed up last month as well because you had an accident on a broomstick." Sirius suddenly looked very deep in thought.
"Yeah, that's right... And the month before that you had been attacked by your Aunt's corgie," Sirius recounted Remus' excuse for his cuts and bruises from two months ago. Suddenly, James' eyes widened.
"Remus," he started. "Has there ever been a month where you didn't get hurt?" Remus tried to think desperately. "I mean," James continued. "Every month you get hurt mysteriously and just when your bruises start to clear up, you go and get hurt again!"
"I'm just, clumsy," Remus said. His excuses were getting pretty lame.
"Yeah, so clumsy. You accidentally got attacked by a corgie," Sirius rolled his eyes, stowing his wand back in his pocket. He faced Remus. "Mind telling us what's going on?"
"Nothing-"
"Is it your family?" Peter suddenly asked. Remus looked at him, as did the other two, shocked. It was a very personal question. Not that it mattered to Remus, his loved his family. But, still. Quite a surprise from Peter. Peter flushed. "Sorry, it's just- you always leave on family business and return, hurt."
Sirius paused and seemed to be thinking. James was looking at Remus, as if the Seeker had been commanded to memorise him.
"Of course it's not my family," Remus said. He was getting very tired. Last night was suddenly grabbing a hold of him. He should be in bed. It's only been morning for a few hours...
"Then what is it?!"
"LUPIN!"
The three boys whirled round to see Professor McGonagall. She was standing tall and firm, with a look ready to kill. Remus felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He had completely forgotten about going to the Hospital Wing. James quickly shoved his wand in his pocket, hastily followed by Peter. Professor McGonagall gave Remus a stern look. He responded trying to make his face as pleading as possible. He gently inclined his head to his friends. She got it straight away.
"You look a right mess, Lupin," she said. Remus nodded slowly.
"I fell."
"I see. Well, get to the Hospital Wing at once!" she said, pointing a finger to the corridor to her left. Remus nodded briskly and ran. "No running, Lupin!"
"Sorry, Miss," he replied, slowing his pace. He could hear his friends run behind him. He could hear James and Sirius.
"Rem, wait!
"Let us past, Professor! C'mon!"
Remus sighed when he was out of ear-shot. He had just narrowly escaped. For the moment, anyway. No doubt once he returned they would be asking him questions once again. But at least now he had a chance to rest. He entered the Hospital Wing and saw Madame Pomfrey making a bed at the end of the ward. She turned and saw Remus, tutting him on his lateness. But once he got closer, he saw her eye his cut cheek sympathetically.
"C'mere you, time to get you fixed up."
Remus poured over his homework. He only had one day left to finish his werewolf essay. He had been kept in the Hospital Wing much longer than expected, (as it always was, thus why he wished to finish it before the full moon), and was now faced with a dauntingly high amount of homework and a large collection of notes given to him by James and Sirius that needed to be copied. Remus wasn't paying attention to everything else in the common room and jumped when James sat down next to him in front of the fire.
"James! You gave me a heart-attack," Remus said, taking a breath before returning to his essay. James made an indistinguishable noise, that could've been a joke or apology. They didn't speak for a few minutes until James said something;
"Did you even have to study for this essay?" Remus felt hot around his collar and it had nothing to do with the fire.
"What do you mean? I always study for essays," he replied, keeping his voice normal and his eyes fixed on the parchment.
"I would have thought you wouldn't need to study the theory of lycanthropy," James said aloofly. "I would have thought practical was enough."
A lump formed so big in Remus' throat he was certain to choke. His blood froze. He couldn't move. Millions of excuses ran through his head, but only one word truly summed up the moment.
Dammit.
"There's no practical in lycanthropy, James."
"Oh, come off it, Remus!" James said. Remus forced himself to look up. James looked angry and, hurt? Why is he hurt? I'm the one about to be shunned. "Why didn't you tell us?"
Remus saw no point in denying it anymore.
"That's a stupid question, James," he snapped. "Why else? Who wants to be friends with a thing like me?"
"Merlin, Remus!" James exclaimed. "It's been three years we've known each other! All four of us have stood by each other to the end, what could make you think we'd ditch you like that?"
Remus was shocked. He looked at James and felt his mouth open and close. He couldn't speak.
"You mean, you're not going to stop being my friend?"
"I should," James said, a little angry. "After all, we're supposed to your best-friends but you didn't once think to tell us 'Remus Lupin Fact' number one!" Remus looked away, ashamed.
"I was worried, that if you knew-"
"We'd ditch you, yeah I know," James said, his voice a little softer. "You know, Remus, for a smart guy, you're really thick!" Remus laughed nervously. James burst into a grin. "You should trust us more extensively in the future, Rem."
"I will, and I'm sorry," Remus said. James waved away the apology.
"Forget it, we know now."
"All of you?"
"Yup," said James, smiling. "I, being as brilliant as I am, figured it out first. Sirius then, lead by my hints of course. And then we both guided Pete through it."
"When did you find out?"
"The day after you went to the Hospital Wing," James said cheerily. Remus was in shock. James was still his friend. And so were the others. They didn't care. They didn't care.
"Anyway, all of us agreed you were thick for not telling us, but we decided to forgive you," James continued, sitting into a more relaxed position. "So, those scratches and things. Did you-?"
"Well, when I'm, in that form, it's just instinct. I need something to bite, or kill. I don't want to, that what makes it so terrifying really," Remus said, his voice suddenly getting very dark and his eyes dropping to his parchment again. "So, seeing as I have no one to scratch, bite òr kill I do so to myself."
"Merlin, Remus," James sighed. Remus nodded. "That'll have to stop. We'll think of something. Well, maybe me and Sirius might. You'll probably be distracted with your furry little problem and Peter, well, he's Peter." James gave a nervous laugh.
"Furry little problem?"
"Remember a few months ago, you said you had to go home to care for your rabbit? Pathetic excuse by the way-"
"Thanks."
"Your referred to it as a 'furry little problem'. I think it's a very suiting name." James smiled.
"I like it. My furry little problem... It does suit. A nice euphemism of something that is certainly not a little problem."
"That's all it to us, mate. That's all that matters," James assured. Remus started smiling. "You're still a book-wormish, teacher's pet though, Remus. Literally, by the sounds of things now!" Remus laughed and continued with his essay. He still had friends.
"Sirus and Peter are serving detention by the way." James started again as if what they had just discussed was no big deal. Remus couldn't stop the relief and happiness that was seeping through him. He tried to suppress the manic grin that threatened to escape.
"What for?"
"Chucked a dung-bomb at Professor Meyria," James said happily. Remus raised an eyebrow.
"Why?"
"She was walking past us when the term, 'filthy half-breed' came into her conversation," James said. Remus furrowed his brow. "No idea what she on about. But in case it was you, she deserved it."
"And if it wasn't?"
"She still deserved it; two rolls of parchment! So not fair!"
Remus and James laughed and James started his own essay, (which, as always, he had left to last minute). James started grinning half-way through his.
"What you smirking at?" Remus joked, the manic grin finally escaping.
"It's just gutting, for everyone else," James said, a laugh in his voice. "I mean, they have to pore and pore over their book, and I can just ask you to recite the symptoms of lycanthropy!"
Remus laughed, and started his symptom recital.
Yes, a Marauder fic. Mostly based on Remus Lupin, because he is my favourite character and one of the sweetest werewolves. Ever. :) Anyway, please review and of course tell me what you think. This is my first shot at writing from Remus point of view. Be nice. lol
~ATGNT
